Take it lite, sisters!

I spent a lot of time on the political threads and in the "Moving Beyond" forum before the election but I was quite uncomfortable with some of what was being said.  I had hoped that this would end after the election, but instead it just got worse, so at that point I made a decision that I'm going to stick to the diagnosis and treatments threads, where I can offer support and advice and I don't have to worry about being insulted and attacked.  There sometimes are disagreements on those threads too, but overall it's a whole lot more civil than it is here.  And on those threads, usually when a post is "removed by the community" it's because the poster was a spammer.  I had no idea that the "report this post" feature was being misused over here and that really worries me because this is a very necessary feature to get spammers off the board. 

The moderators can decide what they want to do about this part of the board, whether to delete the more contentious threads or not.  I just hope that the ugliness here doesn't roll over to the rest of the board.  And I hope that the rest of the board isn't negatively impacted by rules that need to be made or changed to deal with the problems here.  Everyone needs to remember that the primary purpose of this board is to support others who have breast cancer.  Even if you use the board primarily as a social forum or an escape from BC, please consider the impact of your actions and words and please don't jeopardize the important role of this board for others. 

Well when I posted my thoughts earlier I thought that I had maintained a neutral position.  Apparently not.  I received the following PM:

I am really surprised that you are down on the mountain thread, we had nothing to do with getting nickie banned, she got herself banned by not following the rules and keeping on getting new aliases when she had been banned, if she had been patient and waited until her banning time was up she could have come back.  You really need to know exactly what happened before you start cutting us down and by the way she got her friends and her to get me and Julz banned not just once but twice but we obeyed the rules and got to come back.  Please do not start blaming anyone person or thread because that is just not the truth.  She was hateful on the mountain thread posting nice pictures but with ugly words on them for example on of her pictures was beautiful but at the bottom it said bitch.  So you need to see all sides.  thank you for your time.

I replied that I had stated that I could not see the deleted posts but I essentially have to know that everyone is welcome.  I was emotionally scarred as a child, by high school I was shunned and insulted in any way possible.  I cannot participate in having someone else abused.  I dont think I was "down" on any one person or any one thread.  I may be an adult but at times I am that scared, lonely child.  This has become one of those times.

Amen to that and well put Beth. 

Thank you Dream.  I was made to feel very unwelcomed in certain threads I posted in.  Unfortunately, there is a lot of subterfuge going on, that no one will ever get a handle on.  That's the real problem.

We are all individuals, and as such, present our perspectives in different ways. We also interpret others' perspectives based on our own life experiences. It's all in the interpretation and our built-in tolerance levels.

That being said, in any forum, there will be conflict, disagreement, misunderstandings and self-serving attitudes. I've had my share, but I have learned the different personality traits of individuals and have learned to accept them. Doesn't mean I agree with some of the behaviour, but I'm not enough of a control freak to think I have the power to change it. I can only present my point of view and hope it comes across as intended. I also want to say that I respect many members, exactly for those individual traits.

It would be a shame to see long-standing members stop posting here. We learn from each other, whether positively or negatively, it's still a learning experience, and that's all good as far as I'm concerned.

Let it slide off your back.  (It took me an hour to type this. hehehe)

P.S.  Jader, I have seen both sides, and I still think Felicia is one of the good guys. Being an observer by nature, I have a handle on objectivity.

Dream - what the H*LL happened??  They didn't give you enough anesthesia? 

 OMG!  That scares the devil out of me...please elaborate, or I'm never going into an OR again!  (I hope.)

MZ - I went to have a port put in.  I had one done before and it was a horribly painful procedure. That was at a different hospital.  This time I was promised light anaesthesia.  I was still scared but determined.  They rolled me away, I went ZZZZZ, and then I woke with a start (I always startle awake).  The doc said stop moving, put your head down .... and i did and was off sleeping againa.  This happened once more.  The doc was saying that my legs were not staying still, and the rest of me was jerking too.  I was ordered to lay my head back and ZZZZZ and then it was over.

Dream - (shudder, shudder)  and Diane - so sorry for the nasty experiences when you should  have been out like a light. 

I sat bolt upright, when I was supposed to be out, for my re-excision!  I got a searing pain in my IV arm, which must have been the anesthesia going in. 

I have a slight smile wondering if I scared the begeesus out of everybody around the operating table.  However, it was kind of creepy.

Susan 

I dont know all the other threads but it is natural to evolve into including what is affecting us today.  And I basically treated it as if I was posting TO FELICIA.  I dont think she would have been offended.  I just think the issue was fairness and that has been raised in BOLD letters.  More importantly, the situation is being looked into.

I saw this happen on another board made up of mostly women. This arguing about things, getting all worked up about the arguing and then arguing about the arguing. It settles back down again. A few leave, a few "friendships" break up but mostly everyone ends out agreeing to disagree. When it happened on one of the threads I started on that board I decided to leave. It was also pretty clear that people were just wanting to spout their views, didn't know anything about me and what I had asked or was thinking - it just took on a life of it's own. But, y'kow what? I was ready to leave anyway as it just wasn't meeting my needs balanced on the time I spent. I think, from what Felicia has said in other places, that there was a lot more to her leaving than just the cat-fights.

This is what women do. We're crazy that way.