March 2009 Rads Group?

Hi Ladies, I finished up Rads 4/23, my poor bood looke and felt like a nuclear war took place there, but now I'm GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!  Everything is healing up nicely, I can wear a bra again and the BEST  thing..... I HAVE HAIR!   It's extremely short, but I'm not complaining.  I also took an entire week off after treatment to regroup..... some of my close friends got that I needed it, I actually would like to take an entire month off, but a girls gotta eat!  I really think that you really only understand all of the horrors of cancer ONLY if you've been thru it.  I'm a nurse and really think I took great care of my patients, always compassionate, but I really hadn't a clue.  I'm a better nurse because of it, so I guess that's a bright spot.  That's why this board is so important. No one knows how it feels to have your body nuked unless you've laid on the table.  So hang in there sisters, spring is here and we just kicked cancer's a**!!!!!!!

I'm back.

I don't think I've posted since before my last rad.  Can I get a ya hooooooooooo?

I had my annual on Monday and my GYN recommended removing my last ovary due to my concerns about going off Prozac.  My onco recommended that I do Tamox and use effexer(spelling).  Now here's the wrench.....10% of women don't metabolize Tamox and the test isn't covered by insurance.

My SIL (my age, my cancer stats but advanced stage 3c) just had her ovaries removed and has had a terrible time with Arimidex.  She did fine for 6 months on tamox.

I just started my research last night but I've been so tired I don't have the energy.......  >>>>>>Staking a claiming on my Bitching Rights<<<<<<<<<<<<

Susie, just noticed your signature - I love the Kaiser ad with that song. For those who haven't seen the ad, you can google Kaiser When I grow up I want to be an old woman. It has the song set with clips of vibrant old women and toward the end the written message "Kaiser women get mammograms" and "How about you?"

I credit Kaiser sending me reminder letters about the mammogram for my cancer getting found at stage I. I'm likely to let these things slip but they started sending reminders about 4 months before I was due so by the time it had been a year since my last mammo, I figured I'd better go get it to stop the reminders.

Rachel, The calendula doesn't sting at all. Just the aloe. I've done some experimenting and if I don't put the aloe on, the moisturizer doesn't sting much either. I was always putting on the aloe followed by the moisturizer. The skin under the dead skin is a bit tender but it isn't broken so I don't think it needs the antibiotic of bactricin. The skin that was under the dead section that came off this morning is really good. I'm lucky - there is only a small bad area under my arm and even that isn't as bad as others have described.

Zometa isn't once a month. Those not in the study usually get it once every 6 months. In the study it is given once a month for the first 6 months and then once every 6 months for the rest of 3 years. Then they stop it because it will stay around in your bones for a long time. Infusions aren't that bad. I'd rather get one every 6 months than have to take these 2 big Clodronate pills every day (plus two calcium/vitamin D pills which I'd need to take for any of the drugs in the study). 

BTW, I'm thrilled to be done with chemo and rads. I do still see my onc pretty frequently because of the study but I don't think I would mind "See you in 6 months".

blue wrote:

" Infusions aren't that bad. I'd rather get one every 6 months than have to take these 2 big Clodronate pills every day (plus two calcium/vitamin D pills which I'd need to take for any of the drugs in the study). "

Very good point there.  Some time if you feel like it either here or pm or I will gve you my email, if you'd tell me what the infusions are like, that would be helpful- or do you know a good write up on the web somewhere?

it soudns like you did everything right with your skin, they told me that the whole idea was to let the new skin underneath mature sas much as ppssible before being revealed.  Unfortunately, what i was doing was- well again, too gross to write here, but lets just say, the opposite.

I refused to use anything that hurt.  Most of the stuff didn't seem to do any good anyways.  I did use a LOT of the aquaphor, the My Girls Radiation cream, and when I figured out how to get the silver sulphadi. . . .? stuff on, I used that.  Don't know if it helped any.  The aloe stuff I bought stung like crazy, so after the first try, I never used it again.  Sometimes I think all these creams are more therapy, making us think we are doing something to help.  But if it does anything at all, it helps at the end when it's all over and it does heal up really fast.  I don't know if that is from all the creams used during the treatments, or if it just does heal on it's own.  All I know is, I never want to go through that again.

I'm so happy for you gals who have great techs, etc.  Mine were polite, covered me, put the wedge under my knees, helped me up off the table, etc.  Sometimes when I think back about it all, I think it was MY own attitude going in there.  I always had this lump in my throat that I was trying to hide, I felt cold and lonely laying there counting off the seconds of each treatment, and I think I really distanced MYSELF from the gals.  Every single day, I just couldn't wait to rush out of there and check off another day and crawl into my recliner and feel sorry for myself! 

It's good to hear everyone's journey through this.  It has made me feel that I wasn't alone with it all.  I do feel a bit down right now.  A friend asked me the other day when I was going to "get over it!"  I was so stunned at the question, and it sent me back into my own little corner again.  Have any of you "gotten over it?????"

This is from my last Caring Bridge entry.  Anyone else feel this way?

.........Friday was my last day of radiation treatment and I couldn't be happier but just like the different kinds of pain, I'm feeling varying levels of happiness bordering on a massive meltdown.  I've been warned about all the emotions you go through once treatment is over but I had no idea how hard they would hit me. 

This is the only analogy I could come up with to describe how it feels.  Just imagine being confined in a haunted house and spit out the back door naked, cold and scared.  Not a pretty kind of naked either.

There was always someone on your health care staff holding your hand through each of the scary rooms saying "Now this room might make you pee your pants in fear but it's going to be okay."

WHATCH OUT BEHIND YOU!!! Oh, don't worry, the MRI looks clear.  No lymph node involvement.  Oh crap, don't look now, it's in your lymph node they just didn't see it until they dissected the monster. 

You're guided down to the basement with the big nasty, evil, chemo demon and all you have to do is stay there for five months and play Linda Blair and want to projectile vomit pea soup but they stop it with some steroids that make you so fat that your cheeks look like a chipmunks in early fall but it doesn't stop the bed levitating and spinning round and round, while you quote Dr. Phil and Opra when your friends call because that's all you've done for weeks on end and you can't remember your name or anyone else's for that matter.  I really hated the basement.

You'll run as fast as you can to get away from the hair stealing witch that hides under the bed but eventually she catches up to you and your family is forced to clean up the carnage while trying not to let their fear show too.

You'll hold on really tight to what's left of your almost nonexistent self esteem in order to keep you from scaring yourself if you happen upon a mirror or any reflection.  I kid you not.  This is almost as frightening as the chemo demon in the basement.

You'll want to spent the majority of the time in the comforting room filled with family and friends but the "why me" room commands a lot of your attention.  Why do I get to live?  Why are so many others around me dying?  The survivor guilt in the house is devastating.

Once you're spit safely out the back door you're left cold and shaking with the fear of having to return.  As bizarre as this may sound it is common.  It's similar to post traumatic stress disorder..........

Renee and Jesse--Belated WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!  If it's any consolation, I get lost in my own shuffle.  Also Renee, the analogy works for me.  Let me also add that not only is it like the creepy haunted  house that the neighbors all know is there, but don't look at it if they can help it, and avoid walking past it if they can...but it has evil trees that will snatch you up and throw you inside without warning or care.

Nelia--ahm...you're not over breast cancer yet?  What's wrong with you?   I mean, really, let's go over the "checklist": Diagnosis, surgery, chemo, radiation (check check check)...hmmm, then there's the physical side effects, mental side effects, fear of recurrence...oh the fatigue, the fear of anything that varies from your healthy state before you were diagnosed...jeez, how about just looking at the paperwork of health insurance (and that's coming from someone who has all of this covered under major medical).  To quote form Moonstruck "(slap!) SNAP OUT OF IT!"

Nelia, your "friend" deserved/deserves a big F-You!  (ooh, I actually tried to type out the F word with one substitution and the word went blue on me).

And a big round of applause to the lady who found her voice of anger and pretty much told those who needed it to F-Off...Rachel...way to go!  I'm glad that you were able to take back some of the power that your people seemed so ready to ignore.  Especially after what sounded like a sheer weekend of hell.  It literally took my breath away hearing about your son and the table and not being able to get ot him.  Not so much becasue I ever thought he was in any real danger, but more so because I knew how it was going to do a number on you mentally.  I'm so glad he's a smart one and knew to stop what he was doing.  People don't know half of the hell that this experience can put you through.  But I will say this, kids are more resillient than we give them credit.  Accidents happen regardless of whether you are going through this or not.  You went through what I sincerely feel will be the worst of this physically.  Don't beat yourself up mentally as well.  Your son is fine, he's fed and he's healthy...and he feels your love daily.  Just wait and see what he gets into when he's older...it'll make this weekend seem like a picnic.  Okay, maybe not a picnic, but you know what I mean.

 Can I just say how much I love reading this forum, and all of you here?  I've said it before, but seriously, I wish you were all my neighbors.

I'm a little bummed becasue I can't shke the fatigue.  It's not as debillitating as that first week after chemo, but it's definitely present.  Just enough to make my eyes tired, but not enough to allow me to just curl up and have a good nap.  Today I changed the time of my rads from 8am to 11am.  Gave up the idea of trying to book work for the duration and just found it more and more difficult to wake up at 7 no matter what time I went to sleep.

 Also, had two wisdom teeth pulled almost 2 weeks ago, and have had this weird sort of rash inside my cheek on that side.  It doesn't hurt, but it's white vaires in size from day to day.  Yesterday I was eating these great mashed potatoes I had made and ended up biting myself  twice...and then a third time later on. Again, it didn't hurt, but it bled.  That sort of freaked me out.  My dentist told me at the onset to rinse with salt water, but I was already using the biotene, so I used that, but I'm doing the saltwater now, and I think it's actually better than the biotene.  Hope so.  I've still got other dental issues to take care of from chemo, but I was hoping to have a bittle bit o a break while  doing rads.  The wisdom teeth thing I sort of triaged first.  Now I'm afraid to eat.  I mean if mashed potatoes made me bite myself...  Today I've had an Ensure drink, a Carnation instant breakfast and a banana.  It's like the chemo diet all over again.

Rachel, your posts are amazing.  You know that, right?

 mfgibby--Don't feel guilty...I know what you mean, but don't feel guilty,  Hell, no one wants any of us to feel that.  I just had 21 of 33 and not much reaction so far...but that doesn't mean beans really.  I initailly came to this forum to learn from those who were just ahead of me.  I came for the knowledge but stayed for the company!  The inspiration and admiration were the suprise bonuses.  And rambling....?  LOL  Check out some of my posts if you want to see rambling!  Silly!

Purple,  Thanks so much for the hug!  I don't think anyone understands the Post Traumatic Stress thing until you've been through it yourself!

Renee,  I'm sorry if I forgot to say congrats on finishing your rads!  It seemed that there for a while a LOT of posts were coming through, and maybe I "clumped" my congratulations into one big one for everyone!  I loved your analogy of the spook house!  And yes, I feel left out in the cold with no one holding my hand anymore.  Everyone now thinks I'm "all better."  As faithful and wonderful as my sister was through all my treatments and appointments (she went with me to every one), when I finished my last radiation treatment, she cut off the bracelet she was wearing for me.  She had put it on the day I got the diagnosis.  And she didn't go with me to the last appointment with the oncologist, either.  So yes, I did feel a little like I'm out of the spook house and on my own.  I feel myself withdrawing inside myself.  I'm just glad this group is here and eveyone understands!

mfgibby,  Don't feel guilty about NOT burning or having a hard time.  I think we all need to realize that everyone reacts differently.  It helps when I talk to others to be able to tell them that there are lots of ladies who do NOT have these severe reactions.  If we can only talk about our own stories, then we don't really have a complete picture.  And on the reverse, YOU will be able to tell people that everyone does NOT have an easy time of it and be more sympathetic and understanding when someone is all blistered and burned.  Every experience I hear of helps me to understand the next person next to me in the waiting room, believe me!

::;giggle::: Catherine gets lost in her own shuffle- I HEAR YA BABE! 

" like the creepy haunted  house that the neighbors all know is there, but don't look at it if they can help it, and avoid walking past it if they can...but it has evil trees that will snatch you up and throw you inside without warning or care."

Oh this is good, adding to the analogy... ok and my bit would be to add that even when the evil trees grab someone new it only makes us feel worse, not better to have more company.

oooh Catherine can't type the F word but I can say "bullshit"!  HA!  I am not trying to type the F word, I still have enough trouble posting... 

Right again Catherine, it was the part about not being able to care for my kid, only by the grace of G-d is he OK, and I told the Mommy who went with us today and she made me promise to call her if this ever ever happened again, and the same with my male friend I was posting about.  My judgment was gone, either from the pain or the hydrocodone of the combination, why didn't I pick up the phone and call for help?  Never again. Never, never, never again.  

Yes, I did the same, I thought that early appointments would be easier but actually I found 1pm to be best.  I could get a morning nap and a shower in before radiation.  How many more weeks for you Catherine?  On the fatigue I am doing pretty well, I keep pounding the water and only had to give up walking over the weekend and minimal walking today, just to let my skin mend.  The Mommy of the Day came to my place instead of meeting me at the radiation center, and she pushed the stroller while I walked.  Yes, I want the people on this thread to be my neighbors, and people like this volunteer mommy.  Amazing people.  Why waste my time with assholes?  (ooooo another bad word.... )

Catherine, teeth are something I know something about (hurrah, something I know).  I am pretty sure you already cleared this dental work with your RAD ONC, right?  There are some issues there.  OK assuming that's all clear, and I don't recall all the details of the chemo dental issues and I know nothing about the chemo relative part of it... but this I know...  I have bitten my cheek like that plenty, usually while still numbed from dental work.  The other thing is when there's something protruding, like those sores you mentioned.  A little lecture from one of my favorite dentists... our teeth and jaws are a marvel.  Our jaws have the strongest muscle in the body, and the sensitivity in our teeth and jaws to navigate something like a club sandwich (really a hoagie, but not everyone is from Philadelphia, or a Submarine, that would be NJ...)  The jaw has to exert only the correct amount of pressure to cut through each layer, the bread, the lettuce, the bacon, then so much more to cut the turkey and then less again to get through the bread... you get the picture... if the jaw didn't have this miraculous sensitivity, it could easily send our jaws crunching together with enough force to break them.  Then there's the tongue, also a miracle, and you get the picture there too with the ability to taste, to move food, to  get out of the way of the teeth (hey, we do bite our tongues sometimes) to swallow... so when something changes inside the landscape of your mouth, it's not so surprising that the teeth, which have enough to do with the whole cutting and grinding thing, can't tell the difference between your cheek and a piece of meat.  Actually, the mashed potatoes probably helped your teeth figure out that it wasn't meat, because if you were eating meat,  your jaws would have happily kept chewing until your cheek freaked out with pain.  So then that brings us back to the sores, and I don't know if they are chemo related, but the trick would be to get rid of the sores, that should stop your cheek from getting in the way of your chompers.

Now for the wisdom teeth, they are another kettle of fish.  I have one that's got its roots in my jaw so if they pulled it, there's a good chance my jaw would break, and i definitely would lose the feeling on that side of my face, so I didn't pull it.  The other one (I think I only did my lowers) got pulled and left this flap of gum.  I said why not cut off the flap but they advised me that that only makes bigger problems, something about the problems with it healing, and this was in my 20s.  So 2 decades later, I still have the flap there.  No problems.  Your mouth figures out the new terrain and adjusts accordingly.  But for the sores, you said they change every day.  So you are probably right to eat the soft foods or at least something with a really different texture than meat until the sores are healed.

Catherine I wish you were able to get to Philadelphia, I have the best best best dentist in the world, no kidding.   Any chance?  Or maybe you could send your records to him for a consultation?  He's the head of the Dental School at U of P and a specialist about 5 different ways in gums and teeth and everything. 

I have no idea if my posts are any good, you know it's just all I can do.  Like nelia, I dont have anyone else to talk to about this, except my new radiation friends, and we're trading emails and stuff.  Oh and of course, I am going to go back and hang out with my Stage III pal, she has to come in from Staten Island and I live only 20 blocks from the center.  I might drive her home some days in the car in my picture here.  I just hope that it's enjoyable while she's undergoing chemo, and doesn't make her more nauseous.  Like I was saying about friends, priorities change.  I would MUCH rather go hang out with her at chemo or drive her home than go have drinks with friends or lunch somewhere or really anything, and i really only want to have friends around me who think the same way.  One thing about my posts, I take so damn long to write them I miss meals- which is a GOOD thing because I am fat and want to lose some weight... but... I also don't drink my water so I gotta chug some glasses before i Go to bed. (See, I am not bugging you to drink water, even though you are having the fatigue . Last night I sat down to post at 10pm I think and it was nearly 2am before I left the keyboard.  I thought on one hand it was stupid and irresponsible of me to stay up like that, but I fell instantly asleep, slept well, and although I got up about 8am with my son to feed him, I felt refreshed.

I agree on the "I came for knowledge and stayed for the company"  I of course want to walk away from cancer and never look back, but I also never want to lose this bunch of gals.

Love it, bumper sticker girl.  Hey, I do have loose plans to head out to LA next Easter, or possibly even this August (not as likely but possible).  So we definitely must hang out. 

nelia and mfgibby- on the PTSD thing, for me there is a lot of 9/11 reference.  Most especially the feeling of other people not understanding what we just went through. I wont know about the rest until I get as far out as you guys are.

nelia - your sister came with you to all your appointments?  WOW.  Well you are currently NEC, right? No evidence of cancer, right?  And you did all the treatments to prevent recurrence, right?  Then you are as much free of cancer as I was up until the day I was diagnosed.  It is like when I was reading about infertility they said its a disease you dont know you have until you try to have a baby.  So the cancer for you, for now, is over.  The effects are another story.  Recurrence is the continuing fear.  You are so NOT alone, and your sister is great.  It sounds like what she is trying to do is to push you to live the rest of your life, for you to cut your bracelet the way she did.  She didn't cut her tie to you, she wants to cut your tie to cancer.  You do not have cancer any more. (is that correct?)  I do not have cancer any more, in any way they know to check.  Hey, wait a minute, you are ER+ PR+ so you, like me, have to keep fighting recurrence with hormone therapy, right?  So what i said about treatment being over was wrong, but cancer being gone is right.  But we're still in this together, for the next 5 years at least.

Oh yes, mfgibby, nelia is correct again- antoher thing I was afriad to do over the weekend was speak to my friend who was just diagnosed and my Stage III radiation friend- because I didn't want them to think what was happening to me was going to happen to them.  When I finally felt better I did write to them and tell them, and specifically that this was NOT going to happen to them, but my newly diagnosed friend has fallen off the map, I am sure with fear.  So its really, really good that you posted that you didn't have a problem.  Good point nelia!

Today there was a large and kinda scary old man with no shoes and bloated feet in the entrance to the cancer center in baggy pants and an old flannel shirt.  I assumed he was one of our homeless guys who was trying to get inside.  Later, we saw him downstairs at radiation.  My G-d what can that be about?  Like nelia says, everything we learn helps us understand what's going on with the other people we see there.

Rachel--Once again I'm reading your post and I hear Johnny Carson in my head: "I did not know that!"  Especially with the BRAC testing.  I just thought that was if you KNEW you had a history of bc in the family.  You know though..at this point, I'm surprised that most people don't have a history of bc in their family.  My father died of cancer when he was 42, but it was Agent Orange related.  Since my diagnosis, I have heard of so many people I know who either have had some form of cancer, or had a near realtive who did.

Love the Celebrity Cancer analogy.  You know Entertainment Weekly has a killer graphic that they would love to use to demonstrate the same thing, but they can't...because a magazine can't have cancer and is therefore unable to make commentary like this.  But luckily for us... 

Also, interesting comment about staging versus when you see an onc.  I'm stage 2, right in the middle.  I saw my onc after the lumpectomy...but saw my rad onc before I even started chemo.  Even in hindsight that still makes no sense to me.  Also true about how everything we're doing now is about recurrence.  I was told by my surgeon that technically I was cancer free after surgery, but everything I did after that was dictated by the nature of the tumor and to do everything to prevent it's recurrence...and that because of my age, they were going to be pretty aggressive about it becasue they knew I could handle it physically.

BTW  the "DING!"  Made me laugh out loud.

Nelia--So many hugs to you, my dear.  Soooooo many HUGS!  I am so with you and Rachel on the friend issue.  Is it because we're all single women so we're more prone to notice this with friends rather than being diverted by spouses.  Hmmm, that doesn't even convince me...sorry about that.  But even before bc I wrestled with this issue and wondered if it had to do with where I live and the industry I work in, which I think does play a factor if the city is LA.  It's such a fine line between wanting to be that strong survivor and yet hard to notice the way that you sort of get dropped from people's radar unless you...well, essentially whine about the cancer...and I know none of us goes down that road.  When I was first diagnosed, I sent out emails with my health updates and the list was a decent size.  I haven't bothered to do another one since I finshed chemo in March.  So, in that respect, I can't fault those people for not keeping in touch...but it also got to the point for me where I was just too tired to write the updates, and less and less people followed up (not that that was the goal), but I was getting a bit weary of "Hey it's me and my cancer update!"  

I still haven't resolved the issue, but I do feel more along the lines of how you (Nelia and Rachel) do.  Also, I know that I'm mentally not equipped to dissect this all right now.  I just try to focus on being grateful that I have at least the one friend who showed me a side to him I would have probaby taken for granted had I not have gone through this.  Also, can you imagine that we could have had to deal with these issues and NOT have found this website? As great as my one friend has been in terms of contacting me and just being a great friend, plus the times when other friends have been great, only more sporadically, and lately less...none of it compares to what I've been able to share and express and learn from everyone here.  NONE! 

I think because of everyone here, I haven't really felt alone because I can log on anytime day or night and there's someone who's just posted something.  Something that gets to me on some level.  So Nelia, I know you feel alone...but God, I don't want you to feel alone.  Sometimes the word "hugs" seems so Downey soft and fluffy and not nearly enough for the support and empathy I feel for all of us. 

I just wish we could compile a list of all the people who, for whatever reason, sort of left us hanging a bit and letting them know in a non-acccusatory, but effective, manner lthat their presence was missed. 

Slaps in the face work for me.  But I'm open to suggestions.

Catherine

blue- "we aren't purposely radiating all of your node area"

perfect. 

I totally don't hate you for your marvelous gotten over it- I want to be just like you.

how did you find out they were radiating an axillary node?  when I got "we aren't purposely radiating all of your node area", and your skin draps blah blah blah but HEY HEY meanwhile, now that you know from the burns... what are you radiating?

and if they did radiate a node, what does that mean?  does it still function?  make for possible lymphedema?

babe, I asked where they would radiate so I could put the creams... and I still missed the area, because they said they were not radiating as far up as my armpit.  Well, on purpose that is.

Catherine... I MISS JOHNNY CARSON SO MUCH!!!!!!  Yeah, after surgery I was technically cancer free at a certain percentage of possible recurrence.  Now OncotypeDX said that with radiation and tamoxifen for 5 years I would be 4% more sure there would be no more cancer.  It was tough for me to understand why I should go through all this, radiation has a certain kind of cancer increase and tamoxifen has a <1 % chance of increasing risk for uterine cancer, all this for a measly 4% reduction distant recurrence.  Now I get it.  Yeah ditto on the cancer update email list.  I got a letter from a relation who generously told me about her genetics, both shared and unshared, she  had the BRAC gene, double mast, she listed more stuff than I understood at the time- but she told me to stop sending the emails because it was upsetting her and her daughter to hear about my bc.  My uncle, who is a ornery sort to begin with, and has had three kinds of cancer all on his face, told me to quit my whining.  So I asked the list members to just let me know if they wanted updates - I would assume the rest did not.  I had a smaller list then, and it was at the beginning, and I was going through all the shocks and was most afraid of chemo.  So I asked them all to pray for me not having to do it.  Once I passed the OncoDX test I said OK, that was all I asked for, and I got it, so now I am going to shut up about it, unless you ask me about it.

No one asked. (Well actually one did, but that's a whole other story of my family idiocy, but aside from the point.)

So I put everyone who had been kind enough to be on the list on my list for my kid's monthly updates, because it's all about our life together continuing, and if breast cancer happens to be in that month, so it is.  So, like I'd say here's my first picture with him after surgery.  And I will post about him coming with me to radiation, 'cause that's what we did, along with fingerpainting

OMG I have no idea what i would have done if i hadn't found this site, and especially this thread and youse guys.  Oh I got nauseous at the thought! 

As far as the list of friends... I feel good about how i handled the same feeling with my IM friend.  I know, he is actually a really, really good friend.  He has helped me out plenty and many many times.  In fact as I think of it now, he drove down to my cousin's house to help me swap the tires on my car from winter to summer before radiation, and turn the child seat and stuff, because I knew I couldn't do it during.  It was a tremendous comfort to know that I could get in my car and go with my kid safely during this time if we needed to go somewhere.  I thought we'd be able to take some trips- like to PA to see my Dad, or Passover at my cousin's, but it turned out that I was not who anyone would like to have seen driving during my radiation.  You know I write about cars, and I may have said this already, but driving tired is one of the most dangerous things you can do.  Anyway, the point is that we are very much turned inside ourselves now and there really is no way the non-cancer people could know what we didn't know ourselves, plus that friend's mother died of cancer (not bc) about 2 years ago, he could have his own issues, plus the company he works for was just bought and he's got to wait see if they are  going to ask him to stay on or leave... and I don't know what else is going on in his life but, I am just trying to say... go easy. and my best pal since I was 11, the last time we spoke her father is beginning to decline with Alzheimer's, her mother is having heart problems, she is not in perfect health herself, it may actually be ME who is being the insensitive jerk and maybe I shoudl call HER and see how she's doing. The view from the haunted house is distorted like a fun house too.  When I said that to him, he was very nice about everything and listened to me rant about the weekend and we were perfectly normal.  

I am glad you added that part about not believing the spouse thing, because we have heard here from people who are married and are feeling it, either because their spouse is a jackass (more torches and pitchforks please) or because even if they try to be understanding, it can still be hard to share this.  One of my Mommy of the Days just found out her hubby has been sleeping with whores (real whores) for 5 years.  Every emotional asset is also a liability- my son is everything to me but he's also where the most of my sorrow comes from.   So I say.. go easy on your friends, give them a chance to be there for you again.  Of course if they say something like nelia's friend- we got those torches and pitchforks ready  

On the BRCA gene mutations: About 2.5% of Jews of Ashkenazic (Eastern European) descent carry one of the mutations that are known to be associated with increased risk of breast cancer (and ovarian and prostate cancer).  In the general population, the prevalence of these gene mutations is much lower, IIRC about 0.25%.

I did the genetic counseling thing at my health plan and they said my family history doesn't qualify me so they aren't going to pay for the test. I'm still considering whether to leave it be or challenge that decision. During chemo and rads, I didn't have the energy to challenge it. I don't know of any cases of BC or the other two cancers in my 1st or 2nd degree relatives and I was over 50 when diagnosed so that's why they are saying that. A) my family tree isn't that large and my mother died relatively young (not from cancer) so there isn't a lot of family history to base this on and I'm not sure the data I have is accurate - my Eastern European Jewish immigrant grandparents were the type of people who didn't talk about such things so if one of them had cancer in a breast or prostate they might not have advertised it to their children and I'm also not sure about some of the other data - one cousin thought someone had uterine cancer (which ish't associated with the gene) but it was a long time ago the cousin was 6 so could she remember it wrong?

On top of that, in some things I've read say that for Ashkenazic Jews just having one person with BC regardless of age is a reason to test.

If I had the test and had one of the bad mutations, would I do anything differently? I don't think I would get a prophalactic mastectomy, but I might get my ovaries taken out. Ovarian cancer is more difficult to detect early and has fairly poor outcomes. And at 56, it isn't like my ovaries are doing anything any more.

Rachel, the Jewish law issue was the one reason I considered not getting the tattoos. However, preservation of life overrules most Jewish laws and I felt they were necessary. I couldn't go the ink covered with a sticker route - I had a bad time with reactions to the adhesives on my dressings after the biopsy and lumpectomy.The irritation and blisters that Tegaderm and the steristrips gave me were more painful than the incisions. And even if I could, I'm not convinced that ink dots allow for as accurate positioning since the tattoos are really small - the ink marks were broader and even covered the ink might migrate some.

I've checked a number of reputable sites including the OU, Chabad and Conservative Rabbinate ones and all say that there is no Halachah against burying a person with tattoos in a Jewish cemetery. The requirement to honor the dead requires that the burial be allowed. A number of sites say the the no burial thing is a myth but the Chabad site points out that Jewish burial societies are independent so it is possible that some could have a rule against burial. That makes sense to me since in any religion there are extremists who feel the need to out-holy everyone else.