I need a mentor
Comments
-
I am so happy to hear from you Diane. For some reason I was getting very concerned, and I was getting really emotional!
I am so sorry 2009 has not been much kinder to you than 2008. Where do you live?
-
I am in rural western North Carolina. The good thing about that is our weather is much milder than lots of other places right now. I won't have to trudge through snow and ice! I'm sorry to have worried you.
(((HUGS)))
Diane -
Prayers for each and everyone around the thread.
Strength and courage. Strength and courage.
xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx
-
I found this posted on one of the nurses' stations where I worked, and I wanted to share it with you guys:
Good Morning:
I am the Lord your God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If the devil happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, DO NOT attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFJTD (something for Jesus to do) box. It will be addressed in MY time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold on to it or attempt to remove it. Holding on or removal will delay the resolution of your problem. If it is a situation that you think you are capable of handling, please consult me in prayer to be sure that it is the proper resolution. Because I do not sleep nor do I slumber, there is no need for you to lose any sleep. Rest my child. If you need to contact me, I am only a prayer away.
Love Eternally,
The Lord your God -
Oh Held. How delightful. Reassuring.
It goes with my saying, "I've resigned as general contractor of the Universe."
Let's give it all over to our Creator.
Many hugs friend.
xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx
-
I have a question for my mentors about forgiveness.
If I make a conscious decision to forgive someone (and ask God for the strength to do it) who has hurt me terribly and move on, why is it that when something reminds me of the hurt, the anger, resentment and pain all come rushing back like it happened yesterday???????????????
-
I am not a mentor but....Have you also forgiven YOURSELF?Asked God for forgivness?
I have a similar experience. In addition to forgiving (in my case) a number of people who should have known better; I also remind(ed) myself that they were doing the best that they could at the time with what skills, knowledge etc that they had at the time.
I also realized that I was the only one being hurt- they didn't know (and I am sure don't care) after all these years that it was still a problem for me. I go back often to reminding myself that they were doing the best that they could with what they had at the time. And some days I thought I can't forgive, but I can give it all to God and move on/focus on something else.
I believe forgivness is hard, to say it and truely believe in the deepths of our soul are 2 different things, we are forgiving others but I think also ourselves. For me it was, and some times still is, hard.
I pray you find peace, Elaine
-
Forgiving people who made stupid mistakes, or who were careless is not too hard for me. It is the people who set out deliberately to hurt me or cause me pain. Someone who would lie thru their teeth in order to make me look bad and make herself look wonderful - that kind of thing. Thinking about it now longer makes me cry, but I still get a knot in my stomach, and feel the tension and anxiety building in me with every breath. If I truly forgave her why do I still feel that way? If I haven't, why can't I? If I really forgave her, why does it make me smile when I find out that her lies and deception have caught up to her?
-
If I cross a line, please tell me to back off (my intention is NOT to make things worse).
If you are still concerned about what she does, and smile at her misfortunes, I'm guessing forgiveness hasn't happened yet. What is it about this person or what she did that still bothers you? Is there wounded pride getting in the way? Does her opinion really matter to you, is it a source that you respect? If not, who cares. The people who know you-- know who you are and your integrity and honesty, you know that, God knows that and what has happened.
God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So always do these things: Show mercy to others, be kind, gentle and patient. Get along with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you. Col.3:12-13
-
No line-crossing noted.
I have been trying to forgive her for about 5 years (give or take). I think I am there, and WHAM! something happens to remind me of her or what she did to me and those awful feeling come back. I just don't understand how I can make a decision to forgive, forget and move on yet not seem to be REALLY able to do it!!!! Why is the pain so strong all this time later that I get some sort of perverse pleasure out of her professional misfortune??? That is STUPID! Now that you mention it - the pride question ----- nail on the head (except I could care less what she thinks of me, it is the damage she did to my relationship with my employer with her lies that I care about).
DEEP BREATH - ok, I am going to try to keep telling myself that God knows what the truth is.
So now that we have established that I SUCK at forgiveness, HOW do I manage to do it for real?????
-
I am continually amazed at how angels are put in our paths right when we need them!
I came here tonite wrestling with some serious anger. I am furious about ppl who are VERY good at pretending to be wonderful & making others believe it when I know they are fakes! I also think they are afraid of my insight into them & will try to discredit me so they can continue their charade.In my struggle with this I came here only to read the recent posts about foregiveness!!!
I have had some success forgiving, but I think it is a process. It is not a one time act that you execute & are then done with it......it is a choice you make over & over! So Held, my good sister, when you & I get mad at these ppl we feel blindsided yet again! We THINK we already won that battle, but we have to forgive again & again.
I do NOT know why some ppl are as they appear to me. I do not understand why I seem to have such insight when others are snowed by them...but in the end I guess tonite's journey here helped me beyond explanation. I need to let it go---again & again! I also need to avoid contact with ppl who make me feel this way until I CAN deal-be they virtual or real.
God bless you all--be well & stay strong! HUGS
-
Oh my dear ones...I think that forgiveness is a process (a painful one some times).If you have a hard time- give this over to God- let him deal with this. Let "it" go. He knows inside our hearts (and theirs). Save your energies for healing and doing good works.
Some times I write out what my problem or concern or worry is and put it in a little box i have. This is my God box. Once I write it out- it is now out of my head, God will work on it and I do not have to think about it any more (it takes a little practice). Why worry or fret over things I can't do anything about? I work on things I can change (He does the rest).
Deep breath, you never suck at any thing- its a chance to learn something new, try a new technique or look at things differently (if we keep doing the same thing over and over, and expect different results then we haven't learned anything) Be open, take the leap- God will take care of you.
Have faith in all things. Hugs and sweet dreams to all.
-
Ahhhhhh...forgiveness...I've struggled with that too! Just when you think it's all behind you....BAM! Something triggers all those awful emotions and pain. One thing I can say is that time does help some. Another thing is to examine what's going on in my life right now. Are there issues I have not asked the Lord to forgive? Am I feeling unworthy of forgiveness? Am I "down" on myself?
When those thoughts creep in and the pain/anger of a past hurt is dredged up, I try some self talk: who am I to withhold forgiveness when God forgives all? If I truly wish to strive to be Christ-like, I must learn to forgive in the way the Lord does: our forgiven sins are hidden from God as though they never existed. We must remember not only to have forgiving spirits, but we must also remember that WE ARE FORGIVEN. We must accept that forgiveness wholeheartedly in order to be able to forgive others.
Gosh, I hope that made sense!
I'm sorry so many of us are having such a tough time right now. I've been staying away from the boards more than usual. There has been so much sadness/conflict on the boards and I've sort of felt "stuck" about posting anything.
(((HUGS)))
Diane -
Held,
This is the first time I have been on your post. The reason it caught my eye is that God gave me the same verse (Joshua 1:9) to hang on to during this cancer journey. I haven't read every post, but I'll just mention a couple of things. I can so relate to your emotions or learning of your cancer and also the issue of forgiveness. I believe you have had some wonderful responses.
My cancer was found by "accident." The next weeks were a blur of tests...was only one breast affected......both....could it be invasive...unil. mastectomy...or bilateral...will I need chemo or rads? I've been a Christian for a long time, but each new trial can take us by surprise and knock us for a loop. We were so emotionally exhausted that we could hardly pray. It was only the prayers of others that held us up...they had to intercede for me. I don't believe God thought my faith had failed, I think he understood my fear and surrounded me with prayer warriors.
On the forgiveness issue. I also had/have some trouble with a particular person. I've always had this image of a Godly Christian woman being gentle..never being angry. Instead of being "salt & light" sometimes I felt more like cayenne pepper and a blow torch!
But God understands the deepest parts of us. In you just asking for a mentor shows me that you know God is still with you.
I have been a singer for a long time. In both the cancer and forgiveness issues, to me it came down to choice. I had to choose to believe and forgive even when my feelings didn't follow. God knows my weakness and he was just asking me to be obedient, not to conquer everything today. This was my test to believe in all the words I had sung. God has to give me grace for today and will give me new grace for tomorrow. I can only take one day at a time. I know that sounds hokey. Sorry this is so long. Can I share the words to a song I wrote? Blessings, Candi
Faith Is My Choice
Changes come, questions rise
We'd like to know the hows and whys
Death brings pain, love is lost
It all seems much too great a cost
When all the signs would contradict
Your care and loving ways
I make my choice to trust your plan
And lift my voice in praise
Faith is my choice- I will believe
It's all the things I hope for
And all that I can't see
When doubt begins to whisper
With a beckoning voice
Faith is my choice
Friends move on like the tide
A lifetime vow is tossed aside
A road that narrows with each step
Am I moving back and not ahead?
But you're the Friend who's never moved
And you've kept every vow
Your love has always proven true
I will not doubt you now
I could focus on the questions
And rely on what I feel
But in this fragile world around me
Your love is all that's real
-
Lovely lyrics!
Held F&F Granny et al--where is yous??
Hugs & Blessings for the day....
Be well & stay strong
-
Saint- LOVE the picture! You have smiling eyes
Candi- not hokey at all, beautiful words, thoughts AND song. Plain honest simple thoughts. Cayenne pepper and a blow torch- yeah some days are like that but I think God understands
This was shared on another post, I'm sorry that I can recall which on at the moment (I'll try to back track and find wich one). I wanted to share with all you ladies.
BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER By Maya Angelou
'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
TODAY IS BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTERS DAY - -
Ahhh thank you--I love Miss Maya & thought I'd read ALL her work, but this one must have eluded me (or once again, chemobrain makes for a cheap date--repeat repeat repeat... it's still new to me!! LOL) HUGS
-
FORGIVENESS.....
This is a topic that I've had very real, up-close & personal contact with for most of my adult life. My first marriage was to an ordained pastor who was morally bankrupt -- on several levels. I had years & years to consider this fact, after the marriage vows, and again after the final divorce decree (with the birth of our two daughters in between.)
I've spoken at l-e-n-g-t-h to a variety of theologians on the topic..... and as it pertains to my own particular story specifically.
Needless to say, I concur with the voices above who have suggested that 'forgiveness' is a process. A process that I am STILL involved in -- even tho we've been divorced for over 15 years and the man has been dead for over three years now.
I am a VERY slow learner when it comes to forgiveness.
Just when I think that I've made real concrete progress & moved forward & finally completely forgiven, I'm whacked upside the head with a whole new set of emotions as they relate to my children's pain (and suffering) over the past & history.
My DD2 called the other night in tears -- which deteriorated into sobbing over some of these issues from the long-ago-past. It felt like I was right back to square three. (I congratulated myself that I've moved beyond squares one and two. So I guess that constitutes progress.)
I remember one lightbulb moment when my pastor-after-the-fact spoke to me about forgiveness and suggested that I resort to my own translation of Jesus words, "Father, forgive him, for he knows not what he does." At the time that thought was an ENORMOUS help to me.
My ramblings could go on at length, but I just wanted you all to know that I'm thinking of you, sending you encouragement, contemplating 'forgiveness' as it applies to and throughout my life.
This is the very meat of religion (to me anyhow.)
I think it's great that we can share from our own experience.
Happy Friday the Thirteenth.
-
Hello all,
It has been a while since I have been here. I get all my post updates sent to my cell phone, so I have been reading, but the tiny screen makes it difficult to appreciate the power of your words of wisdom.
First let me say a big THANK YOU for once again helping me to feel less unworthy. Your words are always such a great comfort to me. It always makes me feel better knowing that others have had the same struggles. Baxter - welcome, and thank you for your kind words and beautiful song.
I am having a hard time at work. I now have to supervise someone who makes my skin crawl. God forgive me. I can not stand the sight of her or the sound of her voice. She is a sneaky, underhanded, back-stabbing..... I don't need to go on, do I? She resents the fact that I am now her supervisor, and is seriously less than friendly to me. Talk about a forgiveness challenge!
-
Held,
So sorry to hear about work. That can make it hard going to the office every day. Hang in there, have faith that it will all work out in the end and remember that you can always come here for a rant or rave or whatever.
Forgiving is not about saying its all ok (whatever it was) but acknowledging it, letting it go and moving on/past it. (and it doesn't mean you have to be friends)
Faith, Diane, Saint, Baxter, Moody and anyone else I missed- hope today is a good day, that you are well, children are happy, dhs are supportive and picked up their dirty socks and the dogs/cats didn't pee in the house
Hugs and prayers to all.
-
EWB. Thanks for the kind words. No dogs nor cats to pee & hubby does well w/his socks.
I am indeed a spoiled princess!!
Hugs to all the mentor/menteessssss
-
EWB - too funny! It would be nice to have my kids pick up their socks too! I am starting to train for the Komen 5k RUN on Mother's Day in Philly. Gonna make something positive come out of all this crap!
The company owner is coming to talk to me some time this week to talk about all the )!#*_!)(*# that has been going on. Should be interesting. I must pray for wisdom.
-
Held, if it's any help...I am prone to waking up in the middle of the night. I used to get really frustrated but I decided to turn that around and make it work for me. That is the time I pray (talk to God / Jesus). The house is so quiet and it feels so nice to make myself relax and pray. What do you know..I sleep like a baby. This happens every single time.
Love and strength, girls. XXX
-
Hugs Held, F&F, EWB, bad, kerry et al----
Pray for peace & wisdom to descend on all the sadness & turmoil around this site of late.......
Be well & stay strong
-
Amen
-
a whole chorus of Amen's...........
a whole chorus
-
So glad to have you ladies. Prayers and love to all. I am thanking God he got me thru this week (one car accident, one nasty fall, awful awful headache - pain so bad I couldn't sleep, dealing with hateful people at work). By God's grace I am safe and sound and at home with my family.
-
What happened to my post??
Take two.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Held))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Held))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx
Hoping that the accident was minor.
Sending you lots of love.
Wrap yourself up in an afghan and treat yourself nice.
-
At least its Friday, hoping you can spend the weekend curled up under a blanket (or maybe blankie). You have had your share of "stuff" this week.
gentle hugs and sweet prayers, prayer of thanksgiving that you are safe and surrounded by your family.
Elaine
-
The weekend is coming to a close, and yet again I find myself struggling with the issue of forgiveness and painful memories. I need your opinions/advise, please. Here is the situation:
I was dx in Sept. 2007. After the bad news, my family promised up one side and down the other they would walk with me in the Komen Race for the Cure on Mother's day. So my father signs up to be on the team and then refused to ask anyone to sponsor him (ok, whatever - it's not like it is his daughter that was dealing with breast cancer or anything, right?). He sent me a check to sign him up, but did not give me enough money to cover the whole cost (not a big deal, but just one more thing...). The week before the race, he sent me a FRIGGIN' E-MAIL to tell me that he felt he was not up to doing it. It just so happened that my little brother arranged to have his child dedicated at his church the same day, so my parents wanted to be home so they could watch it over the Internet. My little brother who promised he would be there even if he had to walk across the country for me, not only arranged for his kids dedication the same day, seemed to pretend the walk/run wasn't even happening. These people are MY family!!!!
Ok, breathe......
Now here is the problem - clearly still a painful issue. It is now time to start getting sponsorship for this year's race. I don't even want to ask my parents or my brother to be involved at ALL. Part of it is the sting of what happened last year, and part of it is I just don't think I can handle them rejecting me again.
Someone, PLEASE tell me what to do!
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team