I'm so happy to find you guys!

I think your attitude will serve you well during this journey.  This is a wonderful group to be part of of, and there is loads of good information and support to help you along your way.

I'm just finishing my last round of AC and move onto Taxol next week.  I think it helps to just keep focused on moving forward with treatment. 

Sorry, in a chemo haze right now, but welcome Kimber.

I wanted to tell you as well my mom had bc. I have been going to a surgeoun and doc since the age of 19. I was determined to catch the bc if I happen to get it. Well the surgeoun I went to for the past 8 years said the area that was cancer was nothing-he felt it was simply milk ducts. He found another area that turned out to be cancer. It was .7mm and when the biopsied it it came back stage 1a grade 1. When I went to the oncologist he insisted I check this other area and that is the area that came back stage 3 cancer. The surgeoun missed it-so how ironic I spend my entire adult life chasing bc and end up with being on the verge of stage 4.

I also am trying to get into the mindset that I need to make plans and if something happens, things can be rearranged.

You can't put your life on hold "just in case" - you wouldn't end up doing a damn thing then.

Today was the first chemo I didn't break down and cry for more then 2 hours. It has taken me 4 months to get to this point. Give yourself lots of time-this is normal emotions.

Kimber, Remember, your body chemistry is totally out of wack with what you are going through.  This really takes a toll on us emotionally and physically.  I found the effects were cumulative as your nurse said.  Every one of us is different in how this affects us, but we all need to take very good care of ourselves. The fatigue can be overwhelming as you have discovered.  I took time off from work and slept a lot!

Hi Kimber,

I am glad you found us too. We have similar stats...except here I am 4 years later. There was mych stress and sadness in the first year. But whenever I needed a boost or someone to talk me down this thread has been the place. Everyone here gets it...they just do.

I have regained all aspects of my pre BC life...same goals, same house, same job, same DH...LOL.The only difference for me is a few times a day...just  afew I find my mind thinking about what has happened and what might happen. Fot the most part I am who i was...if that makes any sense.

You can do this and we can help.

I would highly suggest fighting the symptoms with nurtiriton-juice! You will see an amazing difference in your fatigue.

I will tell you my depression hits everyday around 3:00. I usually call in my husband and cry. He sits with me-gives me the usual speech and I get back up.

I would say let it out-holding it and being strong does nothing for you except hurt your immune system. I am Italian so we tend to hold nothing in but if I didn't have those afternoon crys then...

I also cry in the shower and pray .

Or I will go to church and cry and pray.

I literally schedule time to let it out and cry.

I will tell you this -I am prego so I am probably 10 times more emotional then normal people. I was diagnosed in August. I would say Just now over the past 2 weeks did he crying every day stop.

Plus I am pissed-I am pissed at my docs for having ye little faith and pissed at this stupid disease. So for me it's not going to take any more then it has. You go through phases-almost like when you loose someone. Its a process-you have to move through it.

I agree with Sherri, sometimes you just have to ride the emotions out, it will pass in time and you will feel more like yourself.

My thoughts about crying is that it's the mind's way of cleaning the system of all the negatives.  It's a good thing.  But sometimes we are so overwhelmed that we still are see all the things that are wrong -- the tears just aren't cleaning the windows in our mind like they should.  If that is the case then I believe you should talk to your onc about something to help you through the depressing thoughts.  

I can see in your posts that you're normally a positive person.  But you've also recognized that there is some sort of emotional cycle going on that hits in the afternoons.  If you can figure out a way to move past that without drugs then that would be great.  If not, then maybe the support of an anti-depressant to aid the process might be a good thing. 

For me, the emotional rollercoaster hit about halfway through my first 12 weeks of chemo.  One of my personal insights was that I needed to take more time for myself.  I really admire the women who can maintain such full days with work, kids at home and other activities.  I finally accepted the fact each of us is different and that I needed to do a better job listening to my own body.  So if I wake up and feel lousy (either emotionally or physically) then I take a disability day.  I would love to be stronger and be a super woman.  But all I am doing is adding more stress by giving myself expectations that will cost me too high a price in the long run.  It was hard to accept this because I was always the lead and strongest team member.  You know, the one who got the high ranking?  Well, now I'm sitting back and letting some of those other people shine and now I'm realizing it's a good thing for both them and me.

You know I kept telling myself that getting through this was the most important thing but I was such a slow learner.  My DH was trying to be patient with my trying to work each day but he kept telling me to not do it if I didn't feel good.  I just didn't want to let anybody down.  I had to get down myself before I realized that I still hadn't let go.  You have been much quicker than me to figure that out.  I admire the way you've been able to get the right priorities so quickly!

Hi Kimber,

I had a very simlar dx -- will be five years ago this Feb 4.  Well, actually I found the lump about five years ago exactly. At first I too beat myself up that I didn't go in and get it checked sooner. 

I actually had two lumps - really the whole breast was filled with DCIS .  There really isn't a good way for us to figure it out .... Anyhow... wishing you the best of treatment . It is hard when you have young kids.  I have five and my youngest two were 3 and 4 at the time. 

Hang in there.  Chemo was rough for me too.  Actually AC was horrible but taxol and Herceptin were not as bad. 

Come anytime with questions.  The ladies here were so wonderful ( and still are) for me... made lots of good friends -- I still come here almost every day. 

blessings,

Wendy--- private message also anytime.....

Kimber - remnember the steroids turn you into a crazy person! Glad the infusion went better. Try not to feel too guilty about your son, I know I felt like I was letting mine down all the time, but I really don't think they ever felt that way. You can only do as much as you can. It is all now a very distant memory for them.

Did you get nasuea with the treatment? If not you might ask if they can pull back on the decatron downt he road.

Kimber - the neulasta causes bone pain for some people, not all.  The decadron helps with the nausea, allergic reactions and makes us crazy........................