"What can I do to help you?"

Offer to rake leaves, bring the trash cans out on trash day, walk her dogs, clean her house...some of the less glamorous chores that always need to be done. Offer to go to chemo with her, if she'll be having it, then surprise her with a "chemo bag" filled with items she may need during chemo. Mine had kleenex, warm socks, a soft blanket, unscented lotion, chap stick, water bottles, snacks, a word search, a pen and a few other items to help pass the time. A pillow that goes around the back of your neck will help with sleeping while in a reclining position.

Be aware that she may not want any help. Some people want as much control as possible when their world is so out of control. Accepting, or asking for, help, can be very difficult for a woman who has always been the one who helps others...

Linda

So sorry to hear about your friend.  My daughter was diagnosed a few months ago.  The chemo makes her so tired and her husband tries to keep up with 2 small children, the house and be there for her.  The friends and family have banded together to try and help ease some of the burdens.  We cook meals (which they say helps so much), I assist with getting the children where they need to be and picking them up, we started a card circuit where she is getting a "thinking of you" card each week from a friend or family member, and when she is feeling well we all volunteer to babysit so she and her husband can get out for a nice day or evening.  Other than that we get a little "care" package together for each time she has chemo.  I drop it off while she is at the clinic and she has something to look forward to when she gets home, we sign the cards from the 'Fairies".  My daughter says she didnt realize just how many people loved her!

You hit the nail on the head.  The meals are a blessing.  Helping to potty the dog.  I could go on and on.  Everything that was said or suggested is wonderful.  I didn't realize how so many kind things could be done until these past 5 months.  This battle with treatments and the emotions take a toll and the strength that every kind thing that is done is so very much appreciated and gives a strength that can't be described.   

Many don't know how to react when they hear a friend or loved one has cancer.  It is scary and when in the family maybe just a little too close. My darling brothers have ignored the situation. One sister-in law has been checking up on me. It was the women with whom I work who baby-sat me after surgery, provided meals and support, and generally checked in to make sure I was okay.  If it is important to your sister-in-law to have family involved you might want to assign "jobs" them, like errands, house-hold chores, dr. runs. they might not know how to help.  Good luck!