My Best Friend

Teri,

Your reaction is normal. The more you understand that bc is not the grim reaper..maybe you will feel better about your friend and be able to stop crying.  Follow the threads here..and read up on it. Do you know what the particulars are for your friend?  I am sure you will get the strength to pull it all together and be there for your friend.  Friends are very important to those of us who are going through BC. My g/f's were my rocks! I know you will be the same for your friend as well. Look..you came here didn't you?

Good luck...take a deep breath. Be whatever your friend wants. If she wants to talk..be a good listener..if she wants you near, but doesn't feel like talking...be there to hold her hand.

terisam, my best friend shut me out completely.  As a matter of fact, I found out she had breast cancer from another friend who happened to call that morning and tell me she was in surgery at that very moment having a mastectomy.  Talk about hurt!!  As time went on, she admitted that she couldn't tell me.  She couldn't allow me in because it hurt too much.  The friend who called me actually found out from her cousin, not from her.  We've discussed it many times over and she finally admitted that she completely withdrew when diagnosed.  All she did was lay in bed, cry or sleep.  Now, when I was diagnosed four years later?????  I couldn't get rid of her!!  I handled it completely opposite of how she did and she couldn't do enough to help me.  I told everyone, was optimistic and did everything I could to learn about what was happening to me.  I can't tell you how many times she apologized for not letting me in.  I think what's happening with your friend is very similar to what happened with mine.  Give her time.  Go by with a meal, but don't be offended if you're not asked to come in.  Keep in touch by phone even if it means just leaving messages.  It's hard, but she'll come around.

Teri - I hate to sound critical, but it is about your friend - not you.  I am sorry that you are hurting, but your friend is right to need positive people around her, or maybe no people around her. I do like your suggestion to volunteer- maybe not with survivors, but with organizations that work with survivors such as ACS or Komen.  Ways to help your friend - cook a meal, go to the grocery store for her, clean the house.  I was someone who told people about Dx and had great help - meals,  playdates for my youngest DD, donations to Komen, cards that said they cared - these may it much easier to get through Tx. Sometimes I wanted people around, others not.  2 1/2 years after finishing Tx, some of my gf don't even know about recent surgeries (2  recon) or tests (MRI for sinus problems) as I chose not to tell them. You sound like a great, caring friend - take your cues from your gf .