Facing the Future

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  • Fllorik
    Fllorik Member Posts: 1,351
    edited March 2009

    In the Jewish religion there is a whole set of rituals for cleansing and preparing the body for burial. it is done by lay people that have been trained in this. Then a grave side service is usually s done and those at the grave return to the house of a family member for lunch that friends have put together while you are at the cemetary and to sit "shiva" or mourning. All mirrors are covered, men and women don't shave for 30 days, immediate family members wear a torn piece of black clothe attached to their clothing,and prayers are said for a month daily. There are more rituals to name but you get the drift.

    When this happens in the Jewish community, it is very comforting to know you are still part of the community in life and in death.

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  • suecco
    suecco Member Posts: 317
    edited March 2009

    Always with the toilet humour, knowing my luck Id block the bloody thing!!

    Fllorik - wow, thanks for sharing about the rituals in your jewish community, you've educated me today!!

    BTW Im pretty sure theres a hospice worker who posts on the mets board, who might have the info we're looking for...........LOL!!!

    Sorry girls couldnt resist that one!!

    Love to you all

    Sue x

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  • LisaSDCA
    LisaSDCA Member Posts: 2,230
    edited March 2009

    In CA you must scatter ashes at least 500 yards from the coastline. No limits on land or water if it's on private property. At National  Forest locations it is generally allowed, but they ask that it be well away from watershed areas. Written permission is required from the agency "in charge' of public lands.

    Obviously there is not a lot of enforcement on any of these statutes, kind of hard to track everyone who goes into the woods. Tongue out

    I'll post more on Analemma/Brenda's thread. But later - my friends coming over for Corned Beef and cabbage just callled to say they're coming 2 1/2 hrs. early!

    Lisa

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2009

    I am really debating the be buried traditionally in the casket or being cremated.  I hate the way the funeral business is so outrageously expense.  It costs us a fortune to bury my father last year and we only had grave-side services.  I don't know what to do.  Do I dare discuss it with my family?  Damn it, these are hard things to think about...let alone make decisions.

    Going with the thought:  Don't do today what you can put off until tomorrow. 

    Hugs sistas,

    Bethie

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  • suecco
    suecco Member Posts: 317
    edited March 2009

    Bethie,

    Approaching family about these things is SOOO hard, we arent even in the situation where we can lightly discuss it in a flippant way to get a reaction, cos the mere mention in our house of death, funerals etc and shutters come up and I get told I got years left yet, it just isnt up for discussion. But I do remember many years ago pre bc, it being a topic that could be talked about in a light hearted way, thinking we'd be doddering around in our 90s and the 'kids' being in their 70s!

    So not too big a decision for me, I'm not religous, my family members who've passed have been cremated and scattered, so if its good enough for them.....

    Hugs to u all

    Sue x

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    Yep----it IS illegal around here--BUT---where are the "ashes-police"?  My canuck friends & I always joke: Canada is SO much more civilized than we are! LOL

    Dh insists I'm gonna live forever--but I just keep talking, knowing he hears me (if only half-heartedly) & will remember what I say when he needs to......it gets easier & easier with him, but I've had almost 5 years to wear him down & he's not eroding too fast! LOL

    Florik--that is EXACTLY what I refer to! It used to be more like that for everyone! Imagine if it was part of our every day lives & from the time we were little we were just part of it & accepted it as how things are....that would remove so much of the taboo from today's views!

    Hugs-be well & stay strong 

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  • alicerainbow
    alicerainbow Member Posts: 2
    edited March 2009

    Hi everyone I just found  this particular board and am very thankful.  I have known Saint for a while now and although I popped in to chat and to read posts, the last few months things have become more serious. In the past I have always been the never ending optomist butI have finally faced up to the fact I am not going to get better.  I still will fight it with everything I got but sometimes I preferred to bury my head in the sand and not face up to possibilities that I would not make it.  However I thank God for every new day that dawns and I live each day as it comes.

    However I still have goals that I will achieve.

    warm wishes and huggs to you all

    Love Alicexxx

    Dx 2.12.2005 stage 4 BC with orbital mets now have spine and lung mets

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  • ElaineD
    ElaineD Member Posts: 2,265
    edited March 2009

    Burying our heads in the sand is something I think we all do at times. It gives us a brief respite from the horror of our situation, and that can't be  a bad thing! I very much follow your philosophy too-taking each day as it comes-if it's a bad one, then I hope the next one will be better....(Today's been  a good one-I feel almost "normal"-and even that is scary in it's own way. )

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  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited March 2009

    Check with your National Parks, I found out that there are areas specifically for planting memorial trees with plaques.  Am getting a price probably next week and we can see if the States do it too.  You may be able to do it legally.

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  • ranD
    ranD Member Posts: 373
    edited March 2009

    I have lung mets and have learned that I can actually breathe better with my head in the sand...lol..

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  • Analemma
    Analemma Member Posts: 1,622
    edited March 2009

    The Arbor Tree Foundation also will plant a memorial tree in an area they are reforesting, but it might not be the same as planting one locally to remember someone.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2009

    I always thought ostriches stuck their heads in the sand.  Unfortunately, that is a myth. 

    So maybe only those in the club mets stick our heads in the sand.  It is a perfectly acceptable behavior for me.  Here, here for the heads in the sand girls.  Hey, just think, we can exfoliate at the same time!

    Being real,

    Bethie

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    Welcome Alice! So very happy you found your way here! Read & posts often--it is good for all of us! HUGS

    I LOVE you sistas! The Queen of DeNile loves to sleep in the sand-buried to the neck--whole body exfoliation! LOL

    Sleep deep & dream sweet! 

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  • KLynn
    KLynn Member Posts: 1,407
    edited March 2009

    Hey Bethie...EXFOLIATE SCHMOLIATE----- I say....Not me, I'm going to show my pasty white FLAKY skin to the sun....I'm going to get me some vitamin D..(no matter what the onc nurses say) lol...Did anyone say SPRING is around the corner????? Ahhhhh  ahhhhhh chewwwww.....But I don't care , the flowers, the birds, the butterflies, the warm breeze...No hiding in the sand , for me-(unless it's my toes in the Bahamas) ...I'm going to suck up every day I can , every minute for me...if the people around me don't want to face it, or talk about my death or funeral or hospice well then let them stick there heads in the sand...Let them walk around with ugly gray skinned faces..LOL..I can't  over due it much these days but I can certainly absorb some energy from the sun,, I absolutely  feel better when I get out of the house, it has been a long cold winter here..The only real sunshine were a bunch of women visiting out in Long Island...Hugs to b/c sisters ...Heads up.....KLynn xoxo

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    Klynn!!!!  Here, here!

    Reading your post was a a great way to start my day--thanx! (yes, it's 10:30 & I just woke up---who wants to make something of it?) LOL

    I hope we can impart your spunk to each other when our spirits flag....I think YOU made this a good day for me--I'm gonna try!

    HUGS-be well & stay strong 

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  • KLynn
    KLynn Member Posts: 1,407
    edited March 2009

    LOL Saint..GOOD Morninng.....Yes indeed...Hey my new saying is going to be:

    "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY , YOU'RE CASTING YOUR SHADOW ON ME , I NEED THE SUNLIGHT....!!!!!!! "

     How's that for I don't give a f......  SPUNK comes with a NEW  wisdom..LOL  ..KLynn

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    LOLOL--gimme some of what KLynn is having!!!!!!!!!

    HUGS sista! 

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  • Analemma
    Analemma Member Posts: 1,622
    edited March 2009

    Here's a story of Alexander the Great and Diogenes that KLynn reminded me of:

    Before a large crowd, Alexander the Great approached Diogenes, who was lying in the street, sunning himself. Standing above him, the young conqueror offered the philosopher anything he wished. It was a sneaky offer, since it was both a reward for Diogenes' wisdom and a teasing effort to tempt him away from it. Diogenes said that perhaps there was something he would like and, after a moment, asked Alexander to please stop blocking his sun.
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  • Analemma
    Analemma Member Posts: 1,622
    edited March 2009

    Oh, now I can't stop!  These are from the NPR show "Speaking of Faith"

    The extended version of the reading in the program is excerpted from a Fast Company interview with Tom Morris, a former philosophy professor at Notre Dame:

    One day, Alexander the Great visited Diogenes. Alexander was Diogenes's biggest fan and had dropped by to pay his respects. At the end of the visit, Diogenes asked Alexander what his plans were. Alexander answered that he planned to conquer and subjugate Greece. Then what? Diogenes asked. Alexander said that he planned to conquer and subjugate Asia Minor. And then? Alexander said that he planned to conquer and subjugate the world.

    Diogenes, who was not easily dissuaded from a line of inquiry, posed the question again: What next? Alexander the Great told Diogenes that after all that conquering and subjugating, he planned to relax and enjoy himself. Diogenes responded: Why not save yourself a lot of trouble by relaxing and enjoying yourself now?

    Alexander the Great never really got the point. Our lives are made for success - and not just for enjoying it, but for seeking it as well. As a matter of fact, the people who are most likely to enjoy success are those who most enjoy seeking it. Those people are able to find satisfaction in the journey, not just at the end of the road.
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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

     Joy in the journey--

    -our happiness is not found only at the destination!

    Right?

    RIGHT!

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  • Fllorik
    Fllorik Member Posts: 1,351
    edited March 2009

    KLynn- move over....you need to share some of that sunashine!!

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited March 2009

    I went out to lunch today with some friends from work...we were talking about the injustices at work with how promotions work...Middle management (us) don't get promoted to VPs. Even though they say they are planning for succession. Whatever.

    Anyhow, I said "Well, when I get turned down and told I am not a candidate, I will ask them why, to tell me why, after all these years I busted my hump to prepare for a VP position. I am not afraid, I have Terminal Cancer, then I will go on LTD!" LOL

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  • Analemma
    Analemma Member Posts: 1,622
    edited March 2009

    Fitz, did you say that out loud to your colleagues?  How did they react to your coming out with the words "terminal cancer?"

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited March 2009

    I did, they laughed. I think they thought I was 1/2 joking.

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  • KellyC
    KellyC Member Posts: 834
    edited March 2009

    Sunshine on my shouldersssssssss makes me HAPPY!  Oh  yeah baby, bring on some of that Vitamin D!  ;-)

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  • lovinmomma
    lovinmomma Member Posts: 1,879
    edited March 2009

    I want some sunshine!  Saint I love your sense of humor.

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    Hey sistas!

    I just read at the beach thread that toyful is having some issues--keep her in your prayers! She is preparing to take a trip to Hawaii! She needs to enjoy a fantasy vacation!!

    HUGS-be well & stay strong! 

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  • Fllorik
    Fllorik Member Posts: 1,351
    edited March 2009

    I think we need to get back to the subject of Facing the Future. Sorry to be a party pooper. 

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited March 2009

    So back to facing the future...those of you still working are you still contributing to your 401Ks? I lowered mine. Just before the stock market tanked...switched all of my stocks to bonds..at 44 I doubt I will make retirement.

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  • Analemma
    Analemma Member Posts: 1,622
    edited March 2009

    Well, ladies, I had mentioned when I joined this thread that I had been out of town.  So today i went back and read this first part of it.

    I read the whole document about issues on dying from the young survivors conference that someone posted - ah, hell, I can't remember who it was and if I go back to check I'll have to start over.  That was a powerful thing!  I have to ask my husband to read it before I die, because even though I read the whold thing, I'm not the one who needs a big part of it.  The information about preplanning for services, designating the power of attorney, getting finances in order, were all really great.  But the parts about what happens during death, what the symptoms are, all that stuff, is what my family needs to know, not me.  It was something else, so if you havent' read it, go back and do it.   And thanks to whomever posted the link, though I'm addled and can't remember.

    In this document she described the dying process, and the first sounds ok (organs start to fail, body shuts down, quit making urine, sleep a lot) but the second contains my biggest fear.  She described how some people who have brain mets hallucinate and say things.  Well, I have brain mets and I am scared to death (no pun intended) that I will say something hurtful in my dying.  I fear losing control far more than I fear death itself.

    Janis, not working, and last year I decided to cash in my 401-k to buy a tractor.  I've always wanted a tractor.  So, we got one, but they were offering free financing.  And at the time it seemed stupid to cash in my investment fund, so I took the free financing.  Had I actually cashed in the 401-k it would have been like getting the tractor at half price...since that's what the 401-k is worth now.  I seem to have a knack for making the WRONG financial decision!

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