bad bad bad day

Tami - I'm struck by how often, when bad things happen, they happen all at once--or at least it sometimes feels that way. I really feel for you, but it won't be long before you finish rads, and then maybe things will begin to settle down again--but give yourself time to recover! If there's any way you can put off looking for a job for a few weeks, do it! I can't imagine trying to find a new job during treatment or its immediate aftermath! It's sad that your dh is not understanding, but don't let him push you into things you're not ready for! He may not be supportive, but don't let that stop you from supporting yourself and carving out some time to regain your health. This will pass, in time, and then you can pick up where you left off. I know it's easier said than done (I've had my own mentally abusive dh), but please try to give yourself what other people can't or won't.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Janet 

Tami,

I am so sorry you are going through so much! I do understand how you feel, my mom died in Oct of ovarian cancer and my DH is less than supportive. he complains nonstop of bills btw me and my son. He has seizures which are getting worse. Can your other teenagers help out? I agree, wait till after rads to look for a job. Try to take care of yourself and not let your DH get to you. I am into protecting myself and just going day by day. I cannot afford to leave, but I also cannot take much more. Be kind to yourself and come here to talk.

D

• I agree that you need to finish your rads before you look for a job. Remember, we don't have debtors prison in America. So if you can't pay the bills, you just can't pay them. When you get a job you'll be able to and they better take payments or they get nothing. Keep up your house note and your utilities, food and the kids' needs and tell everyone else to bunk it. Also, see if there are resources in your area to help women who have breast cancer. Radiation is emotionally taxing and I don't think people understand how psychologically devasting it can be. And one more thing, have you tried Xanax? Call your doc and tell her you need something to make it through this. And don't let her give you a prescription. Ask for some free samples. You don't need to feel like this.

Tami, honey, I just read this - I am so sorry you're having such a bad time with your family.  I'm thinking of you - will drop you a PM.  Laura

May I agree that Xanax is a good medication to ask about.

Also, does your husband's health plan cover therapy and/or counseling - because not just your physician, but a psychologist and psychiatrist should help you determine your level of distress.  You may need regular therapy, regular therapy and medication, or monitored every 2 weeks to 3 months of both to get through this time.

If you don't take care of yourself, it is so much harder to be the support for the others.  You didn't cause or bring any of this on yourself.  Your plate is full.  I think if it comes to divorce that leaving the house with the children isn't a good thing unless you get the abuse documented with your therapists first - hint hint.  Don't let his lawyer say you abandoned anything - you were shoved out.

Love in Christ,

Sessna1

idaho,

can you ask for help where you get treatment? Most cancer treatment centers have social workers who you can talk to. Maybe you can call them and ask. I know what it is like to be stuck. With this economy, it is hard to think about leaving. I am so aggravated at my DH tonight. I was in a car accident this afternoon (rear-ended) and he's all worried abt the car! Everytime I think I can continue, he does something to put me over the edge! I am seriously considering antidepressants if I can. My onc wants me to stay off any extra meds if possible. i just know I cannot stay unhappy like this.

D

I do think I need to do something. I feel like running away and never coming back! And I keep thinking of what I need to do before I actually leave! I am going on a retreat this weekend, so hopefully I will come back with a better frame of mind. I will call her when I get back. I was in a car accident yesterday and just feel so weepy. I can't keep pretending everything is fine.

D

Idaho, I hope tings are looking a little better for you today!  You know, there are so many places that will help you out with things.  I only just heard of the "Cleanin' for a Reason" or something like that.  They will come and clean your house for you during your treatments.  There are other services, too, that I've heard of.  Don't be too proud to ask around.  Like someone else said, there are usually people at your place of treatment that will know of where to get help.  I was lucky enough to get on disability.  Wish I had known earlier that I qualified.  You just don't know what's out there until you start asking and hunting!