Thanks for this forum!!!

Paweed.....You are NOT alone in your thoughts. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't think about the "what if's". I do not think that we can put it totally out of our minds. It's been a year and I am constantly looking over my shoulder the minute a " pinch, tweak , or strain taps me on the shoulder. That's a tough one to get over. Maybe as we get towards the 5 year mark that will lessen. Sleepless nights don't help the thought process either. One thing flows into another. I guess we should continue to prayer for good health and ask God to lift us up into happy spirits and successful recoveries. Yes, Cancer sucks...and now we have to find the best way to deal with it before we get slung over that edge..........

Hugs to all, Artsee

Laura - that's the worst part...old, fat,poor, AND maimed from cancer.  And they wonder why we get cranky?? 

But, I know we are thankful that we're doing as well as we are! 

And, from your picture, I'd say you look remarkable for an old fatty!!  Now you know why I use my old hounds - they're much cuter than I!!

I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in how I feel sometimes.  I often think it was easier when I was in treatment cause I was doing something pro-active and I was so focused on getting through chemo and radiation that I didn't have time to be depressed.  I kept up that "good attitude" everyone talks about.  Now I feel lost.  It is difficult to realize that life is never going to be the same again.  That and everyone expects you to return to how you were prior to diagnosis....but you never will.  Also, they don't want to hear your concerns about recurrence...but it is always on your mind...at least it is on my mind.

Burns....you'll have four  years in this year.That is wonderful. Does it get a little better the further you get from the start of this journey? Monday is the first 6 month mamo....here we go again.More stress! Trying to think positive but it's hard.

Artsee

Thanks Laura...I like that quote..do you mind if I "steal" it??

xoxo

Lisa

Hi Pee.. I am glad you are here but not for the reasons I wanted you to be here for. You know I joined this site a few months ago and gave you the link which you ignored .

I am working hard on getting out of depression and Marin is trying to help. She is wonderful lady here. Also taking some other help. It is not being easy on me. And for God's sake don't worry about Farheena.. she is making sure that she is taken care of. She is turning into sort of mini Maa nazi now. Love you always ... Sister of heart.

Farida

Laura - What about those of us who didn't have chemo???  Can I blame my mush brain on rads?  Or just cancer?  Somehow radiation brain has a scary sound.  Guess I'll go with cancer brain!

Shell I totally feel for you..........you've been through a HELL of a year! My deepest sympathies for the loss of your family members - wow! What a total blow! You are absolutely NORMAL in feeling depressed! One suggestion - have you had your thyroid tested? I was shocked that my thyroid numbers became low after chemo - once I started on synthroid, I felt much more energetic. Maybe you can ask your doctor - it's a simple blood test.

Shell - even if you didn't have cancer, you've been through so much already, and dealing with a war - and explaining things to your kids - the entire state of the world is so shaky now, it's frightening. And considering how before cancer you were "super woman" - I was like that too. My family still comes to me with all their problems - it wears me down - I feel like there's no one who can really carry the burdens except myself. Oh my DH is a dear kind man, but sometimes clueless - and he doesn't have to deal with the kids' health issues either. I have told my two daughters in college and my high-school son, "Do NOT get sick! I can't bear the thought of making any more doctors' appointment!" much good that lecture does. Of course they still get sick and still call me for help, sigh. On top of that - I have about 35 pounds to lose - and like you said, it's a vicious cycle - I just want to go to bed and hybernate! So this past week I pushed myself to swim more and now my back is killing me just from sweeping the floor. I too am obsessed with reading about recurrences and mets............I know I'm being ridiculous...........but it's as though I want to know what the worse-case-scenario is so that I won't be taken by surprise, the way I was so shocked at my dx last year. I just don't trust my doctors either - I feel like they're just going through the motions - I'm just adding to their quota - and deep down inside my heart, I also have this bad bad feeling that I'm going to have a recurrence. I have felt like blow after blow - like I've been on the "bad-luck-train" since this thing started.........but of course, I feel guilty even thinking these thoughts since so many of my dear dear sisters here have it so much worse - and they have much better attitudes than I do. Maybe once I get my next two surgeries over with I'll feel better - I'm scared though - I'm scared of getting MRSA again - I'm scared of my abdominal incision not healing again - I'm almost tempted to leave "well enough alone" even though I look 6 months pregnant with this abdominal hernia. And then of course I still need to get the gall bladder removed.......so between all my doctor appointments, and work, there's no time at all (and little spare money) to make plans for a trip somewhere warm. I feel so jealous of my SIL - her lump turned out totally B9 - and she went on a wonderful trip during this winter break - while I'm stuck home doing laundry and going to doctor appointments. Jealousy is a BIG part of my bad attitude - I really need to BLAST that green monster right between the eyes!

I do rely on God to get me through each and every day - I see His presence everywhere - even in my aches and pains.........teaching me, humbling me..........maybe He doesn't like me to be "super women"..........maybe He has another plan of action for ume? My life and destiny is in His hands..........and if today I'm down in the dumps, I'm praying that tomorrow will be a better day - for all of us.

Edited to add:  Once again I failed to read through the entire thread - I only got to the end of Page 1! I hope everyone is OK - and my thanks to the moderators for starting this much needed forum! I 

Yes, this bulletin board has been a true blessing.  I have learned so much from everyone. Some days this bulletin board and chat have helped me get through a particularly bad day.

Don't know why, but here I am 6 months out from my diagnosis and I'm totally anxious and bummed out.  However, I did a good thing this week. I went to a wonderful program at the local hospital for survivors addressing all the issues that I had concerns about.  I walked away with some important "must-dos":

1) Make myself the priority.  No matter that ill parents are sucking the life out of my husband and I and work demands are great, find the strength to say "no" and "I come first".

2) Find a support group to help me. It's okay to feel emotionally needy and take advantage of the wonderful community resources.  While my husband and family have been a terrific source of support, no one quite gets it like the person who has been through it.

3) Learn to love yourself as you are and do what you can to make yourself as well as you can through better habits - eating, exercising, spiritually. Be positive.

So...in that effort, I have made plans to join a local breast cancer support group in my community which meets twice a month and offers a lot of different services that help with #3. All this leading to making myself a priority.

You are spot on Jo Ann K

Beth,

I have to ask- what does "Dona Nobis Pacem" mean?

The meeting was an introductory meeting to the Hopewell Center. I was the only outside participant, but the facilitator and another participant who had been going to meetings for 7 years was there.  The location was warm and fuzzy...an old house and the ladies who spoke about their services were kind and compassionate.  They offer two options for emotional support - a group with just breast cancer survivors, which is also educational, and then another group with folks who have all kinds of cancer, which is more emotionally supportive. I will definitely go again next week for the Breast Cancer Support Group and signed up to participate in the other group as well. I think this will be VERY helpful. It's all free too. 

For anyone in the Baltimore Maryland area, they also provide individual counseling services..all free.