My daughter and BC

Hello fellow mother/supporter/chief worrier/courage giver...and all the other things that we do to try and make the rough path a little easier for our daughters.

My daughter was 29 in 2003 when she was diagnosed....shock and horror and disbelief. Five good years and then sadly the rotten disease has come back, almost five years to the day. This is not to scare you, it is to say that I understand how you are feeling; how can this happen to our young girls. Mine has been vegetarian since age 15, didn't smoke, an occasional drink and not into drugs. No history in the family either.

The road is scary and rough, as mothers we do our best to smooth out the rough bits, reassure and lend practical support. Love is just there - its not negotiable!

Be assured that there are better treatments available than there were 5 years ago -  lumpectomy and radiation is not so bad, its the initial shock that's hard.

My agony is why could I not protect her from this disease, as mothers we would do anything to protect our kids, I would swap places with her if I could. I too have been through the 'what did I do wrong' stage.

I honestly think that we have to look at environmental factors playing a role. We are exposed to so much artificial stuff in our homes and atmosphere. I got rid of all my plastic storage containers and replaced them with glass, NEVER heat food in plastic containers in the microwave, and try to eat only organic food as much as possible. Its all to do with exposure to artificial hormones. My daughter's neurosurgeon (we live in Australia) is deeply suspicious of mobile phone use, especially for young people. He sees too many youngsters with brain tumours - I agree with him.

Hang in there Mum - you will find the strength - and if you have good family and friends don't refuse any offers of help. A friend who had been through the same thing offered me some good advice 5 years ago, in response to offers of help, say 'yes please and thankyou' - sometimes its the only thing that folk can do for you but it means a lot.

My daughter is still doing treatment - we never give up hope! Sometimes I can't believe that this is happening to us. (and my husband has Alzheimer's disease, was diagnosed at age 59)

Best wishes to you and your daughter, I am sure that she will be fine

cxm 

Although I couldn't imagine being in your shoes, I often thought of how I would act if this ever happened to my daughter. I am not a mother who had to watch my daughter go thru something that I couldn't help or take away the pain from.  I AM the daughter that just survived breast cancer this summer and watched my mom on countless days look at me with such sadness in her eyes.  It was hard to watch her.  I am a very independent woman and don't usually ask people for help.  Please just be there for her even if she says she doesn't need you there.  There were days that my mom just sat with me - barely saying 5 words in the whole day - because I was so sick. 

I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma in January of this year.  I am 39 yrs old with 2 children no breast cancer in any of my family.  I want to just say, that without my mother, I do not know how I would have survived.  I have a husband and a wonderful family but some of my closest family couldn't bear to see me sick, they just didn't know what to do or say.   I knew from the day the dr called and told me that it was cancer, I was going to be fine.  I was usually better than some of the people around me.

This is an extremely scary time for her and no one can even start to understands unless they have been thru it.

I could go on and on with advice to you and her - from my personal experience, so I will end this by just saying I am doing wonderful now!  I really feel normal - like I had just been thru therapy over the summer.  I am back to work and feel fine.  Diagnosed Jan 10, '08 -- lumpectomy in Feb --chemo started in Feb and ended in June--started radiation in July and ended in August.  It is now October and I consider myself CANCER FREE!!!!   May God Bless You and your CHILD - for he will bring her thru this. 

Laura,

I am impressed that you are on this site only because my mom refuses to turn on a computer:)

 I am happy for your daughter that her prognosis is so good. Of the different treatments, I would take either over chemo. It is wonderful that you live near her and that you are so supportive for her. She is going to need that while she is going through this.  Best wishes to you and your family.

I am sorry to hear about your daughter.  I know what has helped me the most is that my mom has just been there for me and for making me laugh.  I can never imagine what you are going through. 

Here is what my mom wrote to another mother with a daughter with BC.

 "I know exactly what you are going through.  My 39 year old daughter was diagnosed with barest cancer in April while stationed in Korea.  it was so hard not being with her while she was going through the testing and not being there when she got the news.  After having the lump and some tissue removed she ended up in Hawaii.  My husband and I met her there the 14th of April.  She had additional surgery but because of some problems (with her original oncologist) she and I were transferred to Travis AFB (my husband went home for a months and shipped her car to us).  He as wace again joined us in CA.

The most important thing you can do is for you to be OK, that is the only way you can really help her.  She has to know that you are OK, she has to much on her plate to worry about how you are doing.  This first step did not come easy for me.

I made a practice of getting up before everyone, take my coffee and Bible and sit on the front porch.  The beauty of the lush trees, flowers and the ocean gave me the peace and quite I so desperately needed.  The trouble reality always reared its ugly head.  One morning I flipped open the Bible and came to:

Isaiah 12:2 and 3.  God is my Savior, I will trust Him and not be afraid.  The Lord gives me power and strength,  He is my Savior.  As fresh water brings joy to the thirsty, so God's people rejoice when He saves them.

I wrote this on a card and took it everywhere with me.  When those terrible thoughts entered my mind I would pull out the card and read those tow passages until calm and peace once again cane upon me.  This is the kind of peace that only God can give.

I am now in the position to be able to be there for her.  Laughter is so important, I make a practice to kiss her bald head everyday (she would not let me or my husband shave our heads).

Our daughter has just finished chemo and will start radiation in four weeks.  Since coming to CA we realized that having a doctor who is not to busy to take the time to listen, and is upbeat is so very important.  After her first treatment I took her back to the clinic 4 times just to make sure everything was still OK.  She took it all in stride and never once made me feel like I was going out of my mind but that I was doing a good job watching her.  If you daughter is not comfortable with her oncologist urger her to find another one.

Ursula"

I hope this helps.  Since the 14th of April, my mom has gone to every appointment...she says she will not leave until I am totally done with my treatments.  If you ever want to talk to my mom just let me know.......They live in Fort Walton Beach FL.

Hello!! I was diagnosed with breast cancer last Aug.21,2007. I was 30 years old. It didn't run in my family,as well. You are indeed right,it was a HUGE shock to us all BUT I am like your daughter..I have strong faith,am surrounded by sooooo much love from my husband,family,and friends,and after the initial shock was over I had an amazing attitude about everything! I can tell you right now that you will be in awe at the blessings that will be poured over your daughter and family! I never really realized how much I was loved until my diagnosis!! I had my lumpectomy first and it was caught early and hadn't spread to any of my nodes. After that I had my port placement. I started my chemo the first week of October last year. I had 8 rounds of that...the first 4 were Ellence,Cytoxin,and 5FU and the last 4 were Taxitere. I lost my hair and all that not so fun stuff. Chemo is pretty harsh BUT once you get through that radiation is a breeeeeeze!! I had 35 rounds of radiation. Zapped everyday for 6 weeks. I finished my radiation June 9,08.I have to take the Tamoxifen(chemo pill)for 5 years b/c my cancer was hormone positive,which has put me into early menopause at 31 years old...uugghh! My husband and I don't have any human kids yet..just our precious dog and cat...so we just leave it to the good Lord to do whatever is best after I am finished with all my Tamoxifen. Since everything,I have got to make 2 speeches,one was at a fundraiser and the other was at the Relay for Life,which I got to walk as a SURVIVOR!! I have had my story used on several different websites and I have had a chance to do a few more projects. If I can help you,your daughter,her husband,or anyone else please let me know. There is another website you should check out too. It's www.carepages.com I have a page and my page's name is fighting. You can post everyday or whenever you have time and you can keep alllll of your family and friends informed without having to repeat everything over and over again. There is also a couple of pages where you go and request prayer. I have "met" some AMAZING people through those pages that I have grown to love so much!! It's a really really neat place! If you make your daughter a page please stop by mine and let me know so I can keep up with you guys. Until than you all will be in my prayers. God bless and keep your faith strong and God will get you all through this. I promise!! From a breast cancer SURVIVOR!!

Laura....Hope you are well.  How is everything going?  Both my mom and I are thinking about you and your daughter.

I am very glad that I got a port.  This way when she gets chemo or blood work done they don't always have to find a vein in her arm.  Since getting chemo my veins are really bad.

If she has problems with sores in the mouth or a really bad taste (I called it the hairy tongue) tell her to try Biotene mouthwash.

kim and ursula

p.s. PLEASE don't forget to take care of your self!!!!!!

Hi Laura,

I was just reading through some threads and happened upon this one-  first let me send your daughter, you and your entire famil my love and support. 

I then noticed you are in Tampa and you mentioned Clearwater as well. I live on Indian Rocks Beach.

I was DX in 06 (46 years old), have had a coures of treatments, and just underwent bilat mastectomy on 10/17. 

You sound as those you all are doing quite well thus far through this journey, I am very close to you both,  if you need anything, to talk, just anything - PLEASE do not hesitate to contact me - PM me at anytime . 

Hugs - and Love  - Cathi