Thanks for this forum!!!

thank you, thank you!!! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo relieved!! I feel like jumping up and down and shouting out to everyone!! But I am at work...sooooooooooo...lol

I just saw this new board and want to thank the moderators.  I an usually in the chat room cuz I like the instant answers, so if any of you need a fast answer please come on in. Glad to meet u all and will post later.  I wanted to introduce myself to this board.  Hugs Barbara

Alright Coonie...you got it!!!

Bethie...very well said!! Thank you!!

Lisa

I want to throw in my thanks as well.  I think many, many women suffer from mood disorders -- depression, anxiety -- as a result of both bc and the treatments.  I am shocked by how little the guidebooks out there devote to the topic.

 I had debilitating anxiety after treatment.  After a year on effexor and talk therapy I was fine, went off the meds, and have done great ever since.  Take care of yourselves. 

Thanks Anna!

I feel very upbeat now, especially since the biopsy was B9. Honestly...I kept thinking...what will I do if it is cancer again??? I had 8 rounds of chemo, then a lumpectomy, followed by my mastectomy on my left breast.  Reconstruction 4 months later. So this biopsy was on my "good" breast.  Luckily, I didn't have to "decide" what I would do.

Trust me...I have had my DOWN times..days, weeks..etc.  I had it pretty bad after my reconstruction last Feb. That is when I went on effexor. Then in Aug..I had a hysterectomy and was put on Arimidex in Oct. By Dec...things were changing from both of those.  In January I fell into a deep whole for a few weeks..and got my Effexor increased..and that changed everything! Thank God!!

xoxo

Lisa

Wow, what a great forum this is!!   THANK YOU to our moderators!!

I have some issues with bc- and menopause-related anxiety (bless whoever invented Ativan!) but most days, I function really well and am very happy with my life after BC.  But depression is mounting because of my chemo weight gain and my lack of efforts to lose it.  I gained about 25 pounds during chemo (last chemo 01/28/08, last Herceptin 11/10/08) and I'm really mad at myself.   It's not that I can't lose the weight, but it's like I have a mind block that stops my willpower!  I do good for one meal, and fall apart the next.  I have all the knowledge and tools (diet books, gym membership, family support, etc.) to get in shape and lose the weight, and I know full well that exercise and weight loss can prevent recurrence, but I just can't get it in gear to succeed!!  Does this sound like PTSD?  Or just plain laziness?  (it's ok- I can take the brutal truth)  I know there is a Fitness forum and it's a great place too, but I think this goes deeper.  Any ideas?

YAY, Lisa, for your great news!!!!!!

Special thanks to Bethie for sharing some very moving and inspiring advice-- you are one awesome special person!!!

Thanks and BIG HUGS to all of you!

Mary Jo

Mary Jo

I must ask you, you had chemo with neg. nodes ????  We have very similar diagnoses and my BS said I was cured and wouldn't need chemo ?  Just curious, you see one of the reasons for my depression and PTSD was the horrible treatment I got from both surgeons, my reconstruction was a complete failure, revisions, infections, seromas, so I had the expanders removed. my BS told me I didn't need an appointment with an oncologist because my nodes were negative ???  hhhmmmm very interesting, I would love to hear from you if you don't mind sharing, you could PM me if you need to.  I am truly enjoying this forum, everyone seems to be propping each other up, this is wonderful.

Also Mary Jo regarding your exercise issues, it sounds like lack of motivation, that was killer for me, the ability to make myself get up and get moving.  Do you have some girlfriends you could go for walks with ?  is there a mall near your house ?  some malls open early for people to walk in when its cold out.  Perhaps having a partner will motivate you to get moving, someone you don't want to dissapoint.  Not only will you get some physical movement done but you can share girl chat which is chocolate for the soul.   I wish you luck, you are half way there by wanting to do this thats great !

Hugs

Anna  ps what a delicious baby in your photo

About the fear of recurrence - how can we not fear going through this again??  However, my therapist (I put it off for months, but now I'm so glad I'm going to him!) told me about another of his patients, who put it this way:

...even if your cancer returns in, let's say 20 years, do you want to spend those 20 years living in fear or do you want to spend them enjoying life to the fullest? 

It made me sit back on my heels.  I do not want to be blind-sided again, by any means, but what if I spent the rest of my life practically paralyzed by the fear of recurrence and it never recurred?  What a terrible waste. 

So, somewhere between the two extremes of either ignoring the possiblilty of more trouble and letting the fear consume us, I guess we have to find our own comfort zone. 

 It will always be a part of who we are from now on in, but it doesn't have to define us.

Susan

Susan  You have brought up a great point, talking with someone, I mean someone who is not connected with you , a therapist is so incredibly helpful.  I hope anyone who is struggling with fear, anxiety, sleeplessness, depression will seek professional help.  There are tools to fight all these things that don't include drugs ( I am not opposed to drugs when they are needed)  Allowing yourself the time to unload thoughts and feelings will make you feel lighter.  I think that some people feel  there is a taboo connected with seeing a "therapist" and that is a shame.  I am enjoying all of these stories and ideas Thank you all so much.  God Bless you all !!!!!!!!!!

Anna

Mary Jo,

I hear you about feeling like you have the motivation, but you can't do the act.  Kind of like a car whose motor is running and wheels are ready but there's something missing between them so it stays put.  I really know what you mean.  My exercise (when I do it) is swimming.  Just can't do  the walk/run thing.  (Indoor) Pools are not plentiful in Chicago.  I have a Y not far from me that has a schedule that makes it possible for me to swim @ 5:30 and get to work by (required) 7:30.  Great, right?  It is sooooooo hard.  If I could just beam myself to poolside, I'd be fine, because I'm fine once I'm THERE.  But getting there is just so hard (mentally)!  I've been very bad for the last few months.  But I FORCED myself to go (on a Sunday morning) and set up my locker with supplies (and swam.)  It made it a little bit easier to go there the following Tuesday.  (My Clinique was waiting there for me?)  Anyway, Thursday was a bit easier.  So it does self-reinforce.  (Getting more daylight and slightly warmer temps didn't hurt either.)

I'm cheering for you.

Beth

Beth, I love the way you describe the car-- that is me exactly!  On one of my routes home from work, I drive right by the gym where I have a membership, but I cannot stand going in there sometimes!  I am an outdoor person, and being cooped up in the office all day, plus inside to work out really gets to me.  That being said, I think I need to focus on some outdoor activities and forget the gym for a while. I could even walk up and down my driveway and get a good workout- no excuses there!-- hey, I think I'm onto something here.  Good luck with your swim efforts.  You're right, the nice weather and more daylight does make a huge difference.  BTW, my daughter has been to Chicago twice this year for a convention, and she absolutely loves your city.  Thanks for encouragement, and cheers back to you!

Mary Jo

Hi Anna-- Thanks for the bike suggestion!  I would love to buy a bike, but unfortunately, the very rural area where I live (very mountainous, "out in the sticks") is not conducive to a safe bike ride unless I drive about 5 miles one way--  but what fun it would be to have my grandson riding along on the back!  Ironically, his mom and dad live in an urban area and are both heavily into bicycling-- have done triathlons and they even have a little trailer they pull up and down their street with Mason behind-- he loves it!   And you are exactly right about those endorphins.  What we lack here in good bicycling areas, we do have several nice urban walking trails closer to town-- I'm planning to hit those with the nice weather we're having now. 

Anna, you also brought up some great points about the hormone issues and peri-menopause and menopause causing depression, etc.  I was just entering menopause when I was dx'd w/breast cancer, and the bc just magnified the hormone problems I was having.  I got my dx 6 months after I started taking ERT, which was working so well for me-- that went out the window real quick!  One of my worst peri-meno/meno symptoms are heart palpitations and the ERT really helped.  The palps were one of Oprah's symptoms too-- she has some good info on her website.  I have a complete cardio work-up to make sure my heart was ok, and even my cardiologist concluded the palps were indeed meno-related.  I would suggest finding a doctor who specializes in menopausal issues and get some help, even if it means relying on natural remedies, since ERT is not recommended for most bc patients.  Good luck to all!

priz47 - I think if someone knew the answer to all that we would not have to go through this - they would have found somethig to help (I would hope). We are all individuals who were fearfully and wonderfully made and on the unfortunate side we all react to everything differently. I understand what you mean about feeling like poop this the whole time and having to take pills all the time - I am trying to take one day at a time and praise the Lord there is medicine, therapies, nutrition, exercise, etc. out there to help us.

Mary Jo   Thanks so much for the great information.  Ladies we are all dealing with a mixed bag of diagnosis and treatments there is not one solution for all, I was just sharing an idea that popped into my head.  One antidepressant may work for one but not for the other, its a search and destroy mission, I know that for me I am seeking my old life, "the way things used to be"  that can really hurt at times.  I have begun to see my life as "this life" my new life.  I have a couple of suggestions of reading material.  Ok Oprah again, two of my dear friends were recently on Oprah discussing a new book by Elizabeth Lesser "Broken Open"   How Difficult Times Can  Help Us Grow.  my friends shared there story of tragedy in this book page 79 "Before and After".  The book is a collection of stories shared by real people regarding tragic events in their lives and what helped them recover.  Elizabeth Lesser founded the Omega Institute in Hudson Valley New York, a holistic, spiritual center that has retreats and lectures available to the general public.   I have  been to the website......wonderful place.  Also "The Art of Happiness"  the Dalai Lama, great book, helped me truly redirect my negative unhappy feelings.  I hope some of you will read these books let me know if you do and if they helped at all.  I am sending warm, positive, healing thoughts to you all in this message. 

This poem was read by Bobby Kennedy at his brother Jacks funeral  ----

In our sleep, pain, which cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. ----  Aeschylus

Hugs and love 

Anna