Not for the easily offended
Comments
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I'm happy to see that Cherneski posted a few hours ago -- I was scrollling through, worried that she left! That would have been so sad, someone leaving just for expressing her feelings, looking for some support. Geesh, I swear so much I'd make a drunken sailor blush!! I was brought up that a word is just a word. There are some awful words I will never say. But if I feel like saying sh*t, saying shoot just won't work, doesn't have the "oomph" of sh*t.
Cherneski, I'm glad you're still here!
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I did read the original post, and most of what followed, and I can say that i was not offended, and if I was, well then so what?? Would I report it? Nope. Just move on, and let Deb or whoever express themselves as they see fit. As shocking as this may be, I have used that word when I'm really sick of things, and when my family or friends hear that dreaded "F:" word, they know that all buttons have been pushed!
Just as a thought, I wonder if these people that are just soooooooooooo offended ever read contemporary novels, or watch movies that have plenty of "realisim". Does anyone here that does hear the words "Golly Gee Whiz" coming from a police officer's mouth? I haven't. Nor, I have a read it. So, the questions stands...do you read or go to the movies? Have you watched tv?
So to the "community" who is playing censor----come on and think here. Golly Gee!! Don't you ever get just a tiny bit angry and just let loose with a word now and then? Dag--nabit!
Jennifer
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Why aren't the censors coming out and defending their position? My guess is that they realize how ridiculous they are! If they felt so strongly about being offended and wanted to keep the boards free from the F word, surely they would want to state their case. I think it's someone who enjoys playing games and staying annonymous.
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Cherneski - Girl, you rule!
Lisa - He absolutely has to be the biggest piece of garbage around. Karma will get him, girl. Keep that chin up, you are a beautiful woman.
I am 62 and everytime I look at my breast or accidently hit it with my arm, etc., my only words are always "F*ck Cancer".
Linda
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Ok, To clear somethings up so everyone can see why I was banned from the site.
This is the avatar I had up with the original post.
After they took my post down is when I changed it back to what it was before. There was NOTHING offensive about my pic with the post. It was the post they didnt like.
My next post will be the original post with XXXs where I guess they should have been in the first place.
My biggest problem is that I am not the only one that has been banned from the site. I believe one of us has been banned because of what she wrote in support to me. I am in contact with her and will find out. My ban was supposed to be until May 22nd until I emailed, and called. I am in need NOW not May 22nd. I need to be able to communicate with people NOW who understand me, not May 22nd.
I DID NOT follow the rules so I was banned. Well all anyone needed to do was say hey Deb, clean up those bad words and all will be good. For those of you who did not see the original post it is coming (cleaned up) and I think I captured a bit of what we all feel from time to time.
I wrote the post after my 14 y/o beautiful daughter broke down to me asking me "how do you know you will not die?". That was the fuel of the post.
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This is the original post with me covering my butt to make sure they dont ban me again.
This is what I got in an email from BC.org
**Please do not respond to this email as it is automatically generated.***
Breastcancer.org believes that abuse of the Discussion Boards is a serious offense.
One of your Posts has been reported and removed by the Community for one or more of the following reasons:
- The Post is spam- The Post contains a solicitation to buy products or services
- The Post contains threatening, hateful, or abusive language
Topic:
Not for the easily offended by cherneski
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/6/topic/733939/733939
Post text:
About a week ago, I posted a question about recon. As my ps told me I could not do immediate recon because of how heavy I smoke. So I would have liked very much to find out if others had gone through this.My avatar at the time was XXXX cancer . Although I did not get an answer I was told that my avatar offended someone because she really did not like the f word.
I changed my avatar because I do not want to be offensive to anyone and certainly don't want to alienate anyone on this board from me.
I waited for a response for someone that might be help me.
No response to my question just that changing my avatar was positive and that fighting cancer with a positive attitude is so golly gee nice !
By the way I quit smoking 2 weeks ago.
Bilateral mastectomy was done Wednesday May 6 th, SNB, no recon, no TEs.
Went home with drains and no breasts on Thursday. My 4 children are scattered with family so that my husband can take care of me. Thank God for them and him. My best friend of 8 years for some reason decided that this was all way too much for her to handle and she bailed on me. Yes I mean bailed, she told me she can't be friends with me anymore, WTX (abreviation of what the XXXX). Trust me many more people have stepped up in her place. My 6 year old keeps telling me it is kinda weird that I don't have b@@bs ( I need to be very careful what I write I dont want to offend anyone) anymore. My 4 year old left the hospital in tears because I started throwing up in front of him. My husband has turned into a rock, but I watch him as he weeps quietly when he thinks I am sleeping.
My 14 year old daughter asked me today if she can still stay at her friend's house today. Yes I tell her and she breaks down with uncontrollable tears! Are you sure this isn't going to kill you? Are you sure it won't come back? What if it comes back? Are you sure you are ok? What if it kills you?
I assured her the best I could that we are doing ALL that we can to get this sXXX the heck out of my body! I will fight it! And I have so many people fighting with me! XXXX Cancer! I will win this one. We cried and held each other the best we can with my drains, and off she went. Because at 14 you know that was way too much emotion to deal with. That is fine I will hold her more later.
If my writings of MY real life and MY real feelings offend you, please do not read anything I write. I will not go after any one person. BUT you are darn right I am not going to be kind to cancer! To have a positive attitude, I do. XXXX Cancer! Get the heck out of my body! Stay away from me and my family! How dare you make my family cry! The F word offends you?! The word cancer offends me! It has stolen family and friends from me. It is selfish and evil. The F word is a slang~big deal. Cancer had given me more than I care to have ever wanted and taken more that I can ever explain. I am tired of what it has done already. This is a fight I did not wish to get into, I asked several times for the bully to back off and it didn't. Well now it is on! I will not fight you with a positive attitude! X YOU! I will however be posiitve to the GREAT things I have in life. My family, my friends. They are true blessings and I will not take them for granted.
However I will show no respect for cancer. Cancer has taken me from a self confident independent woman, mother, wife and friend to a lost little kid in the mall. The best part about the lost little kid is I was not her for very long. I may feel alone for a short time, but then there is someone who comes and reminds me what I am all about! I am not cancer, cancer is not me. XXXX cancer!
To all of us fighting our way to where ever we are going, here is to you! Luv Deb
This is the remainder of the email sent by BC.org to follow
(Note: Some content may be stripped.)
If you have multiple Posts removed by the Community you will be temporarily banned from the Community.
Continued removals will result in a permanent ban.
Sincerely,
The Breastcancer.org TeamPlease note I put XXX where I originaly had cuss words, MOST of them were already phased out like Dog would have been d@g, you know so you can get the picture.
The reasons that they gave me I still dont understand. Yes this is a hateful post. Hateful to cancer.
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all's well that ends well. We're all still here for now.
this is a great community of like minded people. We all want to help each other. I am blown away sometimes by the eloquent, heart felt responses to complete strangers.. the perfect words for terrified woman... the experiences shared that help a gal who is suddenly confronted by a totally different future.
the way i see it we are all lucky to be here, all lucky to have the opportunity to fight the cancer the beast, all lucky to continue to be here for our families. some of us won't last for 30 years and some of us will. We are given a life and will continue to live it, hopefully well.
i've always had a strong sympathy for those with disability, my blind piano student who is singing the National Anthem at an upcoming Royal's game in May, my Down Syndrome brother in law who has outlived 3 of his siblings, who can't read or write and is very sensitive about his handicap, yet who is almost always insanely happy....my own disabled brother who wants to quit his excellent job at the post office because people make fun of him,.. my friend who has advanced Parkinson's Disease and is must soon go into a nursing home, because he is too big for his wife to take care of him.. you know, his brain is still 100% there and I'm sure when his wife has to wipe and change him he cringes inside and misses the normalcy of sexual relations and the ability to move unfettered by muscles that don't work.
Our disability is not that bad in comparison.. many of us have a fighting chance to live full productive lives, to contribute to our children's future, to leave a legacy and this forum is so helpful.. so comforting in it's numbers..
so we are missing a boob or two.
Debi, i have a 9 year old daughter with the brain of a much older person.. She bought me a wigstand at a garage sale, she cuts "how to put on eyebrows' out of magazines, and gives me little gifts. she let me have her hair extensions
The reality of my cancer is just part of her being now. She bought me a little ornament at a garage sale that said "Grandmother of the Bride" I laughed when I opened it, because I'm 53 and she's 9 and the chance of me being a grandmother is pretty slim.. I told her "Klara - I doubt if I'm going to last that long and she said " I know.. but the ornament is small enough that we can just stick it under your back in the coffin". Jeez. that kind of blew me away.. that she accepted so readily the fact that I might not see her children. She is not sad tho and for that I am very grateful. I still seem to be the happy helpful momma... and i can thank this forum for that. the worst part of this journey outside of the mental challenge of projecting peace and happiness when in reality i scream inside, were those darn drains.. Thank god they were only in me a few weeks..
yuk
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I seem to have missed the whole thing. But by reading through it all, I have a grasp on what took place.
First, I was not offended by your Avatar. While I do not use the F word, I certainly understood your sentiment behind using it. I can't imagine anyone reporting a sister in pain. Support is what we all need right now. I am 61 yrs. old. My husband has passed 2 years ago. All my children are grown & live far away.(I have a great support system in my community) I cannot imagine how it is for you to have 4 children & to go through this. Not only do you have to deal with all your emotions, but theirs as well.
As with you Cher, I did have one friend who has not been around either. Actually, she kinda left when my husband passed. On a side note, it is truly amazing to see those around us step up & be there for us!
Anyways, I'm glad you are back posting. It's so important that we have a place where we can share, cry, laugh & yes, vent with each other. And I Do Thank This Board & the Moderators for giving us the chance to do that!
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Beautiful Apple! So eloquently written and expressed. I thank you for being a prime example of just how it is this site can work. As you said, heartfelt responses of total strangers. What a blessing to be able to touch and be touched by the beauty of each other's souls. You are indeed one of the angels on this site! Surely it makes up for the infantile behavior of a few!
God Bless you sister!
xoEllen
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Apple: I might have to print out your post from today and put it next to the computer for help on days where keeping perspective is harder. Thank you
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Debi,
Thanks for sharing your original post with us. I by no means was offended. You spoke exactly how you were feeling. I am sure that writing that post after hearing those questions from your daughter...was truly from anger! It's ok..to hate cancer...
Apple..your post is just breath taking! Thank you for sharing. More importantly..thank you for sharing your Klara with us! That is one amazing young lady!! I am so impressed. YOU have done an incredible job as a mother!! You are blessed.
It's so true, how Apple expressed, how a total stranger's action or word can make us feel so much better at a time when we are feeling low. I got about 100 cards during my journey (and I have kept everyone of them), and they all seemed to arrive at my home...just when their words or sentiments were needed. Friends..family..there is nothing better !!!
xoxo
Lisa
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I just think there are a number of people on this site who don't have a good grasp of the English language and they don't know what "offend" means...but they do know the F-word. Says a lot for their lifestyle!
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Apple - you brought tears to my eyes...beautifully said!
Chernisky - so glad you are back sweets!
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Wonderful post, apple. Big hugs!!
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Debi, I saw nothing offensive about your post. You put into words what everyone is thinking. I can't believe that some people could be so small-minded as to have your post removed.
Apple, beautifully said.
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Debi I'm glad you're back! In my mind you are a true Warrior Woman - the fighting Irish in me felt the exact same way when I was first dx'd..........and for a while my avatar was Signourney Weaver killing Alien sporn (that's how I visualized breast cancer). So keep on fighting Debi - things will get better, over time, and I'll be praying for you and your family.
Apple - you are my new warrior angel - thank you so much for your wonderful post that indeed puts my own plight into perspective!
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Deb, I just read your post for the first time (missed the original) and I am baffled as to how any "BC Sister" ("F" word user or not) could not have felt your pain, could have read that post and instead of feeling compassion and shedding a tear they were personally offended. The anger, the sadness, the hurt and fear that you conveyed - OMG - someone did not get that????????
IMO - this has got to be someone who is so heartless in their everyday life - I am so beyond words. I understand those who choose not to use the "F" word, it is fine, but this person(s) just kicked someone when they were down.
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I totally agree, Cathi.
Deb, so glad you're here!!!!!!
And Apple, it's no surprise your own little "apple" -- Klara -- didn't fall very far from the tree! You are both wonderful !!!
and in case anyone missed it, check out Apple's hilarious poem "FOR the Easily Offended":
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I am truly glad that things are settling down. There are some ladies here that write beautifully the things a lot of us feel but are unable to put in print. Thank you Deb for your post even though it brought you nothing but grief. It rang true for so many. Apple for your beautiful insite. And to all others for the words you write to help me get through each day. I thank you all!
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I am grateful to posters like Cherniski and Apple because you both so elequently put those raw emotions, the ones chip away who you used to be, into words. Once they are words, they seem easier to deal with.
Since I tend to run from my emotions, reading your posts is very therapeutic for me. Thanks for posting.
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I have a mom who HATES the "F" word. After I got dx'ed I started a blog
& typed F**K CANCER one day. My mom who has all her friends read my blog wrote in my guestbook how she had the power to edit my blog (I gave her he password to update when I had surg.) but that since it was my blog & my feelings she just could not bring herself to do it. Since that day I can't bring myself to swear on it. I know it will offend her. I can't do it our of respect for her. She gave me a reason to respect her by how she handeled it. I HAVE NO RESPECT for those who reported you. They don't deserve respect. Since I can't swear I ahve a comprimise.... I say CUCK FANCER! I even have a shirt that now read's "CUCK FANCER.... I am a SURVIVOR". A friend asked me what I would want a shirt for chemo days & this was what I told her. She had it made for me & the guy who did it prints ton's of shirts for me & fellow survivors now. Foir only $10. I love him. My loval paper did a series of articles on me & a man liked my saying so much that he made mea hand carved wine box with the pink ribbon & this saying on it. Anyway I agree with you... CUCK FANCER!!!!! HUGS to you. This is ahrder on our kids then anything. It has been pure hell for my 4. Even my youngest at only a year knows things are not right. -
Such clear, and appropriate words... the F with others who take offense. Just after my hair fell out and my sister visited me and shaved the stubble off, we went out sight seeing (I am in Va, she in CO). It was time to get some lunch and a "street person" followed us in the the fast food place.
I had on a baseball cap to camoflague my naked head. The street person kept bumping into me and remarking (loudly) Hey, lady... buy me lunch, you got money, I know you are rich.
Sis and I turned around and went outside and down the blocke, turned around and back to the food place. He kept following us, bumping into me and repeating the above. When we got inside, he did it again and I tore off my cap, put MY face right in his and screamed: Get the F... away from ME, you do NOT mess with a bald bitch. Everyone in the place clapped and yelled. My sis stood with mouth open. The guy tore out so fast I thought he was going thru the window and not the door... I thought we should have gotten a free meal !!!!
So, the jest of this is: F has it place and time. It is a word stronger then shoot, dang, damn, or crap. It does have its time and place. This is called "freedom of speech", right?
On that note, take a moment or two to reflect on our veterans this weekend. Fly a flag if you have one. Say a prayer, if you are the praying type, for all the military heroes, veterans, and their families, active duty, retired, deceased.
I have made plastic canvas soda/water bottle holders with CANCER SUCKS and handed out at chemo and to the nurses. The nurses wear buttons with it on and I have not heard one single person object or be "offended". I too wear the button, bright pink in color. It does SUCK, it always will and no one is gonna change that.
How my heart aches for those of you with children. Extra special HUGS for you and gentle HUGS for everyone else.
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The strength of the fighting spirit in this thread is amazing. I have felt many emotions since being diagnosed. Shock at the word cancer in reference to me (even though my mother died of ovarian cancer, I still felt it wouldn't happen to me.) Dispare, when thinking of my two beautiful girls, ages four and seven, who diserve to have a healthy mom. Dispare for myself - I deserve to see my kids grow, I diserve to look forward to a future. Then there is denial - the days when I hear myself telling others that everthing is still OK. Do I believe that? I think I need to feel the anger, but it hasn't happened yet. I think the anger, once felt may fuel my fight. While reading the posts on this site, I felt energized by the emotion. My chemo starts monday. I want to be ready for the fight.
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Get ready
Here we go
Cant really get a great pic of the whole thing
My new look for about the next 10 days
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
So very sorry if anyone is offended by the words on my head~lol
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LOL!
Not a bit offensive, imo. -
I LOVE your head Deborah!!!!!!!
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Deborah I LOVE your hair!.......Yes CANCER SUCKS!........Totally NOT offended by ANYTHING on this thread....It clearly says NOT for the easily offended...So if you are easily offended don't go there!....LOL.......
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Deborah, Another thank you for repeating your original post. What could possibly be more appropriate to say when one is slammed with this life changing disease.
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You go girl!!
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I love the people I have met on these threads.
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