Not for the easily offended

AnnNYC

Lisa -- it's all about the avatar -- that's IT.  And, perhaps, "punishing" Cherneski for her heartfelt plea for understanding from people who could relate to her feelings, and a wish to be left alone by the people sending her moralistic PMs!  As I said in a PM to the Moderators, I hope they look carefully at who has been doing the deleting -- because IIRC, none of the deleted posts were spam or hateful communication -- they were in support of Cherneski.

Again, "the community" only has to be 5 or 6 usernames -- probably the same ones sending scolding PMs to Cherneski in the first place.

JanMarch

It should also be pointed out that when Cherneski originally posted this thread (or at least when I read it yesterday), her avatar was a picture of herself.  She had changed it from the one that drew fire from the morality police on a different thread and posted this thread asking for understanding about why she had chosen the avatar to begin with.  I'm glad she changed it back.

Beesie

cherneski,

Since I'm sure that the moderators will soon delete this whole thread - that's how contentious issues tend to be dealt with here - before that happens, I wanted to say that I read your original post and I was not offended. 

I also love your avatar and have loved it from the first time I saw it.  I only wished that I had thought of it first.

I try to avoid all the "social" threads on this board because I've learned over time that inevitably someone says something wrong and battle lines are drawn and it gets ugly.  And those are the situations where the "report this post" button tend to be misused.  Because I avoid those threads, I hadn't been exposed to this type of misuse very often.  I will repeat here what I've said every time this issue has come up.  The Report This Post button is a very valuable tool for those of us who offer advice and support on the diagnosis and treatment threads.  It allows us to get rid of spammers much more quickly than if we had to report the spam to the moderators and wait for the posts to be deleted - that was the old process, and it could take days for posts to be deleted.  For this reason, I think that that Report This Post button is necessary.  But it is being misused, mostly in "social" type situations.  The solution to the misuse is, in my mind, very simple.  Option one: Whenever the Report This Post button is pushed and a post is deleted, the names of the 5 or 6 members who pushed the button should be listed publicly below the "This Post has been removed by the Community" message.  That would stop the abuse pretty quickly.  As someone who uses the button to eliminate spam posts, I have no problem if my name is listed whenever a post is deleted.  Option two:  I assume that the moderators know who has pushed the "report this post" button when a post has been deleted.  If it's determined that the reason for the deletion was strictly personal - i.e. the post was not spam - then after one misuse of the button, the member should be warned.  After two misuses of the button, the member should be warned again.  And after the third misuse of the button the member should be permanently banned from this website. 

In my opinion, the deletion of cherneski's posts in this thread were a misuse of the Report This Post button and the members who deleted these posts should be held accountable.

cherneski, I am so sorry that all of this is happening. You did nothing wrong.

kmccraw423

Bessie is right - that is exactly how it should work.  Anything less breeds abuse.  Its easy to be the moral police when you can do it and hide.

Cherneski I am so sorry you have to put up with them. 

desdemona222b

The pathetically funny part is the offensive word still shows up even though the post has been deleted!  LOL!  I'd love to know who the numbskulls are who can't deal with adult language - they must be pretty upset right about now since deleting the post didn't delete the word.

lexislove

Well, I'm offended that people on this site have allowed themselves to be "police" on this so called offensive post. Especially..a newly diagnosed womans post!!!!

Tabbygirl521

I love that Cherneski's avatar still displays, even if some people felt compelled to censor her honest emotion.

This thread came with a warning that it's not for the easily offended. Why didn't the self-righteous HEED that? And...are you kidding? KIDS read this forum? I can only imagine the nightmares that result.

I didn't realize it took only a few witch-hunters to nuke an HONEST post from someone who is suffering. And the idea that newly diagnosed women had their anger and frustration censored - yeah, that IS offensive.

lexislove

Tabby we posted at the same time.... Great minds DO think alike...lol

Tabbygirl521

HA, Lexislove! It's true.

Anonymous

I can't believe that the "community" has been allowed to do this.  This has to stop.  Members should NOT have the right to censor.  I'm sure if there was a way, the "community" would have removed the avatar also.

This place is not the place I came to when I was first diagnosed.

apple

we've all been terrified, cried ourselves to sleep, wanted to yell at our children, screamed in the shower... we all hate cancer.

this forum has been a godsend for me.  i cry for those who grieve their short lives, dance with those who get good reports. 

free speech is good.  not that anyone wants my opinion ..i fully agree that sales, porn and spam should be immediately deleted.. heartfelt sharings - well, that is a part of what we are. 

 i moderate a forum and know how difficult it is to please everyone.  it is a thankless job, so thank you moderators if you are reading.

free speech is good.

desdemona222b

Listing the people who report the post is an outstanding idea, beesie. 

Anonymous

I agree that children deserve to be protected, but a little sanity is in order here. 

The Mojo thread sometimes has posts that contain TMI for my tastes.  I just skip reading the rest of that post, and move on to the next one that might contain valuable information for me. 

Do any of you who were offended by this thread allow your young children to read the Mojo thread over your shoulder?  If you don't allow them to read there, why would you allow children to read a topic that is labeled "Not for the easily offended?

On the other hand, if a thread labeled "things to do with our kids" had ANY inappropriate language or content, I would be the first one to push the report this post button.  Do you understand the difference?

This should not be a place where we have to be good little girls and never say anything that isn't uplifting and positive.  If we can't vent here, where can we?

Anonymous

I absolutely agree that listing the names of the people reporting a post is a great idea. 

desdemona222b

I haven't seen a single objector to the original post make any remarks whatsoever.  Where are they?  Patmom, I don't read the Mojo thread either for the same reason but I certainly think the women who participate in that discussion have every right to and I hope they are having a lot of fun with it.   

my3girls

Beesie...You said it so well!! I agree with your way of "monotoring and reporting".  I too had no idea that members were the ones who could get something taken away!  I think that is crazy. They can report something easily..BUT, it should be up to the monitors to look it over, read it..and make a logical decision on if it should be removed or not!   Think for a minute...you are on one of those "political" threads (which I personally stay far away from) and you offend someone..then they seek you out...find a post you make on a TOTALLY different thread.."find it offensive" and report you.  They are not REPORTING you for the "RIGHT" reason..but that of a self served reason.  I think the way it's handled is very very wrong!  It needs to be changed!

Sorry Cherneski...I really am...I hope you come back...come over to "please help" the thread was started by sueps...back in Sept. 07. We are all loving and very TOLERABLE of any rants you may want to have!  I love your avatar too.  In fact...everytime (which is too often) I hear of someone else who has cancer or died from it...that is my response....F*$@ cancer!

xoxo

Lisa

1Cathi

Cherneski - I second what Lisa says - come over to Please Help,  these gals are the best and have helped me so much over the past year. And 'RANTS" are very ok.  Well who knows, maybe now all our posts will be deleted. 

As someone who has recently posted about nasty PM's  I feel your hurt. I am so sorry that at this point in your life - you must also deal with CHILDREN.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF - CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS73

what happened now?  I tried to post last night but exceeded my posting allowance.

Could the issue with bco just be about the avatar (guessing).  would bco get in trouble bc there are words next to a licenced logo??  Although, not sure what you wrote just now that got deleted, missed it.     

I like/d all of the logos though. I want to get that hat that says fuck cancer.  It was on a doc - crazy, sexy cancer. 

hang in there! 

holtbolt

Well,  well,  well this all goes to show that ALL kinds of people get cancer.... good, tolerant people as well as judgemental jackasses.  Whomever reported Cherneski's post and caused this... well.. you are in the second group I mentioned.  Get over yourself.. we are supposed to be here to help each other.  WTF! 

Dx 11/22/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

Anonymous

There is nothing offensive with her avatar. Really..........TATAS..........no worse than BOOBIES or any other word substitute for BREAST. This whole deleting thing is getting very tiresome and SUCKS a big one!

Great idea Beesie!

If it offends you get the F##K off the thread! hahaha...LOL

junie

alkuyg  fjyhbvv  flllgg  yyyuk.......sorry!   Having a really hard time trying to keep my post within the undefined parameters of acceptability.  I'm curious--are these bc.org cyber police paid positions?  If so, I'd like to apply for the next vacancy, although not sure I could fully enforce such arbitrary censorship edicts directed by some cyber possee.   I have been a supporter of bc.org for, I think, 6 years.   Lots of changes.   Oh, Lord--anyone who has been offended by any of this should be so glad you weren't here back then--lots of pain and anger and hurt that was most graphically discussed--and no one was EVER called on the carpet.   Nothing but love and support and understanding.

Over these years there have been many updates to the bc.org site in an attempt to accommodate its growing community  They have grown from a community of 2,000 with 4 threads to post on when I first joined, to currently over 50,000 registered users with the myriad of threads you see today to post.   I say big kudos to them for expanding to accommodate their users.   Hopefully, a moderator is seeing and evaluating all this needless bashing/trashing that is going on and will take steps to alleviate this problem.

At the risk of being "reported" I will frankly ask you all...what is the dif between spelling out the word fuck in a post or typing WTF ?????   I have 8 grandkids and I can bet that only the two who are only 1 and 2 years old are the only ones who don't know what WTF means when they see it on a computer screen.   C'mon, doesn't take but a sec to minimize your screen if someone comes into the room...

gentle hugggssss to ALL

geebung

Cherneski, I read your original post and wasn't at all offended. I found it powerful, sad, heartrending and honest. Surely, everyone could relate to it? I feel terribly sad that you might have left these boards at a time when you need to vent and have the support of others who have walked your walk. Please, please come back! I am another one who would love to have you on the 'Please Help' thread but I'm sure you would be welcome anywhere on these boards by 99% of the posters.

oxoxo

Jane

PS - Beesie - I heartily agree with you!

TexasRose

I am so confused. Was there a thread deleted? The one with banned in the title? I responded on that thread and now it's gone. I think. Hell, maybe I dreamed the whole thing.

Anyway, I said in that thread that your post reminded me of myself. When I got the diagnosis, I was shocked and scared like all of us I'm sure. After a couple of hours (and probably a few drinks!) I told my husband- "F*ck cancer!" He just smiled and said that was the wife he knew and loved and he had been waiting for her to show up again. Your post and avatar certainly didn't offend me. If poeple are offended, they should just ignore the thread. I don't know who the cyber posse is and I don't care, but everybody deserves support. Cancer is ugly and sometimes it requires some ugly words.

Anonymous

TexasRose - NO - YOU DIDN'T DREAM THE WHOLE THING...The entire thread was deleted.

my3girls

Once again Cherneski...I see you changed your avatar....did they make you?

I sent you a PM...please come see us on "please help"...2 of my dear sisters from there have also invited you to join us.  I hope that you will!

xoxo

Lisa

cherneski

They did not make me change my avatar.  See the funny thing is the avatar with the F   Cancer was not the one I had with the post I made.  I have the oringinal post and I think I said the F word once without blanking it out and the S word once too.  I will have to double check.  It had NOTHING to do with my avatar.  BUT after they deleted my post, I was (let me be a lady about this so I dont get in trouble) a little peeved.  So I changed my avatar back to the original one I had the week before.  The one I have now is from the night that my hubby and I went out with all of our friends having a goodbye to the ta tas party.  It was a blast.  My friends are the best!  Later after the party I was sitting on the floor melting into my hubby and as content as could possibly be.  Someone snapped the pic.  I think it is my favorite pic of all time.  I cant tell you how protected I felt at that moment.  I really do hope no one complains about the Ta Tas.

I will go over the origninal post and XXX out anything that could get me banned again, but I will post is again, as to me it is sure raw emotion. 

Thank you all for sticking with me you are all beautiful! 

Luv the potti mouth Debi

Marple

I think ta tas are okay to say.  So ta ta for now.

Edit to correct a typo.

my3girls

thanks Deb for explaining it all to us.  Your avatar means so much now that you have explained the "feelings" you had when the picture was taken.  How wonderful that you have such a loving supportive husband! You are blessed.  Now when I look at your avatar...I will think of how protected and great you felt.  The ta ta's are fine to say...lol

Looking forward to reading your original post with the xxxx's in it.

Note...my new husband (hate to call him that..since it only lasted 6 mos.) left me after finding out I had cancer!! He just couldn't bare having it "BE ALL ABOUT ME"!  Unreal...but..hey..I am BETTER OFF now!!!

xoxo
Lisa

Anonymous

my3girls - OMG he left you after SIX MONTHS?????  What a DAWG.  You're right - you're better off without him.

my3girls

Yes he did.  Got married in Oct. 06, dx in March 07, He left with his disrespectful son (whom I a might add was 19 and rude, and threatened to "lay me out") on April 1st. I told him his ADULT son, who threatened me, was not welcome in my home (I ownded the house) because of his threat. (now mind you, this was after my first tx!) He said...if he goes then I go!! Do you believe it?? I said..you do what you have to do. It got really ugly..will leave out details..but he did not want to deal with it, and he couldn't stand that I was getting attention from family, friends etc...you know PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME!!  I had to get a restraining order against him...so there I was dealing with cancer and chemo..and also that A$$!!

water under the bridge!...lol.

So, that is why, when I read something as great as Deb's words about her husband...I melt..so lucky and so blessed!  Someday, I may have that too!

xoxo

Lisa