Starting Chemo in June 2005

Fi_in_oz

Thanks for the kind thoughts Liz,

JoMac, yes we do have a breast cancer nurse here, and she's wonderful, however she's a hug free zone.

I guess if I look at the positives, if I'm finally missing having a partner after 5 years of being adamantly single, then perhaps I'm finally ready to move into a new phase re relationships.

Perhaps I should start a positives and negatives chart and see which one is the longest at the end of this road ...

Fi

JoMac

Hi Fi,
A hug free zone.
Oh dear......how did she get that job?
Who can supply the hugs for you?
The first month my family was treating me in an odd way. They were lovig but my daughter couldn't even make eye contact with me.
I told my husband " I need hugs." and he would shrug his shoulders.
Now I walk up to him stand real close and say "I need a hug." and then I proceed to hug him. He does hug back.
Would this work with the canceer nurse?
You kind of have to sneak up on non demonstrative people and initiate.
Needless to say this may not work given the nature of the relationship.
We need a booth like Lucy has in the comic strip Peanuts.
A sign on it says Advice 5 cents.
We need a both for cancer hugs 25 cents per each.

LizFL

JoMac...wonderful advice about initiating hugs. They really do help! My husband seemed a bit distanced and distracted at first, but he has always been a hugger and I think he was afraid to hug me. Now he is back to his huggable nature.

Fi, going to add to my prayers that you find huggable people in your life...like right away! When I had my second mammo/us on my other breast after diagnosis..I got tons of hugs from the techs. I also get hugs from my coworkers. Kind words help a lot too...I get so emotional sometimes and just some gentleness and kindness (not pity) from others goes a long way.

I am feeling much more positive today. I think this up/down cycle is normal with BC. It can be so hard not to worry, but the worry really doesn't accomplish anything except to make us feel bad. But it's ok to let go and have a good cry from time to time

I hope Dana is feeling well enough to post soon...we miss you Dana!

Liz

JoMac

A friend is on her way over with the clippers to get rid of my hair. I feel the tears coming.
I keep saying "It's just hair".
Gee Liz....I could use some Xanax about now.
oh well ...I'll let you know if I recover my good nature or slink off to bed to feel sorry for myself.
Emotional ups and downs indeed.
I know, I know compared to all the other stuff this should be no big deal.
Why is it sometimes the little stuff can seem more overwhelming than the big stuff?

LizFL

JoMac...losing your hair is not little stuff emotionally. Sure it's not anything negative for your physical health, but it's not fun! I am sure I will be sobbing on the day I get my buzz cut and I don't have great hair to begin with! Just try to think of it as another step to the progress of getting through this. Do something nice for yourself to feel better. I was talking to one of the girls at work about when I have to start wearing a wig...and told her not to make fun of me when I do...she replied "of course I will make fun of you" and that just cracked me up. The hair loss is just temporary and you will get used to it. Please feel free to repost this for me when it's my turn

Hugs,
Liz

JoMac

The deed is done. I only lost it once when I felt my head for the first time.
I think I look awful but I know I will get used to it. I have a kerchief on now. Somehow wearing it softens the blow.
At least I can stop wondering when I will have to face the loss of hair.
I did think this week " Gee, What if one of the side effects was you lost your nose?"
I thought that is a whacky thought and then again I would really hate to not have a nose for six months.
That made not having hair seem not so bad.

LizFL

JoMac...yes I think it's better we lose our hair than our noses! I doubt that you look awful...hairless, but not awful...you look like you have a pretty smile in your picture...just keep showing that off!

Liz

JoMac

I'll try Liz. Thanks.....
Please let us know what you find out tomorrow. I know it will be O.K.
By this time tomorrow night you will know that for sure.
Hang in there.
And yes, I wondered how Dana is doing.
My next chemo is Weds. So I figure I have two days of feeling good left until then.
I will treasure the hours.

kimBe

Hi! I just kind of got through the weekend. I felt fine until I went to the Dr on Friday regarding my labs and subsequent prescription....and have just either been kind of floating along or my mind has been racing all weekend. I have a followup with my surgeon on Tuesday and chemo on Thursday, hubby is gone to a school til Friday...and I am not dreading the week, but guess I usually look forward to a week and am not. Tomorrow will be better. I love summer and we really need moisture but it has rained every day since the first and now the wind is howling, but it is supposed to get up to 70 this week....I am still not sure about my hair (which should happen this week) and admire you JoMac for acting ahead of time. Take care and talk to you tomorrow.
KimB

danahollis

Hi Ladies! You all are just the sweetest! This experience would be so much worse without your sisterhood.

I was just catching up on the hair/nose deal! Oh yeah...no nose would be way worse! MUCH tougher to disguise without those funny glasses! LOL!!!

My sister in law came over and cut and colored my hair yesterday. It looked so cute when she styled it... but alas... I am not so adept with my longish pixie do! I like it though... at least well enough for the next 10 or so days! LOL!

Oh yeah... I'm STILL feeling fine. Ok.. maybe a little light hangoverish sometimes... but it's not so bad. (I must admit I have had a few hangovers that were so much more terrifying than this!) I really hope the whole ordeal goes this smoothly. My only issue has been to try to not nap the day away. I would feel a bit tired and sluggish and just want to sleep it off... and then I'd be awake HALF the darn night. That was getting really old! My goal... stay up during the day!

Sorry in advance if too much info! Oh...the constipation. Well... it did take me a few Senna tabs to get that ironed out. For my next treatment, I plan on starting those tabs at least 2 days before. Those gas pains are no fun!

Big hugs!

danahollis

Ladies... just one more thing... you all are so much more amazing than any amount of beautiful hair you could possibly have on your head! The loss is an important transition that will aid in our healing! Just remember that you are not alone and are constantly in my thoughts as we travel this road together!

Ok... gotta go find some snacks... I have a snack tooth!

Fi_in_oz

Dana, I do love the booth idea, that got me laughing well and truly.

Another saying for the collect if you are still collecting:

" I can't adjust the wind, but I can adjust my sails" "

don't know the author though sorry.


Fi

LizFL

Dana & Kim...glad to hear you are both hanging in there...I'm still feeling tired sometimes from the mastectomy...guess I'll be barely awake after chemo!

JoMac...don't know if they will have the results of the PET scan tomorrow, but I am going to call. Have to go for the MUGA in the afternoon and the port insertion is on for Wednesday. I am beginning to feel like I've been in almost every medical facility and doctor's office in the area! I am hoping to be able tp work throughout chemo, just taking days off when I really feel too crummy to go in.

Fi...my husband loves to sail and we have always loved that saying...don't know the author either.

Have a good night everyone..hope we all get some sleep!

Liz

Watson

Liz,
It looks like you and I are on the same time schedule. I had a lumpecomy about three weeks ago. I get an electrocardiogram monday, bone scan tuesday and then port on wednesday. Chemo fun starts on the 23rd.
I thought I was okay with everything but now I have these horrible pains in my legs. From the knees down. I called the onc and that's why bone scan scheduled. This scares the beejeezies out of me.
When first diagonosed, surgeon told me most likely stage 1. 2cm tumor adn nodes looked good on ultrasound. Then after surgery, I had one bad node out of 14. This gave me a bump to stage 2. Last week this intermittent pain in my legs is makeing me crazy. I don't want any more advances!!
It's almost like I know, but don't want to know. Anyhow, didn't mean to freak out here!
When does your chemo start?
I"ll be thinking about you.

Watson

danahollis

Watson... I think we all can relate to the hysteria we feel when we realize we have an unexplained pain. Don't jump to conclusions though and worry yourself needlessly. Remember that you are under a lot of stress with just being diagnosed, surgeries, upcoming surgeries, etc. and our bodies react to that in all sorts of ways. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts that your scan will come out fine!

Hugs!

LizFL

Watson, I can certainly relate. Since my mammo/us last September was normal...figured this was caught early. I still don't know if it was caught early or not...but I have a very agressive cancer. I thought I was stage 2, but node involvement put me at stage 3...so I certainly don't want to move into stage 4. With all the many treatment advances they have been making, are making and will be making I don't think that the staging is as indicative of prognosis as it used to be. I keep debating whether to call for the results of the scan or wait until they call me or I see the doctor on the 21st. If the results are not good...I may be better off waiting! My onc said that we will start chemo on the 21st as long as we could get the tests done and the port inserted...so it looks as if I will be good to go on the 21st. I am partially anxious to get started and partially dreading the whole business. I am trying very hard just to take this day by day and not worry about what will be. I figure I might as well make the most of the days that I feel well and deal with the others as they come. It is a big help being able to hear from others going through this at the same time.

Liz

Analemma

Off for 1st chemo today! I had bone and CAT scans on Thursday, then an art show Sat and Sun. Even though I didn't sell a whole lot, I was glad for the distraction. This morning I have an echo, then learn to administer my injection, then chemo just after noon. I picked to start today, but DH is going out of town Wed, Thurs, and Friday. Hope I won't need too much. I do have three grown sons in the area, so I have help available if I need it. I'm feeling pretty apprehensive right now - AND I don't know if I want to hear the results of the other tests (only if they're good news!) I'm ready to kick some cancer butt! I'll post this evening if I don't feel too bad.
Brenda

JoMac

Brenda,
I hope it all goes well today. The first one was scary but in hind sight I made a lot of the drama up in my own head. The actual procedure was not bad at all.
I'm glad you got to attend the art show this weekend.
I worked on pictures of white peonies off and on all weekend.
Although I lost my hair , I did manage to do my best picture ever of a peony in full bloom.
This made me feel tons better. I hope I can bounce back after this Weds. chemo and paint again within a week.
We decided to celebrate my daughters graduation on Tues. night. That way I can participate better than I would be able to after treatment on Weds.
so today is my last day to pull the gift basket together.
It looks pretty good now. I decided to include a gift certificate so that she will have some money to buy things for her dorm room this Fall.
Watson....I don't know why but after surgery I also had leg aches and pains. I think it was lack of excercise and being in bed for long periods of time. Also not being able to sleep in any kind of normal position.
I was just an achy girl for a few weeks if I remember right.
Nancy...will you be doing dose dense or did Oncologist number two decide against it? I can't remember.
Dana....I know sleeping through the night is super important but if you need to rest your head for a few moments maybe it is O.K. I was falling asleep off and on the first four days after chemo . then the fatigue lifted and I started walking, eating, sleeping like normal again or pretty close to normal.
One of my favorite quotes is from Vince Lombardi . He said "Fatigue makes cowards of us all". I find that to be so true. I try to get as much rest as I can because then I cope with everything so much better.
Talk to you later.

danahollis

Brenda... good luck today! I hope it's very boring (LOL!)and uneventful!

JoMac... congrats on the Peony. They are such beautiful flowers! I'm sure it helps feed your soul to create... I'm happy you have the diversion! (I think the gift basket idea was so neat... I'm sure it'll be a hit!)

Watson? Feeling any better??? ((((Cyber HUGS))))


Ladies.... Happy Monday! Hope it's a good one for you all!

LizFL

Brenda...good luck...hope it goes smoothly! Let us know how you are as soon as you are up to posting.

I guess no news is good news. Called the onc's office and they said test results are usually given at the next appointment unless there is a problem. Hoping NOT to hear from them. Had MUGA this afternoon...not too bad, but a little hard holding arms over my head at first.

A few weeks ago I fell and hurt both my hands breaking the fall. We were leaving that Saturday for a cruise that was planned before BC. Since the Xrays showed no fracture, they wanted to do an MRI...but I put it off until I came back. Doctor called today and said there are some fractures...so now it's off to the orthopedist tomorrow. When it rains, it pours...but this is getting to be a tropical depression. So, now orthopedist tomorrow, port placement Wednesday, echo cardiogram Friday. I do need to see a dermatologist too about the little skin cancer under my eye...but that is just going to have to wait.

To top it off, one of the girls (who only works part time) in my office made a comment that I must feel like I'm retired getting so much time off I replied that I am not really having any fun and that running around to doctors all the time gets to be quite exhausting. I know she did not really mean anything by it...but boy it pi**ed me off!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I plan on starting all over tomorrow with a smile

Liz

Analemma

It wasn't bad at all! I came home and hoed the garden, then went shopping and cooked dinner - and ate it! I kknow that the side effects don't kick in for a day or two, but I'm encouraged so far. I think the apprehension about getting started was really wearing on me most of all. AND - I had the bone scan and CAT scan on Thursday and was apprehensive about those results as well - both negative! YAY! I guess I was expecting bad news, just because that would fit the pattern lately. And, even though I'm er/pr- I'm also her2negative. So that's good, too, well better than being positive. So, with the first chemo behind me, I feel empowered. The battle has finally begun! I got my training on administering the Neulasta tomorrow, and I think that's going to be fine, too. Life is good, getting to be around a long time for it is priceless!

danahollis

Brenda... so glad it went well. It's possible you won't have those "movie of the week" side effects... just keep up the positive attitude. It'll sure help. I mean... our bodies are gonna react how they want... but we can keep our minds focused on the "I'm getting healthy" goal and that helps push us forward. Hey, my garden is needing some hoeing... wanna come over?

Take care ladies!

Analemma

I made a roster of us June ladies - did I get everyone?
The dates are the chemo start dates - correct me if I'm wrong, please.
Brenda 6/13
Dana 6/8
Jill (magand matts mom)
JoMac 6/1
Liz 6/21
Bev
Randi 6/8
Beta 6/1
KimB 6/2
Watson 6/23
Nancy
Saleboat
bmck (Cathi) 6/3
Zeamer 3
Rene 6/16
Raro (Rebecca)
Sungem 77 (Sally)
ToniL 6/2

LizFL

Brenda...so glad to hear you made it through! Good news about the negative scans too. You really brightened my day! Thanks for making up the roster. I was thinking of doing something like that to keep track of us all, but was too lazy!

JoMac...glad to hear the basket is coming together and you will get to celebrate the graduation tomorrow. Hope it goes great.

Hugs to all the Junies,
Liz

kimBe

Thanks for the list Brenda...and SO happy everything went ok today...for me the "unknown" was stressing me out and just want everyone who hasn't "started chemo" to know that from the looks of it June has been a pretty good month for getting started....AND if the nausea is no worse than the first time it won't be bad at all. Already thinking we will need a late fall here-at this rate to even have peas in the garden (think the corn may be knee high to my Tannin my grandson by the fourth of July-he was born 0428).
Didn't sleep good last night worrying about my neutraphils-but hopefully they will bounce back and do have to admit that I think my hair is getting thinner, but for some reason that is not stressing me. Good luck for everyone going into rounds 1 and 2 this week.
KimB

JoMac

Tomorrow is my second chemo day. Could that be why I was in such a defeatist mood yesterday?
Today I feel some of my fighting spirit coming back.
I'm glad your second chemo went so well Brenda. I did my little bit of gardening today because I felt the effects pretty much right away the first time. I am the same way if I drink a glass of wine.
Today we will have our little graduation party. The basket looks beautiful. My husband is out getting some flowers for our daughter now.
Yesterday I napped and when I woke up he had put a single peony in a vase so I would see it when I woke up.
It was a white one . The kind with the greatest smell.
that was a nice suprise because I didn't think we had any blooming yet.
So I will probably be off line for a few days.
hang in there Junies.
]

MichelleB39

I am new to this today. I get my port on Monday and will start chemo in June too. I hope I am not too late to join this discussion group. This really seems to help me. Thanks!

Analemma

Welcome to the June Ladies, Michelle. Do you have a date for first treatment yet, and do you know your treatment protocol? I haven't really taken count, but I am doing dose dense 4AC then 4 Taxol. I think that's pretty much the norm. I had AC #1 yesterday, and still feel just fine. I keep waiting for the sickness to hit, but it probably won't until tomorrow, just because DH is going out of town for three days! I just feel such a sense of calm now that treatment has actually started, like I haven't felt in the past six weeks - I am actually finding I'm thinking of other things, and not cancer every second.
Brenda

NancyM

Thanks for making the list of names, Brenda! My start date is 6/15 (tomorrow!!) To answer your question, JoMac, we are going to attempt the dose dense with the growth hormone shot each time. It will be ACx4 and Tx4. Then, if I can't hack it we will drop to the every 3 week cycle. I'm just a bit apprehensive because I had pneumonia in February and that wiped me out for a month. And in September I will be back amongst my darling, sweet, germ-spreading students! LOTS of handwashing in my future!

I go to the chemo class tonight, and my sister wants to come and support me, which means a lot to me. Plus, I think she is having to deal with her new 'higher risk' status as far as b/c goes (now that she has a sis with it), so if she attends the class she can deal with some of her fears about her future. My other sister lives out of state, and although she is 45, she has never had a mammogram. Very frustrating!

To any new people who are joining us or thinking of joining, we welcome you with open arms! It isn't too late or too full here! Maybe the day will come when no one needs to be here...we will have a cure!

I hope you all have a good day! Nancy

JoMac

HI Michelle and welcome.
Brenda I think if you are still feeling O.K. you are going to weather this cycle just fine.
Nancy I hesitated to mention it before because I know nobody comes into mid-life with a clean slate but...I had a prior disabling condition and I was so worried that I would do badly because of it. I mentioned it to the doctors and they didn't seem to take much notice.
To make a long story short the chemo nurse and my cancer coach told me often if you have an underlying chronic condition it will sort of go to sleep so to speak during chemo.
I thought they were just trying to keep my spirits up but I have not felt a worsening of symptoms.
If anything I am doing much better than anyone excpected.
Maybe this will happen with your spleen too.
We had our celebration when my daughter came home.
You ladies were right she loved it. She said thank you over and over. I know we hit the right "note" and she will remember we were all together to celebrate her special event.
Now if I can magage to get there on Fri. I will go to the graduation . That would suprise the heck out of her and me!