Starting Chemo May 2008

Hi women. It is very early AM in Seattle and we're under a small blanket of snow. Schools are two hours late. I have no idea if work is two hours late or not, but I'm not going anywhere in the dark. This will give me time to write.

First off, to RanD...Dear Rand, I am not pleased with the medical care you are getting from your doctors. I would feel very comfortable if you talked to more than one and if you changed to an oncologist you liked better if that is possible. If it is not possible, forget I wrote this as your convenience matters a lot as well, but if there are other oncs around, more than just a second and third opinion, you also should check them out when you are talking to them and see if you click better with one.

As far as taking a chemo break, only you know what your body can handle. I support you contiuing the regiment as soon as possible, but I understand that taking a short break might help your body become stronger after pneumonia. In the end, a couple of good doctors ought to be able to help you make the decision with a sane mind. I can't imagine the pain you are going through and you have been an amazing trooper. I so want you to stabilize so you can get back to fighting this crap, but I DO understand your wanting to take a break. Like the others, I have friends who went the 100 percent organic, non-chemo route. For both of them, cancer came back with vengence AND it also came back with friends who did the full chemo route. Each of us is different. I have not heard of anyone who BEAT cancer for many, many years by going the non-chemo route, but having said that, I have never known anyone who was fighting pneumonia, the insurance world and cancer at the same time. I am constantly bombarded with well-meaning friends here who tell me cancer is all about diet and if I just cut out (you name it....meat --which I hardly eat anyway -- dairy, become a vegan) or if I just weighed 128 pounds, everything would e fine. My friend, Judith, died in her early 70's from breast cancer last year. I swear to you that the woman ate the most healthy diet EVER and did yoga every day for 30 years before she got BC but when it came, she was gone quickly. This is a tricky disease. You have to try to step out of your currently battered body and weigh everything out. If you feel like you CANNOT go on right now, talk to a couple of docs and take a week or two off unless they tell you you are making a HORRIBLE decision. They will help guide you. If they tell you you can't afford to skip 7-14 days, look at it again. If they tell you they get it, by all means, do it. If you are at full peace with skipping chemo for a week and your team of docs understand, go for it. But if they say no, no, no, no -- this is a matter of extreme importance -- you MUST keep going....look at it again. We want you to be around until you are in your 80's at least. We want you to get better, but none of us has had to endure your pain -- physical and emotional. I support you in stepping out on a limb to get another opinion -- even if insurance won't pay (I would help pay for a doc visit). That will help you make a decision AND give you a chance to see a different doc. In the end, dear friend, I support your decision. I want to make sure you have as much information as possible from more than just one doc. Okay?

Meanwhile, life was very good here until, in the middle of the night when I woke up with a pain under my arm. It feels swollen and in the nodes. I am scared. I will make an appointment today but my heart is beating pretty hard. It hurts as well in a throbby way. I remember someone else had to deal with it....got feedback anyone?

Caught up with the rest of you (took a long time to read and I love how chatty we all are). I am sad dear Oprah didn't "get it" but maybe we ought to try for a reunion on some other talk show as others have suggested. It's nice to see newer faces online too. Julie, it's really nice you're checking in regularly and thanks again for the VD card. 

I see many of you on Facebook. Work has been extremely busy and I have 14,000 things to do before March 12 when our new director arrives. As some of you know, I was hired to be the interim director of Communications for a 90-day stint. I am coming up on  my year anniversary of that 90-day stint and can't wait to get back to my old job. It has been a long trek. Meanwhile, the whole time I was in chemo, I said no, no, no to a ton of stuff. Once I started feeling better, my guilt got to me and I agreed to too much stuff. And, so, here we are.

I am interested in the Susan G. Komen discussions. My cancer bully pal, Dottie, is involved and I walked in the race two years ago then 32 of us walked this year. At the time, I researched and saw that much of the money went to research. Though I, too, was concerned about the commercialism part, I saw that it was a way for people to help. We have more local groups in Seattle and I have been involved with them as well, but I guess i should tell you that our son, Adam, was asked to be the honorary chair and the grand marshall at the kids race in Seattle this year for a variety of wild reasons. He gets to work with Edgar Martinez and he is very jazzed about that so no way can I pull him at this point. I guess I am sucked in and it's too late to pull out now. While many of you brought up very strong and valid points, I am hoping a chunk of our money does help breast cancer research -- if not going directly to patients. We are also supporting Gilda's Club here by appearing at the Surviving in Fashion show in April. I know that money goes directly to help patients.

Adrienne, March is upon us. Let's make a plan to meet in Seattle or Bremerton. Pick a Saturday? Or is it easier to come in for an evening or have me come out and meet you? Can't wait. I am so scared about the pain under my arm. Geez...just when things were going so well. Skiing was great. I missed you all but it was nice to be away from cancer for a bit. It's great to be back. Congrats to angels who is portless and those finishing up their rads and herceptin....I am on with that until August. I go in next Friday. I have found herceptin to be a non-issue ...just annoying to go in every three weeks. Femara has been okay so far...just joint pains. I was told to up my vitamin D intake after my last labs. I was on 2000 -- now moving to 3000 but I hear some people are taking a zillion mg. Okay, enough rambling. I send you all hugs, thoughts and positive energy and prayers. RanD, I haven't sent you a card in a while. Did you laugh at the dog one? Hope so. I keep you in my thoughts as you make extremely important decisions. 

Kerry,

My chooks are better and cuter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol....

We have about 30 outside, not sure of the number because we have been having hawks and foxes visiting until Mr. Gun came out.  Unfortunately we have 6 roosters as well, but they all get along, for now.  The kids get to pick their favs each year when we restock, and they all picked the straight runs, which meant 3 extra roosters...lol...I only pick the hens, but even then we have ended up with boys....

Ours haven't started laying yet, I refuse to put a light in year round.  Figue they need a break from all that laying and so some of ours are 6 years old and still laying.

later!!! ran

love to all. Read last nights Rant about how stupid I think Med profs are with test results!

 http://noellesbloggybits.blogspot.com/

I think we need a new system of test result delivery! Only people that are fully armed with all the answers should be allowed to deliver bad news and only really fun and happy people should be able to deliver good! I want a freakin' high five for good test results for fecks sake!

Last night was long, but I sold a lot of juice and signed 9 new people to my sales team.

more later... if I don't fall asleep right after dinner..

My kids will keel over if anyone mentioned eating their chickens.  My mom told us she could off the extra roosters and you would have thought their little brother was going to see Moloch...lol.

We us them for eggs, we eat a lot and the girls sell them to the neighbors when we have surplus. Mostly they are fun to watch and the kids pick them up and walk around with them,

Okay, back from the doc.  I will be taking Xeloda starting Monday.  2 weeks on, 1 week off.  That was our compromise.  Plus, I get to use whatever alternates I want and I can stop before 14 days if the SEs get too rough.

Who hoo????????lol

Poor Riley, 4th graders don't like to argue with teachers, but some of them can be such a holes about PE.

After the doc, my mom, dh and I went to Trader Joe's.  I actually walked around for 30 minutes before I got too tired.  Got lots of yummy stuff, then I sent them to Costco for fish sticks (parents are Catholic so fish on Fridays for a while!). 

Now its nappy time...randie

Waited for an hour and a half because I was on standby to see my doc. He felt me up...okay, he felt around and told me he would bet his entire marble collection that I am suffering from a case of nerve reawakening post surgery. I was, like, "Hey," (and you need to read this is Rosanne, Rosanna's voice, "Are you SURE?!?! I mean I had my breast removed last April. Plus, it's my armpit that hurts." He said that when the surgeon removed my sentinel (three) nodes, they could have been right there in the PIT of my arm. And, according to the good Dr. Kaplan, he says my description matches nerves waking up. So there. Was it worth it to wait 90 minutes? Hell YES. I like the fuck you effective drug. RanD, sounds like you are in a good space. I support your staying there, stablilizing and healing. It is nice to hear from the rest of you. None of you commented on my Susan G. Komen piece. Is it that bad? Shall I pull my kid out?!? Love you all. Ciao.

Ah hell Eddie, I sit here and read away and don't think about responding because well...I just read.  No you should not pull your baby out of his very good deed.  No matter how "armoured" I am to the Komen cause, I see what you son is doing and it warms my heart.  He has a purpose, I love that.  All women should be so lucky to have a son/child with such dedication.  He makes ME want to give to the cause.  We, we bc women, come from a different view and its a view I wouldn't want any of my children to see.  I want them to believe they are helping.  I would never want them to think they didn't do enough.  Your son is the awesomest, in my book.  I want to pinch his cheeks and give him the biggest hug.  HE is doing it all for the RIGHT reason.  Please give Max a big hug from Adrienne.  I'm in awe of what you have created in your children.

 xoxoxoxoxo

Eddie--I echo what Adrienne said.  Definitely said it better than I could.   So very happy that it is only "nerves" waking up--I know that you are relieved.

5-FU was one of my chemo drugs-never thought of it that way-guess I am one of the polite ones.

Jen-School plays--have some wonderful memories and pictures of my girls when they were in school--seems surreal to now be going to the grandkids basketball games (GS plays & GD is a cheerleader)   They are growing up so fast---especially when Julia, almost 7, tells her Papaw that "Joe" of the Jonas Brothers is "HOT".  I thought my DH was going to hit the floor!

Randie-One of my closest friends has chickens and only collects the eggs-she has had some really colorful eggs--Funny, I still haven't ever had a "fresh" egg.  Gonna have to talk to her about that!   

Kerry-It is nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way!

Night all!

Conjunction Junction whats your function...our kids have missed some of the greatest stuff!  I know the preamble thanks to Saturday mornings.  I will admit...I have to sing it..We the people in order to form a more perfect union.  Establish justice..........come one people you know you know it

On the Robins...I don't think they ever leave our area...Eddie?  If they do, special ones stay in my yard just to torture my cat.  We have had more bird activity this last two weeks but the robins have always just been there.  They are hearty aren't they?  Now if we could get rid of the crows...I'd be a happy camper

 I have to wonder what the poor plants are thinking today.  Our lilies and calalilies (sp?) have been sprouting.  This morning we had blizzard conditions at 5:00 am then sun at 8:00...WTF?

Rock...this is for you    

Randie - Glad you found a middle ground that both you and your could live with.  Hopefully, the Xeloda will be a "kinder, gentler" chemo on your body (I can hope!!).  I love TJ's, too - may have to go tomorrow.

Rock - I did not know about the wisdom of genetic counseling but I will follow-up on getting someone to find a referral.  I think I have a few weeks before the results come in. 

I got hit really hard last night with something my stomach didn't like.  Stayed home from work today and slept 'til noon!!  Wow.  I think I was DAT.  Tomorrow morning I am going with my best friend to Target because she needs baby stuff.  She and her dh have been through 4 miscarriages and 2 years ago she finally had a hysterectomy because of fibroids.  Last month, a friend from church called and asked if they would be interested in adopting her son's unborn baby.  Needless to say, they are a bit overwhelmed.  Baby is due in about 3 weeks.  We are taking it one day at a time because the girl was not prepared for this and has continued to drink and use marijuana.  Ah, the stupidity of youth.  Anyway, we are continuing to hold this little guy in prayer and are of the belief that they were not handed this only to have it destroyed again.  I will let you know how it turns out!

I'm just a bill, yes, I'm only a bill, and I'm sitting here on capitol hill...........Now I have a brainworm!

We are having storms right now-satellite just went out, hoping that the power stays on--good thing the coffee is done! 

They took DH's bipap machine yesterday and is now set up for just oxygen at night--much easier, although much noisier.  We are keeping the concentrator in the living room, plus she left us with 2 large cylinders,  Randie--if I could, I'd send you one!  

Hope that everyone has a great Friday!

holy crap u guyz have been chatty in the last 12 hours! more later... trying to get the house clean.

 xoN

Adam: Big hugs and kisses to you for your selflessness.......you must have great parents!!! Rock:COme back to the States, there are some bank CEOs need some serious butt kicking

we are the chattiest group...

Na Na Na Nanana One Banana Two Banana Three banana Four

Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more......LOVE THAT SHOW!!!

I am writing to you on my new lap top....my brothers and parents decided to give me an early (by 7 months) birthday present.  Then they surprised my dh by telling him that they aer tired of our dial up tying up the phone lines and they ordered satellite internet.  I am so excited! Now, I can FB easier...lol....

Love all the comments about my FU program.  Right now I am trying to research the option of 1 week on, 1 week off that Sloan is using.  I heard that it is easier on your body and lets you use the drug for a longer time period.  BTW, no hair loss...or minimal at most...not that I am vain about hair...really did like when the body hair was gone.....sigh

Noelle: Will let you know when purple rain comes in.  Yesterday my mom bought what looks like swamp water from trader joes...it has grasses and veggies bit more fruit juice so thats what it tastes like.  Sam thoughht I had some cool Shrek product..lol

Eddie: I get sharp pains across my chest from the bilat and the nerves comiong back....so yeah for you, told you not to worry...

Gracie: I have the concentrator at home plus bottles if the power goes out.  Its great and I have 50 ft of hose to wonder around the house.

Okay...I am going to ask my son if he can photoshop 18 sombreros tap dancing on the freakin cancer cells...

If I forgot anyone, sorry....I slept 4 hours and then tossed and turned so I feel chemo brained..

I'm gonna wash that grey right outta my hair! Wooohoo! coloring my hair for the first time. Bad enough that I have hot flashes to make me feel old don't need the grey too. Funny part...... When I colored my hair before it took 1 1/2 kits I had so much hair .... now.... I was pushing to use 1/2 of a kit.

My son has the schoolhouse rock on dvd and LOVES them! We get him all the older cartoons to watch.... pink panther/ popeye / tom & jerry. He likes those much more than the new stuff... well except for spongebob.

Three years ago I started a drama club at my school with the music teacher. We did

I did all the props for the show. My favorite songs were "A Noun is a Person, Place, or Thing" and "Just a Bill" because I also choreographed them. That was a really fun time. I hate budget cuts.

P.S. Julie our trip was to the Philadelphia Zoo