Holiday "greetings" from those who never acknowledged my cancer!

Not sure how you will or can do it, but you must.  It will only hurt your own defenses if you allow it to burn a hole in your heart and soul.  Let it go and remember those that were there for you and stood along side you through it all.  Those are the ones that deserve your attention and thoughts of good will, not the ones who were for what ever reason unable or unwilling to offer any form of support.  They are what they are and you can't change that.  BUT, you can change how you deal with someone in your situation when/if it should ever happen.  Learn from those who supported you best and put to rest those who who didn't.  They don't matter in the large scheme of life, and as you say, can only hold you back from completely healing and moving on.

I wish you luck and prayers to get there by concentrating on those you love and who love you and hope you can reach that time when this won't even cross your mind in the least bit!    {{hugs}}

Rocktobermom, what a beautiful metaphor!

Well, I guess the first thing would be to "let go of the resentment" you have towards them.  You don't have to "forgive" them, since they aren't asking for that ... but you need to be able to breathe when you think of them.  I would pray about it if you are a praying person.  But if not ... take them off your Xmas list one by one.  If asked next year, just say you were saving money and your list was very short:  just immediate circle of family and friends.  If you only are worried about the seldom times you see them or need to contact them, this can be kind of easy since you don't see them in every day occasions.

Don't let those you didn't help you put you in a place where you feel you can't go forward.  Don't let them have that power over you.  You've allowed yourself to feel angry and hurt.  Try not to let them rob you of the joy of moving on with your life as best you can.  I think we've all been unpleasantly surprised at who ran in the other direction when they heard and pleasantly surprised by others who couldn't get to our door fast enough. 

Okay, I think I have a different perspective.  Some people just can't....for some reason they just can't look at someone really sick.  I'm not saying it's okay.  And then there are those who just can't be "bothered."  And there are those who just do not know what to do....dumb?  Yep.  I have a very good friend that ALL she did was send me cards with a note, but I know she prayed for me.  Not that she told me she was.  I just knew it.  She's not good at dealing with  BAD situations.  I even asked her to go to the radiologist with me because my dh was out of town and knowing how koo-koo I am I was afraid I'd miss something he was saying.  Another friend went with me...I could have done it by myself.  LOL  One of my brothers, his wife and I were not "speaking."  When he found out from another brother that I had breast cancer they called (they in a different state). 

You have been giving great advice.  For me I just had to let it go.  The ones who where here PHYSICALLY for me was all I needed. 

You will have to do what you think is best.  You could gently confront them, but I know how hard that would be.  Perhaps tell them you were hurt by not even getting a phone call. 

I'm sorry that this often happens to people who are either chronically ill or who are struggling through a diagnoses like ours that takes months to get through.  I think the most important people in my life at the time of my diagnoses and treatment were my three daughters and husband.  They were my rock, especially my daughters.  None of my daughters lived in the same town I lived in, but they were always around for me when I needed them and even went to a couple of onc appointments with us. 

I hope you find a resolution to the gnawing feeling you are having. 

Hugs

Shirley

now it seems there are many who said nothing all along but expect to proceed with our relationship as though I was never sick. This is really keeping me from "moving on."

Hummm  - you can't move on because some friends want to proceed like nothing ever happened? It seems like that's kind of a good thing, as opposed to friends who act like you've got a foot in the grave!

Everybody moves on in different ways. I think that friends are pretty important. While some are more steady than others I like to have them and would hesitate to jettison any over a period where they weren't as reliable as I'd have liked.

I say that because I've found that friends I had before I had kids who I drifted away from when my kids were little have kind of drifted back. I don't dislike or resent them for not being around when I had little kids and they didn't. Little kids are an acquired taste. But now that I'm out of that phase I'm happy to have old friends, even if they haven't been quite so steady. 

And I find that I have friends who had kids later in life that I kind of avoid now because they're all about their little kids and I've been there and done that. In ten years, God-willing, I hope we'll be back to hanging around with them.

I don't think there is harm in keeping folks on your Christmas list. None of us know what the future will bring and whatever it brings I want some friends!

I also had bc and thyroid cancer.  I had and still have a great support group but find that

sometimes my greatest support comes from my friends rather than family with the

exception of my husband and kids. 

I think you don't have to "do" anything with them. Ignore them like they've ignored you! Why is a resolution necessary? They've made the decision for you, it's that simple! A lot of people are afraid of what can be terminal disease (think AIDS) and don't know how to deal with their own emotions and fears, never mind yours!

Also, consider that they feel you might have moved on and don't want to bring up the issue. My step-daughter called the night before my double mx and said "Hi, how are you?" I said, "You do know that I go in for surgery tomorrow?" and she said, "Yes, but I didn't know if you wanted to talk about it." That was my step-daughter! Can you imagine how your friends feel? They might also feel they are prying or bringing up an issue that you are tired of talking about. 

How did you react when one of your friends had a cancer issue? Can you imagine how hard it is to react and how much you would worry you were saying or doing the wrong things? There is another thread where people are complaining how nosy their friends/coworkers and family are. So there are both ends of the stick on this one.

Ignore the bad, embrace the good.