first chemo done

hmmmmm do they not give you scripts for the emend and zofran Jill? I get those refilled each month.....and I thought the taxol was easier then the adriamycin...hmmmm someone lied to me! I kinda figured less nausea and all with that......

Hugs

Deb

Hi all,

Seems like it should be 10 pm instead of 7. I don't think I like it getting dark early here in Mo any more than I did in Ca.

Jerri- what a beautiful gift you have received! How comforting it will be to wrap all that love around you during chemo. And the hats sound just awesome. I had not heard about that organization. I'm so glad you had a great smiley day Deb.

Jill, thank-you for sharing your knowledge, and support. I sent you the link regarding Avastin.

Hugs and prayers to all,

Debbie

Jerri - OK... I agree.... only bald ladies here that we LOVE...  BUT.. don't we want Lori's fiancee thinking we are a bad bunch of bald ladies ?!!    Way more threatening that way.  Perhaps we can sic the "bad bald lady brigade" on Barb's boss as well !   They don't need to know we are really nice people.

Deb - Now, don't get all worried about AC vs. taxol.   From what I hear, the "normal" taxol routine is a piece of cake vs. AC.    Just remember a couple of things  - 1) what I am getting is not "normal" - it is a big old mondo dose of taxol (which is why I am at the center for like ever and drunk as a skunk at the end), and 2) my GI side effects have been relatively under control.   That said, I am deathly averse to GI side effects, so I do everything in my power to stop it in its tracks before it starts.    I do get the emend and tagamet in the IV as a premed and then have to take emend afterwards for two days.  She also gives me phenergen for nausea, which I take at night (this is the one that knocks me on my butt).  However, I usually only take that for about three days post treatment and I am pretty good.   The most annoying SE from my taxol dose is the bone/joint aches, fatigue and tingly hand/feet - the depression really got me this last time as well.   But, I usually find I have an appetite again in about 3-4 days.  So, much "easier" than what you have been experiencing on AC.

Hope that helps.

Jill  

Oh, Deb I just wished I could Pop out of this Computer and give you a BIG HUG!!! I think you need one no, no, you need LOTS of HUGS my friend!

Just know we are here for you through thick or thin!!!

Love and HUGS,

Jerri

Hi All!

I have been so out of the loop but trying to catch up.  Life sure has been crazy.  Three days before my mastectomy Hurricane Ike hit and I had alot of damage at my house.  They are just now finishing up the work.  So, even with the mastectomy ... then the dx of some IDC (didn't know about it before).... then recovery... then start chemo.... I haven't stayed at my house since Sept 13th.  Now it looks like this weekend I can.  I have been so down.  Jill, I wonder about your depression because I am having a hard time with it as well.  Although there are certainly reasons there for all of us.  I can't wait to have a "safe haven" to be comfortable in and have some alone time.  My boyfriend has been great but living out of a suitcase during all of this has been very trying.

I can't really complain too much here about the side effects.  I am tired.... no hair.... bloody noses like crazy and some aches but other than that ok.  No nausea.  Some diarreaha although not this week.  I have had a couple mouth sores but nothing really too bad.  Tomorrow is my 6th treatment.... my half way mark.

I have been keeping up I think with life but it sure is trying.  I end up working longer days because I miss half a day at least once a week. 

I have been thinking about then this is over.  What happens next?  We just wait and hope it doesn't come back?  I had extensive DCIS in one breast.  During the pathology from the bi-lateral mastectomy they found a very small tumor of IDC (.4cm).  My lymph nodes were clear.  However, because something might have gotten away from that tumor in my bloodstream... chemo +Herceptin.  But then what?  Just wait for it to rear its ugly head somewhere? 

My Dad was dx with renal cell Stage IV in April... right before me.  His showed up as blood in his urine but by that time it was really too late to do much.  However, his medications are working so far to sustain his life and his tumors haven't grown or spread anymore.  His positive attitude keeps me going.

Anyway, just thinking about all sorts of things.

I hope everyone has a fabulous Tuesday.  We will all get through this and be stronger ladies!

Cristl

Hi sewbutton......you sound like me, I go tomorrow for my 3rd..I go every other Weds...I'm getting A/C and I hate it....the first time, even though I did get dehydrated a couple of times, I bounced back after like 8 days....the 2nd time, omg....I ve been so tired and no energy ever since.....and it's messed with my digestive tract......told my hubby this morning, I can't wait to go back tomorrow since I'm already so run down.....But after tomorrow's treatment, I will only have one more of the A/.C to get thru, then onto the taxol which everyone tells me is a piece of cake compared to the A/C. So by the end of this month, will be done with that Red Devil as I term it.

As for the lack of sex, my hubby has been pretty understanding....the chemo messes with your hormones and I totally understand your being tired........when ya basically have to force yourself to get up and take a bath even, that's the last thing on your mind.

But anyways hon, we will get thru this!!!! Rant, scream, whatever here all ya want!

Luv, Hugs and Prayers

Deb

Jill,

I second all of your comments above.  I too was filled with all sorts of emotions when I read her post, and wish I was there to give her a hug, and her significant other a kick somewhere so he would leave her alone. Sewbutton, I hope you don't mind my also being angry for you. I cannot imagine what all you must be going thru. I actually waited until Jill responded, knowing her words in this case would be better than mine. I am sending you loads of hugs, and will do what I can, as we all will I'm sure, to support you - let me know if you want my phone number to call and vent, anything I can do for you I will.

Just a short note- will be going for first chemo tx Thursday. For sure. Doc is not available tomorrow, and states he needs to be there during my treatment. Made me feel a bit more secure about it all.

Debbie

Wow, so much has been said since I was last on, Monday morning. Yesterday morning we had a snow storm and no satelite, so no puter. Then I had to go for a well women doctor appt. This morning we are leaving for Califonia to go see the grandkids. So much I would like to comment on but don't have time to do so.

I will tell you Deb, I told fiancee (Darrell) about your comment in regards to the chair needing to be sugically removed from my arse. I won't repeat his words other than the fact that he said I needed to get my scranny arse to work! We tease and joke alot. He even calls me "scarecrow" due to my "chemo brain".

Someone else mentioned the fact about no supplements during chemo. I took tons of them. I was taking 25 pills a day at one point. Gheesh....I wish things weren't so contradicting in all this cancer treatment. I guess we just have to trust what we are told and our gut instinct.

As for Taxol vs AC.  The Taxol was easier for me. Yes it is longer and the only side affect I had was the bone pain in the legs. But they told me that was from the Nuelasta, but I didn't get it with the AC.

Gifts are wonderful and I received some very nice ones, some from people I don't even know! Glad you got the hats Deb.

Hot Flashes...My little bubble pack of Arimidex I got has a little club or whatever to sign up for. They send you some little gifts, don't remember what all except for a little battery operated mist fan. That was the only thing I wanted, haven't got it yet tho. I do have a little fan I keep next to my bed. It helps alot!

Well, I better remove my arse from this chair and go get my shower. We will be stopping in Laughlin for the nite. Cha Ching! Then off to Cally Thursday morning.

Hope all of you wonderful ladies have a great day. My big big hugs to everyone.

God Bless Us All

Lori

Sewbutton -

I am glad you are feeling better tonight, but no need for the apology at all.  Sometimes a little righteous indignation from the sisterhood is warranted.   That is why we are here.     And you gave me an excuse to rant and drink wine !     So, not so bad.   But, seriously, I am glad you are doing better.  Come on back any time you need to.    It's OK to be up or down.  If you read back through the posts on this thread, you will see we are all over the place on the emotional front - and better off for it.

Jill

Ladies, 

Jerri,  I too have a wonderful story.  A dear friend of mine asked a church to make me a prayer quilt.  They asked me what I wanted them to pray for so I had to fill out a little form, three weeks later my friend dropped it off.  I have never seen anything beautifuller, if that is a word.  It is hand made about the size of a twin bedspread.  It has little ties all over it, and members of the church have tied each of them and said a prayer for me.  I have always been a Christian (turned when I was 16 at church camp).  But I married an non Christian, so we have not attend church regularly, but this really touched my heart.  People do really care, even if they don't know who we are.

Jill,  Your words are always so right on.  I am always so much better after reading your thoughts.  I am much better this week, so I do know that there is light after the first week of chemo.

I also met another person (from a friend of mine in San Diego) who started chemo this past week.  I introduced myself to her and gave her my phone number if she wanted to talk sometime.  Last night after I put oil in a pan on high with some noodles and veggies in it, she called.  I was so happy that she called I immediately went in the other room to talk to her.  We talked for about 15 minutes.  It was great that I felt that I could actually give her some guidance and let her know that even though this stuff is terrible it is something that you can get through.  We talked about emotions, and drugs and getting sick and everything.  My daughter yells from the other room something is burning, I go into the kitchen, the one time that the smoke alarm does not work...the kitchen is filled with smoke.  Oh my gosh, we opened all the windows and I take the pan outside.  It is terrible (still smells two days later).  She listens to this whole conversation, she must think I am crazy.  Well we talk further and I think I was helpful to her, what she doesn't know was how helpful she was to me.  It made me feel like I had self worth and that we are all here for each other to lean on.  Thanks for letting me lean on you guys.

So in a week and a half, I will do some leaning...just kidding...maybe.... I do chemo on the 19th...thanks in advance.

On the hair front, still haven't shaved it, I think I win the "Not shaving your head contest".  I still have a few hairs that you can see if I wear a baseball hate.  Maybe this weekend?  I am wearing hats all the time.  Getting slowly use to seeing myself with almost no hair.

Gotta go, my husband just got home from tennis....he will need attention....that might not be cancer related!  Love to all Kristi

Hi Deb,

Yes, all was in he IV bag. And your description of the red was exactly what I was looking for. You said it well

They said I would feel the worst today, and then after the Neulasta for several days. I took the Zofran this morning, and really no change in the nausea. It's not horrible enough to call the doc on, since I have compazine to alternate with.

You're right- 5 does sound better than 8, and 15 is always better than 16, you must be optimistic in your nature.

I received such a small amount of decadron, I'm thinking I won't "hit that wall".

Kristi, your prayer quilt sounds beautiful! And I am so glad you didn't have a burnt house to go along with the dinner

Hope you all have a good day. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Debbie

Not sure where everyone is, but I hope that is a good sign that folks are busy and/or taking care of themselves.  

OK.. Warning, Ladies - this post is going to come off a little like a "journaling" on my part.  So, you have had fair warning.  Just skip on past if you don't want to bother, but I need to get this off my chest.

I had been feeling very down.  Strangely lonely and depressed.   Not sure if the chemicals were just messing around with my body or it was the accumulative effects of all this stuff.  Maybe it is the holiday season, that, despite my best efforts, I cannot seem to get into this year.  I really hate feeling sorry for myself.   It is not in my nature to do that, and I intellectually know I have a lot to be grateful for in my life, which makes me feel all the guiltier for feeling this way.

Anyway, keeping in mind that it is very difficult for me to be needy on any level with anyone - including the ones that I love and that love me.   Well, in this time of personal crisis, I found an opportunity to take solace, in all places, the arms of my husband.  Strange how the things you were looking for were right in front of you all along.

I will describe this tastefully, for the true impact of this is on my psyche as opposed to any physical aspect that may be part of it.    For once I found myself really in need of human contact - craving it actually due to the lonely feeling that I could not shake.  I found my husband thinking about a nap and surprised him by joining him and snuggling up close to him.   A flood of emotion overtook me, but nothing need to be said.  He understood.

You know, after we had been through so much due to this illness, it was just nice to realize he still loved me - despite the surgical mutilations and the effects of the chemicals that sapped me physically, mentally, emotionally.    And my body that I was mad at because it had betrayed me on so many levels, seemed to come back into alignment, if only for a little while.   As strange as this sounds, I felt alive for the first time in I don't know how long. 

So.. for those of us coming to grips with our own vulnerability, I have found a positive in being vulnerable.  I am doing a little better now.   Even going to try to decorate the tree and go to a Christmas party tonight - something I had really not been looking forward to.

Keep the faith Ladies.

Jill

Still hanging around guys....one more zofran (nausea) pill to take tonite and am done with them...Lord I don't know why they make me so sleepy.......and stomach has been killing me all day so been hanging out on the couch rotting my brain with tv..........tummys like half way between nausea and horrible heartburn or something, can't explain it......it isn't fun......

Jill Thanks for lettin me know bout the doc.......my BS said he has an entirely different personality....and I did sort of explain what happened to his receptionist with the witch doc, this girl was so sweet, she told me to come on down they would never treat me like that.........I have to go see him on the 18th at 5......then I guess he will schedule my next chemo.......

Well back to the couch all..........hope everyone is doing good......

Luv, hugs and prayers

Deb

Hi Everyone..diagnosed with IDC bc on October 15th, 2008 and just finished my 1st chemo this week. I was in Stage2, Grade 3, no lymph node involvement, had a lumpectomy Oct.27th, 2008. They say I am "Cancer-free" at this point, but still need to do chemo and radiation. Chemo with 2 different drugs(one of them the "red devil") every 2 wks for 4 rounds, then every week with Taxol for 12 wks. I was triple negative for all horomone receptors..which makes me a very high risk to get breast cancer again. It's all in the genes

I have tried to educate myself through many channels but felt I needed some more emotional support from avenues. I feel like my head is in a fog and packed so full I can scarcely think at times. The 1s few days after chemo I felt pretty normal and then constipation, fatigue and foggy brain hit me hard.  I have been drinking a LOT of water, before, during and after chemo and still feel dry at times. Sleep?? I have almost forgotten what more then 2 hrs is like.

After reading many posts here I am so relieved to know there is some relief for some of these symptons. My cancer team has been awesome and I am fortunate to have my cancer treatment center right around the corner from me. I actually feel very fortunate with my prognosis compared to others I am reading about here, but I am trying to learn NOT to make comparisons.. every ones cancer is thier own form of hell from what I am reading and hearing.

On top of this. I am a Type2 Diabetic.. and for the past 7 yrs, it's been under control.. until chemo! I have been trying to stick to protein, lot of water and watching my sugar intake but my sugar has been running well into the 200's,, which is very rare for me.. even with taking my meds for sugar. From what I am understanding, between the chemo drugs, stress, anti-nausea meds, etc... it will make the sugar go whacko. I am also taking Prebiotic Pearls and Co-EnzeymeQ-10 for heart protection and "smoother sailing" in the intestines(which isnt helping a whole lot) Constipation is better...at least I do have some movement.. but am still very bloated.

Sorry my first post is so lengthy and maybe choppy....any questions or suggestions are appreciated. I have cried twice since finding out I had cancer.....both times from frustration for not being able to think clearly enough at times and feeling like my body has "jumped ship".. I considered myself a very strong person, able to handle anything....BC...before cancer!!

I need to say.. I DO have a wonderful and supportive husband, family and wonderful co-workers...I have no idea how those who have no supportive system are able to keep it together.

I thank you for allowing me to be part of your group here...I am having a down night..but trust me, you will get a taste of my warped sense of humor.. it's what keeps me "sane"

Good luck to each of you and prayers for those who don't mind. Sure hope I can learn something here.. cancer is a mind boggling thing if you try to take in too much at one time. Learning to take it one day at a time.. one step at a time!!

~Belinda~ 

OK.. Back...

Denise - Nice hearing from you again.   I liked your story about telling your husband about you wanting to have him quit smoking now.    I think you have every right to let him know how you feel - especially since you are doing it because you care about him.    It is interesting that he quit twice before (for two whole years each time!), because it is HARD to quit, and sad that he went back.   I have seen that so many times.  I smoked in my younger years and quitting was one of the harder things I had to do.  However, I find I am less tolerant of it (personally) now because of my past experience - meaning it bothers me more to be around smoke.  That said, there are a lot more resources available today for folks trying to quit.  See what you can do to tune him into those things (support groups, drugs, even on-line boards like we have).   But, first he must really want to quit.   That is the hardest barrier to overcome sometimes.  So.. keep at him, but be supportive.  

As for "awakening other feelings".  Wow..  I have had so much "awakened" since this start of this experience, I hardly know where to begin.    Interestingly, in my case, I think my experience "awakened" some feelings in my husband of him wanting to take better care of himself (he got there on his own).  He went and got himself a full physical, including colonoscopy and ultrasounds of internal organs, etc.   He has also managed to get his cholesterol down.  As you might expect, I was happy to see that.    So, I guess that is another "good thing" to come out of this.   As for me, I find myself being being much more open and willing to try things on.  Life is too short to worry about little stuff.   An experience like this does tend to crystallize your priorities in life, don't you think ?

Deb - Sounds like things are going about as well as expected for you.   While you sound tired, you also sound a bit better than you did on some previous treatments.   I am glad your new doc's office has already gotten started on the right foot with you.  Let us know how the appointment goes on the 18th !

Jill