Stage II Forum
Comments
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Usually the oncotype test is the deciding factor in who gets chemo whether you are stage one or stage two......... providing you qualify as a candidate for this testing.
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Count me in, too.
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Ainm,
The first year I was just trying to get rid of the fatigue and the fear was there. I do take Ativan for anxiety, started right after my hospital stay due to complication from fourth chemo treatment. After the terrible hospital stay.....I became POST TRAUMATIC...and I started taking Ativan. The Ativan helped turn off the CANCER RECORDER going on in my head. I got tired of living with the cancer voice every morning, afternoon, and before I went to bed....so Ativan did help me.
I would say that by my second year I was feeling better and after my third year I was almost 75% back. There is not a day that goes by that Breast Cancer does not enter my thoughts. So when it does happen today....I find it easier to move away from that thought and get busy living my life.
I thought about it one day and realized that everyone only is given THIS DAY ..... so I better not let it pass me by worrying about my breast cancer. Now I know that at the beginning that is easier said than done.......but I did get there.
You will find that the hardest part is hearing about someone you love or in the media that just got diagnosed with some form of CANCER. I really disliked how I could not escape this. I currently have two relatives dealing with breast cancer (not blood related) and a nephew who has been dealing with Hodgkin's lymphoma (he is only 29). You and all of my breast cancer sisters will never be able to escape hearing about this disease.
So......yes you will get to a place where you will feel more like your old self.......but you can never totally return 100% back. So I recommend FUNNY MOVIES when you are going through treatment and during the first two years. Enjoy little children and laugh at the funny things they say. Help those on this site who are just hearing about their diagnosis....it will make you feel better. And if you find yourself on this site everyday.........I would say..........reduce your hours that you log on to breastcancer.org. I am guilty of reading everything and in my earlier years I found that I had more anxiety and sadness after logging off this site. So today I try to visit and choose the Forums that I need to read and then sometimes post something funny.
Have to go for now........counting those minutes that I allow myself to be on this site.
Love to all of my BEAUTIFUL SISTERS.....we made it through another PINK OCTOBER!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Terry
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Me too, I am in..........I also have stage 2 cancer..Lynne
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hi all
Just saw this forum.
Aimn..I am an "older" stage 2B survivor..dx, 2000
it can get better..
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adding this thread to my favourites too.
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Count me in. Stage llb. Thank you for starting this thread. What a great idea! I'm also adding this thread to my favorites.
Bless you,
Roxanne
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Valerie and Terry, thank you so much for your replies. I do make an effort not to dwell on the fact that I have had a cancer dx. But on numerous occasions everyday it comes to the fore. Sometimes it is highlighted because of the left over se's from chemo or se's from Tamoxifen. There are so many reminders - hair growing back, lack of sleep, taking medication - it's hard to get away from it. I still cry for the least reason. As I said I am exercising and dieting and this also serves as a reminder - I feel deprived of one of my favourite things - FOOD!!! I try not to let my insecurities be apparent to those around me although DH knows and is very supportive, but it is very hard to smile through it all. Terry I take your point about the forums - I spend hours scouring the boards for any thread I can identify with - maybe I should cut back on it. And I know what you mean when you say about hearing about others who get a cancer dx. I also noticed that quite often when people ask me how I am they also seem to be compelled to tell me about others who have cancer - people I don't know at all!! And of course cancer related deaths are hard too. A friends sister died a few weeks ago. She had been dx with BC 10 years ago and had a recurrence resulting in her death. When I went to sympathise with her mother she said 'but you'll be fine' - it just set me off and once out of hearing I needed my DH to assure me that I would indeed get more than 10 years out of all this fiasco - irrationality working overtime!!!
Hmm - the Oncotype test is only being trialled in Ireland at present so we have to rely on the expertise and experiences of our drs still. I ended up with mx, 4 DD AC, 4 DD T, 15 DD rads and Tamoxifen (with two bouts of staph thrown in for good measure!!) - really hope this has annihilated the damn cancer.
It's great to see all the people who are joining in on this thread and Lisa it's really good to see you here as an older stage ll'er!!.
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I will be adding this to my favorites also. Great idea.
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Great idea. count me in as well.
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I think this is a good idea too. Stage 1 and 2 do have better odds of good outcomes but still have a lot of fear to deal with. I think that would be easier in a place where you don't worry about upsetting someone with a later stage.
I really feel like I've been on a rollercoaster for the last 7 months. I come to the board and find stats that reassure me and I feel good, but I also come to the board and find research that shows something unfavorable and then I obsess over whatever that issue was for a while. Most recently it was my tamoxifen metabolizer status. But then today I noticed that someone (sorry, don't remember who) posted a link to an outcomes calculator - it showed that 15 years out I have a better chance of dying of something else than of cancer. That really helped calm me down today.
I have made HUGE changes to my diet and don't feel deprived at all anymore. I used to be completely addicted to junk food and cheese, and I really think it was an addiction. I could never lose the extra 30 lbs. - I just couldn't stay away from the pizza and candy. But I really feel like all of the cheese and sugar could have contributed to my cancer, so I feel lucky that I can change that maybe before it's too late. I also kind of feel like I had such a lousy diet that I already ate my lifetime allotment of junk. Every time I purposely eat something that I've chosen because it's healthy I feel really good about that. At first I really looked forward to my weekly "splurge" that I was allowing myself, but I don't even focus on that anymore.
I also have more motivation to get on the treadmill and bike now, too. My doctor really emphasized the importance of exercise, and told me that studies have shown exercise of I think 1/2 hour per day can cut mortality in BC survivors by half. That's a lot. Just today while I was on the treadmill I was thinking to myself, "I'm fighting cancer!" It helps me be less lazy.
The uncertainty of outcomes and treatment effectiveness is really frustrating and consumes your mind so much. For me working hard at healthy eating and exercise is a way of taking back some control over all of that uncertainty. Guess I had a lot to get out today
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My story is a little different. I was stage 2, dx in Oct. 2004. Did lump/chemo/rads and was going along perfectly well....eating well, exercising.....being closely monitored, including mri...then BANG in Jan/Feb. 2009 got a new stage 2 dx in the other breast. Had bilateral mx, chemo, rads and now Arimidex. I can't move on. I'm stuck. Was abandoned by the man in my life. Lost career opportunities. It's hard to move on after a second time.....and I should be grateful not to have mets, I know. I'm BRCA2+
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I agree.
I actually think the 1's need it even more....they have the widest range of options to chose from, it is actually overwhelming. It seems as if chemo is becoming less common for 1's who are ER+.
(really thought I was a 1 up untill sx, but I am a 2)
I am going to respectfully disagree with Athena, I don't think it will Balkanize things, simply because that is the nature of the internet, people seeking specific information and peers.
Clearly everyone is welcome to join on the threads where ever. The way the site is structured actually encourages criss crossing, which I think is basically a good thing,( I know there are exceptions)
I think it will give everybody a home and a peer group, less specific than IDC.
On the wedding message board I used, each year's brides had a forum, and then there was "brides helping brides" where everyone met and it worked pretty well.
Oh and Hrf if that is you in the avatar, you are still a sexy cancer vixen!
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Wow...so wonderful to see such thoughtful, informative posts. I am stage 2 mulitifocal and both IDC and ILC. 4.6 cm no nodes. Diagnosed in January, mx in February, 4xA/C, Tamoxifen.
I am 48 and my DH and I are emptynesters. our son got married last August and our daughter will be married in June. I am grateful everyday for so many things but the road to recovery has been daunting at times.
I too have been obsessed with stats, bc.org, and googling like a mad woman trying to find reassurance. Sometimes it is uplifting and other times I walk away scared and disappointed. I now realize that I need to spend my time being more productive and less obsessive. Life has changed...some things for the better....some things definitely not for the better. I have to say that all in all it is getting a little easier. The post treatment was really hard. I think everyone, including myself, expected that when I walked out the door from my last chemo that all would be back to normal.
I am still striving each day to recapture as much of my old life as I can. I have had a couple of scares....needed a biopsy on my good breast about 6 weeks ago....the waiting.....well you all know what that's like. Then because I am having so much back and hip trouble, I needed a PET scan. So far so good. My oncologist said that there was increased uptake in a couple of areas which I thought was alarming but she said they don't think it's anything to worry about. Don't think....I told her that I needed to hear that they were certain it's nothing. She said at this point they really feel it's nothing but of course they can never say with certainty. They'll keep an eye on things. I asked her if after 5 years I will be considered cured and she said that unlike most cancers they can never really say. I told her about my fears of recurrence and she said that I may never have one or it could be 15 or twenty years before that happens. There really is no rhyme nor reason to BC. Then she told me about a favorite patient of her's that got a recurrence after 4 years. She said she was really upset but she was upset and mad at herself for spending the last 4 years worrying about a recurrence. She wasted a lot of precious time.
That story struck a chord with me and that's when I realized that ultimately I can only control certain things and recurrence isn't one of them. I can control what I do to try to minimize my risk of recurrence, and really that's all I can do. Eat well, exercise, get checkups, take tamoxifen and try to keep stress at a minimum. I don't know why but after that visit I felt like I turned the corner somewhat. I am not obsessing anymore and I am not letting it consume my thoughts. Yes, I absolutely still think about it but not all the time....everyday gets a little brighter.
Hugs to all
Beth P
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hrf: Sorry I missed your post....I was typing my long winded post when you posted.
A 2nd diagnosis.....so sorry to hear that. I noticed that you are Er/Pr + her2-. Was that the same as last time and was it ILC both times? I have heard of 2nd diagnosis new primary with completely different statuses so I was curious about that.
I can't imagine how hard a pill this is for you to swallow. Yes I understand gratitude that it's not mets but I'm sure there are times when it's hard to feel grateful. Don't feel guilty when you're angry, sad or need to have a pity party. You have every right to feel these things at times. Come here to vent, cry, get angry and let it all out if you want. We are all here to support you and lift you up when you need it. Hang in there
Hugs
Beth P
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hrf, I'm sorry too, about your second diagnosis and not having an easy time of it.
pickle - thanks for that thought about the woman being mad at herself for spending her years up to recurrance worrying about it. I've been feeling the same way lately, but never quite put it in words. Like the Carly Simon song - you never know, maybe "these are the good old days." I really want to work on enjoying what's still good and stop worrying. I worried about cancer for years because of family members having it, and that didn't do me any good, I got it anyway. So now I need to try something new - enjoying my life instead of fighting it. I find myself living in the present a LOT more than I used to, so for me that's a positive outcome.
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I'm in.
KarenW -
pickle141, guess we all have a lot to say. My first IDC dx was triple negative, 3 cm with no lymph node involvement. The second one was ILC with positive hormone receptors and 4 positive lymph nodes. .....2 totally different pathologies.
While it's never easy, I was able to pull myself up and move forward the first time. I also didn't feel that I had lost the important things in my life at that point. It was a blip in the road that I was going to deal with and overcome. This time is so totally different that I can't even begin to describe it.
On an intellectual level, I so understand what people are saying about not dwelling on the bad stuff but emotionally I'm stuck. I don't know if it's the bc itself or what I have lost as a result. I think it's the losses really.
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count me in, happy halloween
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I have marked this thread on my favorites list as well.
I just had my first one year bilateral mammo this past week, Tuesday. Results: Benign/Negative Findings. YAY!!
This coming Thursday, one year ago, was the day I was DX with SFBC & on the 11th, I had my lumpectomy to remove the 1.5 cm piece of, well, you know.
Hello to all of you!
Since there is another Valerie on board, I will just go by Valjean.
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Good morning from a rainy London.
I noticed a lady further back in the thread was feeling badly about her prior rather poor eating habits etc. I am sure many of us feel strongly that none of us should blame ourselves for this blasted disease.
For myself, I have eaten a fantastically healthy organic diet for gazillions of years, and I am sure it helps keep me generally very healthy, but hey, smug healthy woman thing goes right out the window, becaue the disease hits anyone. I am sure we all can find ways to improve our overall health, and one of those ways is also learning not to feel guilty or bad about our little personal weakneses. We learn how to be strong and brave in ways we never imagined once we are DX, chiefly coz we have no choice!!
My personal faults are so numerous as to defy mathematical definition. But one good thing for me, I have no sense at all of regretting past behaviours - in fact I embrace them all and intend doing a bunch more of them!!
So, if you feel a bit low, and fell you could have done something - you should let that thought go, because we are all only humad and we don't have to be perfect.
(which in my case is just as well........!)
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Hi ladies I am joining in on this thread.I was dx last year and am finished all treatments and surgeries.I guess now all we can do is exercise,eat healthy and hope for the best. Oh yes and stop blaming ourselves for getting cancer.Right Virginia?
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Well, that's what I think. I don't much like the Inland Revenue (our tax collection service in England). The hell with it, I'll blame them!
On a less flippant note, and taking into account that we all of us have different and not necesarilly cheery moods, (I happen to have a good week, the first in months, so forgive my somewhat excited state!) it is clear that we have very diverse reactions to where we are at just now. There aren't rights and wrongs, there is what is. We can each of us help a little bit and between the lot of us, step forwards.
As each person posted in to say they'd join in, I though of "The Magnificent Seven" !! We are rather more than that.
Our names are legion.
xxxxxxx
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Hi Ladies!
Wow! I think I (and probably ALL of us) have run the gamut on every emotion expressed here! Sometimes I feel like I go through all of them in 15 minutes or less! And Athena, I'm going to steal your line and start telling people I have pathologically low expectations. HAHA
I spend so much time on the boards, trying to find whatever magic mix is going to kick this THING in the butt. I second guess everything. Why am I ONLY on TC and not A? Wouldn't adding more be more insurance? I had a bi-lat mx, but maybe we should radiate just in case? If I'm not having really bad side effects, does it mean the chemo isn't working? My HER2 status is 1.3, doesn't that mean SLIGHTLY positive? Should they add Herceptin too? What would it hurt? What about the bisphosphonates trials? What if they are really shown to stop metastases and I just slipped through the cracks and didn't get it before it becomes standard?
And don't even get me started on Tamoxifen. I'm only 50% ER+, how do they know it will work? Should I go the "natural" route with progesterone cream and DIM and iodine? Will I get an ER- cancer? What if I just do nothing?
Some days I think that I don't feel sick enough to have cancer, and yet I think about it all of the time.
The "good" thing about this board is that we are all facing the same issues. Particularly us Stage 2er's. We have to do something, but we don't know how much. We don't get any peace from the knowledge that surgery probably "cured" us. Gotta have the back-up.
But I will tell you, I have learned SO MUCH from being here. Just having the right questions means everything on some days. I'm sure I drive my Onc crazy. But if we all go in informed, maybe more individualized treatments will be available. I, personally, would like to throw every weapon in the arsenal (except rads) at this, but hold the side effects and long term issues, please! HAHA Why can't we just fast-forward and get on with our lives?
Ah, my Dears, I must go to obsessively analyze any new idea/treatment that may have come out overnight, on a Saturday night, because we all know that's when the work gets done. lol
Have a great day. Have a glass of wine - with lots of green leafy veggies to offset whatever risk there is in that!!
Laura
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Azdiva: Loved your post. You summed it all up nicely and with such great humour!
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Laura,
you are not alone in your over-thinking--it is one of my most developed skills. When I was pregnant with my first child, I had a friend who was also pregnant...there was all sorts of nonsense in the media about kids that went to day care--a study was showing they were more aggressive--- and of course, we both worked full-time---
One day she came to me and said--"from now on, I am only reading things that support my position (it is ok for kids to go to day care).... I loved that- and I often think about that related to this... I am not going to stick my head in the sand, but I did the best I could with the information I had at the time I had it....
I have heard "you know, the surgery probably cured you" a thousand times-- and I do believe that-- but I also believe my onc when she said" let's get you all the insurance we can"--considering that I have always overbought on health insurance, car insurance...well, this is no different.
I think it is still early stages for us-- you were diagnosed only months ago and I just passed the year mark. I told a friend of mine who had bc years ago--"I am going to live like it is never coming back" and she told me that she lives like she never had it at all--she does due diligence annually at the doctor's, but beyond that, it never enters her mind. I think that is the future for us, just going to take some time!
had lite beer last night with the kid's halloween candy-----
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Hi All,
Good idea.
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First of all..........I am so thrilled to see this thread taking off........I just knew it would!
This morning I awoke and was thinking about the INSPIRING STORIES FORUM and I thought....mmmm.............maybe a LINK to INSPIRING STORIES should be at the top of each FORUM on this site. So when a new SISTER/BROTHER comes here looking for information and not knowing where to start..........no matter which FORUM they navigated to.......they would always see the link to INSPIRING STORIES right at the top! I know that would be a good place to start and even a good place to finish your day at breastcancer.org.
"Where ever you go....there you are." I just love that quote!
Love and Hugs,
Terry
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Wow this thread is fabulous. I read all of the posts and find a piece of me in them which is nice. Not to take anything away from the other threads but it is nice to say I had CANCER too and I am MAD and SCARED and HOPEFUL without feeling (and these are only my feelings, I do not pretend to speak for anyone else) that I am not grateful enough because I had an early stage cancer or my nodes were negative or I am not going through the hell that I know some others are experiencing. As of now I am not in constant fear that it will take my life but cancer has taken many things from me and yet it has also given me a perspective that I would not change. I have given cancer my breasts, I had cancer in both so both had to go. I am replacing them with brand spankin new ones but some days as I get dressed or I am typing on my computer at work and I feel a little expander movement I remember that I have these incredibly hard fake things in my chest. I have to say that maybe I was not as attached to my breasts as some people are because I hear people say that they mourned the loss very much and even though it was not fair to have to undergo such a drastic surgery I survived and moved on. I gave cancer my hair for awhile and thought about how unfair it was to be told you have cancer and then it was going to make you bald but I found out that bald was not that bad and I survived and moved on. I gave cancer my innocence that this happens to other people but not young healthy people like me. Now I know that it does happen to people like me and I am not so special that bad things aren't going to happen to me. I realize that I need to live with less worry and fear and be present and show up for life and the people that I care about. Unfortunately I was not a live in the moment kind of person and was always worried about something. Now I think when something happens...at least it is not cancer. I found that I had a strength that I did not know was there and when the diagnosis came I was able to put on my big girl panties and meet the challenges and questions about my future head on. See that is something that I might not have posted elsewhere because after all of the tests and treatments etc. my news and prognosis were pretty good. Not guaranteed just good right now. Nevertheless it was hard and I was scared. The worst thing cancer took from me was the ability to have a biological child. My husband and I had been trying and then I found the lump and life took another direction. Children were still a possibility until I found out that I was a poor Tamoxifen metabolizer. Then I had it all taken out, ovaries, uterus, the works. I had to go into menopause so that I could go on an AI. This was devastating. I was taking away something that we both wanted so badly and I often scan the posts of the women of all stages on this site and so many are blessed with children. I will never experience pregnancy, childbirth, looking at my child and saying we have the same eyes or nose or we do this the same. This was something all my life I took as a given as something that I would experience. I had to make a choice not to be bitter when I heard of some teenager getting pregnant completely unprepared for the blessing that people take for granted or if I heard on the news that a baby was abandoned or abused. I decided, again, that I was not so special that things were always going to be easy and in order to live a complete life I was going to have to accept that bad things happen and it was not all going to be fair. I survived this too and I moved on. On to adoption, fostering, maybe realizing that we are meant for some special little person that just doesn't share our dna but could share our lives. I also realized that, for me, things could have been worse. Instead of remaining mad I had to find the gratitude that I may have had to start the process of saying goodbye if things had gone a different way. That would be a tragedy to me. I hope to never experience that but I have now realized that the fact that we are all going to die at some point is a reality and not some distant truth. I feel like now is the time to make it matter. Sorry that this post is so long and this is by far the most that I have shared on these boards. I am not some shiny, happy person who always sees the positive I just wanted to share my journey. I made a decision that all things being equal I have absolutely no control over my having a reoccurence so I will not waste my time worrying about it. My grandmother had breast cancer 41 years ago and is 88 now. I can promise you she will die of something else. I said to my onc well I guess I will have to wait 41 years to be able to say that and he said what would you get out of wasting that much time on worry. At Stage 1&2 we stradle the fence on having this again but have the luxury of being able to be hopeful that we have seen the last of it. Some of us will progress to mets or a reoccurence but the vast majority will not. Some of us will die in a plane or car crash but the vast majority will not. Same odds. Today we survive and move on. Best wishes to all.
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nene, thank you for your post. It said so much that so many of us are feeling, each from her own perspective.
And rumoret, thank you for starting this thread. I agree, it's a good idea for a forum.
As for me, I had a 1.6cm tumor with 6 nodes involved, grade 3. According to some sites I've seen that's stage 2b, according to others it's 3a. I call myself Stage 2 because I like the stats better. I never asked my onc how he staged me because I didn't want to know. We discussed the path report and treatment options and treated as aggressively as possible. I don't ask about prognosis, and my onc always says, "I'm a great doctor but I'm a lousy prophet".
I've had mast, chemo (4 dd A/C then 4 DD Taxol) rads, and now tamox for 2 1/2 years, then switch to an AI. My onc wants me to have an ooph and prophy mast on the other side b/c of family history but at this point I'm putting a decision about that on the back burner.
I'm going to the U.S. for a visit to my family in 2 weeks. All through treatment I promised myself that when I finished treatment I'd go, AND NOW IT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!! I don't have to tell you how important this trip is for me.
Leah
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