Starting chemo January 2009?

I'm sure it is okay, but to ease your mind call your onc. it will make you feel better---you don't need the stress.....

   I'm feeling pretty good post chemo. But I'm sure if I develop a nagging pain somewhere I'm going to worry about it. It's only human nature to worry but the key is to find a balance between concern and obsession. We each have to find our own balance. I would definitely talk to my doctor and get his input as to what may be causing the pain. I find music helps me take my mind off of things. I just turn the radio up and sing along.

  I worked this past weekend and had to take care of a very whiny woman who had surgery. All she did was whine, whine, whine. On Sunday I decided to go without my wig at work to show her other people are going through difficult times too but still manage to function without whining. She actually didn't whine too much on Sunday. I have peach fuzz and it felt great to go without the wig. There aren't many people there on the weekend and all my friends know I have cancer so I felt very comfortable without the wig. My friends are so supportive.

  My father in law just had a lump removed from his breast yesterday. He had one removed a few years ago that was okay so I'm hoping this report is just as good. He's 80 y/o and is normally nervous and more or less a hypochondriac so if the report isn't good he's going to be a mess. So will my husband.

  I hope everyone who has not been feeling well will soon be up and about and feeling like a million bucks!

Jilly- I doubt that it is bone mets but I also think it is normal to worry about every ache and pain now.  From what I am told it gets better the further out.  I was told that it is about a year to get through the whole bc process but read an artical today of "What I wish I knew before treatment" advice and one woman said that her doctor told her it would take 2 years for her to get back to what would feel like a normal life.  She did not believe him at the time but he was right, for her.  I don't know what her diagnosis or treatment was, how she handled chemo, or if they were talking physical, mental or both.  I still have one treatment to go and found myself wondering if a funny feelng I felt in my gut was canser.  I have not worried much or long since that is not a likely site for mets, but my mind still needed to there.  

 Bev- I have fantasies of pulling my wig off during a hearing when some one starts to whine about how they can't afford to pay back the unemployment benefits they were overpaid, but the still are showing private school, cable, expensive cars, ect on their assett/liablity list.  (They may meet the requirement but I hate to hear the whining when I have others people come in who are living in a one bedroom walk up with their two college age kids and only buying what they can actually afford and take it as given that their kids will help with house hold expenses.) It is not quite the same thing, but it feels like it would put things in perspective.  We have so much more here in the US that we get to feeling entitled. We forget that most of the world lives with much less than we do, including health care that would let them live long enough to get bc let alone get decent treatment for it.  Sometimes I think being exposed to chemo bald heads would help people feel less bad about their lives because they would see that things can be worse.)  I hope your FIL is OK.

 Today was a long day and wore me out.  My son's field trip required alot of walking and standing. the I had appointments in the hospital in two different buildings, more walking.  My legs and back were achy by the time we got home.  And I just feel so tired.  Then after resting and eatting the dinner my, also very tired, mom heated up, I ran a bath for my son and bathed him, washed his hair, cut his nails, and read to  him while he pooped.  I still need to get him to bed but he is playing computer games with my mom at the moment.

Tomorrow is chemo #6 for me. The last one.  I could not come up with a fabulous last outfit but I did buy a dress up boa and tiara and a blue ball with sparkles in it that looks like a magic crystal ball.  I figure I will wear the tiara (blue) over my pink wig and find something fun to do with the ball... maybe ask people to look in it and tell me what they see and then write it down a journal?  Not as good as having people sign my head with body markers, but I could not find any body markers.  I read today that someone else sewed up a pink graduation gown and cap for her last treatment.  I like the idea but I don't sew and treatment is tomorrow.  

That is for now.  I need to get son to bed, pack a bag for tomorrow, get some sleep. 

Diane, thanks, lol, it DOES make me feel better that you have the same pain   I do feel like it's a tightness as well, my mom said it's probably scar tissue a little bit due to mastectomy. 

My hair is growing pretty fast, it's filling in pretty nice.  I go topless alot now but it's still short enough that I get stares, not quite a buzz cut yet, because a lot of scalp is showing through.  I wonder if they sell Mane N'Tail up here.  I use Nioxin cleanser and Nioxin scalp therapy.  I am finally growing arm pit hair, I was sure it was  never coming back....darn it. 

Okay, just sent a PM to Tracy requesting you guys (Lisa and jrgolomb) as roommies.

Renrel--Yes, you are so spot on about the entitlement issues.  Sometimes it's hard to discern whether people are sadly more obssessed with the material things, or their right to have them.  There's a big difference between fearing the loss of what you have and just being grateful that you have it.  Even without dealing with bc, your job must prove frustrating at times.  Also WOOOOOHOOOOOO on your last chemo!  You have certainly done it with the most panache of anyone I've heard!

Have to pass this along:  My neighbor, whom I haven't seen in about two weeks, mentioned that the last time he saw me, my head was fuzzy, but still had that going through cancer look to it.  Now he thought that I was just looking more like the sort of person who has a lot of bumper stickers on their car.  It made my night!

Catherine

Lisa--LOL  Counting..?  Who's counting?  Counting what..?

Catherine

JillyG - If you're going topless people are probably not staring at your hair but congratulations on having some.  I totally have that baby chick look going. 

I can see I will have a lady type mustache again.  The feelings on that are mixed.  

OMG - I have all kinds of chronic chest pains.  They never really went away after the mastectomies.  In my case it's clearly musculo-skeletal from surgery.

Renrel, I like the idea of dressing up for the final chemo.  Evening wear would be a nice break from my routine and maye some live accompaniment. 

This is just too much fun.  Meds kickin' in....gonna hit the sheets.

Night all you lovely Jewels.

Okay, Catherine and Lisa.  I am saving my nickels and dimes for the trip. Already arranging a sub for my classroom.  I chuckle with glee at the thought, to actually arrange someone to take my place while I am out having fun! and meeting up with people who really helped me through so much. 

Catherine, Year of the Hat and Renrel- great stories.  You  make me laugh.

Ren-I took a decadron by accident instead of the atavan. Didn't figure it out until the great robbery in my classroom (remember my thief?) and happened to look at the decadron and thought maybe he took that too, cause I was one pill short!  DUH!  Anyway-you are a story teller-  a good one!  At any rate, let's say the bugger took the steroid, what would he feel? What would he do??? Lift weights faster!  Stay up for 20 hours instead of the usual 18 he already did?  I don't know! 

Year of the Hat--your turn of phrase always makes me laugh, or makes me stop and reread.  always something to chew on.

Misty --I have been having hot flashes daily and I haven't even started tamoxifen.  i had actually started hot flashes about a year or two ago.  What I really dislike is the distractible state I feel I am in.  My students love it!  irgh.

I had a bad night as far as sleep was concerned.  I don;t know how long I was awake in bed when I gave up and got up at 3:30 and stayed up till 5ish.  I had a nice piece of cheese cake and some tea though.  DH was a doll and took DS to school today even though it will add an hour to his commute and DS was being a pain about having to go with daddy and not me (which may  have as much to do with not getting to watch as much tv as with being a mama's boy,  He does however get like this when he notices that other adults are spending alot of time filling in for me when I need to withdrawi for awhile and take care of me.)   So I get to rest and relax till going in for my neuslata shot in the afternoon.  I would like to go in for the noon knitting hour because without help I am never going to get this simple hat project done.  I have ripped out the first cast on row/and or the first 2-3 rows so many times in the last 2 weeks that the yard is thinning out. 

 My hot flashes are also getting a bit worse.  I pretty much always were a camisole these days as I have given up on wearing bras that I no longer need and won't fit the new boobs anyway. (I still have expanders by the way)  so I can usually take off my shirt anywhere I am if a choose to.  The advantage of no nipples is this look is a bit less sexy than it would otherwise be.  If it were warmer for everyone else I am not sure it would even look at all strange.

IMy nurse told me that I may be eligible for some study on whether tamoxafin or ovary supression is a better treatment.  She warned me though that with ovary suppression the side effect can be worse, in particular vaginal dryness and low libido type issues. She said they can be dealt with but it is takes work.  I like the idea of helping the research in the matter but I worry about my marrage if my libido drops any further.  DH and I have had a "romantic" life during the last 4-6 months but it has been infrequent and I know he feels neglected and afraid to instigate given how often I have apparently rejected him over this time.  I have not even always realized I was rejecting anything, but I don't know if I want to add anymore stress to that part of our marrage.  It will take serious thought, research, and some input from DH before I commit to anything.   Maybe I should get an appointment with that doctor my nurse told me about who specialized in sexual issues but does not have open appoints for a year out.  Better to be prepared if I need it and be able to cancel if I don't.

Hope the rest of you are doing well.  I am going to go lay down. 

Just a quick note to report in -- am finished chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Had my last infusion on Tuesday. Am a bit tired and have a few side effects but I don't think I care anymore because this is the last one.

Congrats to everyone else who is done or is on the way there.

In some ways it's funny to feel relieved when there is still so much treatment left to go for me - 15 more Herceptin infusions until March next year, 25 radiation treatments starting in a couple of weeks and 1825 (!) Tamoxifen tablets starting at the end of rads. But I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.

My hair is growing back (gray!) but my fingernails look like they might be about to fall off.

Love to you all.

K.

Hi all:  No time to catch up on posts right now as I have to drive DD to schol this a.m.   My husband usually does this but took an early flight to Minnesota this a.m. to spend Mother's Day with his Mom.

Just wanted to check in and say I am back from Texas with no swine flu.  Had my 3rd taxol tx yesterday and so far so good.  I hope the SEs stay away and I can continue to feel almost normal.  Will check in later when I have more time to read.

Congrats to all who are done with Chemo... I feel like I am going to be last to the finish line here.  Who else is still having Chemo and when is your last tx?

Patti

lisalisa, taxol really did a number on my nails. lots of ridges, then they turned yellow, and then all white and are now falling off. talk about gross. no toenail issues. 

ddlatt-lisalisa

I have black ridges along my thumbs, and my big toes are an ugly gray color.  My big toes hurt most of the time, but the thumbs have been like that throughout my tx-started with the FEC.