Hard to Breathe and Feel Alone

I am so sorry you are going through this, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Is it possible for you to have a hospice nurse come by to check on you? Maybe your onc's office could help with a referral. I have worked with those nurses, and they are very helpful. You should not have to do this alone!

Hugs, smerf

Stephanie, I am so sorry you are not feeling well at all, and on top of that suffering alone.  I wish I could come to you and hold your hand.  Please try to drink what you can, even if it's fruit juice.  You can sip something and try to stay ahead of the dehydration.  Please keep us updated.  We love you and we are thinking of you.  Maryiz

(((((Stephanie)))))

I wish I was there with you hon...sending gentle, loving hugs...

So many hugs for you Stephanie.  That just breaks my heart.  I wish I was closer too.  You have been through so much.  Please, if I can do anything, just let me know.  In the meantime, love and prayers coming your way.  BTW, in the midst of all this that you faith remains so strong is inspiring and uplifting.  Thank you.

Stephanie...I can only echo what the other girls have said. I too wish that I could be with you and offer comfort and assistance with whatever will make you comfortable. As for your mother, it sounds like she's trying not to feel things too deeply and that's natural, but sad. And since it's especially difficult for you, it might be a good idea to tell her that you need her. I know that you're trying to be unselfish, but this is the time for you to make your wishes known and not bottle them up. You have had such an extraordinarily rough time and so deserve some relief and comfort!

Please let us know if you can think of any way that we can help, okay?

~Marin

Oh Stephanie - you've had so much to deal with the past few months.  I can understand your Mom being scared, but she should be there with you. 

I know we aren't there to hold your hand, but we are all thinking of you, caring about you.  Perhaps there is someone from your church that you feel close to and call upon? 

Sending my love to you,

Elizabeth

xoxxoooo

I'm so sorry Stephanie.  I think I am within some hours of you.  I'm Fairfield county.  Would you like company?

Steph,

You are not alone we are here with you, i wish i was close to you....As you say........God is able!!!!

Stephanie, I'm literally in tears right now.  I so wish I could be with you.  I offer up prayers for you that all pain will leave you and that you will be surrounded with truth as that in itself sometimes may offer a measure of comfort.  We all love you.  I'm certain this is your mom's way of coping as it is not easy to watch your child suffer.  I also offer up prayers that she will rise to the occasion and put self aside so she can be supportive in your time of need.

Do you have a church family who can come alongside; prayer warriors and people who can spend some time with you?  My heart is heavy for you.  Please know that the Father is there - call on Him and feel his loving arms that surrounds and carries you.

Blessings.

Stephanie, what smerf said about possibly home health care might be a good option.  I feel so bad to hear that you're hurting and feel alone. 

And -- I seem to recall your MOTHER getting hurt at Thanksgiving when you ended up having to call someone else to bring you food instead of her!  If this was just an everyday situation, you and I might just smirk and roll our eyes about having mothers like that (mothers who always put their kids in a no-win situation: "how could you not call me?  don't you know I'd do anything for you? you hurt my feelings by not calling me!"  and then turn around and FAIL TO DO the thing you really need and want and ask for!) 

Well, I'm rolling my eyes a little bit -- I really hope and pray that you feel a little stronger and can "call" your mother on this -- or even more, that your mother can come through herself -- just like she did after Thanksgiving -- baked you something sweet -- it's sad and hard when our parents are a little immature -- and it's crummy that it always seems to fall on you to "be the bigger person" -- I'm glad you came here to tell this, and I'm really praying that your mom gets visited by some grace that helps her step up to the plate.

I remember reading -- when I was in my 30s, and really feeling some disappointment in both my parents -- that that was one of the functions of God the Father, and Holy Mary, Mother of God -- to be the infinitely strong and good parents that we all need and that no (or most) other humans (other than Mary, that is!) can really be, all the time.

I know that even within your Church, it seems like you've been the one who gives -- so maybe at the moment your doctors and Vanderbilt are the place where people will give you NOW what you need NOW.  I know that all of us here want to do that for you.  You deserve so much Stephanie, and I want you to have it.

It occurs to me that FitChik has a good point about telling your mother what you need, and that you need HER.  That was always really hard for me too.  But it might not hurt to try.  If it doesn't work, it will be sad, but you're already sad, and maybe it will help you look in a different direction and not continue to long for her.  And if it works -- that would be good!

Ann

Stephanie, 

I just read your post and I'm so sorry you had to be there alone, if I had been your nurse I would have stayed and sat with you...just always remember God is there with you always...

Hugs,

Paula 

Stephanie:

Maybe you could pm us where you live so we can offer some concrete ideas on how to proceed.  It is clear everyone here wants to ease your pain.  Maybe some of us live close to you.

Susan

Im so sorry for what you are going through. Let your angels come in and seround you with peace and hope.  lov Joanne  (God is good)

Good morning Stephanie.  I hope your breathing has eased up and that you experience some comfort, both physically and emotionally.  It is so hard when loved ones do not live up to our expectations and so disappointing when they can't or won't be there for us.  Know that you have thousands of arms around you right now.  If you listen carefully, you can hear us tell you how much you are loved and cherished.