November 2009-Starting Chemo

It's getting tough girls, isn't it. I'm having a harder time losing my hair than I thought. I keep crying and feeling sorry for myself. That is so not like me, but it's hard to shake that feeling sometimes. Time to summon up my inner warrior.

Had something happen I didn't expect. I started my period. Onc said I wouldn't have anymore and can't believe I wasn't having hot flashes. I called the on-call dr. He had no answer for me other than to tell me to be careful if my counts are too low, I could bleed out! What?! He said to have my gyno on speed dial and call my Onc on Monday. WTF! Some advice! Luckily, it's heavy, but not THAT heavy. So during my good week I get bogged down with cramps and moodiness. Maybe that's why I keep crying. Hmmmmm...I also get the worst heartburn anymore. Ugh.

 Love to all! Linda, I hope you feel better! Ensure is really good to drink as well as Carnation Instant Breakfast. I use those in all of my smoothies, and they have really good protein counts.

Cafe ~ I am on chemo #3 and period #3.  One of the few side effects I was looking forward to was no period.  I am pretty heavy too ~ feel weak.  Trying to relax.  And really crampy.  Try not to worry.  I'm with you on the crying and hating how I look bald.  AND realizing it will be quite some time till I have hair again makes me even sadder.  I think I have to force my wig on my head more often to make myself feel better.  I just look plain awful.  Another thing plaguing me is low body temp.  I can't take it ~ it makes me feel dead.  What I wouldn't do for warm flushed cheek feeling.

Have a good day all.... hoping everyone is feeling pretty OK.  Michele, your avatar does make me smile everytime. 

Hugs ~

Alicia

Sherri - my skin is totally drying out too! Especially around my mouth. I'm using pure shea butter on my whole face, and rubbing some on my multitude of scars as I've heard its good for that as well. It seems to be working pretty well so long as I remember to use it.

Melinda - great hat tips. I'll definitely be checking out the Radwrapz website. My head is small and I'm finding it really difficult to find hats that look good on me. If anyone has any other recommended websites for scarf tying or headwrap ideas, please share. I'm pretty lost.  

Cafe & Alicia - I too thought the periods would stop. I haven't gotten mine yet, but I'm not due until next week. I guess now I won't be too surprised if and when it comes. Thanks for the heads up.

Is anyone else experiencing more than usual vag. discharge? It doesn't seem to be anything to worry about... its just quite a bit more than normal. I had been prepared for the total opposite to happen. That's the crazy thing about chemo... you never know how you're going to react.

Mabelle, I don't have  problem with dry skin, but I use Carmax on my lips, and it rocks...it is for coldsores, but I started using it for chapped lips and love it.  I put it on at bedtime and by morning chapped lips are gone...oh ya I have even used it on cracked heels and wow it is good for that as well.  As for the dry vag...I think, I will not be putting it there..My husband says he has the right cream for that...I know TMI.

Melinds, I know what you mean about your mother...My mom took my cancer very hard...I guess when she heard the word cancer she heard death..It is how that generation thinks of cancer...She is coming for xmas, and I am dreading it a little.  It sucks for me that the week she will be here will be on my days 3-10 which are my worst days...although I will be getting Taxotere for the first time so perhaps it will be different.

later Michele

Gotta vent. My husband informed me that this weekend I was not nice. Day 5&6 I stay in my room avoiding everyone due to every noise and every smell annoy me. He said I ignored him all weekend OMG I cant win I just think he is overwhelmed with all the new duties he has to do HELLO welcome to my world for the last 20 years. He says he understands but felt neglected all weekend. Wow I didnt ask for cancer I didnt ask to have to be going through this I am so mad at him.

Good morning! My morning pattern seems to be: wake up early, let the dogs out and in, 1st nap, breakfast and shower, 2nd nap, tea and some work, 3rd nap! Today my main other SE is sore mouth.

I shaved my own head down to 1/4", such a relief, and then my son tidied up and did a better job. Shedding these little bits is much easier. Rather than pricklies, my head feels like velvet and we all keep rubbing it! At night I wear a nightcap to keep warm... and I think the silk pillow will help it stay on. Great idea.

My onc prescribed Omeprazole (generic for prilosec) for heartburn. I take one every day and haven't had any more heartburn. What a relief! One of you said in a post along the way that we take so many drugs for treatment that we shouldn't be shy about using more to manage SE. I have to agree. 

I found a silver lining for me. I have had chronic excema in my ear canals and was always digging at my itchy ears. Not a pretty sight. It's gone! Ahhhh...

I too have been using a lib balm with shea butter and sweet almond oil. Also Kiss My Face, extra hydration olive oil and something, has been working well on my face and hands. I also found a finger nail polish and remover that doesn't have formaldehyde or other awful chemicals to help keep them from breaking. 

Hope everyone can find the great in today.

Becca

Brenda Sharon: Even fearless leaders are allowed to gripe.

Sherri: Glad you are feeling good, good luck with your chip implant. Does the chip do anything fancy like give you control over the TV remote, open the garage door...anything??

Mouse: Sorry about your DH, I am envious of the women with supportive husbands, but I know that my ex would have never had the balls to step up to the cancer plate. Cancer has made me appreciate my divorce. I hope your DH gets a clue soon.

Shara: LOL , Thanks!

Becca: Congrats on the nice side effect of being free of excema!

As for me: I am home from chemo, chugging the water (with a side of coffee). Got two more wigs in the mail today and they both look ridiculous. Maybe I have unreasonable expectations. I should give up the wig thing and stick to scarves. My mom did catch a glimpse of my baldness as I was changing wigs, I know she was not amused. I just hope she knows that I am not bald to be a rebel or showing my independance, I stopped doing that when I would drive her crazy with my huge earrings when I was a teen.

I just heard that tone of disapproval in her voice. Even though I know I am not bald on purpose, I feel like I have dissapointed her. Sheesh, I didn't realize I still had so many Mom issues, perhaps I need some therapy.

Hope everyone is doing well!

SharaD.  Thanks for the laugh, but so sorry you are feeling well... JUST shitty ~ I hope you feel better soon. 

Melinda ~ I am with you I bought so many wigs, and truly hate all of them.........  I go bald in the house, wish I could in public too.  Give people something to talk about.  But as it has been cold here I have been going with a simple knit warm hat.  I hope you feel ok and get some sleep tonight.

Kayh ~ We will be with you Thursday in spirit as you get the cancer killing juice. 

I felt good today.  I went food shopping, cleaned and cooked dinner.  NOW I am wiped.  BUT ~ I have to stay awake or I will be up at midnight.

Have a goodnight all !

Alicia

Hello ladies, I had my port inserted this morning and am in considerable pain.....second round of chemo (FEC-D) on Wednesday x 8 in total, so 7 more to go....my girls (6 yrs and 10 yrs) shaved my head prior to my first chemo the middle of November, with so very little out of my control, at least we as a family could share in the 'decision' of when the hair went.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here, you are my strength, my courage and my inspiration !  I would truely be lost without this site.  (((gentle hugs to everyone))) 

Deb

Melinds, I think you should also consider the bald thing as well....you looked good.

Asterix, we all feel the same about this site I am sure.  It is my lifeline...or perhaps it is my call a friend.

Alicia, How is your hubby.

Maybelle and Asterix

 My second TCH treatment is Wednesday too - not looking forward to it. I've started taking the medication for the bowel pains so here's hoping it will be better than last time. It's not fair to feel so well knowing it will be short lived. Love the steroids though they make you feel so good.

 SharaD - couldn't have put it better myself - you go girl

Hang in there everyone - we can do this!!!.

Kyasou: I am glad you were able to plant all those bulbs, I feel the same way about waiting for spring and starting a new phase. The year after my divorce, I got obsessed with gardening. I discovered winter sowing of seed. I had maybe 180 jugs of seed on my back porch! I thought about doing that again this year, give me something to look forward to in spring. As my seedlings sprout, so shall I.

I woke up with some nausea, too long in between compazines, I guess. I should have taken one when I woke up sweating like...a pig? Do pigs really sweat that much??

I was mildly dissapointed at chemo yesterday, they took blood from my arm (my good arm). I assumed they would use my port for all the sticking. I asked the nurse about it and she said it was their policy to do arm sticks. So when they do access my port for chemo, they comment on my great blood return and I am just thinking "You could have used all that for the blood draw and saved me a stick".

I talked to the Onc to get more info, or maybe info that I had and forgot. After the 4 ACs, he will do another PET scan to see what is up with my subpectoral lymph node. After that, I will start on my Taxol x 12 with either Herceptin and/or the Tykerb depending on what study arm I get put in.

It appears that no one is doing TX today, Cafelvr and Boxersue, I hope all went well with you yesterday.