Made it through surgeries, chemo, and arimidex but now
I am going through a major depression, everything bothers me. I am crying a lot and don't even know why. Things people say or do that use to would have not bothered me are making me cry. Am losing my Zest and joy. I just don't know what is wrong or how to fix it. I have quit everything, church, all the activities there. Gave them written resignation yesterday. Have no interest in crafts anymore and everyone knows how I loved them. It is just weird, you would think if you were going to get this down it would be while your in treatment. I keep telling myself God will get me through this too. What a sappy baby I have turned out to be.
Comments
-
Well spar, meet another sappy baby. I am walking that road right beside you. I am attributing some of it to Aromosin which is extinguishing my mental stability along with estrogen. I keep telling myself that this is yet another part of the "process" and have to allow some time to find my way. It's not like I've ever prepared to learn how to live my life after bc, mx, chemo etc. Today happens to be a better day when I can intellectualize that. On those other days, ugh..I just cannot dig out of that overwhelming sadness.
Lets keep wring about it. This is a really important chapter in the ongoing bc drama that I feel gets little attention. As a result, we can really justify the alone-ness we feel.
xoEllen
-
Spar, so sorry you are having a hard time, you have been generous, kind and uplifting to others on this journey. I will never minimize the ravages this disease causes and managing the long-term emotional and physical side effects is more than challenging. I wish I had some good, solid advice for you. For me, the days that I rest and read positive stories seem to rejuvenate me. I try to stay away from the negative. I still say my favorite four letter word is hope. I hope for better for us, better treatments, better physicality, better aesthetic outcomes. You have been there for many of us, PM me if you need to. I wish I could do more. Maryiz
-
This is the first time I am writing...I too have been finished with all the treatments starting to get my life back and boom feeling lower than during the treatment. I even went to see a nuerologist because I thought I could not do anything, remember words, names organize my day etc. He said something really funny to me....."take your foot off the gas" -You are different , you may not have the same energy as before and stop expecting to do all the things you did before. Give yourself some time. My last treatment was in February and started with tamoxifen in March.
I decided to just not have such intense expectations - I was always active and athletic etc.and will get there.
Spar good luck -hopefully this too will pass.
Mlkesem
-
Spar-You're not alone. Even if I try to put up my invisible armour to protect me or try to not take something personal when I'm around other people; I still cry when I'm alone if someone says something to upset me. (but everything upsets me these days)
I also don't feel so alone when I spend time each day thinking/ or meditating about a power greater than myself-God.
But I do know it can be hard. I've never cried so much in my life. Take good care of yourself.
-
Sweet Spar - I think you are in the throws of a major depression! Have you spoked to your Primary Care Physician? Maybe he can give you some mild meds to help you get back on track a little bit?
-
thank you all so much for your posts, that in itself helped me a lot, just knowing I am not going crazy or alone in this after process. I do have a dr. appt with my primary care physician the 6th. I need to read and meditate on the bible more because it seems I am even slipping away from the Lord and that is what got me through this whole thing. I do need to get my hope back and I know this too shall pass. Thanks again everyone. will let you know what the PCP says about it.
-
Spar--I'm glad that you realize that you are not crazy or alone in dealing with all this. I agree with Ellen that this is an "important chapter in the breast cancer drama" and that it is worthwhile writing and sharing our experiences and ways of coping. I know from my two past and my most recent experience with breast ca that there are multiple ways of coping, and I also know it can be tiresome and discouraging trying to find the "right mix" of coping strategies. That mix might include an antidepressant, walking/exercising, meditation or meditative activities like T'ai chi, counseling, gardening, singing, spending time in nature, sharing with our breast cancer sisters, resting instead of go-go-going, reading, creating art or crafts, you-name-it. I don't think any single thing has helped me in the past.
I currently am struggling with "some" anxiety and a significant amount of grief, which I think is contributing to periods of depression. I am trying to be mindful of whether I am experiencing a full-blown episode of clinical depression, and at this point I just don't know for sure. I completed T/C chemo in May, just had more surgery about 12 days ago, and will soon embark on another hormonal therapy journey. At this point I realize that I am dealing not only with the physical toll of treatment but also the psychological impact of cancer and treatment. I read somewhere about the impact of cancer itself within our bodies/minds with regard to creating depression and how the stress of living with/after cancer often compounds mood "disturbances." I know all this intellectually, yet at times I feel almost guilty when in a depressed or discouraged mood, thinking that I should be grateful for each and every day and trying my best to embrace life. I have to be careful here, because I don't want to feel "like a failure" when I am not optimistic and cheerful all the time and especially since I, like so many others, have experienced feelings of inferiority from having cancer in the first place.
So, I hope you, I and others who struggle with the psychological impact of cancer will find what works to help us cope, and in the process share our stories and coping strategies with each other. I know I feel less alone today having read the above and sharing my experience. I imagine I'll be checking in again....
-
(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Spar I can't tell you how many times you've lifted my spirits with either your posts or your talent for crafts! This too shall pass... I finally relented and went on a mild anti-depressant called Lexapro. It has helped with my mood swings immensely. Please give us an update after your doctors appointment and let us know how your doing... you are very special to all of us on these threads!
-
Spar, you are NOT alone. My experience with an antidepressant has been a good one. I agree with you all that our psychological issues are often lost amidst the adomonitions for well intentioned family and friends to be strong and fight this thing. Depression is a terrible disease, but there are many ways out of it. Good for you for reaching out! God bless us all sisters. -
I will talk to the dr. about antidepressants tomorrow. My minister that I thought was so kind and loving informed me today if I did not like how Cornerstone was run there were 37 other churches in this town I could go to. I was so shocked so I definately will not go back there. He also informed me it was for the younger generation and I just thought you know he will be old someday. I am only 57 and don't feel all that old.
Thank you all so much for your encouragement. It comes at a good time. I am visiting a new church Sunday and see how that goes. I do need to fellowship with other Christians and will miss my church family I thought I had.
-
Your minister said what???? Hang in there Spar, many of us have been there and have an idea how you feel. Take care of yourself.
-
Spar... we just went through leaving a church also... it's heartbreaking, although we do keep in touch with some. I'm glad you're going to the doctor tomorrow...please let us know how that goes. (((((((((hugs))))))))))
-
Spar I just came across your post......I am so sorry you are going through this.....And that minister is supposed to be man of God??......What is wrong with people nowadays?.....Spar you have always been there for me and I hope I can be here for you.....I have PM'd you, sweetie......(((Spar))))
-
Spar, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Ladies, I want to encourage you to take antidepressants if you are in a clinical depression. There is no shame in it. It is not a sign of weakness. When our bodies go through major stress, exhaustion, not sleeping, no hormones, surgeries, chemo, etc there is also a chemical reaction in our brains that causes the depression.
If you were a diabetic, would you try not to take insulin or oral meds that would keep your blood sugar under control? Of course not. At least, I hope of course not. This is the same type of thing. The chemicals in your brain need to get under control so you can enjoy life again. You may have to try different dosages or meds to feel better, but please don't feel bad about taking the medicine. This goes for you too JO. Good luck on your appointments today.
-
Spar...let us know how it goes at doc today...thinking about you (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
-
Good luck today Spar!....Praying for good results....
-
Amen Susanb2. Years ago, pre-BC but after my total hysterectomy, I also became very depressed but didn't want to take meds. Two of my friends, one an ob-gyn the other a minister told me the same - there is no shame in taking an antidepressant. If our brain chemicals are out of whack we need to help them along until they get back in line. I did, it worked, and I've been off of them for several years now and my mood has stayed upbeat, even through this journey.
Spar sweetie, I'm absolutely appalled by your minister's comments. I'm glad God is not finished with him yet because he has a lot of spiritual growing to do. The good news is that you have your faith and just as it got you through your dx and tx it will also get you through this. God loves you and so do I.
-
Well, just got back from the dr., to rule out stuff first he did all kinds of bloodwork which was all normal so he put me on an antidepressant and said I had all the classic symptom. I will be taking celexa. My husband is setting up a meeting with the pastor, he was angry when he read the letter he wrote me. The Lord is always consistant and loves us no matter what and I have found myself trying to pray and my mind just wanders off and I will say oh Lord I am so sorry and start over, just can't concentrate. It is a good thing he is a loving forgiving God. Thank all of you so much for your support. It means a great deal. Hopefully in a few days things will be looking up. Big hugs to all. by the way all of this happened after taking arimidex for 5 years and then quitting. I ask the dr. how long it stayed in your system. He said he had no facts on this but did say our body's would never be the same but may improve a little. Evidently there is not a lot of information on people who have actually taken it the 5 years and gotten off of it. It is kind of scary. God Bless. Sherry
-
Spar & Jo,
I hope the meds help you to get back to enjoying life w/o those feelings of sadness and depression. I've been there and it's no fun.
I've been hurt by the church before and I guess I've expected more from Christians and that's why it seems to hurt worse when it comes from them. But God has never failed me and that's what I have to focus on. Spar, I hope these issues are resolved for you soon. It's hard enough dealing with BC w/o having hurtful remarks made. Susan
-
Hi Spar, I'm glad you will try the meds. They do sometimes take time to work so give it some time. God has not left you and never will.
I think we have all had some rough periods in our Christian walk, hurt by those we trust and who we know should know better. It is unsettling when we forget that all "Christians" are not following Jesus. Take your time before deciding to stay at Cornerstone or visiting other churches. I'm glad your DH finally "heard" even if it did not happen until he saw it in writing.
Blessings.
-
Hi ladies, Jo glad you got some meds too. I am feeling a little more uplifted and another lady got kicked out of our church because the holy spirit moved in her and she started praying for a little boy out loud and our pastor told her she could come back if she kept her mounth shut therefore she found a different church. I am going to visit her church tomorrow. No wonder so many people are leaving our church. I just know God has a place for me. I really need a good church family but will take my time and try to be careful.
Patoo you are always so uplifting to my soul and I appreciate you so much. Thank you.
Susan, isn't it the truth. We have enough on our plate.
Hollyann, you are an angel, I got my gift today and it is so beautiful, you are a genius. It lifted my spirits up so much. Even DH was in awe of the talent. It is on my piano right now, the white on the dark wood is beautiful.
Thinking of all of you and sending love and hugs.
-
Well, getting ready to go to a new church this morning and feeling somewhat better. JO, I know this is crazy but if I have to do this trip off arimidex I am so glad you are with me. Love you friend. God bless you all and hope you all have a great day.
-
Hey JO, think about it this way. If that devil left you alone it would be because he felt he had you and no longer needed to bother. When I feel he is "messing" with me I smile because it means he knows I belong to the mighty Father. Remember, satan doesn't need to go after those already in his corner!
Hi Spar! Glad to hear you are doing better. My note to JO above goes for you as well. The devil knows you don't belong to him so he will step up his attempts, but we know to whom we belong - our Father in heaven - Hallelujah!
-
Oh Patoo, I knew there was a reason I love and need you so much. It is your wonderful loving wisdom. thank you and you are so right.
I did like the new church very much but am going to visit some some churches also.
JO, I had that jaw neck pain too and the dentist said he could tell instantly it was caused by me gritting my teeth and made me a little thing that fits just on the front couple of teeth so I can't grit them (couldn't do the whole mouth piece because of gag reflex) and it worked with a couple of weeks the pain was gone. Hope your is something simple like that. Please let us know when you find out.
Haven't heart of Billy Sunday but when I go to the library will look him up and see what they have.
Susan, am feeling better, don't think I will ever get over the church rejection but with time the pain will fade and the new church was very uplifting. It is hard to lose people you thought were your closest friends.
lovemyfamily, the new church caters to young and old, there are all ages, my old church was mostly young people but at the time I didn't think anything about it. The couple I hung with was the preachers in-laws and they are about the only other older couple. Am hopeing the church at least learns the young people Gods word. Have talked to several other people that use to go to church there and what I am hearing from them is "I feel something is really wrong at that church" and now so do I.
Hope you all have a God blessed day.
-
Hi Spar hope you are feeling better today......I myself had a major breakdown yeasterday and decided to punch the wall...The wall won! LOL.....I am so heartsick and sore....I know part of my problem is no or low estrogen but I refuse to do HRT.......Keep fighting the good fight!.........Hugs and Love ...Lucy
Dx 1/15/2007, IDC, 1cm, Stage Ib, Grade 1, 0/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- -
So sorry hollyann, hate it when we go through the breakdowns. I did hrt's after a hysterectomy in my late 20's and really think that is how I ended up with bc. I am feeling much better and a lot of it is because of you. We will both keep fighting together. Much love and hugs to you. I posted a picture of your beautiful art work on the craft thread. I can look at it and just smile.
-
JO, I like that what is done is done and onward and upward, that will be my motto for awhile. Yes, I am very interested in where God is leading me right now. I still have it in my heart to visit other churches. We will see where he leads me.
Hollyann I repeat JO No HRT
Hope you guys have a good day. Hugs and love to all.
-
Thanks JO, I appreciate you sister. I keep telling myself God has a plan for me and I will be patient.
-
Am feeling a little better, the mood thing is better but still get so fatigued. It is so hard to know what is what if it is side effects, if it is because we are 5 years older, does it stay in your system, so many questions and not enough answers and not even the dr's know. At least mine is honest with me and says he doesn't know but will do some research.
I really haven't done much in the way of exercising in a couple of years and it would probably make me feel better if I did but it is a viscious circle being too tired to do it.
Hope all my friends are having a good day and thanks for asking JO. God bless you.
-
Thinking about you my friend. I'm also not motivated to exercise but know I need to push myself to at least do some walking. Tried water exercise last evening and it hurt so much had to leave the class early so maybe just taking walks will help. Wish I were in a scenic area. Oh well.
Spar, honey, heng in there. We have nowhere to go but up (or nowhere to look but up - to Him).
Blessings.
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team