Any isolaters or hermits out there?

Can I ever identify with the topic!!

 I much prefer to stay in my hidey-hole and not have to deal with people at all.

  Even though I have a full time job, I get up in the morning and almost count the hours that I'll be able to come home to my safe harbor.

My inside kitty and outside cats and kittens give me joy.  We live in a rural area and if we lived in a packed neighborhood, I would probably never go outside, thank God for the solace of the country.

Whenever I can I will isolate myself and even lexapro doesn't change that part of me. All in all, I am okay with the way I am...never was a social butterfly, just a houseplant.

HI,

I know how you feel.  I am by nature very outgoing and chatty but sort of quit being that way during rads...back in January....that is also about the time all my support decided I was doing great!  I wasn't...I had burns was swollen and incredibly uncomfortable...yet was also tired of my main topic of conversation being breast, hormones, estrogen and ovaries...yet I still hadn't even started the anti hormone therapy.  I started seeing a counselor in april....the Tamox went ok for a couple of weeks then I started crying every day then one wkend I just couldn't stop crying, sometimes for a reason, sometimes for no reason at all...yet I was too embarressed and already sort of had family telling me to shake it off and move forward....yeah right!  I'm happy to say I I'm doing much better and started the counseling and effexor simultaneously. I DO what my counselor advises because I was truly circling the black hole and I will do whatever it takes to not go there again...we started w/ a mood log and some other stuff.  It is still a processand there is grieving involved.  Using these boards for support has been a huge help...everybody here 'GETS IT' and that is nice!

cheers! xoxo

jennifer

Agreed, our homes should be sanctuaries...whether we like people coming over or not.  I live alone, single....have gotten really good at that!  All my own yardwork for yrs...this yr Hector was hired tho...anyhoo..... no current hot and heavy manfriends...but hey if the right one came into my life somehow... I'd go for it!........despite the fact that having my L breast groped just is NOT the thrill it should be..........Nonetheless.  Oddly enough I had moved almost 1 yr to the date of my diagnosis...Or rather sold my previous home w/ 2 competing offers, then found my current home(which I absolutely LOVE!) 5 days later.  Somehow I only buy homes flipped by gay men...they've both been fabulous!  So seriously I worked so much, extras, bonuses, etc, etc, paying off appliances, etc, etc...and was just starting to surface, complete payments on those no interest deals when diagnosed, plus had gotten a nice raise.....I took time off, between appts and hung pics, got more settled and yes, now my home is my sanctuary....I have many more projects/ ideas and it's so nice to have friends and their husbands or twin 17 yr old football players come over to move furniture, or whatever, pizza supplied by me.  It  takes a while to get the feng shui(not sure I spelled it right).  Sometimes I have to MAKE myself go out.  I love being home but love having plans and people watching, going, seeing, doing, too.  Work is a great source as I interact w/ MANY people daily.  Church every sunday, same service...I'm near the back row w/ all the same group for a while now and I'm starting a bible study at my parrish in august.  My neighbors seem really nice and I'm sure if I needed something they'd be happy to help.  My family...I love'em from a distance and it just works better that way.  Would love to be happily married to the right person and perhaps someday that will become reality.  Until then I'm A-OK on my own...but open to new possibilities!

Good for you w/ the walking. Moving is stressful and I hope it's smooth for you. Take care of yourself and your doggie.

Hello iso-ladies, count me in on the loner aisle. And thanks for bringing it up.

I didn't used to be. Now I'm a self-isolating, self-beaten ex-person.  I was the one that always said yes, lets!! go do whatever came up. When I still had my job, I was a party planner for college students. I got to pick, shop, plan, order and present and it was fun. Now, I sit home alone alot. a lot. Frustrated with the 'medical community'. At a loss as to how to procede. Constantly in pain, I can't dance or sit and work crafts. Very short attention span, don't really care about much. Can't do most of the things I AM about. I go out to dr. appts., psychotherapy appts., and the drug store. Sometimes the grocery store, but only for short lists of necessities.

The last two years have been the most challenging of my life. I would DO OVER the entire span from when I started having children, 3, (at 27) and do it allllll over again, even re-live their teen years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,  IF ONLY I could have avoided the collision with bc. Is this because I didn't breast feed my babies???

I only want now, to write. And I do the most of it in here leaving the 'writing pages' alone. I have so many stories in my head and jewelry parts that need my attention. The poor house is terribly neglected. My poor dh is too. Got a kittie too when facing all the facts, she's kinda independent now. Loves me, yes. but not the lap sitter I hoped for. The kids are grown, independent too. Mom is aging badly at 80, Daddy's gone (only 3 years). My Best Friend in the world died 4 years ago. I read magazines now, because the stories are short, I can't get into a real book.

Wow, I'm a bummer. But thanks for listening.

~Connie

Connie my heart goes out to you.  Sometimes it does seem like bc changes everything.  I am sorry that you are unable to do manyof the things you love.  I send my prayers and good wishes for better days ahead.  Please write here if it helps, I will listen

Ellen

Welcome to the boards Maggie. I am so sorry that you have gotten such rotten news. We are here for support and to listen. There are a lot of animal lovers on this board. you will feel at home I am sure.

Cleo,

I have 5 cats also and it has been added stress for me as well trying ot care for them. However, I have weighed the pros and cons. Having them in my life has saved my life many times during the last two years.  I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your vet, but I have a pretty good one. I didn't realize how good until I called them with a cat emergency shortly after my diagnosis. The visit was for my youngest cat. She died before I could get her in to see the vet.  I was hysterical when I got to the office and I blurted out that I had cancer. I was afraid that my chemo had killed her somehow. It didn't. She had a bad heart. My vet has since been very understanding about treating my other 5 cats.  They are very flexible about costs and have offered to do house calls, etc. 

It IS tough taking care of them, lifting the food bags, dragging the litter home from the store, cleaning the boxes, feeding them when I don't want to get out of bed. BUT they are such a joy and comfort that I wouldn't trade them for anyone or anything. I live alone, too, so I am all that they have. Please hang in there and keep trying. Talk to your vet about helping you defray some costs. 

Connie,

If you could go back and read some of my posts in the early days of my dx, you would see that I am usually the voice of doom and gloom. LOL so vent, yell, scream if you want. Hang in there and talk if you need to vent... been there done that LOL

C

Kathleen, I used to be on 250 mgs of Zoloft, but now ony 25 as I mix it with Welbutrin as well. Good point about intro/extro. I need to re-fuel alone too! Thanks for sharing your well-earned wisdom.

kmc-thank you for sharing about an introvert vs. an extravert. I also thought I was an extravert. (I was in a sales career for years) But looking back I was always quiet/shy  until an outspoken girl picked me for her dodge ball team in PE in high school. We became best friends.

But for years I always thought people were draining my energy. I rarely felt like I was being fueled up. Now I feel more like myself and that is more like an introvert.

Thanks for the info on wellbutrin. I used this drug to stop smoking. I now take a zoloft/clonazapem/eskalith combination. My psych and I are looking for other meds to help w/ my tamoxifen s/e's; I'll be starting Neurontin soon and eliminating zoloft and slowly eliminating clonazapem for sleep.

Thanks for giving me new information to help myself get better. I also am a work in progress. Take care of yourself.

There are no I's in Texas

I've been in sales for years. I hated when managers would say, "There's no I in team." I'd say, "No, but there is an ME." What, I'm supposed to sell for someone else? I hate carrying someone else's weight, and it would usually be an extrovert....getting people to like them and do them favours....sigh.

I'm an introvert and PROUD of it!  

Dana, looks like you spelled damn right...what word were you having problems with? I'd love to come and watch Bambi with you. I've been in the hospital since Sunday after complications from a kidney stone surgery on Friday....did I mention that above?

We are ALL on this road together. Some can just walk faster than others.....

Rose, good pont about fear of rejection for you. But I find my work gives me all the social interaction I want or need. I get peopled-out at the end of the day. I don't even go to movies!

:::::raises hand:::::

Introverted hermit here too -- since way before breast cancer. My whole life, I've always enjoyed solitary activities, mostly preferring them to people-centered activities. My social "need" to spend time in the company of others was at most "minimal" but dropped to "barely above nil," and I don't understand the meaning of the term "cabin fever."

Since I hate to drive and crowds set me on edge, I don't like to go out (this wasn't so extreme when I was younger so for awhile I used to go out and "do things" a little more than I did later, but that one "social phase" I had passed very shortly after I turned 30 (I'm 48 now). Everything I really enjoy doing can be done here at home, and even while still in my "social phase" I needed solitude to recharge from after visiting or going out with my friends (and occasionally, boyfriends) at the time (that was when I met my friend Kym, the only one of them I'm still in touch with even).

Even though there'd always been nights I didn' t feel like cooking or I just wanted to see a movie, it's been years since I could even remember what it feels like to want to go out for "fun" -- it's now actually beyond me as to why people enjoy such things as going out to dinner and the movies! Like why would anybody put up with driving in traffic and/or bad weather only to reach the restaurant or movie theater and then get stuck in Crowds of People -- rather than just order a pizza, or a nice Italian or Chinese dinner delivered in, to be eaten in the peace and quiet of your own place, and watch a movie in the comfort and privacy of your own living room on DVD or VCR and not have to put up with people talking and kids yelling while you're trying to enjoy the picture? And you can pause the movie if you need to use the bathroom or want to get a snack, too, so you don't miss any of it that way either. Or if you want to make out (or "more") with your significant other while watching a movie, you can do that too and not worry about who's going to see you.

So I'm happy with exactly three people in my life (and gee, they all live far away) -- Kym and her husband, who live an hour and a half away, and my boyfriend (my Pack Rat ;-) hee hee) of 6 and a half years, who Kym fixed me up with -- he lives five states/300 miles/6-8 hours drive away depending on weather and traffic. We talk on the phone a couple times a week and that's enough. When we see each other (varying intervals of a couple months, average) -- mostly we hang out at their houses or my apartment (I like it better when they come here, of course) instead of going out to do things.

Oh you'll love this too: I've lived in my present apartment for pushing 24 years and I only know the building superintendent and one neighbor (well, two: him and his niece who moved in with him a few years ago) by name even -- they're my immediately next door neighbors. My cancer center and its affiliated hospital are about a mile and a half from my apartment and I STILL don't know that section of my city at all (I make use of the cancer center's transportation and taxicabs to get to my doctor appts, treatments and tests) because I was always afraid to go to or even drive through that part of town -- hence when I got cancer and had to go to those places (which I'd never even heard of until I became ill), my decision not to drive there was immediate.

My apartment is definitely my sanctuary. It's a small one bedroom in a neighborhood where I don't like to be outside after dark, but I chose to move here anyway because at the time, it was the only place I could afford to live by myself, without needing roommates to help defray expenses. In 1990 I finally was able to start planning The Escape to happen in 1997 (I don't like my general geographical area either) but they got derailed by the stroke I had in 1993, so I got stuck here for good, but at least I can still blissfully live alone. Dunno what possessed me anymore, but I was with a guy for those years (1993-1999), we got married (his idea but I obviously went along with it), but when he had an affair two and a half years into our marriage, I divorced him. It took me exactly a week to realize and luxuriate in how wonderful it was to live by myself again (and three and a half years before I dated anybody again...my Pack Rat, handed to me on a silver platter by Kym). My love of solitude and refusal to remarry is even a significant part of his attraction to me.

So I was mostly a hermit before getting cancer (well, as much as was possible to be one on account of having to work and going to college -- ten years of nighttime classes as a part time student on top of 40-60 hour workweeks!) but I always hightailed it home after work or class and didn't socialize off-hours with either coworkers or schoolmates. After discovering one company I worked for would have its Christmas party (I hate both Christmas and parties) on a work day (they forcibly took everyone out to lunch), there and at every subsequent company I worked for, I started surreptitiously finding out in advance when the office or lab Christmas parties were, and calling in sick on that day (which was the only time I called in sick from work when I wasn't!) if I didn't have a vacation day to take when they were having it! Whew! It worked! Now I'm on SS Disability, thank goodness I was able to get it, even though Stage IV IBC is NOT what I'd call a "fun" way to finance being a recluse.

My predilection to hermithood actually got "worse" with cancer. On top of my original preference for solitude, I now add the sheer hassle of making myself pass for human so I CAN go anywhere (without feeling embarrassed by my sheer ugliness, that is). I look so utterly hideous bald or with just my scarf I refuse to even open my apt door and go downstairs to get the mail or do the laundry without my wig on (I've been wearing the wig to go out since before I went bald: I couldn't stand the sight of myself with the preliminary neck-length short cut, then at the military buzz point, I really wanted to barf and started wearing the scarf in my apt-- it's ugly but better than buzzed or bald). My wig looks nice but putting it on correctly is a wrestling match -- it takes longer to put the wig on than it does to get the mail. Soon after my first chemo (April 2009) I totally stopped going out at all for anything that wasn't absolutely essential -- doctor visits, treatments, medical tests, the supermarket or convenience store, the drive-through ATM of my bank, taking out the garbage, playing Musical Cars on Monday and Friday afternoons so I don't get a parking ticket, and of course, getting the mail (only on days I have to go out for something else already) and doing laundry. But even if I could have kept my hair through treatment, the chemo brain, crushing fatigue and feeling like constant crap would have still been sufficient motivation to just lock myself in for days at a time like I've been doing. The combination -- just forget it!

I just did my 6th and last round of TAC last week (Thurs 7/23/09), and though my oncologist and chemo nurse both told me I'll be past the fatigue/brain death and other "feels like shit" side effects by about 6 months (so now I hope the Tamoxifen I started this morning doesn't make me feel like crap) -- and hair will begin growing back in about 6 weeks past treatment -- it's going to take years before I can retire my wig. My hair, which always grew slowly, was almost down to my waist before the cancer, and for me, BARE MINIMUM acceptable length to pass for human is bottom of my shoulders. Halfway down my back is where it has to be for me to feel I look not just "bare minimum okay" but actually pretty! So unless somehow my post-chemo hair grows WAY faster than my pre-chemo hair did, it's going to be a very long time before I'll ever actually WANT to go anyplace at all.

So hello to you fellow recluses out there -- I know all about THAT!

~Lena.

NJdarcy,  I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter.  Glod bless you!