Help. So scared!

Merry,

Most likely the onc will want you to have chemo.  Us stage 3'ers don't normally get the "option".  Obviously, you have the right to refuse it...but we normally get the sink thrown at us.  That is a GOOD thing, Merry!

By the way...be careful who you listen to in the medical field.  SOME GP's know very little about the treatment plans for BC.  My GP was out one day so I had to see a partner of his.  I ended up having to explain what a PET scan was.  Find an onc that you trust .

Hope you are doing well today

Dear Merry, as the other women have echoed, we're sorry you are now a member of this club, but as many people have told me "if you have to have cancer, breast cancer is one with a high cure rate". Please keep in mind several things:

1. Recovery from surgery takes a while. The anesthetic is a central nervous system depressant that stays in your body fat and can have an effect on your body for awhile. That, on top of the diagnosis, will take an emotional toll. Added to that are pain, discomfort, etc. There are many physical influences on your emotional state, so it's not all about having the right attitude.

2. You are going to have bad days and allow yourself to feel those emotions. I have been very impatient with myself regarding recover and it just causes more anxiety.

3. Take advantage of all the physical resources you can. Since you are in the UK, I took the liberty of looking up some things and found http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/index.htm, http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/, http://breakthrough.org.uk/. You may want to contact them directly and ask about resources in your area. Also, ask your oncologist about cancer resources in your area--they should be the ones to have that information. In the U.S., many communities have cancer support or cancer information centers that can provide information and services. Ask about this in your area.

4. The advice given to me when I was first diagnosed is if chemo is offered take it. It's much more manageable these days, but I have found that the treatment for side effects varies. I'm aware of a woman who got her chemo in at a rural hospital and was given no anti-nausea meds. There are multiple ways to treat the side effects and if they don't offer them, ask!

5. Another piece of advice I was given was to "ask for what you want". If you're not happy with what your care team is doing, ask for other options/team members. At some level you have to go with your gut instinct on things.

6. Perhaps ask one of your friends from church to set up a meal delivery sign up and transportation help for you during chemo. You can also include neighbors or others who may seem like only acquaintances, but would love to help you. My friends did this for me through a web site called www.lotsahelpinghands.com. Oftentimes others might not know what you need and you may not know what you need, but I can tell you that having meals delivered was a big help to my family and it was nice to always have someone with me at my chemo sessions. You may not know what you need now, but that's ok and things will change over time.

I hope this information has helped you some. I wish you God's peace as you go through this process.

TAC is a great, cancer kicking Chemo!

Just take things slowly, one day at a time. It all is so overwhelming at first, try not to think too far ahead. You now have a plan of attack, that is good. Chemo is daunting but you will manage to come through it. It will seem quite "normal" by the end of things.

One last thing - DO NOT CONSULT DR. GOOGLE!! Really, it will only frighten you. Come here with any questions, there will be someone who has been through exactly the same.

Try and do something nice for yourself today.

Oh and if you do go get a facial...no cancer talk allowed!

I am one of the 6TAC girls and will have my 6th next Thursday.  All the ladies here are godsent angels who got me through this journey and more.  Have faith and we will walk with you all the way.  Hugs,  Karen

Like Kerry said stay away from DR GOOGLE, he is EVIL........

Come here and post any questions, these ladies knows more than most Oncol. Good luck, I started my chemo last Jan and finished in May. You will get thought this . God Bless

Merry- I'm just finishing up 6 months of chemo.  5 weekly treatments left. I remember in April, getting my diagnosis....thinking will I even be alive at Christmas?  It is so easy to have yourself dead & buried when you start this journey. These boards gave me a lifeline beyond measure.

I've got inframammary node involvement and my BS (breast surgeon) was able to remove one. Normally these nodes aren't removed because they are under the breastbone and ribs and just too hard to get to. I was terrrified!!

I want to give you a verse to cling to. I don't usually do this as I try to be sensitive to those who aren't believers. But this is just for you...because your mornings are so difficult. Strangely enough, this is a verse I had chosen as my "life verse" years ago.

Lamentations 3:22-23...Because of the Lord's faithful love,we do not perish; for His mercies NEVER end. They are new EVERY MORNING; great is your faithfulness.

You CAN do this Merry.....and there are so many of us walking this path together.

Love to you....Joni

Merry,

I agree about the dark cloud.  It was very dark for me for the moment I awoke from biopsy and the surgeon said I'm sorry but it looks like cancer.  It was 5 weeks before I finally started chemo.  Although part of me was frustrated because it took so long to get treatment started I needed a lot of that time to continue to come to grips with what was going on and getting myself mentally ready.  One of the things I did was look on the site at the women who had already gone through tx.  There are so, so many of them and they are doing so well. 

Honestly, when I heard the dx I figured I was doomed.  We have breast cancer in my family so my thoughts went to what had happened in the past.  But the more I talked to my onc about my fears and what I read from these women the better I felt.  It's an absolute fact that not only has the treatments gotten better in how it affects the cancer but all the supportive meds to help through chemo have made it so much better.  I did a lot of talking during that time.  I had to get the words and thoughts out; the talking helped clear my mind.  It also increased my resolve.  Other women have done this; so can I.

You already have some positives.  They know what the cancer is -- that means they know how to fight it.  They found the lymph nodes -- they took them out so there is no wondering if something is still lurking in those nodes.  Grade 3 is aggressive but the great thing about that is it's also more receptive to the chemo.  You got surgery first and the tumor is out.

That last comment might seem obvious but it really is meaningful.  I don't often mention this but I had some indicators that have caused the onc to feel I need the chemo first.  That they couldn't wait until I had surgery and had healed.  But I've had 12 weeks of chemo so far and now, everyday, that dark cloud keeping getting a little smaller.  It's not straight over my head any more.  And it's a reminder that other women have done this and that I will continue.  Every year the treatments and drugs have improved.  We're going to blow away those old stats and when they tally us it's going to look pretty darn positive.

Keeping talking.  Some of those fears and concerns are valid; others are just our emotions talking.  But as you get those out of the way you'll find your strength and you'll find that you can do this. 

Dear Merryheart,

Hang in there it will all pass. I was recently diagnosed with stage 3 triple negative with 2 lymph nodes involved, Im 32 and lost my son to cancer 3 years ago. When my Dr. broke the news I got so depressed I couldnt stop crying because i have seen the worst of it.  I was crying all day for a week and then just stoped and said I will not cry for this again.  I have 2 other children and told to my self that dying is not an option.  I stoped thinking about dying and started to think about living and getting better, my spirit has never been so up, I feel good and thats all that matters. So just concentrate on yourself and every morning when you wake up just say that dying is not an option, that you are going to get better.  Good luck! 

Merry - glad to hear you are hanging in there. I would second Nico's suggestion, and try and hook up with a Chemo group - it was very useful to me. There is always someone who has experienced your SE's, and can give good advice.

Hope you are feeling OK, just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you.