Not for the easily offended

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  • ADK
    ADK Member Posts: 2,259
    edited May 2009

    Unfortunately, Deb there is a group of folks here that because they have the power, they have appointed themselves to be everyone's censor.  I don't know who these guys are, but I am getting sick & tired of them.  I was not offended by either your avatar or your post.  Whoever you are that thinks you are better than the rest of us and "know what is best", I have a message for you - go away and mind your own business.  You are destroying this website.

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited May 2009

    Stay angry but please control you language, there are kids and grandkids that read here and it is just as easy to express yourself with normal language instead of profanity.  Then we can support you as you need.  I know your mad, hurt, and don't know where to turn and this board is full of wonderful women who can advise you, just please have some respect for all of us.  thank you and wishing you the best.  Sherry

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  • baywatcher
    baywatcher Member Posts: 532
    edited May 2009

    Deb-

    I can't believe your post was pulled. It was a damn good post and said what most of us feel. I hope the moderators will explain why it was pulled. Is fuck that bad of a word? I didn't realize it was so shocking!!

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited May 2009

    Cherneski, this board has had a lot of trouble with the "deleted by the community function."

    I am SO SORRY and SO UPSET that this has happened to you.

    Probably now "the community" will delete this comment of mine as well !!!

    See, "deletion by the community" only takes 5 or 6 people (or 5 or 6 "personas", in the event that someone is "illegally" posting under more than one user name here) to click "report this post" -- and then the post automatically gets deleted...Undecided

    This capability was instituted with good intentions -- to shut down spammers and truly offensive "vandal" types who have nothing to do with BC -- but it has been abused, IMO, by petty individuals who can't tolerate different viewpoints.  Or who are just "mean girls."

    Anyway, I'm sorry this happened to you -- I'm going to write the moderators about it, and I'm going to send you a PM ("Private Message" -- look in the upper right hand corner of the page).

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  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited May 2009

    Whose kids and grandkids are reading here?  I don't think that is appropriate and we should not have to be 'careful' of what we say in fear of youngsters seeing our posts.  This is a subject that causes a lot of negative emotions and difficulties.  Why would anyone let their child read these things?

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited May 2009

    and, Sherry -- why not direct kids and grandkids to CarePages or a Facebook page that you set up for them?  Aren't there many other frank discussions needed here among adult women (about pain, drug reactions, sex, divorces, HOW TO DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS, LOL!, death, preparing for dying, etc., etc.) that might be too much for children to read?

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited May 2009

    Ah, PIP!  I see we are on the same page!  Quel surprise!

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited May 2009

    Sometimes the grandkids come in and look over my shoulder, the GD is too young to find this site on her own but the GS comes here sometimes, if I see it I do get him to change sites but he is curious since his nana had cancer and he is smart and wants to learn all he can.  Seriously why is is necessary to use the language when we have a wonderful vocabulary to choose from that can who our hurt and our anger.  The language is also offensive to Christian people and I know there are a lot on this site.  I am not trying to be mean and I do want to support cherneski but growing up in the south, the word is very offensive to me.  It is JMHO.  Sorry if I have offended anyone.

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  • baywatcher
    baywatcher Member Posts: 532
    edited May 2009

    Sherry-

    If your grandkids are on the internet, they have seen much worse things than the word 'fuck'.

    Deb's title was "Not for the easily offended". You were obviously easily offended. Why did you come here?

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  • pip57
    pip57 Member Posts: 12,401
    edited May 2009

    I am myself a mother who had young children around the computer.  I would never go to any site that I thought would have confusing or disturbing info if my children were anywhere in the vicinity.  I do not think that it is up to us to make sure that your grandkids are not offended.  This is a subject that causes a lot of emotions and some people are unable to put there feelings into words as easily as others.  IF this was a site for youth or a christian site, then you would have reason to be upset. 

    I personally do not use 'that word'.  I do not like 'that word'.  But I will never report someone who is so hurt and angry that it is the word that they feel best describes their feelings. 

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  • ryjuem
    ryjuem Member Posts: 64
    edited May 2009

    i just read through all these posts and your "offensive" avatar was gone, but is now back.  I know of a woman who started a whole FUCK CANCER organization so I thought maybe it was simply a copywrite issue...maybe still is when you add the words to the ribbon.  Whatever, don't get pissed off about that--there are plenty of other things to get pissed off about!  my big grrrrr for today is the damn numbness in my toes and fingers for the past 8 months..

    or if you really want to focus on this...

    http://www.fuckcancer.net/ 

    http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store.aspx?s=humorosis.51387 

    http://wehatecancer.net/

    http://laughingsquid.com/fuck-cancer-fractal-suicide-raising-money-for-cancer-research/

    And so it goes...on and on!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2009

    It takes only 6 people out of the thousands on this board to hit the Report this Topic/Report this Post button to have it removed at least temporarily. 

    You don't have to offend many people in spite of the clear warning in the title of the topic to have your post deleted. 

    Please don't feel that the "whole community" has ganged up on you, it only takes a few.

    If you choose to continue posting here and need to follow the rules, using creative characters in place of some of the letters in potentially offensive words can frequently express the very strong reactions that you are experiencing while still protecting those with delicate sensibilities who insist on reading a topic that warns people that it might be offensive.  

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited May 2009

    No thank you ryjuem, there are enough problems on this site right  now.  I have been here since 2004 and don't remember seeing these words used not even on the political threads and they got pretty bad.  I try to read all post.  Now that I understand that I am not wanted here and no one is unless they use vulgarity I imagine.  Cherneski, if you ever want to talk with just plain old english pm me.  I would like to help you and have been through a whole lot.  they ended up having to do my mastectomy 3 times and then got lymphodema under the rt arm, a huge lump and then was very sick from the chemo so I do have some experiences to share.  I won't post anymore here on this thread but know if you need me pm me.  Thanks and God Bless.

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  • lexislove
    lexislove Member Posts: 2,645
    edited May 2009

    cherneski....

    I have to confess, my 3 yr old reported your post.Sorry.Tongue out

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  • thegoodfight
    thegoodfight Member Posts: 560
    edited May 2009

    I just got an email informing me that my post has been deleted by the Community.   The original topic was clearly stated that it was not for those easily offended, it was merely someone expressing themselves in an honest fashion.  That original post was deleted and the posts of any of us that responded in a way the community found offensive.

    I am glad many of us got to post and read before we were "deleted".   I understand it is a public forum and therefore we must play by the rules.  Apparently you can say what you want as long as you loosely camoflouge, even though any idiot reading can intrepret your code.  

    I will be careful not to make the same f**king mistake again.

    Caren

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  • lexislove
    lexislove Member Posts: 2,645
    edited May 2009

    Well....doesn't this just f--kin suck!!

    Sorry Caren about your thread. *sigh*

    Monopoly anyone?

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  • orange1
    orange1 Member Posts: 930
    edited May 2009

    Darn,.

    I missed it all due the the self-appointed censors.  Please repost. 

    PS love your avatar

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited May 2009

    This is just awful -- two of the women whose posts were deleted I know to be newly diagnosed women -- what has this site become?

    I suggest that the mods look carefully at who has done the deleting.  I think this is really destructive --

    the sentiment "f**k cancer" seems entirely appropriate and has been said here many times since I joined the board.

    but "f**king over" newly diagnosed women by ganging up on them and deleting their comments?

    now THAT offends me.

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  • flash
    flash Member Posts: 1,685
    edited May 2009

    I agree with you Ann. What is going on that people can rule what others say???

    I appreciate and do agree that I would not use the word, however, it is an actual English vocabulary word not just a swear.  While I might not use it, I defend anyone's right to use it.

    I hope all calm down and everyone is able to express themselves. 

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  • REKoz
    REKoz Member Posts: 590
    edited May 2009

    What I find incredible is that women who find this post so offensive to have to report keep coming back to report further offensive posting!! I can understand that there is a large population that would find the language offensive and they certainly have that right. But then to enter into offensive land just to knock people out?? WOW!  I think that's just as sick as they think the original post was. Just STAY AWAY and stop harrassing people! Would you tell your kids to keep going back to a place that offended them? Not fair and extremely self rightous IMO. Mentally healthy adults do not venture into areas uncomfortable for them. PERIOD

    Would I use that avatar? No for that very reason. I do think it is too powerful and disturbing to some. And quite obviously that's true. But that's ME and my opinions do not establish the guidelines for the masses. The recent controversy with the stage 4 gals being offended by posts insinuating "Please don't tell me I'll be like you" resulted in a new thread for those afraid that they may have mets. A wonderful solution IMO. Seems to have pleased both sides of the aisle. Maybe we need a thread entirely devoted to "not for the easily offended" so those that feel the need can express themselves in whatever way works for them. Everyone here should be comfortable and it's as friggin (I find that the best way to express that "word" on a public forum) easy as keeping your friggin finger off the click on this thread!!!  Do these heterosexual women spend time deleting posts on the lesbian with breast cancer thread? Or do they just not even go there?

    Just WOW...the lack of tolerance in our society, in our world is just so WRONG and is at the root of just about every single problem we have. Unbelievably sad...

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  • REKoz
    REKoz Member Posts: 590
    edited May 2009

    PS-

    I should have further added that it is for this very reason, I chose the siggy that I did. Says it all IMO.

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  • don23
    don23 Member Posts: 512
    edited May 2009

    I say for people who get offended this easy - maybe you shouldn't have read this thread. The topic clearly states "not for the easily offended". If you can't handle what is being written you shouldn't be on this particular thread. It does give us a place to vent our anger with this disease. I am sure most of us have felt this way since diagnosed. Oh well, I guess we have to keep some of our comments to ourselves because others can't handle it.

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  • kmccraw423
    kmccraw423 Member Posts: 3,596
    edited May 2009

    REKoz - you said it Sister!  This disease does make you angry and we have every right to feel that way.  Its not fair.  I've wanted to say that lots of time (and have in private).  The language does not offend me (I worked in a newsroom for 6 years!).  I am offended, however, by people flagging an individual who really needs us.

    I don't go on the Stage IV thread because I don't have Stage IV (I am sure if I did I would be a raving mania - okay, worse then I already am.  The only time I go on it is if the title suggests something I can relate to like the death of a pet because I want to add my comfort and prayers.  So if you are easily offended, why did you go on this thread?

    We all know anger will not help us but it is an emotion you have to go through to get to the other side.  Unfortunately, I don't know what is appropriate in terms of anger and getting it out so I certainly need Deb's help and she might need mine.

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  • Biker54
    Biker54 Member Posts: 1,310
    edited May 2009

    The original post was already gone by the time I saw this.  I am assuming that someone had a problem with the language.  It was titled Not For the Easily Offended.  If you thought you were going to be offended, why did you read???

    This is a site for bc survivors, and I'm sorry but children have no business reading here.  The F-word makes perfect sense in certain situations and battling cancer is one of them.  Whoever is reporting these posts needs to move on and get an actual life.

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited May 2009

    I have to agree, If you are EASILY OFFENDED..then why come here?? Oh...I know why...because YOU were HOPING to find something to REPORT!!..That explains it!

    I did not see the original deleted post. But I have two things to say:

    1. If you are offended...go to a different post...why stay and create problems?

    2. If the need is felt to curse....why can't we curse like this.....f*&%*(% Cancer!! ????? Even if a child should read it...they CAN'T.

    Sorry about all of the trouble caused, just because someone is giving their honest feelings..and reaching out.  I thought that is why this board was here.

    Lisa

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  • nancypat
    nancypat Member Posts: 511
    edited May 2009

    I want to say Amen to what REKoz said.  I have been keeping an eye on this situation and she summed up what I was thinking perfectly.  REKoz, you are such a gem! 

    I have to admit (being from the South also) that I'm not comforatable with the F word but I am not comforatable with bc either.  Deb is young and I am not about to foist my old bag standards on her or anyone else.  I would be plenty pissed (can I say that?) if my children were not grown.  I can not begin to imagine the worry.  Speaking of children.  I am more uncomforatable with a child reading these threads.  I am all for educating the youth but I do not think this is the place for that.  My son would go apeshit (whoops!) if he thought I was letting his son peer over my shoulder while I was posting here.  The point I'm trying to make is this.  Would nana want her gs to learn everything he could if she had a vaginal retrocele?  I think not.  Or I would hope not. 

    I probably just got myself in trouble.

    Nancy

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  • JanMarch
    JanMarch Member Posts: 167
    edited May 2009

    Now that Cherneski's original post has been deleted I can't go back and read it to be sure, but I'm almost certain that her post starting this thread here did not contain actual language.  Didn't she used symbols in place of letters for the F word?  Her post was poignant and heartfelt, and I feel terrible that it was decided that it was not fit for the rest of us to read.  She was NOT casually throwing around curse words in a crass and careless manner, she was expressing her anger and fear regarding her recent diagnosis.  

    I posted yesterday in support of her and my post was deleted, too.  Yes, I used to F word and sorry if that offends some people, but I'm a 42 year old woman and if I want to support a fellow BC patient I will.  It's not a word that I use often or liberally, but there are times when certain languages helps to punctuate one's feelings. I assumed that the thread title was enough warning to those who would be offended - the fact that they read anyway and then reported our posts shows pettiness and a lack of caring for someone's suffering.

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  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited May 2009

    Very well said JanMarch!! I agree...100%. Like someone said earlier...get a life!! If that is your goal in life is to create problems and trouble for others..just leave these boards. We have enough to deal with already.

    If she did use symbols..why in the world would the community delete it?? That makes NO SENSE at all!

    Lisa

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  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited May 2009

    i read your post.. glad you've quit smoking - see that you are angry like many of us are. i appreciate that your thread title included warning.  i think it is up to mothers to be responsible about what their children can or cannot read on the computer.. especially 3 year olds who probably don't know how to read all that well yet.

    one thing i've learned is that how we project ourselves to our community at large, and i mean immediate, as in friends, coworkers, neighbors, children is important.  i loftily dream of projecting calm, peace, goodwill and cheerfulness.. i dream of dying well, and suffering gracefully.  but the truth of the matter is, is that is darn hard to be saint breast cancer victim.. 

    Things will get easier as you get used to this breast cancer reality.  good luck to you.  F**k that cancer girl!  be happy.. every day is important and passes all to quickly no matter our longevity or lack of.

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  • mumito
    mumito Member Posts: 4,562
    edited May 2009

    I love the avatar and I wish they would leave you alone to speak your mind. We all really need this outlet.

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