How to help so far away!

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wishiwasthere
wishiwasthere Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

My mother will be starting her chemotherapy for breast cancer next week. I am too far away to be there with her and it is killing me. We just visited for the holiday and I was the first to hear she would have chemo. We discussed how she was feeling and she says she doesn't want to read too much because she doesn't want to get scared. The first thing we talked about of course was hair loss. We got on line and ordered some pretty head covers for her to have before she even starts.

I would like to get somethings together for her without her knowing, and send a care package. Can anyone tell me what has helped their loved one go through chemo?

Thank you

  

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  • Marie821
    Marie821 Member Posts: 63
    edited December 2008

    Your Mom is lucky to have such a caring daughter.  It's great that you helped her to find some head covers so she can be ready for the hair loss. 

    I have a 21 year old daughter who was at college in another state when I went through all of this.  I will tell you that the most important thing is just to keep in touch with your mom  with phone calls, emails, or letters.  Sometimes it was hard for me to tell my daughter how I was feeling because I didn't want to worry her, but I always appreciated her calls and emails.  Don't always talk about the breast cancer and chemo,  she'll want to hear about what's going on in your life, take her mind off cancer for awhile. 

    If want to fix her up a little care package, try to think of things that will make her feel pretty, some soft PJ's, or nice lotions - things to pamper her.   If she likes to read, books are great.  Chemo treatments can last several hours, and reading helps past the time.  Hope this helps.

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  • wishiwasthere
    wishiwasthere Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2008

    Marie,

    Thank you so much for your post. It sounds like you are close with your daughter like me and my mom. Thanks for the head up about not asking about the cancer and chemo(extensively).  I know she won't want to worry me. She didn't want me there for the lump removal surgery because she said she would just worry about me.

    I think I can come up with some things for pampering her! Maybe I should pamper my dad as well :)!

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  • TenderIsOurMight
    TenderIsOurMight Member Posts: 4,493
    edited December 2008
    So wonderful a daughter to seek such advice. Of course you know your mom's temperament the best, so look inward to your together times and grasp little recollections from close moments to help guide you now. A special type of tea, a book of poems, regular quick check in's by phone if her style, care package of new nightgown is always nice, slippers etc... A recent picture of you and yours so she can show the chemo office staff her pride and joy which will lead to kid discussion. A subscription to the NYTimes or WSJ or CSM if she's a paper reader so she can take them with her to visits and read while sitting. A bed pillow or throw, even a reading pillow can be a wonderful gift.
     
    And of course, if you can manage a quick trip home, well that is priceless. A WebCam works too, should your mom be computer savvy and you're far by distance. You are right, it's these thoughts for her that will mean so much. Just wonderful!
     
    My good wishes for your mom and your family,
    Tender 
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  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited December 2008

    I had trouble with smells, so anything scented was not my cup of tea.  A care package, maybe with magazines, a soft blanket, food treats that she might enjoy on chemo (might have to ask her what she can eat), coupons/gift cards to prepared foods, gift certiicate for her house to be cleaned - I realize some of these might be expensive.  Send cards on a regular basis - I loved getting mail, email if your mom likes the computer, burn a music CD with some of her favorite songs.  Wishing your mom an easy time through chemo.

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  • LW85
    LW85 Member Posts: 8
    edited December 2008

    wishiwasthere,

    My mom is halfway through her chemo treatments. She had four treatments then surgery and is going to start her last four treatements in a week then do the radiation. My brother was away at school and she really appreciated his phone calls, especially the days she had treatment. She would send us text messages during treatment and we would have texting conversations which I think helped pass the time. She didn't text much or very well before, but she thinks it's just the coolest thing now! She has been reading a lot and doing a lot of crossword puzzles. Anything like that is helpful to pass the time. I bought my mom a cancer survival cookbook. That gave her something to look through during her treatments and figure out what sounded good that day or recipes to try.

    I try to talk to my mom about what is going on in my life. It helps keep her mind off things and makes her feel like I am really including her in my life. Pampering your dad is a good idea too. I didn't realize how much the family of the sick person is affected. It just can get exhausting. Probably phone calls are the best advice. My mom has spent a lot of time talking to friends and family. Good luck with everything and I wish you and your family the best!

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  • Supportmom0807
    Supportmom0807 Member Posts: 2
    edited January 2009

    I was somewhat in the same situation when my mother was diagnosed, I had moved off to school. I was able to still visit every weekend to help her. I would send gift packages for sure. Some of the odd ball things my mom used helped with the many downsides of chemotherapy. My mother always complained of the nasty taste in her mouth and she discovered lemon drops that aids in the taste. Her skin also responed in a negative way, she ended up using Eucerin hand cream and it worked better than her $50 Clinique wash! Give your mom many things to consume her time, like puzzles and cross words. My mom had a hard time doing anything that took energy, but she was going crazy doing nothing. If your mom loves movies, get her a portable DVD player to watch movies while she goes through chemotherapy. Even sign her up for Netflix! Always remember to focus on the positive, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I'd never see that light, but my mother has been cancer free since September 2008. If you ever have any questions or wonder if what your feeling is normal, I'm always here to chat.

    jess

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  • anthoan
    anthoan Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2009

    I just found out my mother has breast cancer and I am so far away.  Thank you all for your help.  Please keep it coming.  I want to make sure she knows people all over the country are praying for her.

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  • wishiwasthere
    wishiwasthere Member Posts: 3
    edited January 2009

    Thank you to everyone for the helpful information! This has been most helpfu! 

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