Starting Chemo April 2009

Robin..Happy Birthday to your daughter!  And listen,  Its good to be strong..we all have to be..but if you need to come on here secretly and rant and worry and cry please do so!  We all do that!  Every time I have come on here just to whine a little I  get support...plus you can listen to other people and support them too!  Sometimes I feel I get more support than I give but I try to give back..the thing is.on here..,everyone is going through the same thing...we understand totally what you are going through too....We also try to mess around and tease each other too...it's not all gloom and doom...make sure your read the posts from Lena...she will make you laugh every time!

Helen..I too have felt that deep sadness...know exactly where you are comng from....and it so hard to shake...you try to think of happy things...and how hard you are working to get this crap OUT....right now..I'm just trying to enjoy my time now..and not worry about the future..too much...when I was first dfiagnosed I didn't know if I would see my son graduate..I did...or reach my 50 birthday..I did...now I'm concentrating on Thanksgiving.....just a few goals at a time..and rejoicing when I reach them!

I know that chances are good that we may all live a normal lifespan....we need to concentrate on that...and have hope.

I told you about that crusty old bird who doesn't care what she looks like...well she is the extreme....but there was another lady at the cancer center that came right up to me and told me that she has had breast cancer 3 times and then lifted up her shirt and showed me her chest!  Her daugher said come on mom!  I just laughed...we all handle things differently...my sis in law is brac 1...her daugher carries the gene also..she feels guilty because her daugher will have to have her children before 30 and have her ovaries removed..she may also have to have a masectomy...

Hi all, good to hear from you! Betsy, I am doing so much better, I still have occasional burning in the stomach, but nothing compared to before.

We had the best trip to NY, so much fun and I ate and drank!!!

Still waiting for more hair though...

Have a good week, hugs to all!

Judy x

It's good to stay in touch with you. Even though most of us may be through the "active" treatment phase, we will always be on this path together. From Arimidex (or Tamoxifen) to Zometa to reconstruction, to sadness and happiness......I do check in every day and enjoy reading the posts and really appreciate the encouragement I get here.

Radiation Eve!

Well, let's get the ugly out of the way first. I had a scare today.

I was gazing at my scar this morning (as I do every morning) and I noticed thickening and pocking under the center section of the scar-line. It was same sort of "look" that the skin on my breast had prior to the cancer diagnosis.

I remained calm on the surface, but inside I was completely freaking out! I'd read far too much (on the Internet) about cancer recurring in/on/around scar-lines from surgery, and as strong as I've been, I really don't know how I would have been able to stomach that happening.

So I went to my PT appointment and was on the phone calling upstairs to my surgeon's office to have them take a look at it on an emergency basis. They squeezed me in and assured me in a very compassionate and understanding manner that I had nothing to worry about. It was just the skin changing as it healed. And most importantly, it was nothing that would delay radiation treatments from starting tomorrow.

But I was scared ya'll. Recurrence is always just below the surface of primary cancer survivors, and it doesn't matter how strong and brave we appear on the outside, nor does it diminish how grateful to God we are of our current NED (no evidence of disease) status. The fear is always there...riding side-saddle with our faith. You just work every day not to let it take over your life, to focus on your faith and turn down the volume on your fear.

On a much brighter note, and boy was THIS needed today. I went by the yarn shop and received the absolutely WONDERFUL afghan my yarnie friends knitted for me! I cannot WAIT to wrap up in it (it's HUGE!) on a cold winter's night, snuggled up in my recliner! Yet another labor of love and kindness that I've been the blessed recipient of!

That really made my day! My wonderful support system always manages to do something right before a big phase in treatment to help me enter that phase with confidence; knowing that I am so loved and cared about!

And speaking of love and care...I spent Saturday evening with my college sorority sisters in Phi Mu! It was our first real reunion-get-together in 17 years!!! It was so great to see everyone and when I walked in, I was greeted with applause! That was a little overwhelming, but I needed those hugs and well-wishes, and I thank each and every one of those wonderful women for just embracing me and encouraging me! And Praise God, I didn't get home until 1:30am in the morning, but my energy levels remained HIGH! Two months ago, heck even a month ago, I wouldn't haven been able to hang out like that, but I'm so glad, things are settling in to my "new normal!"

October is proving to be as busy as I expected, but I welcome all the activities, projects, and yes, even tasks at work!

Next month, I'm going to the LBBC (Living Beyond Breast Cancer) Conference in Philadelphia! This will be my first one, and I can barely wait! I'm taking two workshops while there; Managing Your Fear of Recurrence, and Journaling (to maybe help with this book everyone keeps telling me to write, LOL!!!)

So this is the deal; radiation treatments daily (Mon-Fri) for about 5-10 minutes a day. I go in, strip from the waist up, put on a gown open to the front, lock my belongings in a locker and head down the hall to a room with a door about 6 inches thick. Lay on the table, slide into my AquaCradle, lift arms up over head, get situated by the techs, and then lay there to get what is essentially an xray, but a LOT stronger than your normal xray!

Potential side effects can be itching, burning, rash, skin peeling, all in the affected area getting the radiation (left chest area, under left arm area, upper chest near collarbone). Fatigue towards the 3rd or 4th week of treatment is also possible. The great thing about rads is that the techs see you daily and can monitor any potential skin problems and nip them in the bud before they progress. More serious potential side effects could be heart damage and damage to the upper quadrant of my left lung. But nearly every one I've spoken with whose had rads has said that it's a piece of cake, a walk in the park, compared to chemo. I'm trusting that to be true.

My first treatment will be tomorrow at 5pm. After that, all other treatments will be at 8 in the morning, so I can go to work afterwards. And if it's anything like chemo, before I know it, I'll be posting here telling you I'm nearing my final treatment!

So here's to walking in the park...with cake!,

Alaina

Alaina - I finished on Friday. It was a piece of cake to me for sure. They warned me not to expect that, because some people get very fatigued or burn, but I did neither. Am glad it is over but just because it iwas another milestone, not because it was unpleasant. 

Glad you are doing well. Stay in touch!

Amy

I am not having rads, but wanted to check in and let everyone know that I am keeping up with your news and thinking of you all!

Have a good evening, Judy x

Titan - so glad you are nearly done! Good for you!

Celebrate every moment!!!

Hugs, Judy x

Titan, so happy for you! How are you feeling? Hope you enjoy celebrating!

Hugs, Judy x

Hey Lena..where ARE you?  Hanging out with the pack rat?  I have this imagine of him in my head..maybe a little short but BUILT with dark wavy hair...Am I close?  Oh..and pretty damn smart...because you are and he would have to be so you guys can have conversations between...well you know what I mean!

Well folks, I made it through my 1st four (of 28 ) radiation treatments. I don't resemble burnt bacon yet, but yesterday I noticed tiny little bumps in the affected area that look like a mild heat rash, and today I'm itching a little bit. I bought Fruit of the Earth 100% Pure Aloe Vera Gel, and I'm to use it 2x a day (once immediately after treatment and once before bed). Reports I've read from others who used this state that they had no problems with burning/peeling skin. ...yeah...

Speaking of which, as I waited in the interior waiting area (where you can be half-dressed) to be called back to the radiation chamber, a woman came into the dressing room pitching a fit! She was totally distressed because one of the techs had removed some of the circular-tape that protected the markings on the side of her chest, and the SKIN CAME OFF WITH THE TAPE!!! She showed us the raw, pink area, and I immediately shifted into self-protective-clear-your-mind-or-think-of-dead-puppies mode! She is in her 5th week of treatment (with another week to go) and clearly her skin was breaking down (yet another potential side effect). Thankfully, my treatments will only BE 5.5 weeks, so hopefully, any of the truly nasty side effects will either not occur or just be beginning just as it's time to end; and the healing will come faster that way.

In the meantime, I will use the aloe vera gel faithfully and wash the affected area like a baby's bottom (squeezing soapy water gently and never scrubbing, patting dry) with Ivory or Dove soap. One study has said that drinking one glass of red wine daily while in radiation will help with skin toxicity issues. When I asked my radiation oncologist if I could have one glass of wine daily, she said I could have two; one for me and one for her! Gotta love medical science! LOL!!!

So, I went in for Herceptin-Only Treatment #10 (of 17) today. With the rain and the cold, it just seemed that every thing and every one was moving in slow motion today. I was also supposed to get my seasonal flu shot. Go figure, the hospital ran out of flu shots yesterday. *sigh* So I had the daunting task of driving around Baltimore and surrounding counties in search of the ever elusive flu shot. After calling/visiting 5 various Targets/Walmarts/Walgreens/RiteAids, I finally found the precious shot at the Safeway in Ellicott City. *whew*

I have a fairly busy weekend ahead and I'm looking forward to it. Even if it does rain the whole time (hopefully it won't, especially for the Breast Cancer walkers on Sunday!)

In the HairUpThere Report, I can happily state that I've got a 5'o'clock shadow! Ok, maybe a 2'o''clock but YAY!!!

The yarn for my newest project arrived today, so after I finish my Welch's Grape Juice with Crushed Ice (nothing like eating your juice with a spoon!), I'm going to curl up in bed and fondle some fiber!

Have a Wonderful Weekend Everyone! Alaina

Helen and Lena..you had better get your freaking **S*... on here pretty soon before I have to start worrying about YOU..Please don't make me worry!!   Just pop in and say HEY or something..PLEASE!

Alaina..I just finshed rads on Wed....the nurse said my skin looked like it may break through but so far so good..does burn a little...don't know if you go to the rads forum but it has a wealth of info...plus Betsy and I are there in the September rads forum..if you would like to read our comments...that is!

Betsy..."edgy"...is that a good thing...I hope so because your hair sounds like mine..."edgy"..mine too is brown and gray...most people I show it to call it a "boy cut"..and think  I should go topless...My mom..though...thinks I should wait awhile....MOTHERS!   

Good to hear from everyone - a bit of a crazy day today. I will try to check in again soon.

Hugs to all,

Judy xxx

Betsy, you look terrific!!!  I love looking back at my hair progress now that I have a full (albeit short) head of hair - when I was moaning and complaining at how little it seemed to be growing, it really did change week to week. 

I have started having a few more se's from tamoxifen, but nothing like Femara, so I think I'll be able to handle it.  Mostly low back and hip pain, sporadically, and some shoulder/neck pain, again, sporadically.  This is in addition to the hot flashes.  Also having some tamox-insomnia, so its back on ambien on some nights, but all in all, if this is the worst, I can handle this.  So busy with work (boat show season) and home - and have been working out as much as possible, maybe it's helping.  Helen, the nordic pole walking sounds so cool!

Amy, it sure was.  I really didn't realize how much I was holding my breath over this test and how nervous I was until I found out - it was almost like waiting for biopsy results again.