Starting Chemo April 2009

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    Way to go T-smith...we have been waiting for YOU to be done...Hooray!  It just gets better (and I'm not being sarcastic)..from here...wait a couple of days and you wil start feeling better again..emotionally..and physcially....!  PROMISE!

    I see you are from Ohio too..so am I!

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    Betsy!  Hooray for you too...pretty soon I will be able to know which one you are in your avator..the one with the hair!  Man...it takes freaking long to grow doesn't it???? My dh says that it is growing but I don't know...I think it has slowed down....I'm TIRED of being virtually hairless..it has been almost 5 months since it has been gone!  A few days to lose it and many months to grow it back...doesn't seem right.

    And well..have you seen the picture of the "cancer coach" when you log on to this site?  Did she have BC too?  Her hair is pretty short!  No one would choose to have their hair that short would they????

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    So, does that officially finish our group from April???  Yay to everyone!!!  And Titan is right - you will be amazed at how quickly you start to feel better from the se's . .. within a few weeks you should have a lot of your energy and stamina back, appetite back to normal and ready to rock and roll.  Congrats, Betsy on finishing rads!!!

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  • Alaina
    Alaina Member Posts: 461
    edited October 2009
    Purple Toes & Blue Tattoos!


    Good Evening Beloveds!

    In my quest for most things "normal" I took the leap of getting a pedicure on Saturday! It was great to spend time doing something I did on a semi-regular basis prior to cancer, with good friends Z & her Mom, Ms. C.

    My feet were SOOOO cruddy, and in dire need of some TLC. The toenails on my big toes both had a thick black line across them (a gift from chemo), so I picked a nice dark purple color so the black lines wouldn't show through.

    I keep looking down at my toes. And now that my left breast is gone, I can look STRAIGHT DOWN on one side! LOL!!!

    Today I had my simulation for radiation. I got my AquaCradle made. That part was fun! You lay down on a bag filled with a warm compound that rises up around you and molds to your shape and eventually hardens. This "cradle" will hold my body in the same position day after day when I go in to get the radiation treatment.

    Not so fun was the tattoo-ing part. I don't know how people get "real" tattoos! I got 3 little dots, and those pin-pricks nearly sent me off the table they hurt so much! Geesh!

    Anywhoo, I got CT scans today so they could map out the angles they need for my radiation. I'll go in next Monday for verification, and hopefully start real treatments on Tuesday. I was hoping to start Monday, but oh well.

    So while waiting in the docs office for one of my appointments earlier in the week, one of the "cancer mags" caught my eye. They had an article highlighted in it called "Sex & the Single Survivor."

    First I had to search my subconscious to remember was "sex" was, and when I remembered, I thought, Hunh, yeah, one day, you're gonna have to date again.

    Now dating sucked big hairy monkey balls BEFORE cancer, I can only imagine dating will be a beast of a completely different species now that I'm the Bald & Boobless Wonder!

    *sigh*

    I read the article with great interest however, and they had this fascinating chart; How to tell the Boys from the Men. Some of the points that stood out to me were:

    You're Dealing with a Boy if:

    * He treats you like a charity case who should consider herself lucky to have ANY man in her life
    * He doesn't want to hear any details of your cancer treatment
    * He won't commit to a relationship, after all, you might get sick again, and he couldn't handle that

    In the small snippets of time I've even thought about dating post-diagnosis, those three issues rose immediately in my mind to get me to STOP thinking about dating....EVER AGAIN! LOL!!!

    I'm really not sure how I'm going to navigate those issues. All advice is solicited and welcome in that regard.

    The article goes on to regale the therapeutic value of shopping for (and wearing) lingerie and ordering (and using) sex toys.

    Much to the chagrin of my more trendy girl friends, I've never been one to be worried all that much about looking sexy via my clothing or shoes (or purses) LOL!!! I believe in comfortable shoes cuz limpin' AIN'T sexy and while stilettos look great on the right person, I would break my A$$ trying to wear them and walk in them. (yeah I know, they're not for walkin') Whatever...

    I saw a flannel t-shirt/nightgown in a catalog that said "This IS my sexy lingerie!" and I think I'm getting it for myself. :-)

    I fervently await the day when comfortable becomes SEXY!

    As to the sex toys...all I can say is this. When asked if my biological clock was ticking, I responded "Nope, I took out its batteries and put them in another device!"

    CTFU!!!

    Night Night Ya'll! Alaina

    *PS ~ but seriously...if you have some REAL advice for a single cancer survivor trying to find some meaningful companionship...I'm all ears (and one boob!) LOL!!!*

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    CHELEV -Hey girlie, how are ya??

    JUDY - How are those great kids?  When did you say you were going to NYC ( is that right?)

    ALAINA - Aqua cradle, that does sound fun!!  Sex and the single survivor, that sounds like a movie.  You've got me rolling on the floor.  Sorry I can't offer you any advice, I think you'll do fine tho' - what's not to love about you!!!  I'm not too far from you, I'm in Northern Virginia!

    TITAN - I was thinking that too about the "cancer coach" who does her hair if she's not a bc survivor.  I always tell people that my oncologist does my hair, but YIPEE now people are actually complimenting me on it thinking I did it on purpose, I finally made it to that point.  When is the beach trip again?  or did I just totally lose it and you're already gone?  

    BETSY - WOOOOOHOOOOO;o) Girlfriend on finishing rads, what a great feeling to reach another finsh line, sooo happy for you!  How are you feeling with everything else? and how did you skin hold up?

    TSMITH - Another girl past the finish line, are you our last one!! CONGRATS - now the fun begins, let all that hair start growing like crazy.......Patience, patience, patience, but who am I to preach that, I think I'm the most impatient, I colored my hair at 1/8" LOL. You will be amazed at how quickly you do start to feel better.

    HELEN -  How are you today?  Nordic walking????

    LENA - So far I'm good on the Tamox, haven't really noticed any se, but it's only been 1 1/2wks.  I do have the hot flashes but they started in chemo and have just continued.  No sweats just hot, then cold then hot then cold, well you get the picture.  Migraines, not good at all, certainly don't want to be dealing with those, hope your meds continue to work well.  Doing OK otherwise???  Loved your SIMS explanation, we have that for the Wii:o)!

    I have to stop losing a day on here and then I get lost and can't catch up UGH!  It would be so great if we could all meet, I wish we all lived close to each other.  Here's a new pic of me at 11 weeks PFC.  I want to see some pics of all you guys!!!

    HUGS, Dawn

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    Dawn, you look gorgeous!!!!!  See???  I TOLD you the hair does come back, and hey, no fair, you have almost as much as me!!  Well, I did get it trimmed twice, but geesh!!!

    I seem to be doing okay on tamox too - just came back from my new med onc, boy I love that office - they are very proactive and leave no stone unturned.  Did the bloodwork for my genetic testing - I'll get the results early next month at my next appointment and that will determine where I go - either on the followup path or looking at a bilat mx.  Otherwise, my tumor markers are baseline low, vitamin D is great, liver enzymes are great and it all looks okay so far.  We also decided that instead of a mammogram in December, they want an MRI w/contrast (I love them!) because I have dense breasts and I'm still sore from rads.  Then, in February, mammo w/ultrasound.  I really feel comfortable and happy with this new doctor and her fantastic staff.

    Hope everyone is doing okay!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    CHELEV - Thanks, I'm still taking pics so I can see the progress otherwise some days it feels like it hasn't grown any UGH!  You know what I mean I'm sure.  And yes you have had some trims, my hairdresser did just trim over my ears a week ago, I was so happy to see that I actually had enough to trim regardless of the fact that it may have only been 20 hairs LOL.  Good to hear that all your tests are looking good.  Let me know on the genetic testing results, I go to meet with the counselor on Thursday.  I did already have bilat mx in March but I may have my ovaries out if it comes back positive.  Glad you love your new onc, I love mine too, she is in her early 30's and just seems to be on top of everything.  Means so much when you have that confidence in the relationship.  HUGS, Dawn

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    Dawn..I can't believe your hair growth!  Awesome....! We are going on our beach trip in less than 2 weeks!  Rads. are done next Weds!  Guess I'm working on my tan early!  Anyway, I told my DH I'm hoping that my poor boob will be looking good by the time we go! It looks like it has already been to the beach!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    TITAN - Maybe you need to lay outside literally topless so that you can get the other boob to match;o)!!  WOOOHOOO almost to another finish line, how cool is that - sooo happy for you!  What a great finish and off to the beach to celebrate, I wish you guys an awesome time!!!  Yep, that hair just keeps on growing!!!  HUGS, Dawn

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited October 2009

    Dawn, you look fabulous.....and so does your hair!!!!

    Chelev, you are a model for the rest of us......weight loss is going great. I've been at 181 for a few weeks now with no downward movement. But it's my fault.

    Titan, I think you and I are on a slow journey to getting hair back ... I have a little fuzz and it is mostly very dark with a sprinkling of grey. But there is not enough hair to cover my scalp.....yet. I'm almost 4 months PFC

    Alaina, like you I'm also single ... not even one boob left and I'm shaped like a potato now. Don't think I want to date again even though it would be great to have a relationship. I did have a guy in my life but he has disappeared pretty much. The only thing that helps me is that I have recently figured out exactly what the issue is and I know it's not me. It helps me to know that there is a diagnosis for him but I still miss him.

    I have my next Nordic pole walking lesson on Thursday. I enjoyed the first one and if I continue to like it I may buy a set of poles so I can practice more often.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    Dawn, that is too funny!!! Titan please remember that you are still very sensitive to sunlight immediately after rads - I live in south Florida, and as I was finishing rads, it was the middle of summer and I wanted to get out to the beach and lay in the kiddie pool in the backyard and wear my tank tops and I had to be really careful because the strong sun would continue to "cook" the boob - so I was in the pool with a t-shirt on and not in the sun a whole lot.  I think at this time of year, the sun has lessened it's intensity but be careful.  :)  Sorry to sound like a mother hen here!

    Helen, thanks for the super kind words.  While I don't consider myself a role model, I do consider myself inspired by all of my sisters here who have gone through hell with me and came out on the other side ready to get back to the new normal.  I am glad you are getting hair growth, even as slow as it is - that really does stink - it has to be from your chemo.  Just know it will come back!  Are you using follicle booster or anything? 

    The nordic pole walking sounds cool - I saw some people doing that in NY while I was there - at first I thought they had a problem walking but then realized what they were doing and it seemed like they could get great momentum and pull from the poles.  Good luck!

    Dawn, I wish we could all meet somewhere - we've been through some really rough stuff and now we are on the road to recovery and going through that together - it would be so cool to give everyone a big hug!

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    Yes Mommy (Chelev)..I will take care, truly I will so you don't need to freak out! Innocent

    Helen..I do have some hair growth..pretty much like Dawn's..tho a little shorter (kinda funny..it's not like any of us have LONG hair)...I probably could go topless but...OK..do you have a minute??  I look GOOD in my wig..I look better in it than I do with my real hair!  I went with this brownish blond sassy looking look...and it suits me!  Some people that don't know my dh and I that well think that he has a NEW woman!  It's funny sometimes knowing that people are wondering if my DH and I aren't together anymore because he is out with this new lady!  We live in a small town so there may actually be some gossip going around...I think my DH kinda likes it...makes him look like he has a younger model...!  so anyway...I am waiting, waiting, waiting, until it gets long enough to color it the same color as my wig...My hair was frizzy before so I will probably have to straighten it too!  This may cost many $$$$ but maybe if I have to have a "new normal" I may as well have a new look! 

    Shaped like a potato???  Seriously, how many men in their 40 or 50's are that BUFF!  Not...why do we women have to feel like we have to look like models and then there are these guys that really don't look that much better  It's not like some of them have more HAIR than we do! HEE HEE!

    Ok..Dawn if you hear on the news from Myrtle Beach about some "Topless" woman and her DH arrested for doing IT under the boardwalk..well that was me!  That was LENA'S idea by the way....Alaina doesn't need to read a book about dating and sex..she just needs Lena to help her out...Alaina..from what I have heard from you here on BCO..if any guy doesn't want you then you don't need him! 

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    So..where is everyone...under a boardwalk somewhere..HELLO.....you can still post once in awhiile...hugs to everyone.!

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited October 2009

    Titan it was just too beautiful a day here in Toronto to be inside. I went for my Nordic pole walking session and it was great fun. There are 4 of us .. all recent grads from bc tx and there are 3 people from the hospital who join us and help us with our technique. If this study goes well, they will start groups for more bc women.

    I truly am now shaped like a potato - I hate it! I always had big breasts and was nice and curvy. Since the mx, it seems that my stomach is the biggest part of me followed closely by my backside ... hence the potato image. It's very discouraging.

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited October 2009

    Ok..your coming out "topless" is strange to me since I've gone topless this entire process. Maybe it's easier for me at this stage since I don't have to make the big decision. The only weird thing for me is everyone wants to touch my hair, truly like petting an animal, and I swear to God...I want to start a pool on the color. Everyone...I mean everyone has a comment. It's ok with me since at least it looks more like hair than fuzz and they have had to deal with the Bald and Beautiful Betsy (LOL) this entire time, so I'm cutting them some slack. I say go for it Ladies...it feels wonderful!

    Now Titan...about the boardwalk...again I say...go for it! You only live once girl, right! Loved your description of you dh and his "new friend". Now if folks in your town start talking about a Menage Trois, then I'd start worrying!  

    RE: Pink...never did like it and now I really don't like it.

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  • JudyNaomi
    JudyNaomi Member Posts: 1,413
    edited October 2009

    Hi all, we are back from NYC - had a great time! I am sooo tired - so much walking, but I was able to do it - YAY!!!

    Glad to read that we are all finishing up now - it seems to take so long to get to this point, but we do in the end.

    Hope you all have a great weekend, hugs to all!

    Judy x

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    Judy..great to hear from you..hope you had an awesome time in NY...Isn't it GOOD to feel GOOD again?  The weird thing is..I have never felt "sick" because of my disease...I have felt "sick" knowing I have it mentally but never physically...I have felt some pain from the lumpectomy...just plain WEIRDNESS from the chemo...and now a sunburnt boob from the radiation..but never sick from the actual disease..weird...Did you guys ever think back about 6 months or so before you were diagnosed and think that maybe you didn't feel that well because a tumor was growing in your body?.  I think about it..last August I had a "clean" mammo and then in January I find a lump.. I rack my brain trying to think if I felt different from last August until Jan.....my periods were sporadic...I remember being tired..I lost 5 pounds even though I was eating..but I thought I was going through menopause...did anyone else have any symptoms before you found the freaking LUMP????  I compare myself physically and mentally now to that time. and I feel so much better now..physically..and mentally. I feel that now..if I do start feeling "different"..I'm runinng to the doctor as fast as I can...

    Helen..are you going to have reconstruction done?  I didn't have a mast. but I don't know if I would have recon done..I just don't like SURGERY!

    Betsy.."coming out" topless for me is going to be a big thing...I have worn my wig since before I started losing my hair...it is like my wig is "me" now....I'm very nervous about going topless...I have done it around very close friends...they like to "pet" me too..funny stuff.

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited October 2009
    Titan, my first time with bc, I had lumpectomy - did not want mx even though I was BRCA2+. Second time docs again said I should do mx because of the BRCA2+  I was pressured into it by all my docs, my family, my friends. No one supported my decision the first time. It was apparent that if I didn't do it, I would have a 3rd bc so I did BM and always have had the intention of doing reconstruction. I don't like surgery and I know it will be hard, but living like this is even harder for me. I have not adjusted well. ......that and my hair not growing (there is just a little bit of fuzz on my head after 4 months).... I don't feel good about myself. That's just who I am.
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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited October 2009

    Titan...I did feel weird before I found the lump but not sick. I felt off...but kept thinking it was because I was under so much stress. Both my folks were both ill. My Dad was dying...he died in December and my Mom fell and broke her back in October. My Aunt died in November. It was a hell of a Fall last year... to say the least. 

    I wish I could say I didn't feel sick through chemo but that's a lie. I felt like crap. The fatigue & heartburn were awful and the heart palpitations scared the begeezees out of me. Rads have been better... but it hasn't been a cake walk either. I'm just glad I'm done with treatments finally. My heart goes out to those looking at reconstruction surgery. Occasionally I get scared that all this was for not..that they didn't get all the cancer cells with the chemo and rads. When my mind heads that direction, I think..hell there is no guarantee in life, live for today..don't worry about tomorrow and don't fret over the past. It makes me feel better when I re-focus my thoughts to the "now".

    Have you thought about having a "coming out party"? It might make it easier..just get everyone drunk and no one will even notice that your "topless"...Hey..it's an idea!

    Helen...I can't imagine not having the support of my family through this regardless of my decision. I hope you get "new improved girls" when your ready. Just think..you can choose your new look. Do you have to go through a skin stretching process like the one Dawn described in prior posts?

    Judy - is your stomach back to normal yet? Occasionally...I get heartburn but nothing like the chemo burn. I hope your GI tract is healing.

    TSmith- I'm happy you are done with chemo. I hope you are the last straggler...now we can all celebrate!!!!

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    Helen...my sis in law had reconstruction, plus new fips...it was a long process for her but she made it through...and she is doing well..and looks great..obviously she still has her moments...as we all do...I think our families want to support us..but they really truly don't understand the emotional aspect of the whole thing..it's not so much losing the boob as it is facing our mortality....

    I know this one lady who had one boob removed and she doesn't give a crap whether she wears her prothesis or not...she goes out and about without it and it is totally obvisious that she doesn't have it on...she is a crusty old bird..if I may say that..she said that she she doesn't give a care if people make fun of her because she has had cancer..plus a bunch of other things....some people think that she should look "normal" in public...now that I have been through this I understand why she does what she does..and I kind of admire her for it..for gosh sakes..she had cancer..it doesn't matter what she looks like on the outside..on the inside she is a sweetheart..I guess I'm rambling but I do like potatoes..most everyone does...and Helen....do what you can..when you can..and do what is best for you..don't give a "FREAK" about what everyone else thinks...LOVE YOU.!

    Betsy..that is the word  "Off"..I felt off...like I was living..but not particpating...do you know what I mean??

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    Betsy..you did have a hell of a fall...stress!!!  Me. too..my son totaled his SUV (but he was OK)..in August..then the guy he hit turned into a CREEPER!  Called our house, drove BY our house..said things about God being nicer to us than him..I called the police every time he called...very, very stressful....he was a freak...anyway...I don't know if stress really does cause our cells to mutate into cancer..but I'm trying very carefully to keep the stress level down...try not to let things bother me as much...but darn..when you have kids, the economy the way it is and older parents...it's hard to NOT stress out!

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited October 2009

    Titan...I guess you could say that...but in some ways it was more physical than mental. Like I sensed there might be something wrong but it was so faint...I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't feel sick just felt "out of sorts". Does that make sense? Of course I know I was depressed at the time and I also know depression can make you feel OFF too.

    Hey...I like your crusty old bird women friend...I think she might be a kindred spirit.

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  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited October 2009

    I like her too!  She has the biggest heart of anyone I know...the best part of all..for the rest of us..is that she has so many other conditions and she is DOING FINE   ....Maybe we all need to adopt the crusty old bird attitude!

    Again..I agree with you "off"..."out of sorts"...I was so used to being so energized but I wasn't.....I guess now we know what to look for and to not think that it is nothing....need to have it checked out...every time I give blood I request the reports...I read them like I read a book..compare them to the last one...not going to let anything get by me again...When I go running I make sure that I'm breathiing right...not short of breath...except if my DH is puffing too..I know I'm normal!

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited October 2009

    Titan, my sons are great but they are men and just don't "get it" so they don't understand the impact - especially the emotional impact - on me. I will get reconstruction using DIEP procedure so won't have to go through the expanders. I'm doing it for me because I want to feel whole again even though I know they are not the same thing. So I'll do it. I know I'm struggling with depression and having the bm has pushed me into a space where I can't cope. 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    Titan, your question about feeling "off" prior to dx has me really thinking.  I had my mammogram the previous February or March - everything was fine then, or so we think (with dense breasts, who knows what is really lurking in there), but didn't feel any lumps during self exams (I was vigilant, as was my DH :) ).  I too had lost my father the September before, in 2007, suddenly, and was dealing still with the grief.  I guess the biggest thing was I was putting on weight and not feeling happy about myself, and was traveling a LOT last year - I was gone approximately 2 weeks out of every month - different states, different countries, it was a big year for travel for me.  I do remember not having a lot of energy at times, but don't know if it was travel related or just being "off".  I do also remember my last big trip, Italy, in October of last year, I wasn't quite myself and didn't really enjoy the country as much as I should have - there for 10 days for work and I should have been revelling in it, but I didn't feel "right" - I was way more cranky than I usually am (I'm a pretty "up" person most of the time), and didn't eat much.  Maybe that was a clue, who knows?  thanksgiving and christmas also I didn't feel "right", even though I was surrounded by friends and family both times and we did have a great time.  In January, when I found the lump, I definitely wasn't feeling like myself - and then, bam, my world changed.

    Helen, I was so sick during chemo too - just not the right kind of treatment for me.  I feel so bad that I can't do anything to help you - it hurts to read that you are not dealing with this well.  Have you thought about talking to a breast cancer counselor - do you have anything like that in Canada at the centre where you get treatment?  Or maybe a grief counselor?  I think they could help you with the adjustment of the bm and the entire repeat round of cancer.  We are here for you, sweetie.  ((((((Big Hugs))))) to you!!!

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited October 2009

    Thanks, Chelev. I have been seeing the counsellor at the breast centre and she is amazing. I really love her and get a lot of support from her. However, I have a deep, deep sadness - not only from this second dx but also the change it has brought in terms of relationships, career, how I feel about myself. I went to a BRCA support group. I'm participating in a study at the hospital. I have friends, especially a couple of close friends who try......but at the end of the day I'm alone with my thoughts and my body and that's when I have trouble......I still grieve over my losses.  So I come to these boards and I find a lot of friendship and comfort. Right now cancer is in control of my life instead of me.

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  • rkclund
    rkclund Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2009

    Okay, I started my chemo on April 22nd but am somehow just now reaching out to any kind of group - the single mom, I'm a survivor thing I suppose. But now, after two days of radiation my right arm is waking up on fire with the tingling and inability to move! Very coincidental neuropathy or radiation induced brachial plexopathy?  Either one is scaring the total depression out of me.  So now...I'm not such a strong survivior on my own and need to see what is happening with others going through a similar phase.

    I hope I can make it onto the list at the top here:) ...and not just because my arm hurts like crazy! 

    Robin

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  • BetsyBuzz
    BetsyBuzz Member Posts: 592
    edited October 2009

    Robin - I have the "on fire" burning feeling in my armpit and my inner arm from rads but no tingling. My entire axilla area is black and peeling -target area for the positive nodes. My flexibility has diminished on my right side (side of the lumpectomy & node biopsy) but I'm done with my 33 rads (including seven boosts). If you haven't spoken to your rads onc yet...I'd call them - they may even have someone on call this weekend. No point in suffering if you don't have too.

    I have experienced continued occasional neuropathy in...I know this sounds strange... but my left leg and foot. I think it's left over from Taxol. When it occurs I start my glutamine drinks again and it seems to take care of it. Good luck.

    Helen - Before I experienced a very deep depression, I always thought depression was something that you could just "will" yourself out of..sort of like mind over matter. I know for sure, it's NOT so. I'm glad you are going to a counselor and based off of my experience don't be afraid to get on anti-depression meds. They do work. For me group counseling worked better than individual (I hated talking about myself- although you'd never know it by my writing on this thread), so I'm glad you joined the brca group. You have been through a lot and it takes time for our minds to catch up to all the abuse our poor bodies have gone through. You have a right to mourn the loss of part of your body. Plus...it's just hard to get our minds around what has happened and the unknown of the future. It's damn scary. Sending you a cyber hug!

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  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 3,225
    edited October 2009
    Thanks, Betsy .... I think it's going to take years to recover and a lot of strength and I guess I need to consider meds ..... Helen
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  • rkclund
    rkclund Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2009

    Thanks, Betsy.  I thought that the radiation oncologist said that they wouldn't be near the axilla area.  I called and left a message but there is no one there until Monday. Radiation isn't until 3:15 so I will have time to talk to someone beforehand I hope.  I propped pillows all around me last night making sure that I didn't lay on my right side, thinking that might have made it worse. True, when I woke up this morning it wasn't AS bad, so now I don't know if it will flare again after my next treatment. (I had a terrible "on fire" experience with my surgery drain laying on a bed of nerves and I nervously feel like they are just blasting the same set of nerves.)

    So now I'm left with the dull aching in the arm (which is a releif of sorts) and the electric surging in my muscles from the Taxol...which, relatively speaking, I am happy about :) but to the bone depressed from such ongoing pain while trying to keep life moving forward. (Today is my daughter's 12th birthday!)

    Now that I am not working, I will be looking for a group to join...besides you wonderful online group of women. I spent yesterday reading through your last few months of experiences. My heart went out to everyone.

    Robin 

      

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