Starting Chemo May 2008

Happy Monday!

It rolled around quickly this week.  My appointment Friday was fine.  I just wish when you see a new doctor that he would at least introduce himself and ask who we are.  I know he knows who I am because he has my file in front of him, but didn't want to know who my dh was.  I feel more sorry for the staff at the cancer center because this is their 2nd new doc in under a year and they are having to adjust again.  This doc said I should still be on the every 3 month appointments, not 4 months.  I'm already scheduled for a mammogram and visit with the radiation onc in November and then it would be December so I get to do everything in November and get back on track for every 3 months.  Maybe that's why the one guy is gone.  Everything is fine and he quizzed me to see if I knew how to do my self exam.  That was a little humbling.  This guy is only temporary so I may be seeing someone different by the time November gets here.  We talked about whether I needed to do the BRCA testing and he didn't think there is enough direct links in my family history for now.  I still have mixed emotions since I have 2 girls.

Cris - the oboe arrives next week so we will see.  I love clarinecks.  That's good.  I think Riley just didn't want to be the average flute and clarinet player which is where most of the girls end up, but that is just her.

Gracie - I've kind of gone away from Farmtown and now I play gem swap - still addicting.  I tell my husband I've been "busy" all day which doesn't necessarily mean "productive".  There is a difference.

I'm sorry everyone is experiencing se's from the different meds.  I know it would be so nice not to be reminded of this every day by the current things.

Jen - glad you are feeling better and the headaches are ONLY from seasonal allergies.  Those can be nasty.  We are all sneezy here.  My dh went to work this morning and came home a few hours later.  I may have to spray him down with Lysol or something.  He has stomach issues and a headache.  He might have picked up something at the hospital on Friday.  He got a drink for me from a vending machine in the ER waiting area.  Now that sound like a breeding ground for who knows what.

Hope everyone has a great week.

Hugs to all - Julie

Ya know it's not everywhere you can post a pic of your new nip and all your friends are excited to see it. ;O) I was gonna ask if you would post a pic but didn't want to offend. So, will it always look like you are cold on one side, or will it flatten out? I'm still debating on the whole recon thing. I think I am most worried about losing any sensation on my "good" side, ya know? I have enough numb spots as it is.

Sue, thank you sister. Jen..hahahahahhah! You crack me up. I am grateful 100 times a day for my two small, 'normal' fake boobs. Numbness? Yes, it's an issue. But I am 51 (next Sunday) and I am realistic in my position on....'relations'. In my life, it is much sexier to have two, matching numb breasts inside a black (I believe you gals call them..'beaters') (we call then Bondsies) singlet than one large, lonely-without-its-pair fully sensate breast and one 'pleasing', crooked scar with a constantly juggled and adjusted giant removable boob. I don't know...I wish all this shit had never started. Do y'all feel like that somedays?? Hahahhhhahhahahhah! Yeah...I guess you do. Jen, that nipple shot has made my day. How long did that procedure take? Where would she take the skin from if I didn't have the tummy-scar tissue? You know what? We have to meet..and I love all of you. XX

... just skipping by, to say "hi" to everybody and take a peek at Sue's nip. Wow!  Pretty dang good imitation for the real thing!

Kerry, I'm glad spring is finally headed your way. We, on the other hand, are sliding into fall and winter.  (Funny how that happens...)  I don't mind winter here.  It is so short and mild, and then it's gone and things green up again.  I had to chuckle when I read a post on FB about "winterizing" a swimming pool because summer was over. People were talking about leaves falling and freezing termperatures.  We still have summer here, although the days are getting cooler (is 75 degrees "cool"?).  The leaves won't start to turn for another month, and the last ones will hang on well past November. 

It is still raining here.  Webbie (you all know Webbie, right?) and I are sitting under a low pressure area that won't leave. It is kind of nice, though, because all the rain is helping to replace the water we've been missing these past few years.  We had nearly 5-1/2 inches in 18 hours, though; and the creek rose and washed out the nice footbridge dh had built.   (No pics available--can't get down there yet because of the flooding.)

I really am happy for those of you undergoing "restoration".  That word sounds so much better than "reconstruction", doesn't it? (Why haven't the PS's thought of that?)  Is there anyone else here besides me, who still has a "sensate-but-lonely" boob next to a mast scar?  I'm not whining.  I chose what I chose, and I would do it again.  Believe me, I've thought about it a lot--especially lately, with all the talk about restoration.  I have had some gloomy days that I cannot explain--feeling sad for no reason; breaking down in tears at the least provocation. I really don't think recon would help with that... but I don't know.  I am looking down on my T shirt right now, wondering maybe, if it wasn't flat on one side... 

I think it's more complicated, though. I've had the GI crud (norovirus?) for the past few days, so I haven't been very active.  And I have way too many follow-up appts. (mammogram, BS, med onco, PCP) jammed into the next few weeks.  Can I just skip those, please?  Or will y'all go there with me?  That would be more fun!

Oh, and in a few weeks, dh and I are visiting my folks. I need to pack up and move all the "stuff" I've left there.  My mom has complained twice in the past 5 months about adult children who won't let their parents throw anything out, but never manage to find the time to move the stuff to their own homes. She said she doesn't have any storage space--she needs the closets and shelves.  So, dh and I are renting a U-Haul and moving all the "stuff" that clearly belongs to me. Now, my mom is upset--she denies that she said anything about adult kids not being willing to come and get their "stuff".  (She said she was quoting another relative and did not agree with that person. News to me.)

Anyway, anybody want some "stuff"?

Hugs...

otter 

Sue - you are so brave . . . after seeing the stitches I do not think I can do it.  I may have to stay a one nipple kinda gal.  yaaaaoooowwww, that looks like it hurt. 

Otter - My folks seemed to have a love / hate relationship with the extra "stuff".  Tell me to come get it, then talk me into leaving it once I'm there . . . hmmmmm

Linda & Chris - yep, I get the cramps in the calf and quads at night, in the feet during the day.  I just started yoga last Monday (which was FANTASTIC) and certain stretches would make my toes cramp & curl in pain.  Funny thing is that I read that soda water / tonic water took care of the cramps.  The onc agreed that it did, something in those that start with an "A".  She indicated that was not a good way to correct, but rather get additional potassium, calcium & magnesium 

Love you all!

Jean

{{{{{{Adrienne}}}}}}  We care.  I care.

You should care about whether or not you are comfortable.  To me, that's most important.  As I get older, I care less and less about what other people think.  (I say that now, but of course it's not always true to the extent that I believe it.)  I don't like my $$$ foob, either.  It looks fake...because it is fake.  I feel like I'm in costume.  Oh, and don't get me started on the mast bras they sold me at the special mastectomy/breast cancer supply store.  I've never worn either one of them.  Not once.  One of them I can't wear because the metal thing on the strap (is that a buckle?) digs into my shoulder.  The other one I can't wear because it is too tight--the band leaves marks in my chest on my LE side.  I think I'm gonna give 'em away to the ACS people.

I'd much rather wear my "puffy", which is actually the triangular nylon & cotton cover for a size 3 breast form that I've stuffed with fiberfil.  I can put in or take out the stuffing to suit my mood or my clothing or whatever bra I'm wearing.  Lately, I've been using a Solaris "swell spot" under my bra to decrease the chest wall swelling on my at-risk side.  But I've had to take out some of the fiberfill stuffing to make that side come out even, because of the thickness of the swell spot.  I couldn't do that if I was wearing a silicone foob.

I hate it, too.  I hate that any of this happened.  Kerry has said it best I think, in earlier posts (can't go back or I'll lose this one).  This whole situation sux, big time.  None of us wants to be here. I heard something in a NetFlix movie we were watching tonight that helped, though.  Normally, I shy away from this stuff, but I liked this one:  "We're stronger at the broken places."

Hugs to you all.  Hugs to Sue's new nips (don't take that the wrong way), and hugs to Kristy (I hope your week went okay with the new bosses), and to Jen who's lopsided like me, and to Adrienne who wishes she wasn't, and to Jean and anyone else getting muscle cramps (what's that all about?  Was it "quinine" in the tonic water?), and it's late so I'm not going to list everybody but you know who you are and I love you all.

otter 

Morning Ladies,

I too am part of the lonely boob club, and find myself many days whipping the bra off as soon as I get in the door as it is not the most comfrotable especially in the heat !  I think I will be looking unto a more comfortable model soon.  Being not very well endowed in the boob dept. has it's perks as it's not too noticable in the right shirts when i go braless

I do not plan on reconsctruction to much of a chicken.......and would be difficult to do so now with the intense radiation I had. I applaud you girls who have the guts and gumption to do it.  Sue bravo for you....,thats the first recon nip i've seen but it's looks great ! (ouch but great!)   

2 more sleeps till we fly to Vancouver to board the ship. Can't wait, it's been a crazy couple weeks with getting mom settled.  She seems to be doing OK .  When I go visit and it's time to leave she thinks she is coming with me or makes me tell her exactly when I'm coming back. So I've become very good at wording things that don't give a definate answer....later, soon , in awhile

I must admit I'm a bit of an evening TV junkie, it's my time to turn the brain off and relax. I love that all the new shows are starting up...survivor tonight and will have to get someone to tape Greys Anatomy next week while we are gone !  ( I know I should find more constuctive things to do with my time !)

Have a great day ladies 

This is a very rich and wonderful discussion. I treasure your opinions. First off, I have been lazy. Am only sending the new check to the Cipperly Family today. Second, I am part of the one boob club for now and I will be looking back at all of this in the future when I decide whether or not to pull off boob two (and I think I will) but not yet. Meanwhile, and I know Adrienne that this did NOT work for you, I am  a relatively big girl (though down ten pounds -- woo hoo) but a D. The Nordstrom thing totally worked for me. I felt very, very whole. I encourage people to try Nordstrom if they have one near by. Having said that, we are all different, but the foob is working for me. I wear lots of lightweight clothing and the bras are very pretty and I feel very good with my foob. Meanwhile, I am thinking about what it'll be like to have a second mast and the numb question as I really like "feeling" a hug. I am confused. We all are to some extent but I am pleased we are discussing this instead of nausea and getting shoes to help with nerves in our feet and ports and so on. We are progressing. This is our next stage and while we miss Randie terribly, we must celebrate that we are at this stage at all. How many women with breast cancer ever got to this spot a generation before us? We are pioneers. I am in awe of each of you.

It took me to get a fancy smanchy foob to get one comfy. This one has ridges in the back of it that help with swelling. It works be-u-ti-fully. It did take me quite awhile to get used to the whole foob thing. I got used to the stuffy and this one was weighty. And I am willing to bet I have all of ya'll beat in the foob size. I'm packing hefty "d"s here. I also found out that if you get a normal bra and sew in your own pocket it is much more comfy. Oddly enough it holds the foob in place better. I looked up online how to make your own and bought some material and did it. It took me about an hour or so to sew it in. Mainly cause I don't sew.

Somedays I want another boob..... most days I don't.  Oh well.

And I can SO see randisms all over this convo! lol. :O)

Bon Voyage to Angels...

To everyone else, it is the eve of the Jewish new year tonight so I wish all of you a healthy and happy year full of laughter, love, adventure and satisfaction. Sent the second Cipperly check this morning.

Kerry . . . awwwwww.

By the way, I didn't mention it before, but your story about your 10 kg (!!!) foob going SPLAT on the floor of your dr's office made me laugh out loud.

Here's my "cancer is a mindfuck" anecdote of the day.  I burned my forearm in the kitchen last night - a pretty bad burn, not go-to-the-ER bad, but bad nonetheless.  And my first thought?  It wasn't, "damn, this hurts."  It was, "whew, I'm so glad this isn't my surgery side arm."

Linda

HAHAHAH I do the arm thing too! If it is the bad arm I run for th neosporin and clean it up and watch the spot for a day or two and do extra massages. The other arm..... It's more like. "eh I'll clean it off eventually"

Went out this morning and cleaned out some of my flowerbeds for winter already...... yes already. My flowers were getting straggly and bad looking. Pulled most of them up and I think I will grab a few of those BIG mums that are out right now and set around in the empty spots.

Weather is gorgeous! The perfect blue skies of fall and the cool breezes. Thank you Lord for this day!

Happy Sunday Morning Ladies!

I'm like Adrienne--I am here everyday reading, but don't have much to post--I have a very simple life.  Work, WalMart and football games is pretty much it, except for the occasional doctor appt.

Reading about the "one boob" situations has been interesting.  I had bilateral, so I don't have to worry about being lopsided, but I do get bombarded, by friends, co-workers and even my onc. nurses, with questions about doing reconstruction.  I couldn't tell you how many times I have heard--"You may change your mind someday",  Sorry folks, not going to....I am perfectly content with me just as I am.  At work, they are used to it-one day I may have my foobs, one day I won't.  Before surgery, I was a D, but my foobs are a large C, not as heavy.  Mast. bra isn't too uncomfortable, but then, I could never find a comfortable bra before bc.  The thought of going through more surgery sends shivers down my spine, especially after the blood clot scare in April when I almost left this world.  

Hope that everyone is having a wonderful Sunday!  Love you all.