Regrets

Kamico

I think we ALL suffer with the regrets of the "what if's" in our lives....

I sometimes wonder what if I had done this or what if I had done that, but ya know what????

I made the decisions that I felt were best at the time and tried to never look back....so far my treatment decisions appear to be good as Im two years out now with no sign of its return..

We all have regrets in life, but we have to find a peaceful place in our hearts for them...

Hugs

Jule

kamico, I could have written these same words 10 months ago:  "But I do regret having allowed myself to gain 20 pounds in the past 10 years, not exercising enough, and liking to drink a glass of wine (and maybe two on the weekends) with dinner. I never really worried about breast cancer ... I was more worried about heart attacks and strokes (common in my family)."

The thing is, almost every one of us has done something in our lives that has since been identified as a "BC risk factor."  There are a few women on these boards who swear they've lived perfect lives--but, heck, they have BC, too!

I have also gained too much weight--maybe 15 pounds in the past 10 years.  And I don't exercise enough.  And my dh and I have had a glass of wine with dinner for, oh, the past 20 years.

Is that what caused my BC?  Maybe, but I doubt it.  I know enough about cell biology and molecular genetics to understand that it isn't just one thing, or two, that causes breast cancer to develop.  It's way more complicated than that.

Even if it was the weight gain, or the sedentary lifestyle, or the wine, I can't do anything about that now.  What I can do is change what happens next.   If it is true that being overweight, even just a little bit, is a risk factor, I can get my butt moving and lose some weight--even just a little bit.  I did cut back on the wine, but, hey, I'm in the same situation you are in--the vast majority of the deaths in my family have been from heart disease or stroke, not cancer; and I thought for sure that's what would get me, too.  And, red wine is supposed to help with that, right?  So I balance the two risks and have a half a glass of wine, or maybe a glass every third evening.

One thing I know for sure:  something is going to kill us, no matter what we do.  So I wear my seat belt, and I don't do drugs, and I never started smoking, and I look both ways when crossing streets, etc.  There is only so much you can do, and still live your life.  And, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the past.  So, you have to let it go.

Hugs,

otter 

Otter & NancyD- Very well put!  Thank you for that!

Kamico3

Please don't beat yourself up ....you have done nothing wrong. Last year after I was dx, I too questioned myself and then I went to see my oncologist and I have no risk factors at all. ie have never taken the PILL, am not over weight, exercises daily, eat all my fruit and veg ( only have meat about 2x a month), have a glass of wine 2-3 x a month, no one in my family had bc, had both children before age 28 and breast feed both and I have never smoked. The fact of the matter is that 70% of women who get bc have no risk factors....so how do we explain that?  I agree with otter it's cell biology and molecular genetics. I will not blame myself and you shouldn't either...unfortunately SH-T happens.

I also appreciated reading the comments on this thread - it helped me come to terms with the regrets.  I was on birth control for years; took depo prevara for a couple of years to help shrink a fibriod tumor and also enjoyed a glass or two of wine with dinner on many nights and really enjoy a good rib eye steak.  Those are the only risk factors I can remotely reference.  Oh yeah, and I missed my mammogram in 2007 (dx after my routine mammogram in 2008) 

  I have tried hard to not think of the "what ifs' and in my heart really don't think it would have made a difference - too many women have done all those same things and don't get bc.  Now, I am just trying to find the right balance with healthy habits (a few less glasses or wine, a little less red meat) and enjoying the things I enjoy.

I spoke with a neighbor recently who was dx a few years ago with colon cancer at age 35 - she had alway been fanactical about her diet and exercise.  She said the experience actually caused her to lighten up some and take more enjoyment in what she eats and how she exercises.  

All we can do is make the best decisions we can for ourselves at the time.  No regrets.  

Kamico,

Maybe this will ease your regret:  BC has been with us since the stone ages, before it had a name.  Do you think those women took HRT, or ate foods with chemicals, or took The Pill?

As Lisa stated the greatest risk is being female and I'll add, having breasts.

In the beginning, I too had regret that I took HRT for 20 years and felt it surely was responsbile for my cancer.  Since that time I've read about the history of BC and now have no regrets.  We STILL don't know the cause and we have to stop beating ourselves up for even thinking that we have done something to cause it - WE DID NOT. 

Best to you,

Jelly

If I had regrets, it would be that I was born...being BRCA 2+ my cancers are genetic and no one knows when they will "fire off."  No matter what I eat, drink, weigh, what age I started my period, stopped my periods, the fact that I breastfed 4 kids, it doesn't matter. I can't let my mind wander down that road. I have to focus on living my life the best way I can and pray my genes let me have many healthy years...

Linda