The Box

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paml
paml Member Posts: 81
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

Happy New Year Ladies,

This difficult year is over and my hair has finally come back. I am wondering if you ladies can give me some advice. I have kept my scarves, wigs, and handbands in a box at the bottom of my closet because some of my doomesday doctors say I have a high chance of recurrance. Everytime I look at "the box" I feel depressed. What would you guys do? Would you get rid of all that stuff or keep it " Just in case  " I'd like to know what others did in this case. You guys are the ones who understand how I feel. I'd appreciate any advice you can give. Thanks!

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  • somanywomen
    somanywomen Member Posts: 872
    edited December 2009

    I say donate it to someone who can use it now....and think positive, they won't be in style in 20 or 30 years if and when you may have recurrence.......

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited December 2009

    Hi paml  ~  I know many people like to donate to those who can use them, but my feeling is this.  At least it's how I feel about my wig, and cancer caps and scarves.  I feel like they were a part of me and who I was and how I felt about myself on this journey.  They are tangible pieces of the magnitude of it all, and no I do not want to ever have to wear them ever again, but "the box" is a place I can go to revisit and remember those feelings if I ever need to. If I ever need to make a ritual of some sort or anything, they are there to serve as the reality of what I went thru during my fight against breast cancer, and I know I too will put them in a box somewhere, and then go on with my life in the mental frame of NED for as long as possible.  I hope this doesn't sound weird but that is how I feel at this moment.

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  • septembersong
    septembersong Member Posts: 287
    edited December 2009

    Paml, congratulations on the hair! That's such a great thing, and just the first in many steps toward  life after treatment.

    I just came across the box with all my head coverings, and decided to move it to the basement where I wouldn't keep running into it. This is a practical decision--while my dr. says the risk of recurrence for me isn't high, I just think you never know, and I don't want to go out shopping for all that again, should I need it. So down to the basement it goes (with a note in my household book about where to find it, as I'm sure months or years from now I wouldn't have a clue where I put it).

    Time to face forward. Best of luck and all good wishes for the new year!

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  • gfbaker
    gfbaker Member Posts: 173
    edited December 2009

    I kept one of my 3 wigs, and a couple of hats I liked, and only because I liked them, and donated the rest to the local cancer center so that someone else could feel good while they have to go through the crap that we already did. If they give you a bad feeling, then I say get rid of them! If you ever need them again (let's hope never) you can always get more.

    Gayle

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  • Moissy
    Moissy Member Posts: 550
    edited December 2009

    Paml

    This is probably one of those "everyone's different" areas....I had a wig, which I felt cost a lot at the time. I hated it. It always reminded me of a dead beaver for some reason. One day when I was on the computer, my husband (who was sporting a wicked five o'clock shadow at the time) put the wig on and crept up behind me. When I turned around, I nearly died laughing.

    Even though I hardly wore it, I couldn't bear to throw the stinking thing out "in case I needed it"  I didn't want to think about having to ever shop for a new one again (although SoMany, you are probably right that it wouldn't be in style now anyway! Great idea to give it to someone else)

    So I packed it in a box and labeled the box, "Moissy's wig. Retired 10/23/04. Always looked better on Bob." Then I packed it away in a place where I would NEVER see it, but still had it "just in case."  In that way, I felt like I was declaring I was done with it, but I wasn't forcing myself to get rid of it altogether. Five years later, I never even think of it anymore. I could probably more easily give it to someone else today. I just didn't want to at the time. If you don't have an "out of sight" place to put it and you decide you want to keep it, maybe you could pack it in a box and give it to someone else to "hold" for you.  Just ask them to never mention it to you again.  

    Congratulations on being able to retire your accessories!!! Take time to celebrate your milestone. You are well on your way!

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  • weesa
    weesa Member Posts: 707
    edited December 2009

    I volunteer for Reach for Recovery and have given books, wigs, scarves, hats to women I have met who I sensed had no extra money for such temporary things. Except for one wig which my husband wears at Halloween as a bag lady.

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  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited December 2009

    Even if I lost my hair again I would probably not use the wig I had - I wore it every day so it is pretty ratty.  That being said - I still cant get rid of it.

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  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited December 2009

    I've given my two wigs to the kids for their dress-up box - they were getting a bit tatty. The scarfs I gave to the wife of a colleague of my husbands who is going through Chemo for Lung cancer. I have tucked away a favourite scarf and my sleep cap, just as mementos.

    Figure I will buy more if I need to. That would be the least of my worries.

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  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited December 2009

    I gave everything away.  Everything.  I figure if I recur I am going to go buy all new stuff.

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited December 2009

    From a practical point of view, don't bother keeping the wig "just in case". Even the best quality ones will eventually dry out and be unusable. Donate them now, while they're still useful.

    I'm an Orthodox Jew so I cover my hair all the time and have been doing the hats/scarves/wigs thing for all my married life (33 years now) so I have experience with wigs! And, no, covering my hair didn't make it easier when I lost it, just more private.

    Leah

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  • SpunkyGirl
    SpunkyGirl Member Posts: 1,568
    edited December 2009

    I have my old hats and scarves on the corner of the shelf in my closet.  I did give away some of the stuff, but also kept a few of the things I really liked.  I don't know why....

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  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited December 2009

    i never had a wig. but, i do still have my scarves and hats.  they are not something that i wear...but i keep them...in some way....kinda honoring that time in my life.  i liked the scarves and i liked the hats...so i didn't want to get rid of them.  i don't think about "if i need them again" but i guess they were a part of my life....kinda like an old pair of sneakers..for me..i don't want to throw them out. i think everyone is different tho. 

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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited December 2009

    I bought a wig that I only wore a handful of times...quite wearing it during chemo......3+ years later it is still sitting on the foam head in my closet. since it is on the top shelf, I don't see it unless I look up.  Several people I worked with knitted me hats...they are in a "gift bag" in my office closet. I don't wear any of them and would never wear the wig....I didn't like it the first time even though it is quite beautiful....it is what it represented and didn't look like my hair.....but I can't bring myself to give it away.  For some reason, I feel like it would be a bad omen to get rid of any of these things.....I have several ball caps hanging in my office and I mind them at all...to me they are decoration....I have even worn some of them from time to time.  A friend gave me several hats when I was going through chemo and I wore them to work and synagogue.  I still wear some of these hats to synagogue.  G-d forbid the cancer comes back, I will get new head coverings....So long story short, I can't bring myself to get rid of the stuff...I know that it would be kind to give them to someone in need, but I'm scared to give them away....weird!!!

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  • smithlme
    smithlme Member Posts: 1,322
    edited December 2009

    I donated my wigs, (I only wore one two times), camisoles, hats and scarves to ACS. After my second mastectomy I chose to go flat so I donated my mastectomy bras and prosthesis to our local cancer center. My insurance paid for my bras, camisoles and prosthesis so I wanted them to go to someone who truly wanted and needed them.

    After kicking cancer's butt, twice, I refuse to hang onto anything "just in case." As soon as I could get my port out, I had it removed, too. Do what's right for you...

    Linda

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  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited December 2009

    Looking at the stuff made me so sad.  I decided I didn't want the reminders, and I felt someone else may need it. I donated it all, too.  If/when I recur...we'll see.

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  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited December 2009

    I have already donate all my books, through out my manual, put up my meds-I want no reminder and as soon as I can move on I am. WHen I first got diagnosed I had a line of meds, books everywhere and of course people bought me a bunch of pink stuff. All that is gone so I can  live as normally as before as possible.

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  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited December 2009

    I plan on donating the wig I never wore, scarves and books.  The only things I think I'll hold onto because it represents something fun during this miserable time are the scarves I bought with the Saints logo's and the "Crazy Sexy Cancer" books, which I love and again represent a fun time - I bought them on our vacation to the beach right before I started chemo.  When I get my reconstruction I will donate my foobies and bras.  For me.......part of donating is to "clean house" for myself and help others going through the same thing.

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