Starting chemo January 2009?

Now that I have " a little" hair growing back everyone asks me....."how do you think you hair will grow back"....."someone I knew had their hair grow back.....this way or that way...."  I feel like say how the heck do I know.....I've never been through this before!!! 

lisalisa, yes, there is a tiny bit of nail underneath, but only close to the cuticle area. 

this link has info about not using alcohol-based nail polish during chemo and why we should not get professional manicures or pedicures without stringent oversight (but that's not just for chemo - that's all the time):

http://www.cancercare.msu.edu/patients-caregivers/symptoms/nail-changes.htm 

Hey Jewels:

Just one more Taxol next Friday!  I can't believe it. I will have had 16 chemo treatments, and I am imaging never again! Today I fell asleep off and on and know I was snoring...nurse said I had a good nap. I'm trying not to nap at home, so that I'll go to sleep before 3 or 4 in the am (I hope!!!)

My radiation sim. keeps getting changed--now on 5-18, with follow up on 5-22, which makes me mad cuz I have a 4 day weekend and was hoping it would be the first without needing to visit the cancer center. At least they canceled this time to "upgrade" the machine. Whatever that means.

Ddlatt--whats tomoradiation (right phrase??) How is it different from other types. I don't even know what I'm getting, but I looked up the cancer center web info and they only have the tomo machine at Summit in Oakland, not Herrick, where I'm going. I 'm so nervous about lung and heart damage I almost feel like bailing out, although I know for me that would be crazy.

Fingernail issues--weird vertical thin brown stripes that I thought were splinters until PrincessKauai told me the same thing happened to her! My thumb nails are hurting. but not discolored. I think it might be more neuropathy.

I bought clear polish, as I heard that could help, but never used it. I don't paint my nails--last time my sister did it for me when I was in her wedding 14 years ago! My daughter said she'd do it for me, and has wanted me to for years. I just keep them short and scrub them when I get home from teaching to get rid of germs. I also use Burt Bees cuticle cream and almond honey hand cream since my hands are so dry.

For those going on an Ai--how did you onc decide which to use. I've read through some of the Hormone tread here, and they all sound terrible.

Was up til midnight consoling dd. I've got to get her a therapist. She can't get her homework done, although that's been an ongoing issue that has increased since my diagnosis, which happened the same time she started high school. I feel so sad. And today she went and paid for her own cartilage ear piercing, which I didn't think was a great idea. She's rewarding herself for doing well swimming, and I feel guilty for not paying for it. I'm really struggling with how negative she is about her looks--and she is so beautiful!!! (really--everyone says so!) and what girls do to feel good about themselves. Just saw the Dr Phil (ok--post tx veg out) where a 17 year old wanted to enhance her breasts!!! I just don't want my dd to get so caught up in that. Of course I guess I'm just an old hippy at heart.

Lisa--During tx's my cuticles receded, but that was about it.  Now, two months after my 4 TC's (last one was March 6) I have four little ridges on my nails that look like tree trunk circles.  Also, I never lost all of my eyebrows, lashes or hair.  I keep waiting for the eyebrows to at least fall out, but no.  Today I noticed that what did fall out of my brows has already started to fill in.  So, there is some light in that tunnel.  You'll see.

Holtbolt--thanks for dropping in--good luck with the Armidex. It may be on my menu too. Don't know what the onc will recommend. Sorry about the trial--I'm hoping that with my below normal bone scan my onc will be willing to just prescribe zometa (still need a dental exam, but need to cross the chemo finish line first!) Sounds like so many Jewels are going through post-chemo blues and worries. Gad--I'm there and am not even post-chemo yet. have a GREAT TRIP!!! (Hope you found some worthy flip flops)

Jess--Thanks for your post. I've been thinking the same--I'm still obsessing about what I went through with diagnosis. I know I've increased awareness among my friends who are demanding ultrasounds and clinical exams with their mammos or ultrasounds. I do believe that fear of finding cancer was a barrier for me in doing GOOD breast exams consistently (sure, I felt around, and have to comfort myself that the professionals couldn't feel it at first til the MRI was done). There is a lot of education out there, but I think sometimes it's conflictual. One of my friends told me her OB gyn said don't bother doing self-exams--we find so many lumps that come and go. And a nurse friend of mine told me the same. And I think women fear what the mammos will find. How to get over that??? I think going with a buddy to mammo, or maybe even insurance mandating mammos for coverage? FOr women without insurance, then maybe some reward for going--coupons. In sf they just got funding for a digital mammo-bile (similar in concept to book mobile or blood bank mobile). This is such a public health issue in so many ways. Not contagious, but just as many women die each year of bc as yearly flu deaths. I do want to get involved more once I finish all my treatment. There's a nonprofit nearby for low-income women with cancer (not just breast), and also a Women's Cancer Resource Center that I at least want to donate to if I don't have time to get involved. Thanks for your thoughts. Keep me posted on your thoughts and plans. It's empowering to think about what can be done to help others.

So, steroid high again. Well I may be an old hippy at heart, but definitely not in practice! I realized this when I left the house to go for a walk this eve and forgot my hat! I had to go back to get one. I felt like I feel when I forget my bike helmet--vulnerable and naked. But in this case I also just didn't want anyone to see me!! I have not embraced the bald, as so many have here and on the thread by that name. Also I didn't want to get mosquito bites. Those buggers are all over now with all our recent rain and warm weather.

Good (early) morning, Jewels,

I had to chime in on the mammogram/self-exam thing.  I find it remarkable that a doctor would say not to bother doing self exams.  I wish I had been more dilligent about doing them!  I was completely not scared to have mammogram and went for a baseline when I was 38.  All clear.  I even have the letter that says no cancer.  5 months later I found a 3cm tumor.  Please don't misunderstand me, I think mammograms are very, very, VERY important.  My point is self exams are too.  If I'd have been doing them I surely would have found the lump earlier.  It's my only regret in this whole debacle.

I hope everyone is feeling good today!

Diane

Computer on chemo...keeping freezing...gotta make this quick.  Freak week at work....many relentsly questioning women of limited analytical ability having emotional meltdowns.  Fun if I can detached.  BF is two years sober right after I finish chemo.  He has really gone for it and is succeeding grandly!  He's really quite an extraordinary guy.  I am so happy and proud.  We can actually resolve issues once in a while! I never dreamed.  Moved into this rented home after dx...using steroid rush to fix up the yard...major improvement...looks like a nice place to live.  I planted yesterday.  Since BF is sober and I have not had a sip in two yrs either. I will probably celebrate when I am done in two weeks by having wine with dinner with his sister.  She's quite the drunk and it should be fun for one night.  I she's actually really smart and cool so it's tragic about her problem.  She has taken me to all my chemos....hung over, at least, for most of them.  We get along swimmingly and I look fwd to a night out.  Chemo going just fine.  Two more Fridays!!!!   Can't try to post to idividuals......this thing is sure to freeze up on me.  Did a virus scan and 3 were cleaned...ugh.  I'll have to ask my friend Mary to look at it. 

Since posting so much have decided to take a course in grammar.  I'm don't speak white trashy like I did when I was a kid but there is a lot of room for improvement.  

We can do it!!!!!  Love and hugs to all.

 Nancy     

Good am. My dd's cartilage piercing looks so cute. With her emotional break down of the night before, my watching the damn dr. phil, and me feeling so poked and prodded, I just overreacted (not to her, but in my head). With the pain she's having I don't think she'll do another! I remember I got  mine pierced when she did because she didn't want to do it alone when she was 8!

Shocked and Jess--The mammo didn't work for me either, and I wish too that I'd been more comfortable with really digging in there (the breast) and getting to know it. I wish I'd been trained on one of those fake boobs with lumps. My breasts  would change every month, though, and my tumors were "hiding out" in the dense breast tissue. But I think I've read that mammos pick up around 80% of bc's--but not ours damn it. My neighbor just accidently found a lump while showering and can't get an ultrasound appt for 2 weeks! I can't believe the waits we have to go through. Oh--and I catch myself feeling for lumps when my fake boob is on. Gads.

Brenda--Hooray!! Just want you wanted-Arm B. I hope you start to feel better now that you're not getting it. I think Avastin can really affect the RBCs. 2 more!!!

YearoftheHat--Congrats to your bf. I know it's so hard, a real life and death struggle, and I'm glad you both are winning, Have fun with your own celebration! Hope your friend can fix the chemo computer--you always make me laught. I did drive while bald after my hike the other day. Windows down, wind blowing through my stubble. Felt great.

Going out to early mother's day lunch with dd and dh, but we do it every other week anyhow! HOpe I feel up to seeing dh's mom tomorrow and maybe my dd at college nearby. But I can't predict Sundays. Was still up to 4:30 am even without a nap. Darn.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to mommy Jewels. I'm counting my blessings for sure.

Jilly G---That is a great point.  We have to start self exams at a young age. 

Lisa--Sounds like a great experience! What a day. Congratulations on your success. I know a bc survivor who did a lot of those walks at first but the signs got to be too much. That must be hard to see.

Ddlatt--thanks for the tomotherapy link. I'm planning to call my rad onc to ask about it, and my med onc. too.

Again, Happy Mother's day to the mommy Jewels! I feel so lucky to have 3 beautful blessings.

Hello Jewels:   Happy Mother's Day to all you moms!!    

I have two rads done and 28 left to go.  Have drivers 4 days this week, so only one day I'll have to drive myself.  I was so exhausted after the first two, but recovered and have had good energy this weekend.  On the up side.. I slept really really good those two nights. -- something I haven't done in months.  I also had a realy busy work week - I'm hoping that is why I was so tired and not the radiation fatigue they talk about.  

Am almost a month out of chemo overall I feel great! - taste buds are returning - hair is not.  Still have neuropathies in my feet and fingertips.   Finger nails are in rough shape.  Fluid retention yet. But all in all, it's better than the FLS days after chemo.   I see my med onc this week.  Will discuss the biophosphanate study and learn more about what AI I will take.  Seemed like it would take forever to get to this point... and here I am.. gratefully.      Am glad to start rads as to get them done, but I think a break between would have had it's advantages too.  Feels like it will take a little while before I feel my old self.

To all of you still having chemo -- hang in there -- it will be over soon!   To the rest of you Jewels -- please stop back at least once a month to stay in touch --- we've been through so much together -- let's stay connected as we move forward.

 Good morning ladies. Sorry I didn't blog in to wish all of you a Happy Mothers Day. I was in the ER all day on Mothers Day. I mentioned last week I wasn't feeling well. Very dizzy and shortness of breath. Talked to my onc. Fri. and she said if I didn't feel better Sat. to go to an Urgent Care Center. So I did. They took a bunch of tests and said I had a respiratory and urinary traxct infection, gave me 2 prescriptions and sent me home. I felt like crap all day Managed to take some pics of my daughter and her date for prom. She looked beautiful. Tried to lay down for awhile. I felt terrible when I woke up Sun. Called the answering service (my onc wasn't on call). A doctor called me about 15 min. later and told me to get to the ER. I didn't want to go cuz it was Mothers Day and we planned on cooking on the grill. So I woke my daughters up. They had gifts for me. My older daughter got me a necklace and earrings and a gift card to ULTA (hope I can use it sometime soon, no lashes to work with). My younger daughter painted me a ceramic piece that said mother on it and she hand stitched me a quilted lap blanket. She's only 14! When I read the cards they gave me, I broke down and cried, knowing that I may be admitted to the hospital. I had told them it might happen. That was the first time I cried since finding out about my bc in Jan. I just got so emotional. So I got ready and when they were getting dressed, I was waiting in the dining room with my DH and broke down crying again. I'm just tired of feeling like crap after I have a treatment. I know I only have 2 more to go, but it seems like I get sick after each one.Anyways, went to the ER and had a lot of tests done, blood ,ekg, cat and everything came out normal. My wbc were very high and blood pressure very low but they put me on saline and I was there for 4hrs and guess what? I was dehydrated again! That was all that was wrong with me.I was able to go home. Didn't cook out. I was drained, so we had Mr. Hero for our dinner. LOL . I'm feeling much better today. A little weak, so I'm going to take things slow. As for the nails. my toes hurt alittle. I was taking polish off the other day day and they are very tender. My fingernails are ok so far. Hope all of you have a good week.