Dealing with my Mother's diagnosis

Hi there

 My mom was dx 3 years ago. Prior to the dx, she had alot of energy and was always on the move. At 69 she was still going to the gym for exercise.   We were all scared when she was dx. After surgery she had 6 chemo treatments and then 6 weeks of radiation. Chemo definitely starting slowing her down by the second treatment. And it only got worse...as far as her energy. What I kept hearing from her was that she just couldn't believe that she couldn't do this or that because she was tired. But every week brought a glimmer of light and she would notice the slightest of difference. She knew it would take a long time to get back to where she was, but she always kept it in sight. A few months after her last chemo and still bald from treatment, she took a job working very close to home and a few hours a week. She needed to have her life back and she needed to know she could do it. And she did. A year after treatment she knew she wasn't 100% and probably wouldn't be again, but she just couldn't sit still. My mom resumed her life and stepped back into the gym and started running around again researching geneology and anything else she was into. Three years after her dx, my mom is still working, going to the gym and has alot more energy then I thought she would.

It's normal to be scared and I think it's good your mom has alot of energy. It'll be an adjustment for her and frustrating to loose some of that, but it'll come back as her body heals. Be there for her and love her like you always have been. She'll get through it and your nerves will settle down when you see her working through the difficulties that come with recovery. You'll both be alright.

In my prayers.

Teresa

Hello Again

You know the one thing that I really thinked helped me and my mom was that I didn't treat her that much different. I'm very close with my mom so I check in with her every morning and every evening anyway. And we see each other when we can. Of course I saw my mom alot more during dx, chemo and radiation. What me and my sister did do was to listen very carefully and watch very carefully. We listened to her tone and her words and would know if something was the slightest bit different from the day before. So we knew to ask questions directly or more casually. We could gently point things out to my mom and talk to her and she would talk to her doctor when "we" all felt necessary. We all trusted and counted on each other to simply just "be there".

There was a strong sense of relief for my mom just knowing she didn't have to go it alone. She knew we would be there at any time of day or night for any reason. It worked and we all coped together and cryed together. Cancer does suck big time and like you, I hated that my mom got the dx. But that part is behind us and she is vibrant, healthy and cancer free today. Through your journey there is hope. You and your mom will get through this as difficult as it seems. You can do it.

Teresa

Dear Sially,

I know where you are coming from.My beloved partner Val passed away in Sept(she was already advanced at diagnosis) and even though I've been a hospital nurse for 29 years,I would be a nervous wreck when an appointment to see the onc was nearing.So much so that her mom would go with her-she didn't want me to because I was so nervous.I too berated myself for being"weak",and felt very guilty that I was a nurse but couldn't go to her appointments with her.Val understood,saying it was OK,that I did lots of other things for her and that I wasn't weak,just sensitive.Please don't think of yourself as weak.You say you are sensitive,and I think that makes it a little harder on you.Please try to concentrate on your strengths-a good and loving heart is obviously one of them.We all have things that we do well,and things that are more of a challenge.I found prayer to be helpful-just giving it to God and asking for strength to get through the day-one day at a time.Your mom knows how much you love her,and that will help get her through. Laura

Boy, I can totally relate dreading the visit with oncologist!Mom's bc liver mets were discovered last december, during laparascopic gallbladder removal; onc ordered PET scan because she was also having more bone pain - so the visit was scheduled for 1/22 to discuss results/treatment.  So when we got a call that the doctor wasn't feeling well and the visit was rescheduled to 2/5, I was....relieved, because, already knowing the jist of what the doctor will say, I didn't want to actually HEAR it...What I started doing is, since I have a medical POA for mom and have a great relationship with her doctor, is I have him call me first, usually a few days before an appointment - this way, if/when the news is bad, I am not hit with it right in front of mom, and if I need to cry, I'll cry in private and have time to process the information and put a ''fighting face on - i am a firm believe in 'if mind goes, body will follow'.

Anyway,the key thing here, I think, is to take care of yourself - your mom feeds off your energy/disposition, so maintaining as much normalcy as possible for her is single most important thing you can do.  My mom still works 6 days a week and goes to the gym 3 times a week, and we go to the movies, fight about grandkids and how I should be eating soup every day and not drink too much coffee:), and discuss her condition when she's in treatment/goes to the doctor - that's not denial, that's normalcy for her and myself.

Ok, Lana, off the soap box now...lol