My best friend...

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idarider
idarider Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

...called me tonight and said she has a large invasive tumor. They are doing surgery on the 3rd of Sept. Removal of the tumor, and a lymph node. She has requested a double masectomy. I just want to be the best friend I can be to her during all this and I don't even know where to start. I told her to call me if she needed anything...even if it was just me to come over when she couldn't sleep...bring a bottle of wine, or take her horseback riding, which is how we became friends. She is post-menopausal...around 60 years old. Help me be the friend I need to be....

Thank you!

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited August 2009

    Idarider - be there for her - call her on a regular basis - offer to take her to appointments to take notes for her because she will be so overwhelmed with information that is provided to her and also her emotions will be all over the place.  So get a binder and take her to her appointments and make notes of everything the doctor says. 

    Come back here with the pathology report information so we can help you interpret it for her.  If she gets on the computer, tell her what a wonderful group of ladies that are here that can support her and answer questions.

    If there is a face to face support group (usually done by the American Cancer Society) for breast cancer patients, encourage her to go and go with her to give her support.  She will get more information from this board and a face to face group than she will her doctors as far as dealing with side effects, what to expect, etc.  The ladies here know all of the tricks to get through side effects of BC.

    I don't know if she will feel like riding for at least 2 weeks or more after surgery especially if she is having a masectomy.  She will need to be very careful so as to not get lymphedema which is a side effect that can happen if you remove a single lymph node.  She won't be able to tack her own horse and unless it is a 14 hand horse or you have a great mounting block, it will be hard for her to even get on a horse for quite sometime.  I just now started riding again on a regular basis but I can only last 15 minutes due to the fatigue I have.  While I was doing chemo I had a really bad case of chemo fog that it was too dangerous for me to be around horses.

    If you want you can PM me.

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  • lisa-e
    lisa-e Member Posts: 819
    edited August 2009

    idarider, don't wait for her to call you. When I was diagnosed, one of my best friends lived in another state, but still called me regularly to check in and talk. That meant a lot to me. Another friend, who lives nearby came over to my house once a week so we could quilt. She offered me some distraction while I was waiting. After my surgery (mastectomy) she hung out with me, brought me food, took me to doctors appointments when I couldn't drive and told me my scars looked good.

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  • idarider
    idarider Member Posts: 2
    edited August 2009

    Thank both of you so much for your responses. Jancie, I will PM you.

    It helps so much to know what people did for you, Lisa-e, that was good...and what they did that you didn't appreciate!! Thank you both again so much....

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  • lisa-e
    lisa-e Member Posts: 819
    edited August 2009

    Idarider, believe me - I appreciated both of my friends. Another friend, who also has bc, acted as a bc mentor. Having breast cancer would have been much harder without my friends.



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