Thanks for this forum!!!

Anonymous

I want to say thanks to our Moderators, Tami and Melissa, for creating this board! I've been around for awhile now and have seen that the emotional side effects of our diagnosis, treatments and the effort to return to "normalcy" after active treatment are sometimes more challenging than the actual surgeries and meds are.

I hope that everyone feels free to share here because what we're about is SUPPORT and where is there a better "audience" for expressing our emotions than one comprised of women who share your experience?!

~Marin

leaf

Yes!!  Thank you moderators!!  I think it is nice to have a 'safe' little corner where we won't be worried about how sharing how afraid/depressed/anxious we feel.  I like that we will have our own place - I sometimes feel so ridiculous about my PTSD.  So much to learn from one another!

Thank you again, moderators!   Thank you Kaloni and Marin, and so many others!!

otter

This is wonderful.  Well, not so wonderful that we need a forum for this topic, ... but y'all know what I mean.

The issue of "not getting my act together," or feeling depressed or "lost" once treatment has ended, or not being able to get beyond cancer (especially with our recent losses), is something that comes up over and over again on many of the forums. 

Thanks so much for acknowledging it officially here, and giving us a place to work on it.

otter 

Mary-Lou

Agree, this will be very helpful for some of our dear sisters.

Harley44

I just saw this new forum, and I think it's great!  I think that except for when I was first diagnosed, the hardest time for me was my POST treatment period.  I have had a really hard time finding this "new" NORMAL, and even now, almost TWO years since my bd dx, ( I found the lump on FEB 8th, 2007!) I am still having trouble accepting this NEW NORMAL.  Things have settled down a bit, but I still have my moments.

Thanks!

Harley 

coonie

Hi everyone! This looks like a great forum. I, for one, worry constantly about cancer returning. I finished chemo last March, and just completed 1 year of Herceptin last week. And now....well, I feel like I'm not doing anything to fight back. I will be taking Arimidex for another 4 1/2 years, but I still think of cancer at least every hour of my waking day. It completely changed my life and the lives of my husband and daughter. I'm 45 years old, and want to ENJOY not having to worry about what may NEVER happen again. How do I get past this? WILL I get past this?

my3girls

A big thank you!! I know there have been times, when I needed this forum!  Quite possible I will again. This will help many of us.

Thank you!

Lisa

my3girls

Coonie...read my mantra by my dx...that is what my grandmother used to say..she didn't speak english very well.  I know it's hard to NOT WORRY...but we need to try very hard...and think that our life is going to go on w/out a another cancer interuption!  Worrying about it will NOT change what may happen..not ONE LITTLE BIT. Try and focus on a positive future...a cance free one...as much as you possibly can.  Remember too...worry brings STRESS and we all know that stress is not healthy.

Your journey sounds much like mine. Positive, positive..and I will be glad to help you along the way.

xoxo

Lisa

PS...just had a biopsy done today on my other breast..saw something small, like microcalcifications...and at first I was worried..but now...I am thinking...B9!!!

coonie

Awwhh thanks Lisa. When will you get results on your biopsy? or do they know for sure it's B9?  I'm praying everything's ok!!

I know worrying causes stress. I think the further out I get, the better I will feel. Just finishing Herceptin and getting port out next week, well...........just seems "different". I've had 14 months of non-stop doctor's appointments, treatments, tests.....then it all stops!

I bet your grandmother was a hoot She sounds a little like mine!

Thanks for your encouragement.......hugs to you and praying for good biopsy results.......now and FOREVER!

lovinmomma

Thank you so much!!!!

Jellydonut

This forum is much needed and much appreciated!

Jelly

Bold

I have four important things to say:

You are now on to the emotional healing it enters the inner realm of the human heart. It explores the trans-formative power of releasing fear, pain, and anger-and embraces the healing power of self love, forgiveness, and acceptance of all parts of one's self.

The nature of the mind explores how the entire experience of life-including life with cancer-is profoundly influenced by our thoughts, beliefs, and the meanings we give to events. It also shows how we can consciously escape the tyranny of the mind and move forward on out healing path.

As cancer survivors as well as our family members we need to discover the deepest meanings and purpose of our lives and our most important goals. What do we want to accomplish, experience, and share with others?

The nature of the spirit embraces the profoundly healing spiritual dimension of life that we share and explores the nonphysical dimension of our being that is whole and complete, regardless of our circumstances.

To wrap up, we our multi-dimensional beings. Our mind heart and spirit need and deserve love care and attention-just as much as the body does.

Everything is going to be alright. I believe we are never given more than we can handle.

Live, love and laugh, exercise, eat well and breathe.

In Solidarity

priz47

Thanks for this forum! Many of us are scared now that chemo is over. Taking Tamoxifen is Ok, but what if.... My BS wants to do a biopsy next week on my other breast. I thought that having chemo would prevent this! I want to stay positive and will strive for it!

D

Anonymous

I've got lots to say on this topic, but it is 2 am, I just read the post about our Annie, and I really need to go to bed.  Thank you for the forum! 

harvey

Thanks for the forum - it will be great to find out how other women cope with flash backs and terror induced night sweats.

I've just had my 3 yr since dx anniversary - over two years since treatment finished and I still have nightmare and flash backs.

Bold - I wish I understood what you mean it sounds good - well except the bit about forgiveness.

 I've enough Scottish blood in me to believe that - revenge is a dish best eaten cold , always remembering it's a two edged sword.

I may yet be defeated  by the cancer and the consequences' of the illness - however I'm determined never to be beaten - I'll leave the battle field head high haven given my best.

For those of us struggling

Always remember that even the darkest night end with the dawn - this to will pass

Harvey

shelloz1

Wow, this is the perfect board for me today.

I am so depressed, I'm falling apart, and I don't know how to deal anymore.  Although I am finished all my treatments (finished Feb/08), I can't seem to get it together.  After finding out I had cancer, within the same year, my sister, uncle and mother passed away (within 2 months of each other) and my husbands aunt passed away 2 months ago of cancer (we met at the hospital during treatments).  I went through a war in my country (scared shitless), flooded my brothers house ($20,000 worth of damage), my cat died, and if you think that wasn't enough, a month ago my company told me they are cutting my job back to 75% (pay cut of course), after 10 years being here, and starting the company.  Okay, I guess I have reason to be depressed, but, it's impossible to walk around crying all the time.  Before cancer, I was super woman, I took care of everybody, and I could do it all.  Now, I can't understand how I have become a week person, and can't manage to get my life together.  Here's the stupidist thing of all, I believe my cancer will come back, no I don't worry about it, I'm SURE it will (no particular reason), but I'm just convinced.  I would almost like to have it happen already, so I will stop worrying about when it will be.  I'm obsessed with reading on cancer, prognosis, reoccurence, etc.  Sometimes, I think I want it back because when I had it, there was so much going on, I didn't think about it.  Running to doctors, test, etc., and everyone was around for me (well except my family unfortunately).  Now that I'm over it, everyone thinks I'm fine, and life should be normal, well it's not. 

I know you will tell me to go get help, and to take pills.  Next week I go back to my onc for one of my regular check up's, I will ask her for meds, and I'm going to look for help, but in the meantime, I find this all overwhelming.  I also suffer from Chemo indused Menopause, so I have hot flushes, heart palpatations, mood swings, etc.  I check all my own blood results (I can see them online), I look over all my own US and Mammi's, because I'm convinced that I will have cancer again, and they won't catch it.  I want an MRI, because I'm sure something is lying there waiting.

Please tell me I'm not completely off my rocker, because the things I'm saying here sound completely insane even to me!

shelloz1

Hi Stephanie,

So sweet of you to reply, thank you!

Because I'm ER/PR neg (as you know), there is nothing else to take.  According to everything I have read, Herceptin is supposed to be great, and the odds should be much less. HOWEVER, since I am grade 3 and HER 2 (very positive), it also means that i had very aggressive cancer, so, who knows if the Herceptin was enough to keep the beast away.

Yes, actually, it is like my cancer, it's not if the war will happen, it's when.  I'm originally from Canada (a peace loving country), and so being here, is very difficult.  The world hates us, my kids ask me, what did we do wrong, why does everyone hate us, how do you answer that (damned if I know).  Every time there's a bomb, I sit and wait to hear that they will bomb us in the north again, not sure how I would deal with it.  last time I went to Tel Aviv (at least there it was safe), but now, we know that even there is not safe, so where would I run.  let's think, which would get me first, a bomb, cancer, or, well I hope that I will live to a ripe old age.  In the meantime, I'm so depressed, that I really don't care anymore.  If it weren't for being unfair to my family (if I weren't around), I would really consider the options, sorry to sound so morbid.

 I hope for you a long life, and the beast will not return, and it is nice to speak to someone who has been through this, since nobody I talk to can understand me.  I'd be happy to e-mail you (outside of the forum), if you'd like.  by the way, how old are you, where do you live?  

I actually have my appointment on Wednesday (I must have put the wrong details in my original post), so I will ask for meds then.  I also just made a phone call to the Israeli Cancer Society to find a counsellor to help me (problem is, I need someone in English, and it's difficult to find).

anna62

Dear shelloz1

I took a deep gulp reading your post, you have had an amazing path to walk.  I am currently seeing a wonderful woman due to my depression and PTSD.  I will tell you what she suggested for me that helped. At night my mind would race with thoughts of surgery, medications, what ifs, on and on and on with no rest the longest I went without sleep was four solid days, on the edge if you know what I mean.  My therapist suggested journaling, writing down the thoughts that weighed the heaviest, on my mind, by doing this I would be taking the consuming thoughts from my mind and physically putting them some place else.  The other thing that helped was physical activity, I started taking daily walks, even better if you can really pump it up that is a great stress reliever.  How about a new kitty ?  Too raw ?  Taking care of someone or something else can help too.  I hope I don't sound like a know it all.  My heart goes out to you and I wish you luck with your appointment.  A great big hug from across the pond.

Anna

Bold

Sorry if my post seemed to esoteric.

I wanted to say that there is one other way to battle this beast and that is to put your energy into natural healing methods of diet and exercise. I personally want to change the environment that aloud my immune system to break down in the first place. So I am focused and truly believe that I can do something about it.  Read wonderful uplifting books at night before you try to sleep.

I could not pretend to understand the hardships of your journey shelloz. But I will pray for you.

I am glad I stumbled on to this thread.It had opened my mind and my heart. What I write is how I deal with my own fears. And it is an on going battle. Thank you for the forum.

anniemar53

I feel rather self absorbed over my depression now that I have read Shelloz's posts. It's not just hers either, I've just started here and some of these forums are heart wrenching and makes me feel very fortunate. I finished my treatment last summer and I'm taking Arimidex and even though I take an anti depressant I still cannot get my energy level back or come out of the fog of depression. Yet I read so many much worse off than myself and can't imagine having to cope with their situations.

shelloz1

I just wanted to say thank you all for replying, and for your advise, etc.  There are so many incredible women on this board, and so many that have endured so much.  All your stories help to make us stronger people, I hope that I will inspire people one day.

my3girls

Shell...I think Anna gave some great advice.  Fighting depression can be obtained in several ways.  Diet is a big part of it as Bold advised.  Eating healthy, just makes you feel better in general. The exercise is HUGE!! Every doctor tells me the same thing. I know when I am not able to get out and run or race walk..because of the cold...I feel down.  When it part of my daily routine..I am sooo uplifted. Depression runs in my family...so I know first hand how EVIL it can be.  I know pills aren't for everyone..and I am not a pill taker.  But, I went on Effexor XR last February...and just recently (because of a hysterectomy in Aug and starting Arimidex in Oct), I had my dose increased.  I was litteraly in a BLACK HOLE! I came to work, but as far as my house, family, friends, boyfriend...I couldn't deal with any of it.  Within a week of my increased dosage, and getting back to my exercise (my diet is usually very good) I felt like a new woman!!

I pray you get some help, either in counseling (I am thinking of that as well) or medicine or journaling like Anna suggested.  This is a tough journey we have traveled and continue to travel.

I just had ANOTHER biopsy and I felt like I was going back in time 2 yrs.  Found out today..it was B9!!!

xoxo

Lisa

Deirdre1

I see this forum as a great asset for anyone facing or who had to face this horrible disease and horrible treatments attached (don't misunderstand I am grateful for the treatments that are available but they feel sort of barbaric) .. I'm very grateful that the moderators are listening!  Thanks!

desdemona222b

For those of you suffering from PTSD, there is an EMDR helps a lot with the nightmares.

 http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_treatmentforptsd.html

Also, Trazadone is very good for PTSD and helps you get a peaceful night's sleep.

It really takes awhile to emotionally recover from the diagnosis, etc.  I didn't get to feeling better and more relaxed for several years, but that day came eventually.

desdemona222b

I meant to say, "there is an EMDR therapy..." 

kimmy1

I am so thankful for this thread. Ladies, you are amazing. I feel like such a wimp because I don't feel better - I finished chemo at the end of Oct. and rads in the middle of Dec.! I have never fought depression and fatigue before and this is so taxing for me I have been on Lexapro for a few weeks with only moderate results so far - I also have ativan when it gets too bad. Some of your suggestions for journaling and such are great - I know I need to exercise and can't make myself get out there and do it. Thanks for all the encouragement and I pray for each and everyone of you.

my3girls

Kimmy....just keep coming back for more encouragement...that is what we are here for.  You will get there sweetie.  We have all been there, and like me, more than once. I know I get allot of strength and support from these boards...it helps me soooooooo much!

Thinking of you!!!

Lisa

shelloz1

Lisa,

I'm so HAPPY to hear that it was b9, I pray it will be like that for every women.  As for the diet, excerise, etc, unfortunately it's a vicious circle.  I can't get myself into it because of the depression, even though it would help.

my3girls

Shell....I know just how you feel.  I pray you and your doctor will work something out.  An antidepressant is probably what you need to start with at least. You have been through allot.

Peace to you. Let me know what you find out.

mumito

Good thread ladies.  How do we exercise when we are physically and emotionaly exhausted.I just wnat to crawl into bed and stay there.I have 3more rads and then I can do that.NOT

My husband has booked us a flight to a warmer destination my family is determined to keep me moving on and hopefully out of this depressed state. Hang in there Ladies. Kathleen

kimmy1

Lisa - thank you so much - this place is such a comfort! My dh has suffered from depression for years with treatment and I am now so sympathetic to him. He has been a blessing through everything as have all of you.