Too attached to your therapist?

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Anyone out there who has worked with their therapist for longer than a year and is concerned about being too attached to their therapist? I saw the same therapist for 16 yrs and left her when I moved. I have had a heck of a time trying to accept that I moved to a different city and no longer see her.

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  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited August 2009

    I was in this situation.  Was with my first therapist for >2 decades.  She retired and I didn't know if I could cope. At our last session, she said it had been a failure, and I didn't know what she meant. (I wasn't sure if she was saying I had been a failure - I was crying throughout so I couldn't hear well.)

    I missed her terribly.  I was only able to write her at Christmas every year.  She would write back and encourage me to be strong.

    After my excision, 6 years later, I knew I was having symptoms of something. I checked with the Institute with which my first therapist was associated.  They had a referral program.  I got a new therapist (#2). 

     IF you think you would benefit from therapy, I suggest you may want to consider searching until you find the right person.  It may take several tries.  They will probably do things differently, and have a different perspective.  Everyone has different needs.  

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited August 2009

    HI guys.  I am a therapist.  Getting attached is such a normal part of the process.  A good therapist will work with the info and help you understand your reactions.  Your feelings are very common and so normal!  If a therapist doesn't seem to meet your needs, keep trying until you find one who does. God bless us all

  • cleomoon
    cleomoon Member Posts: 443
    edited August 2009

    Thank you leaf for sharing your experience. I think that was just awful that your 1st therapist said that in your last session. Sounds like she did not help you in any way with closure. I moved two 1/2 years ago and started seeing a new therapist after 6 mo. I am so grateful I found someone I am comfortable with and she has a cognitive behavioral approach, whereas my other therapist was more of a family systems/psychodynamic therapist. We did early childhood work together--inner child/memory work.

    I challenged myself to have no contact with the first therapist for a year this year. I indeed survived without her--seriously thought I wasn't going to be able to make it through that first year here. Now I have gone through all of the BC stuff without her assistance, and that makes me feel good. I recently reconnected, and am planning a visit back to where I lived previously. I am glad I can process more of what leaving her means, but it sucks to still have such strong feelings/thoughts to work through. I still miss her, but I know this will lessen in time when I "get a life."

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited August 2009

    Cleomoon and all,

    I just reread my previous post on this thread and realize how clinical it might sound.  Didn't mean it to.  I was in therapy about five years ago and not only got attached to my therapist, but fell in LOVE with her.  The feelings were so intense.  I called her all the time.  I processed my feelings with her.  I wrote her a long letter when she left and read it to her.  At the last session she told me she was a NUN and was going to Africa to work as a missionary.  I grieved for her for about a year!  In retrospect, I realize it was all my sh** and longing for love, etc and I got over it.  It was a very humbling experience, and now I wonder what the h*** I was thinking.  Oh well, it's all part of growing. . .

    Ellen

  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited August 2009

    Oh Ellen, my heart reaches out to you. How can it be bad to love a person?  Even if love is sometimes misplaced, unrequited, inappropriate, or whatever in some situations, how can it be bad to care? In many situations, you want to honor how another person feels, but that doesn't change what you feel.

    Granted, sometimes people say they love another, and its not really love.  But if we have issues with that, then hopefully we work on that in therapy, or in whatever way is best for us.

    In a therapy situation, hopefully the therapist can deal with their side of things.

      Parting is hard, whenever people care. 

  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited August 2009

    Thank you Leaf, I was very touched by your post, it felt like heart to heart touching each other

  • pabbie
    pabbie Member Posts: 370
    edited August 2009

    Hi-I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for over a year now. We do one-hour sessions of talk therapy and med management. I talk about whatever is important to me. I was doing Cognitive Behavioral therapy for about 6 months but since my BC dx & tamoxifen use (I'm alot more emotional these days); my psych advises talk therapy.

    Some times I find that I have nothing to say and many days I cry through the entire session. In regards to getting close to her, I wish she would have been around during the holidays. (she went on pregnancy leave for 4 months) I kinda hit bottom when she was gone and broke down crying in my primary care physicians office. 

    Yes, I do need her to talk to because sometimes I feel like I only have her to talk to and these boards. (people who understand what I'm going through)

    Thanks for listening.

  • lynnea
    lynnea Member Posts: 226
    edited August 2009

    Hi-Cleo and other ladies, I haven't posted much lately, but I thought I'd share on this topic. Cleo I saw my shrink for 10 years and I loved him very much. I was not "in love" with him, he was more like a good father to me. Ten years is a long time to know someone and you would not be human if you didn't form some type of attachment to that person. In your case it was 16 years!! That's a long time-think of how much you shared with that person. I don't think it's crazy or abnormal to miss someone who has been in your life for that long. In my case my therapist moved to another state, and even though I wasn't seeing him at the time, I was devestated at the thought of never seeing him again. Even now, almost 20 years later there are times I miss him and wish I could just have a chat. You NEVER forget people who were important in your life.  <<HUGS>> Lynne

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