How to Convince Sister to Follow Up With Oncologist?

Penny-

It sounds like you mean well but I think you should back off. I would guess that your sister just wants to enjoy her life and not have it revolve around breast cancer and doctor appts and frankly I feel the same as your sister. I don't want to be checked all the time and have my cells examined. I bet your sister feels the same way. Just be happy for her that she feels good now.

wow....i guess i disagree with the other 2 posters.  but, i'm just getting started with all of this and i want to live for my young kids!!!

so, to me, to check in with an oncologist or breast surgeon every 3 mos or 6 mos or whatever is NO BIGGIE!!!  really!  QOL is not greatly impacted by an occassional dr visit is it?  heck, i go to the dentist every 6 months....so why not add the oncologist!?!?

i'd give your sis some breathing room but then ask her to see her doc as YOUR b'day gift or something that really makes her stop and think about others that love her.

 sorry its so hard on you!  good luck!

I agree with Diana- probably a lot depends on what kind of relationship you have with your sister.

My sister and I have a very rocky relationship.  When she asks me for a medical opinion (I'm a pharmacist), she tends to do 180 degrees the opposite.

So when she got diagnosed with stage IV cancer in her liver (not from breast) I do NOT want to give her advice.  I think my advice is reasonable, and I don't want her to do the opposite thing.

Penny

If one of my sisters told me to go to the doctor as a present for her, my jaw would drop and it would take all of my self control to not get up and leave.  Then I'd yell at her. I'd still love her, but I'd be yelling pretty loud.

While I appreciate that you were/are there for her through her journey, it isn't up to you to make sure she gets blood work, a scan, whatever. It is all her decision. One of the biggest hurdles to cancer is the loss of control. For those of us control freaks, even a Stage 0 (as mine was) diagnosis is a living hell. We go through treatment and then want to move on - to varying extents and manners. For some of us, it means all of the visits the docs recommend. For others, it's less. Sometimes it is just a matter of being able to re-group, get life back to a normal-ish pattern, and then start with the quarterly or whatever appointments.  I finally told my husband that while I loved him dearly, it was time for me to go to the doctor by myself.

My mom had BC. I had BC. My mom could get the BRCA 1/2 testing done, but I wouldn't dream of suggesting it nor would any of my sisters. My mom had IDC and had a modified radical mastectomy (they removed all her lymphnodes) and had chemo. At the time, people were horrified that she 'mutilated' herself and then went through chemo (!). As she has said time and time again, it was her body, her decision. She wanted it out. Her control method. (and it worked, she's 18 years cancer free.) 

My MIL had some severe bowel problems for about 5 years or so. She would not go to the doctor. No one could make her go, and when FIL talked to the doctor on his own, it was a wonder that he made it out alive. She eventually came to the decision herself and announced that she'd made an appointment with a surgeon. She had over 3 feet of her colon removed and is 180 deg different. but it was her decision to make. It just took time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that treatment and follow-up are very personal decisions. If she says that she doesn't want to see the docs, nod your head and put it aside.

You obviously love her and care for her and for her health, and that is a wonderful thing. Be there for her and support her.

take care and the best to you and to your sister.

If I ever asked my sister for my birthday gift this, she would come unglued!!!  I am with PSK07 on this one all the way.  

My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago, she had a mastectamy and all the lymphnodes removed from her right side, chemo, radiation and was on herceptin for a year after, which just finished on christmas eve 2008. I was there throught it all and can understand that you sister is sick of the sight of the doctors, the hospital and the test, my sister felt the same way, and when all the treatment was over she felt great, time to get back to life.

But on a check up at the hospital on Friday the 13th 2009, my sister was told that she had cancer in her liver, which had come from the breast through the blood. Which is secondary liver cancer, considered uncurable (stage 4 breast cancer) It can spread from the breast to almost anywhere in the body and organs. Your sister may feel great right now (and so she should) but it can take months or even year to re-merge some where else, if caught early in some areas it can be treated, but if left can be fatal.

 I feel all you can do for you sister if she refuses to go for regular check ups is to advise as much as possible and be there, i think she will come round, once she has had time to settle back in to normal life.

I was diagnosed in 2004 and it metastesized to the L3 vertabre.  Well meaning friends would try to "help me" by giving me the telephone number of a cancer survivor they knew.   I would take the persons phone number and never use it.  I can't rationalize why, that's just the way I felt.  

The point is, we don't choose cancer, it's out of our control and it has a mind of it's own.  So I guess in a subconscience, somewhat irrational way, I wanted to be in control of what was under my control.  

I'm glad she went back for her follow up.