Starting Chemo May 2008

I know some folks are sorry that they missed out on the rose or aren't in a position to make a donation. I have another idea and it won't cost a penny. How about we each do something a little insane, a little out of the ordinary? Remember when Deb had her bald head henna-ed? Or when she knit a set of reproductive organs (she was godmother of my left ovary)? And I've seen a picture of her dancing in a pink ballgown, pretending she was in Oz on one of these threads.

I think doing something a little nuts this week would be a great tribute to Deb and her wonderful, warm spirit. God, I miss her.

******

What do ya think, folks? Will you join me?  (Noelle... I think dancing until 4 am sounds like a FABULOUS way to honor Deb.)

Rock, so sorry to hear about your friend.  Even if the results are benign - and I'm fervently hoping they are - it just truly sucks to learn of someone else having to go through this. 

Randie, still thinking of you.  Enjoy your daughter's birthday.  (And forgive me if I gave Ab a sex change . . . I know your youngest is a boy, am thinking Ab is a girl.)  And no out-of-control super bowl cheering, OK?

Today was one of those accidental housecleaning days for me.  It all started when I dropped a container of cream and it splattered over the kitchen floor and the lower shelves of the fridge.  I began to clean up the mess (after I stopped swearing), but that led to the discovery of other messes, and before long I'd removed the grill at the bottom and both crisper drawers and was wondering how on earth I made it through chemo amidst this kind of filth!  The best part was vacuuming the exposed refrigerator guts, and having the vacuum cleaner choke on a huge wad of dust and cat hair, approximately the size of a largish kitten.  Oh, and the mystery of my daughter's missing hair ties?  Solved.

Linda

Shoot, Mary. Happy birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Speaking of Birthdays Eddie Have a Happy Birthday tomorrow.

Just popping in to say "Hello"

I watched that TV piece about Deb and John and the roses, and now the tears are streaming down my cheeks and my nose is all stuffed up.

In my previous life, I was lucky enough to be able to visit Alaska twice because of professional meetings.  Hey, why belong to an organization if they don't hold their meetings in terrific places? Anyway, when my dh and I went to meetings, we would always add on a week or so of vacation time and spend it traveling in the area.

So, on our first Alaska trip, we got up at 5:00 one morning and went salmon fishing on the Kenai River in the rain.  (We caught 3 coho ("silver") salmon.)  We rode a park tour bus all the way to the end of the road in Denali National Park, seeing wolves and grizzly bears and a baby moose and the most incredible scenery along the way.  We drove our rental car about 200 miles along a gravel road toward Fairbanks, never meeting or passing another car. The scenery left me speechless.  There is nowhere like it (except maybe the northern reaches of Canada.)  I took pics, some of which I've scanned and will post on FB if I ever get them downsized enough.

I know why Deb liked living in Alaska.

otter 

Mary dear Roxi,

Sorry I missed your birthday. May the whole year be wonderful for you.

Randie, So much to process. So much more all over again. I, too, believe in miracles. My friend who has stage four BC has it in her lungs and has been around a long, long, long time so make sure they take good care of you. I love my port. I hate that I have one, but I love how easy it is every three weeks when I go in for my herceptin infusion. I am thinking about you all the time. 

Karin, Jen, thanks for the bd wishes. Suddenly, birthdays are significant. They weren't before. Now they are. 48. I'm there tomorrow and that's fine. It's great to get the wishes on fb as well so thanks for the cards, messages, etc.

Rock, so sorry for your friend. I, too, saw the Alaska Deb story. It was beautiful. All boys watching Superbowl. Gives me some quiet time. Sigh. Love to each of you. Love to all of you. Warm thoughts to your families. Let's get Randie stabilized with our energy. Then we can move forward, okay? Rand, we love you. 

Eddie-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  Have a great day!

Rock-Great idea!  Sorry to hear about your friend, praying that all is benign.  

RanD-Hope you get some relief today!  You are constantly in my thoughts & prayers.

My SIL had a big surprise for us yesterday!  He bought us tickets to the UK (University of Kentucky) and Florida game on Feb. 10.   This is something I have always wanted to do--what makes it even better is that it is against FL!  My big brother works for U of F, and so I just had to call him and tell him!  (He has tried for several years to get tickets to the UK/FL game there, but they sell out fast.)   On a more somber note, he finally told me that he was having a hard time dealing with me having cancer.  I told him that I was going to be around for a long, long time!  My siblings are stuck on the "5 year" survival thing--our Mom  & 2 aunts lived 5 years after dx.  It was good to finally get to talk to him about it.

Leaving for rads shortly-just 10 more after today, then going to file taxes.  This afternoon, delivering some fish to a couple of pet shops.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you,  Happy Birthday dear Eddie--Happy Birthday to you!

Or, try this version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHTN0sSXDEQ

Hugs from otter

Happy Birthday, Eddie!  Enjoy your special day and all of the other day as well!

Julie

More bad news. Annie/HeatherBLocklear has died.

Annie started posting on the boards about 14 months ago, after she discovered a rapidly growing breast lump while on a study assignment (a Fulbright award) in Africa.  She continued to post once she returned to the U.S. for a dx workup and treatment.  She often called herself "Annie Camel (something-or-other)", depending on what was happening at the time.

Annie started a "Happy New Year + Update" thread on the mets board shortly after she returned from a holiday visit with her daughters in Europe.  Well, Annie's daughter Stephanie just posted on that thread this afternoon that Annie died over the weekend.  There is also a thread called "Annie Camel Angel" that was started on the mets board when the bad news came out.

otter 

Noelle, I know what you mean.  Even as I want to reach out to be closer to y'all, I feel myself wanting to pull back and curl up into a ball ... denying that all this is happening/has happened.

We need to get beyond the losses and the fears.  But, how?

otter 

This shouldn't be happening, dammit!  How is it that we STILL do not have a cure for this damn disease?!  It pisses me off and scares the shit out of me.  I worry about each and every one of us every day.

Okay, okay. It's my birthday. We are going to have to get a little pep talk here. Listen, we are living with cancer and when we die, we will be dying with cancer. Some of us will die from cancer and anyone dying now is dying way, way, way before their time. Ideally, we want to live to our 80's and beyond but let's face it...some of us won't make it. We can't predict how this disease is going to impact each of us except for how much it has impacted us so far. Here's the deal. I wish I didn't have ANY of the wisdom any of us had from cancer but this experience has aged us all and caused us to have more wisdom. I wish I'd met you in very different circumstances, but this is what our life is handing us. We don't have a choice. All we can do is take care of ourselves and pace ourselves and live each day and try not to sweat the small stuff (I really, really, really, really have to learn that) and to just "be" whenever we can. Our perspective is different. It is vastly changed. Adrienne, you are right...it's screwed up that we don't have a cure for this damn disease, but what we have is years and years and years longer to live because of how far we have come. We must not give up hope. Alaska Deb and Annie/Heather and all of the other women who died in the last week and the last day and the last minute and the last second lived their lives the best way they could given their circumstances. We are going to do that each day. We are getting through crap and sometimes it is deeper and sometimes it's as if it doesn't exist, but we have to accept that we are LIVING WITH and LIVING IN SPITE of cancer. Can't deal with this for a while, go to Facebook. Sometimes it's good to take a break. But don't take a break from one another....just take a break from this disease. I am celebrating my 48th birthday, my 49th year and my first day after that stupid 48th year after my 47th birthday. I am thrilled to start anew and I start anew knowing that herceptin is part of me for every three weeks until August. If, like Noelle, I have to go off, I will and then I will get back on. I am on femara for five years. I am going to do everything I can to connect with others and remind people to get mams and do all I can to help women get diagnosed early so we can have a fighting chance. Got it? Love you. SLeep well.

Thanks Eddie and Otter, and Kerry, I'll see you on FC.

Had my mammo yesterday. First one since my diagnosis and reconstruction. I was there two hours because they had to do a complete diagnostic because of the reshaped breast and history of cancer. Sure enough, the radiologist on staff needed a closer look at areas of suspicion so I had an ultrasound as well. Found two areas that weren't there last time. Very small, not sure, need an ultrasound biopsy. Scared shiteless.....one's a cyst, they think, which they'll drain when they're in there, the other may be scar tissue but they want to be sure, considering the history of bc. Is this gonna follow me for the rest of my life? Why didn't I have them take both? The doctor said there was no reason to take a healthy breast when I had the mast.

So I can't stop thinking about it and didn't want to tell anyone except my hubby and you girls. And I'm so sorry to tell you all this since everyone is having a very difficult time right now. I have my herceptin tomorrow and was scheduled for the biopsy on Thursday but when I got home, they had left a message that they are unable to do it then. I'll re-schedule when I get to work.

I find strength through all of you and I know I'm not alone with this fear. I will try to remain strong and positive. Just needed to share this with someone. So sorry to dump. Please pray for me...love you all, Mary 

P.S. CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!