Starting Chemo in June 2005

Hi Fi,
A hug free zone.
Oh dear......how did she get that job?
Who can supply the hugs for you?
The first month my family was treating me in an odd way. They were lovig but my daughter couldn't even make eye contact with me.
I told my husband " I need hugs." and he would shrug his shoulders.
Now I walk up to him stand real close and say "I need a hug." and then I proceed to hug him. He does hug back.
Would this work with the canceer nurse?
You kind of have to sneak up on non demonstrative people and initiate.
Needless to say this may not work given the nature of the relationship.
We need a booth like Lucy has in the comic strip Peanuts.
A sign on it says Advice 5 cents.
We need a both for cancer hugs 25 cents per each.

A friend is on her way over with the clippers to get rid of my hair. I feel the tears coming.
I keep saying "It's just hair".
Gee Liz....I could use some Xanax about now.
oh well ...I'll let you know if I recover my good nature or slink off to bed to feel sorry for myself.
Emotional ups and downs indeed.
I know, I know compared to all the other stuff this should be no big deal.
Why is it sometimes the little stuff can seem more overwhelming than the big stuff?

The deed is done. I only lost it once when I felt my head for the first time.
I think I look awful but I know I will get used to it. I have a kerchief on now. Somehow wearing it softens the blow.
At least I can stop wondering when I will have to face the loss of hair.
I did think this week " Gee, What if one of the side effects was you lost your nose?"
I thought that is a whacky thought and then again I would really hate to not have a nose for six months.
That made not having hair seem not so bad.

I'll try Liz. Thanks.....
Please let us know what you find out tomorrow. I know it will be O.K.
By this time tomorrow night you will know that for sure.
Hang in there.
And yes, I wondered how Dana is doing.
My next chemo is Weds. So I figure I have two days of feeling good left until then.
I will treasure the hours.

Dana, I do love the booth idea, that got me laughing well and truly.

Another saying for the collect if you are still collecting:

" I can't adjust the wind, but I can adjust my sails" "

don't know the author though sorry.


Fi

Liz,
It looks like you and I are on the same time schedule. I had a lumpecomy about three weeks ago. I get an electrocardiogram monday, bone scan tuesday and then port on wednesday. Chemo fun starts on the 23rd.
I thought I was okay with everything but now I have these horrible pains in my legs. From the knees down. I called the onc and that's why bone scan scheduled. This scares the beejeezies out of me.
When first diagonosed, surgeon told me most likely stage 1. 2cm tumor adn nodes looked good on ultrasound. Then after surgery, I had one bad node out of 14. This gave me a bump to stage 2. Last week this intermittent pain in my legs is makeing me crazy. I don't want any more advances!!
It's almost like I know, but don't want to know. Anyhow, didn't mean to freak out here!
When does your chemo start?
I"ll be thinking about you.

Watson

Watson, I can certainly relate. Since my mammo/us last September was normal...figured this was caught early. I still don't know if it was caught early or not...but I have a very agressive cancer. I thought I was stage 2, but node involvement put me at stage 3...so I certainly don't want to move into stage 4. With all the many treatment advances they have been making, are making and will be making I don't think that the staging is as indicative of prognosis as it used to be. I keep debating whether to call for the results of the scan or wait until they call me or I see the doctor on the 21st. If the results are not good...I may be better off waiting! My onc said that we will start chemo on the 21st as long as we could get the tests done and the port inserted...so it looks as if I will be good to go on the 21st. I am partially anxious to get started and partially dreading the whole business. I am trying very hard just to take this day by day and not worry about what will be. I figure I might as well make the most of the days that I feel well and deal with the others as they come. It is a big help being able to hear from others going through this at the same time.

Liz

Brenda,
I hope it all goes well today. The first one was scary but in hind sight I made a lot of the drama up in my own head. The actual procedure was not bad at all.
I'm glad you got to attend the art show this weekend.
I worked on pictures of white peonies off and on all weekend.
Although I lost my hair , I did manage to do my best picture ever of a peony in full bloom.
This made me feel tons better. I hope I can bounce back after this Weds. chemo and paint again within a week.
We decided to celebrate my daughters graduation on Tues. night. That way I can participate better than I would be able to after treatment on Weds.
so today is my last day to pull the gift basket together.
It looks pretty good now. I decided to include a gift certificate so that she will have some money to buy things for her dorm room this Fall.
Watson....I don't know why but after surgery I also had leg aches and pains. I think it was lack of excercise and being in bed for long periods of time. Also not being able to sleep in any kind of normal position.
I was just an achy girl for a few weeks if I remember right.
Nancy...will you be doing dose dense or did Oncologist number two decide against it? I can't remember.
Dana....I know sleeping through the night is super important but if you need to rest your head for a few moments maybe it is O.K. I was falling asleep off and on the first four days after chemo . then the fatigue lifted and I started walking, eating, sleeping like normal again or pretty close to normal.
One of my favorite quotes is from Vince Lombardi . He said "Fatigue makes cowards of us all". I find that to be so true. I try to get as much rest as I can because then I cope with everything so much better.
Talk to you later.

Brenda...good luck...hope it goes smoothly! Let us know how you are as soon as you are up to posting.

I guess no news is good news. Called the onc's office and they said test results are usually given at the next appointment unless there is a problem. Hoping NOT to hear from them. Had MUGA this afternoon...not too bad, but a little hard holding arms over my head at first.

A few weeks ago I fell and hurt both my hands breaking the fall. We were leaving that Saturday for a cruise that was planned before BC. Since the Xrays showed no fracture, they wanted to do an MRI...but I put it off until I came back. Doctor called today and said there are some fractures...so now it's off to the orthopedist tomorrow. When it rains, it pours...but this is getting to be a tropical depression. So, now orthopedist tomorrow, port placement Wednesday, echo cardiogram Friday. I do need to see a dermatologist too about the little skin cancer under my eye...but that is just going to have to wait.

To top it off, one of the girls (who only works part time) in my office made a comment that I must feel like I'm retired getting so much time off I replied that I am not really having any fun and that running around to doctors all the time gets to be quite exhausting. I know she did not really mean anything by it...but boy it pi**ed me off!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I plan on starting all over tomorrow with a smile

Liz

Brenda...so glad to hear you made it through! Good news about the negative scans too. You really brightened my day! Thanks for making up the roster. I was thinking of doing something like that to keep track of us all, but was too lazy!

JoMac...glad to hear the basket is coming together and you will get to celebrate the graduation tomorrow. Hope it goes great.

Hugs to all the Junies,
Liz

Tomorrow is my second chemo day. Could that be why I was in such a defeatist mood yesterday?
Today I feel some of my fighting spirit coming back.
I'm glad your second chemo went so well Brenda. I did my little bit of gardening today because I felt the effects pretty much right away the first time. I am the same way if I drink a glass of wine.
Today we will have our little graduation party. The basket looks beautiful. My husband is out getting some flowers for our daughter now.
Yesterday I napped and when I woke up he had put a single peony in a vase so I would see it when I woke up.
It was a white one . The kind with the greatest smell.
that was a nice suprise because I didn't think we had any blooming yet.
So I will probably be off line for a few days.
hang in there Junies.
]

Welcome to the June Ladies, Michelle. Do you have a date for first treatment yet, and do you know your treatment protocol? I haven't really taken count, but I am doing dose dense 4AC then 4 Taxol. I think that's pretty much the norm. I had AC #1 yesterday, and still feel just fine. I keep waiting for the sickness to hit, but it probably won't until tomorrow, just because DH is going out of town for three days! I just feel such a sense of calm now that treatment has actually started, like I haven't felt in the past six weeks - I am actually finding I'm thinking of other things, and not cancer every second.
Brenda

HI Michelle and welcome.
Brenda I think if you are still feeling O.K. you are going to weather this cycle just fine.
Nancy I hesitated to mention it before because I know nobody comes into mid-life with a clean slate but...I had a prior disabling condition and I was so worried that I would do badly because of it. I mentioned it to the doctors and they didn't seem to take much notice.
To make a long story short the chemo nurse and my cancer coach told me often if you have an underlying chronic condition it will sort of go to sleep so to speak during chemo.
I thought they were just trying to keep my spirits up but I have not felt a worsening of symptoms.
If anything I am doing much better than anyone excpected.
Maybe this will happen with your spleen too.
We had our celebration when my daughter came home.
You ladies were right she loved it. She said thank you over and over. I know we hit the right "note" and she will remember we were all together to celebrate her special event.
Now if I can magage to get there on Fri. I will go to the graduation . That would suprise the heck out of her and me!