Flat and Dog Ears, Now What ?

I am so sorry you are feeling so defeated and down. Cancer is one vicious b!tch and we are never prepared for what we get dealt. I've read all the stories from women who have had great surgeons, fantastic reconstruction, minimal side effects and life goes on.

I, too, am not one of them. Short story is that I was diagnosed with IDC on my left side in 2007. I chose to have a mastectomy, followed by DD AC and DD Taxol. I attempted TRAM reconstruction in January of 2008 and it failed. Emergency surgery followed to remove the flap and muscle. My dog ears were on my abdomen. Two months later I was diagnosed the second time with a new primary in the right breast. I chose another mastectomy, then found out I am BRCA 2+. I have since had a hysterectomy w/BSO to hopefully avoid ovarian cancer. I have tried wearing a prosthesis, but for me they are hot, heavy and uncomfortable. I have changed sizes and styles and still find them awkward. 

After 5 surgeries I decided enough was enough. As I got back into the gym and attending Yoga I noticed my body changing, as well as my spirit. Yep, I was still flat with dog ears on my stomach, fat under my arms and a lumpy chest. I chose not to have implants for my own reasons. I can't "get back" what cancer took from me. I had to learn to accept and love myself for all I had been through. My attitude is what I had to change.

I decided to have one last surgery to clean up what my former PS had created. 8 weeks ago I had scar revisions on my chest and abdomen. All I can say is that I am thrilled with the results. My chest is flat and smooth, the fat is gone under my arms and my stomach...it is shaped like a stomach is supposed to be.

I'm not saying this has been an easy journey or one that I would recommend to anyone. I had to learn how to make this all work for me. There are days when I miss my breasts and looking good in certain clothes. I still get angry and feel ugly. Those days are getting longer between them. Define what is important to you. Look into your options and give yourself time to think each one through.

In the meantime...hugs to you and be kind to yourself...

Linda

Hi Streetangel-

I have a bilateral, no implants. I am not handling things too well either so maybe we can work thru this together.

I had my first breast removed in 04' due to a routine mammogram which showed that I had DCIS in 2 and probably 3 areas of my left breast. I was told that I needed a mastectomy because my breast had a lot of DCIS in it and I wouldn't have a lot of it left after the DCIS was removed. I didn't want to lose my breast but I didn't want to keep the breast and be put in a position later of having a later stage of cancer which is harder to manage.

I kept having mammograms and 2 years later I have a scare. They do an u/s and tell me that they see a cyst. (I freaked out when I got a bad ultrasound). So my next mammo is ok and the one after (08') they find b/c again. The nightmare starts continues..

The doc told me I could have another mastectomy or a lumpectomy with rads. It was a hard decision but I didn't really like being lopsided. I could have had a lumpectomy with rads but this time I chose a mastectomy because I thought it was the smartest thing to do for my health (but I have since wondered about my decision). A bilateral mastectomy was much tougher on me that a unilateral. I had one breast for 4 years and handled the situation reasonably well. I figured I would be able to handle the loss of them both but it has not been easy.

You are not far from me. I am in Key West.

I know exactly how you feel. You can pm (private message) me anytime. If you want to talk, pm me your phone number and the time I should call you and I will do that.

I'm sorry to hear that you had trouble with your implants.  I wish I could offer advice, but I also have trouble dealing with being flat.  I never even had the courage to try reconstruction, but I don't really like being flat either.  I do wear prosthesis when I'm out in public, but usually go without at home.  I do admit that it has gotten a little better with time.  When I'm in public, no one can tell I had anything done so that makes me feel better.  The intimate moments are the hardest.  I'm lucky that my hubby is so understanding and tries to tell me that he loves me no matter what and is still attracted to me.  (actually that's hard for me to believe, but it helps to hear it).  I think that what helps me during those moments is remembering that even if I had done reconstruction, it still would not have felt or looked like the real thing.  I also have fears of sickness and also of LE.  I worry about that way too much.  No one can understand how much this journey changes our lives but women that have been through it themselves.  I wish you well, and hope you can soon feel better about yourself.