Thanks for this forum!!!

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  • coonie
    coonie Member Posts: 7,618
    edited February 2009

    Hey Lisa!!!!!!!!!  Congratulations on B9 !!!!!!!!!!  That is such WONDERFUL news. I happy and relieved for you :) hugs...

  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited February 2009

    thank you, thank you!!! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo relieved!! I feel like jumping up and down and shouting out to everyone!! But I am at work...sooooooooooo...lol

  • lalady
    lalady Member Posts: 9
    edited February 2009

    Please point me to another discussion forum if I am in the wrong place. I am now a stage IV mets to liver not a radiation or surgery candidate. I am finishing another round of chemo next week. It does not appear to be working well. Talk about depression! I cannot stop thinking about CA. I am reading anything I can get my hands on but most everything says they will treat my symptoms and try to extend my life.

    Is there another site or forum for me? I do not want to suppress your hope, but I need an outlet

  • hipchik47
    hipchik47 Member Posts: 268
    edited February 2009

    I just saw this new board and want to thank the moderators.  I an usually in the chat room cuz I like the instant answers, so if any of you need a fast answer please come on in. Glad to meet u all and will post later.  I wanted to introduce myself to this board.  Hugs Barbara

      

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2009

    LaLady,

    It is perfectly ok for you to post here.  However, I want to invite you to the Recurrence & Mets board.  There you will find so many other women living with advanced breast cancer.  You will find loving support and complete understanding as we are faced with the unique trials of being stage iv.  Collectively there is a tremendous amount of knowledge about mets.  Here is the link:   http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8    I hope to see you there.  If I say so myself, we are an amazing group of women.

    Hugs,

    Bethie

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2009

    This is a great idea.  So many deal with depression and other issues associated with having cancer.  Breast cancer and the treatments are difficult to deal with...not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well.

    Also, to those here who are living with the fear and expectation of having your cancer return.  I strongly urge you to find a way to TRY not to dwell on recurrence.  I know is it hard.  Breast cancer has taken so much away from us.  Do not let it take even more away from you by living in constant fear.  Speaking as a stage iv person for over five years, take advantage of being done with your treatments and live....live your life to the fullest.

    Please know I do not say these things lightly.  I, too, have lived with depression for many many years.....well before breast cancer invaded my life.  IF, and that is a BIG IF, your breast cancer comes back, then you deal with it.  Don't let it steal one more minute of your life now.  Don't go to the mets board and read all of our troubles.  Follow up with your doctors and just try not to 'borrow trouble' as my mother used to say.

    Hugs,

    Bethie

  • coonie
    coonie Member Posts: 7,618
    edited February 2009
    Thanks Bethie!!!! I need to keep hearing that kind of encouragement!! I'm gonna LIVE!!! When a negative thought, or a doubt comes in to my mind......I'm pushing it out!!! I'm gonna LIVE ---- TODAY!! Take each day as it comes and LIVE-----TODAY!!!!! hugs to everyone!!!!!!!!!!! and let's LIVE TODAY!
  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited February 2009

    Alright Coonie...you got it!!!

    Bethie...very well said!! Thank you!!

    Lisa

  • flash
    flash Member Posts: 1,685
    edited February 2009

    well said Beth/Aus

    I truly believe anyone who is down should get medical and/or chemical help even if it is only needed for a short time.  It is what the drugs are designed to do. Don't accept second best, make life the fullest and brightest it can be.   I've already beaten the odds another time in an emergency room fo non-cancer related.  You can't live life over so you have to live NOW.

  • Member_of_the_Club
    Member_of_the_Club Member Posts: 3,646
    edited February 2009

    I want to throw in my thanks as well.  I think many, many women suffer from mood disorders -- depression, anxiety -- as a result of both bc and the treatments.  I am shocked by how little the guidebooks out there devote to the topic.

     I had debilitating anxiety after treatment.  After a year on effexor and talk therapy I was fine, went off the meds, and have done great ever since.  Take care of yourselves. 

  • anna62
    anna62 Member Posts: 76
    edited February 2009

    Kathleen,

    I am so sorry you have this retched load to carry, I am sending you a silent prayer and a big hug.  I too live in a very cold climate, it is hard to get outside when the temperature is -10 degrees !  I hope the warm climate helps your spirits.  Please remeber this, exercise does not mean you are jumping and sweating and running around.  I started just with a walk, being out in nature, even at -10 degrees will give you a boost.  The sunshine on your skin, what ever skin is exposed in these freezing temperatures, is soooo good for you, the fresh air is wonderful.  I am so enthusiastic about this because it worked wonders for me.   I wish you luck with your remaining rads and your trip to warmer places.

    Anna

    Lisa,

    I am so pleased about your news, I cannot imagine going through another biopsy !!!!  I had a prophylactic mast on the left because I know I am not a "wait and see kinda girl"  You sound very upbeat so what ever you are doing its working !

    Hugs  Anna

  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited February 2009

    Thanks Anna!

    I feel very upbeat now, especially since the biopsy was B9. Honestly...I kept thinking...what will I do if it is cancer again??? I had 8 rounds of chemo, then a lumpectomy, followed by my mastectomy on my left breast.  Reconstruction 4 months later. So this biopsy was on my "good" breast.  Luckily, I didn't have to "decide" what I would do.

    Trust me...I have had my DOWN times..days, weeks..etc.  I had it pretty bad after my reconstruction last Feb. That is when I went on effexor. Then in Aug..I had a hysterectomy and was put on Arimidex in Oct. By Dec...things were changing from both of those.  In January I fell into a deep whole for a few weeks..and got my Effexor increased..and that changed everything! Thank God!!

    xoxo

    Lisa

  • mzmiller99
    mzmiller99 Member Posts: 894
    edited February 2009

    Shell - I agree with the others...I cannot imagine the stress you are under.  That one morbid line you wrote does sound like awful depression - that can be dealt with.  Meds are the quickest and even they take weeks, so don't get discouraged if things don't improve immediately.

    And maybe the MEN in charge of all this d*mned fighting business will get their heads out of their...well, I don't have to go on, but if women were in charge, things would be a whole lot different.  Until then, stay safe and keep posting.

    ((((Hugs))))

    Ladies - I'm so glad someone said what I've been feeling!  it is so hard to get back into exercising when I can hardly crawl in the door at the end of the day. I know spring is coming, even up here in the great Northeast, so let's hope that helps lift the body, as well as the spirits!

  • bluewillow
    bluewillow Member Posts: 779
    edited February 2009

    Wow, what a great forum this is!!  Cool THANK YOU to our moderators!!

    I have some issues with bc- and menopause-related anxiety (bless whoever invented Ativan!) but most days, I function really well and am very happy with my life after BC.  But depression is mounting because of my chemo weight gain and my lack of efforts to lose it.  I gained about 25 pounds during chemo (last chemo 01/28/08, last Herceptin 11/10/08) and I'm really mad at myself.   It's not that I can't lose the weight, but it's like I have a mind block that stops my willpower!  I do good for one meal, and fall apart the next.  I have all the knowledge and tools (diet books, gym membership, family support, etc.) to get in shape and lose the weight, and I know full well that exercise and weight loss can prevent recurrence, but I just can't get it in gear to succeed!!  Does this sound like PTSD?  Or just plain laziness?  (it's ok- I can take the brutal truth)  I know there is a Fitness forum and it's a great place too, but I think this goes deeper.  Any ideas?

    YAY, Lisa, for your great news!!!!!!

    Special thanks to Bethie for sharing some very moving and inspiring advice-- you are one awesome special person!!!

    Thanks and BIG HUGS to all of you!

    Mary Jo

  • leaf
    leaf Member Posts: 8,188
    edited February 2009

    Hi bluewillow!  I have PTSD, or something close to it. In PTSD, you have 'flashbacks' to a previous trauma incident.  For me, when I get triggered, in the worst case scenario, I cringe and want to hide under pillows, and breathe like I'm gasping for air.  For me, it only lasts a few minutes. Happens at the darndest times.  Out of the blue.

    But I can relate to the weight issue.  I gained 10 pounds over the holidays (my best friend died.)  I still have papers on my sofa from probably last summer.  I know I have issues with cleaning up that are neurotic. I see a therapist twice a week, and am on sertraline.

    Bethie's advice is very inspiring!

  • anna62
    anna62 Member Posts: 76
    edited February 2009

    Mary Jo

    I must ask you, you had chemo with neg. nodes ????  We have very similar diagnoses and my BS said I was cured and wouldn't need chemo ?  Just curious, you see one of the reasons for my depression and PTSD was the horrible treatment I got from both surgeons, my reconstruction was a complete failure, revisions, infections, seromas, so I had the expanders removed. my BS told me I didn't need an appointment with an oncologist because my nodes were negative ???  hhhmmmm very interesting, I would love to hear from you if you don't mind sharing, you could PM me if you need to.  I am truly enjoying this forum, everyone seems to be propping each other up, this is wonderful.

    Also Mary Jo regarding your exercise issues, it sounds like lack of motivation, that was killer for me, the ability to make myself get up and get moving.  Do you have some girlfriends you could go for walks with ?  is there a mall near your house ?  some malls open early for people to walk in when its cold out.  Perhaps having a partner will motivate you to get moving, someone you don't want to dissapoint.  Not only will you get some physical movement done but you can share girl chat which is chocolate for the soul.   I wish you luck, you are half way there by wanting to do this thats great !

    Hugs

    Anna  ps what a delicious baby in your photo Smile

  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited February 2009

    Mary Jo,

    Again..great advice by Anna!! The motivation sounds like what you are lacking..and getting it by doing your work out or walk with a friend...is really a great way to go. I meet my g/f every morning...well at least 5 morning a week..unless it's bitter cold.  We meet at 5:45am..and we do it, because we want too, need too...but mostly BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT THE OTHER . That really is the key to keeping it going. We did this before during my tx's and still now..it's been over 2 yrs. Once you START...a nice quick walk for a few miles..then you start to feel more motivated. It's a serotonin releaser..and it makes you feel less depressed.  I have been up and down when it comes to everything going on in my life..most recently the menopause.  I know when I neglected my walk/run...for a week...I was even more depressed.  I encourage you to find SOMEONE to go with you.  My g/f and I also are each other's therapist!! haha...we talk about everything from kids to men to w/e in our lives while we exercise.

    Once you see the weight start to come off..you will be motivated even more.  It will be a slow process, so don't be discouraged. Being in menopaus, really slows things down. I have not lost weight..but I have not gained...so that's a plus!

    Anna...I am so sorry for your bad experiences with your doctors!! Shame on them. I have to say I have been blessed in that respect. I truly love my doctors..and even my PS..he did a great job on my reconstruction.

    Have a great UPBEAT day ladies....

    xoxo

    Lisa

  • mzmiller99
    mzmiller99 Member Posts: 894
    edited February 2009

    About the fear of recurrence - how can we not fear going through this again??  However, my therapist (I put it off for months, but now I'm so glad I'm going to him!) told me about another of his patients, who put it this way:

    ...even if your cancer returns in, let's say 20 years, do you want to spend those 20 years living in fear or do you want to spend them enjoying life to the fullest? 

    It made me sit back on my heels.  I do not want to be blind-sided again, by any means, but what if I spent the rest of my life practically paralyzed by the fear of recurrence and it never recurred?  What a terrible waste. 

    So, somewhere between the two extremes of either ignoring the possiblilty of more trouble and letting the fear consume us, I guess we have to find our own comfort zone. 

     It will always be a part of who we are from now on in, but it doesn't have to define us.

    Susan

  • my3girls
    my3girls Member Posts: 3,766
    edited February 2009

    Very well said Susan.  Thank you!

  • anna62
    anna62 Member Posts: 76
    edited February 2009

    Susan  You have brought up a great point, talking with someone, I mean someone who is not connected with you , a therapist is so incredibly helpful.  I hope anyone who is struggling with fear, anxiety, sleeplessness, depression will seek professional help.  There are tools to fight all these things that don't include drugs ( I am not opposed to drugs when they are needed)  Allowing yourself the time to unload thoughts and feelings will make you feel lighter.  I think that some people feel  there is a taboo connected with seeing a "therapist" and that is a shame.  I am enjoying all of these stories and ideas Thank you all so much.  God Bless you all !!!!!!!!!!

    Anna

  • bluewillow
    bluewillow Member Posts: 779
    edited February 2009

    Hi everyone,

    Thanks for the very helpful replies and the GREAT advice!  I still don't understand the reason for my lack of motivation, but I know when I do get going, I will feel so much better and it will get easier.  Getting unstuck is my main priority right now.  It's like my body doesn't connect with my mind anymore. I am in a bad rut. Even though I have a great life, some days I feel like I would like to just "start over" with everything-- house, furniture, job, wardrobe-- everything except for my dear husband!

    Leaf, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's passing- that would have to be so tough to overcome and I wish the best for you. 

    Lisa, great idea about the walking buddy!  Believe it or not, my son just suggested to me just the other day about me walking with his mom-in-law in the evening after work-she'd be great company and we'd have lots to talk about-- our kids! Wink

    Susan, thanks for sharing the advice from your therapist about recurrence worry-that is great!

    Anna, I am so sorry to hear that you have had such awful problems with your medical care-I hope you get some peace and relief soon.  Every time I see my onc surgeon, I like him less and less and that is very stressful-I can't imagine what all you've been through, and I wish you the best.  To answer your question about the chemo and my neg. nodes, I think the deciding factor for me to do chemo was that my tumor was  HER2 positive and they don't normally give Herceptin without chemo, so they gave me the works.  At first, the thought of chemo scared me to death, but I was fortunate and had a relatively easy time with it.  Please PM me anytime if I can help further.

    Hugs to all!

    Mary Jo

  • BFidelis
    BFidelis Member Posts: 156
    edited February 2009

    Mary Jo,

    I hear you about feeling like you have the motivation, but you can't do the act.  Kind of like a car whose motor is running and wheels are ready but there's something missing between them so it stays put.  I really know what you mean.  My exercise (when I do it) is swimming.  Just can't do  the walk/run thing.  (Indoor) Pools are not plentiful in Chicago.  I have a Y not far from me that has a schedule that makes it possible for me to swim @ 5:30 and get to work by (required) 7:30.  Great, right?  It is sooooooo hard.  If I could just beam myself to poolside, I'd be fine, because I'm fine once I'm THERE.  But getting there is just so hard (mentally)!  I've been very bad for the last few months.  But I FORCED myself to go (on a Sunday morning) and set up my locker with supplies (and swam.)  It made it a little bit easier to go there the following Tuesday.  (My Clinique was waiting there for me?)  Anyway, Thursday was a bit easier.  So it does self-reinforce.  (Getting more daylight and slightly warmer temps didn't hurt either.)

    I'm cheering for you.

    Beth

  • farila_1966
    farila_1966 Member Posts: 224
    edited February 2009

    You are absolutely right there Marin... At least for me the emotional part has been very tough. Shockingly I recently again went back into a great depression where I lay in the cave.. Hiding from friends, scared to say something for the fear for saying something wrong etc etc.. Eeewwww.. What a terrible thing to go through. I have been through post cancer counseling which I had to resort to after being too emotionally vulnerable. I took up counseling other cancer survivors too but then depression at times creeps up on me and takes hold of my life without me realizing it until it is too late...

    Am I ever going to be free of this depression.? I am doing some serious introspection to look out what is causing me to go through this terrible emotional trauma.. Any suggestions or advice are welcome..

    Love and hugs

    Farila

  • bluewillow
    bluewillow Member Posts: 779
    edited February 2009

    Beth, I love the way you describe the car-- that is me exactly!  On one of my routes home from work, I drive right by the gym where I have a membership, but I cannot stand going in there sometimes!  I am an outdoor person, and being cooped up in the office all day, plus inside to work out really gets to me.  That being said, I think I need to focus on some outdoor activities and forget the gym for a while. I could even walk up and down my driveway and get a good workout- no excuses there!-- hey, I think I'm onto something here.  Good luck with your swim efforts.  You're right, the nice weather and more daylight does make a huge difference.  BTW, my daughter has been to Chicago twice this year for a convention, and she absolutely loves your city.  Thanks for encouragement, and cheers back to you!

    Mary Jo

  • anna62
    anna62 Member Posts: 76
    edited February 2009

    Mary Jo   You will find each time you get yourself moving the endorphins will flow and make the motivation part easier. Laughing  You are absolutely right about being outside, enjoying the birds and trees, and fresh air much better than the gym, do you have a bike ? You could pop that baby on the back in a safety seat and off you go.

    Beth  I hope getting to the pool gets easier for you , but you are right each time you make it there the joy is self-reinforcing.  

    Farila Hi there, all the way across the pond, it sounds like your family has been devastated by the horrible monster, I am so sorry.  I have always wanted to travel to your country, it is so beautiful !! 

    This suggestion is for everyone stuggling with depression,  as woman our emotional state of mind is somewhat dominated by HORMONES  everyone has their issues with pos. or neg receptors, how many of you are getting your "specific" hormone levels checked by your doctors ?  Estrogen, Progesterone, Testosterone, FSH "folical stimulating hormone"  when woman have either excessive levels or low levels of these hormones it can cause a whole gammit of side effects INSOMNIA , depression etc.   Check out Oprahs website she recently had a show about menopause, very eye opening.  Many of the woman there complained of all the things we are complaining of sans cancer issues Wink  Perhaps.....some of us are perimenopausal with whacked out hormone levels and we don't know it.  Whew, don't I sound like a know it all ! I hope you all find some peace today, sending hugs to each of you.

    Anna

  • bluewillow
    bluewillow Member Posts: 779
    edited February 2009

    Hi Anna-- Thanks for the bike suggestion!  I would love to buy a bike, but unfortunately, the very rural area where I live (very mountainous, "out in the sticks") is not conducive to a safe bike ride unless I drive about 5 miles one way--  but what fun it would be to have my grandson riding along on the back!  Ironically, his mom and dad live in an urban area and are both heavily into bicycling-- have done triathlons and they even have a little trailer they pull up and down their street with Mason behind-- he loves it!   And you are exactly right about those endorphins.  What we lack here in good bicycling areas, we do have several nice urban walking trails closer to town-- I'm planning to hit those with the nice weather we're having now. 

    Anna, you also brought up some great points about the hormone issues and peri-menopause and menopause causing depression, etc.  I was just entering menopause when I was dx'd w/breast cancer, and the bc just magnified the hormone problems I was having.  I got my dx 6 months after I started taking ERT, which was working so well for me-- that went out the window real quick!  One of my worst peri-meno/meno symptoms are heart palpitations and the ERT really helped.  The palps were one of Oprah's symptoms too-- she has some good info on her website.  I have a complete cardio work-up to make sure my heart was ok, and even my cardiologist concluded the palps were indeed meno-related.  I would suggest finding a doctor who specializes in menopausal issues and get some help, even if it means relying on natural remedies, since ERT is not recommended for most bc patients.  Good luck to all!

  • priz47
    priz47 Member Posts: 470
    edited February 2009

    If many of these symptoms are caused by menopause, the depression, insomnia, etc. what can we do? I have hot flashes, night sweats and leg cramps, all brought on by the Tamoxifen. The depresion I assumed was from everyting finally being over, dx, lumpectomy, mastectomy with recon and chemo. I have just started therapy and yes, it made me feel better. I have not taken the Effexor, even though I have a script (tired of taking pills, and MORE pills...) I'm just wondering how long all of this will last? The entire time I am going through menopause???

    D

  • kimmy1
    kimmy1 Member Posts: 31
    edited February 2009

    priz47 - I think if someone knew the answer to all that we would not have to go through this - they would have found somethig to help (I would hope). We are all individuals who were fearfully and wonderfully made and on the unfortunate side we all react to everything differently. I understand what you mean about feeling like poop this the whole time and having to take pills all the time - I am trying to take one day at a time and praise the Lord there is medicine, therapies, nutrition, exercise, etc. out there to help us.

  • bluewillow
    bluewillow Member Posts: 779
    edited February 2009

    I thought I'd share links to some websites about menopause that I found to be very helpful:

    This one is simple and easy to read and has some helpful hints on how to get through meno without drugs:  http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/menopause-treatment.cfm#b

    This website has some good, basic info about depression and menopause:  http://www.depressioncenter.org/understanding/menopause.asp

    Power Surge is a very informative website about peri-menopause and menopause.  It also has a forum with lots of great support,  much like here:  http://www.power-surge.com/

    I hope these websites help and I wish everyone the best!

    Mary Jo

  • anna62
    anna62 Member Posts: 76
    edited February 2009

    Mary Jo   Thanks so much for the great information.  Ladies we are all dealing with a mixed bag of diagnosis and treatments there is not one solution for all, I was just sharing an idea that popped into my head.  One antidepressant may work for one but not for the other, its a search and destroy mission, I know that for me I am seeking my old life, "the way things used to be"  that can really hurt at times.  I have begun to see my life as "this life" my new life.  I have a couple of suggestions of reading material.  Ok Oprah again, two of my dear friends were recently on Oprah discussing a new book by Elizabeth Lesser "Broken Open"   How Difficult Times Can  Help Us Grow.  my friends shared there story of tragedy in this book page 79 "Before and After".  The book is a collection of stories shared by real people regarding tragic events in their lives and what helped them recover.  Elizabeth Lesser founded the Omega Institute in Hudson Valley New York, a holistic, spiritual center that has retreats and lectures available to the general public.   I have  been to the website......wonderful place.  Also "The Art of Happiness"  the Dalai Lama, great book, helped me truly redirect my negative unhappy feelings.  I hope some of you will read these books let me know if you do and if they helped at all.  I am sending warm, positive, healing thoughts to you all in this message. 

    This poem was read by Bobby Kennedy at his brother Jacks funeral  ----

    In our sleep, pain, which cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. ----  Aeschylus

    Hugs and love 

    Anna

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