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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    yeah Ded I said to friends that this was going to mess up my schedule....you will get your head in the right place..but is ok to be pissed first.

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  • dee1961
    dee1961 Member Posts: 1,672
    edited May 2009

    Hi Deb,

    Vent away, we all have been there and I think it is totally normal to have the feelings you are having.  Being sick is never convienient. We have all been violated by this damn B C and it sucks and it pisses me off too!!!! Just hang in there! We all will be here for you to vent and holler anytime you need. One day at a time and take deep breaths. You will get through this. I promise. 

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  • dee1961
    dee1961 Member Posts: 1,672
    edited May 2009
    Teresa - are you doing okay, haven't heard from you in awhile.   Smile
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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    Left drain is coming out at 3:30pm... right one will come out late Thursday( it must I have to be out of town to speak at a conference next week)  I wwas just sitting here thinking how much better this Monday is from last and I know next Monday will be better than today. That is how we do it!

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  • dswope
    dswope Member Posts: 70
    edited May 2009

    I'm holding on to your attitude golf!  It seems the closer I get to surgery the more anxious I'm becoming.  My sweet momma is coming tomorrow to help me through this....I had no idea I would be needing her this much at 55yo!  Good luck with the drains...let me know.

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    I had to put my 18 yo cat and best friend down today. I had him since he was 6 weeks old. He slept in my arms every night except for the past week, when we began deteriorating. I'm bringing his ashes back.. I can barely see through my tears.

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  • crazy4carrots
    crazy4carrots Member Posts: 5,324
    edited May 2009

    Oh Amy, I feel so badly for you.  I know how devastating it can be to say goodbye to a much-loved furball -- been through it a few times.  Eighteen years is a long time, and I'm sure he was as loving as he was loved (or maybe she?).  Just know that we feel for you.

    Hugs, Linda

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    Thanks linda, thanks a lot. You're such a supportive friend.  Little One had me wrapped around his little paw and I would have had it any other way.

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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    One drain out It did not hurt at all!  My doctor uses Jackson/Pratt drain with round tubing.  I was amazed.  The right one is coming out Friday at the latest. 

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  • dee1961
    dee1961 Member Posts: 1,672
    edited May 2009

    Amy,

    So sorry to hear about your baby. My heart is broken for your loss.

     (((HUGS)))

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    Golf- I'm so happy you didn't have any pain. I hope I didn't unnecessarily scare you.

    Thanks Dee. Last night was tough without him in bed. The others came and went, but no one way under my arms or with me all night. Also, this morning no one was bugging me to get up and feed him... that was strange.

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  • dswope
    dswope Member Posts: 70
    edited May 2009

    Sorry for your loss NoH8.  Our "critters" become such a big part of our family it is devastating when we have to let them go.  He must also have been a great comfort during your battle with this awful disease. Hugs from me too.

    I had the weirdest dream last night.....the screen names of all of you were on these "pac-man" like creatures, and you were all chomping away at my cancer just as if I was playing pac-man.  I keep hearing visualization helps, but who would've figured I'd go there!  I'm so glad you are here.

    Thanks

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  • TorchSong
    TorchSong Member Posts: 348
    edited May 2009

    Amy I am so sorry... I had to do the same a year ago for my beloved dog Morgan. It is so hard. Hugs to you.

    Deb Hey we ar here to help each other! lol Pacman...

    I saw my onc for follow-up yeserday. He says every three months for three years, then every six months for two more years. Any lumps, odd feelings, call them immediately. They're makng the appointment for my port removal... I had thought that would just be part of one of the routine visits, the way everyone talks about getting done in the doctor's office. SOunds like it might be a bit more here. Also, I had it flushed yesterday and the onc nurse said it had shifted sideways... the port, I mean.

    I hope everyone is having weather as good as we are hvaing here! Sunny, clear, and high 60's!

    Hugs

    Martha

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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    Deb

    I love the PacMan vision...we will all chomp away at it for you.  I know surgery is getting close so take extra care of yourself.  My mother came too and I have to say she was a trooper. After a week it nice to have house back to normal.   Post as you can so we will know how you are doing..Be strong you will win....

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  • TorchSong
    TorchSong Member Posts: 348
    edited May 2009

    Feeling vaguely depressed and down today--I think it's having to go into day surgery to have the port out. I was expecting something quick and easy in the doctor's office, for one thing; for another, my (now ex-) partner was with me when I had it put in, so the whole idea is bringing up those memories...one of our last good weekends, to be honest.

    That and two people I know who have been recently diagnosed with bc--I saw both of them at the cancer centre yesterday...I hate to think of them dealing with all the stuff I had to deal with, and it reminded me of all that too. 

    Yep, definitely a glass-of-wine night!

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    Torch- I and the same reaction to port removal. I was only given a local anesthesia- I could drive myself there and back. I was awake the whole time and felt nothing. I didn't look, I don't like seeing myself bleed.

    Thanks for all the well wishes--- honestly the loss is getting worse, not better.  My cats were looking for him yesterday, letting out cries when they couldn't find him. I thought that was so weird, because they didn't seem to like Little One that much when he was alive-- probably because of his permanent seat on my lap. I don't think there will ever be another cat who I am that simpatico with Cry .I hope when I get his ashes back I will feel more of his presence, because right now it just feels like absence.

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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    I went to oncologist yesterday and he confirmed no chemo, no radiation and no drugs. I walked by the chemo room in the office...All of you who have done that are rock stars. going to an oncologist office enforced for me how lucky I have been in this whole thing...I will not complain about the last drain. I am not sure I made my choice because I was so strong, or because I knew I would suckat chemo etc.  We all do what feel is right.   Torch  Good luck with port removal. I am sorry it is bringing up older sad memories, but it sounds like no more chemo so that is HUGE thing to focus on as positive.  of course wine is old too.

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  • pomegranate
    pomegranate Member Posts: 38
    edited May 2009

    Hi Amy and all,

    Just checking in. Oh my heavens Amy, I am so sad that you don't have your best friend furbaby now. How hard it is when we have to have our companions put to sleep. I'm so sorry you had to have this happen--right after Mothers' Day weekend.

    I kept the ashes of my first kitty for ever and finally laid him to rest in our garden, planting a beautiful camillea bush over him. I have now done that with 2 of my favorite little female kitties. Leia, the recent kitty to be put to sleep (had stomac cancer) has the prettiest cami bush with bright pink flowers. I love to sit on the deck and look at my garden.

    I'm so sorry about Little One. Don't feel bad if you cry for awhile. And the other kitties are probably going through some kind of grieving process--I know my border collie did when his best buddy died--we went out the next day and got another dog. Now the two are inseparable.

    Will keep you in my thoughts. 

    pomegranate 

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    GOLF- YAY!!!!!!!  Glad you don't need more tx. You are so much like I am. I kept thinking how lucky I was throughout the whole ordeal-- I could have had a higher stage, I could have gotten a rare cancer with little research, I could have gotten a cancer with less support than breast cancer, etc. etc. etc. It's nice to know another positive thinker here! You could have dealt with chemo-- it's harder to watch someone go through it or imagine what it's like than to actually have it. I never threw up, I was tired more often and I did feel nauseous a lot.

    Thanks Pome- I think what you did with the bushes is beautiful. I might do the same if I owned my home.  The other cats are moving on... they're all in the same room with me much more often. Little One was a bit of a me hog, so I think they are enjoying more individual attention without Little One's jealous glares, LOL. I think it's the little things I miss the most-- like when he licked my eyelids to wake me up in the morning and his head butts if I wasn't getting out of bed quick enough.

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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    Girls    DSWOPE is having her surgery now>>>>so let's keep positive thoughts going her way.  We are her PacMan force eating cancer woka woka. Go Deb!!!

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  • TorchSong
    TorchSong Member Posts: 348
    edited May 2009

    Woka woka woka....destroying cancer cells here....

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    DSWOPE=== I hope your surgery goes well and you're home soon!!!!!!!!!!

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  • dee1961
    dee1961 Member Posts: 1,672
    edited May 2009

    Good luck Deb, thinking about you =)

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    Thinking of you deb!!!!

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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    Deb

    Am thinking of you. I hope you are doing well.  Hang in there...we are waiting to hear how you are doing...woka woka......

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  • dswope
    dswope Member Posts: 70
    edited May 2009

    Hey everybody.......I made it!  Been a little hazy...think they really loaded me up with anethesia!  Have had to take pain meds to sleep at night, but starting to feel human today.  Yeah!  The surgeon says no cancer in the nodes.  Thanks to all of you for your support.....I know I'll be here as often as I can to lend support (actually, I'll probably need some more).  I'm not as devastated as I thought I would be about loosing my breasts......cancer gone!!!!!!!

    You all have been great.

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  • Lovegolf
    Lovegolf Member Posts: 513
    edited May 2009

    DEB   Way to go !!!I am so glad for you.  Yeah the fog can be thick for awhile.  Pain meds do help with sleep.  Other one of us with cancer gone!!!!!!!!  I am off(driving myself) out of town for conference...I have been trying on my "work" clothes. Skin still feels tight so am wearing SOFT undershirt under dress shirts.

    Oh another thing I found that help was pin the drains to soft sleeveless undershirt...easier than the belt thing they sent me home with.

    So glad to hear from you ...Woka woka  You won cancer lost!!!

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  • NoH8
    NoH8 Member Posts: 2,726
    edited May 2009

    Great to hear how well you're doing. I'm glad losing your breasts wasn't as bad as you thought. I'm always glad when I make it through things easier than I thought I would. Do you need chemo and/or radiation?

    When I had the drains I wore a denim jacket with inside pockets and stuck the drains in the pockets.

    Golf- I never got a belt thing for my drains-- what was that like? Good idea to wear something under your work clothes,  I bled/drained on some of my clothes for a few weeks afterwards, partcularly tossing and turning at night.

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  • dee1961
    dee1961 Member Posts: 1,672
    edited May 2009

    Awesome news Deb! Get lots of rest, you need it to heal. Hopefully you won't need any further tx. Take care!

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  • TorchSong
    TorchSong Member Posts: 348
    edited May 2009

    Yay Deb! Keep us posted on your progress!

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