MOJO Without Matrimony!
Comments
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Hi Lori-thats a pretty sexy guy you got it goin on with there!!!!!
Ive been reading here but not posting, sorry....
Work has about trippled for me so have been really tired...my boss has been dx'd with prostrate cancer and during the pre-tx scans they found something in his femur up near the hip that turned out to be a cystic growth but does need to be operated on so the poor guy has been like the walking dead and EXTREMELY mindless(of course we all know those feelings and thoughts!!!) so in turn, my plate at work has been beyond full...I would even go as far to say as its OVER LOADED as this is a busy time of year for us anyway....
And yes, the BE BAD home front has taken up the rest of my time......although once we get things settled in I think that will calm some.....David became a permanent resident in my home Monday night
......so now Jule can BE BAD, REALLY BAD whenever her little heart desires 
!!!!!!!!! And Im sure I dont have to say but: YES SHE'S BEEN BEIN A BAD, BAD GIRL
...Victoria-I had a stitch scare like that too and am thrilled that you joined that particular club with me....I felt really retarded about the whole thing once the pathology came back that it was stitch material but damn it scared the hell out of me!!!!!!!!
Pepper-hows it going? Its starting to sprinkle here so Im sure it has already rained there....How did the walk go in Sept??? I keep meaning to try to get together with you for details to see if I could make it but just never seemed to have the time...
Main-wow a famous lady in our midst!!!!!! You will be wonderful...when do you start or have you already?
Well, I gotta finish up here at work but wanted to check in on you ladies to see how things are going for everyone....
Visit with you all again very soon!!!!
BE BAD GIRLS!!!!
Jule
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Victoria, a couple of days at a spa sounds fabulous -- I hope you can find a way to swing it. My bday is tomorrow -- not a milestone year (42) but I feel like I need to do something to celebrate the end of this hellish year and the start of a new one -- with HAIR on my head and a new breast to be reconstructed in the spring! Today I'm going apple picking with my son and lots of friends (moms and kids). Last night was my grown-up celebration
-- I got a sitter and dbf took me out to a really nice restaurant, and then came over after my son went to bed.... I've resigned myself to enjoying this relationship for what it is. We're not spending tons of time or talking about a future together, but we are good friends and when we get time alone, the chemistry is definitely still there. (BTW I keep the bra on -- I don't think he's ready to see my mast scar, oh well.) And I've come to accept that he really does have sleep issues, so I don't push for spending the whole night together anymore -- I miss waking up together but I don't take it personally. He isn't terribly adventurous in bed but that's ok too -- simple can be satisfying. Marin, how are things with you and your guy? Lori, how about you? Jule, congrats on the big move! Updates anyone???
Lauren
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Hey chicas! Sounds like everyone is doing quite well, taking care of yourselves and making decisions that are truly satisfying and soul-nourishing! And as for our MOJO, it sounds like everyone is doing a little something to keep the good times a-rollin'! Jule, I think that you may be the most industrious in that area and I say ROCK ON, GIRL! I'm so happy for you to have found a great guy who can give you everything you need. I hope that your happiness just grows & grows every day! AND I hope that your MOJO together continues to be as BAD as possible!!!
As for my relationship with P., I can't even tell you how amazing it is! Our connection is so magical and our sex is beyond anything I could ever have imagined! We're like two horny teenagers and find ourselves doin' the deed at every opportunity and even when it's not at all opportune. But it's more than that. He's an astoundingly kind man, smart and articulate, with a huge, active imagination, tons of energy and an inexhaustible amount of curiousity and adventureous spirit! But back to the sex....I couldn't even begin to relate details because there are too, too many. We have concluded that neither of us has EVER had so much sex, not even at any point in either of our marriages. Its funny because I never believed in the whole chemistry thing. I mean, I've always been aware that men and women experience various levels of attraction for one another and some attractions are quite strong. But lemme tell ya, this is BEYOND "attraction"! I mean I wake up in the middle of the night or just am reminded of him sometime during the day and I literally ache with needing him. And when we're together, we can't stop touching and kissing and....well, you get the idea.
So, my chicas, all is so very well in my world right now. And I'm so hoping that each and every one of us finds some amazing MOJO asap! Let's keep up the good work, my friends. Staying informed, exploring our own sexuality, desires and preferences, and working on our self-images by nurturing our bodies and treating them well...these are all key to finding the good MOJO. Am I right or what?
~Marin
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And I would like to add my advocacy for a particular variation on the missionary position. Maybe everyone is doing it this way and I'm naive enough not to know it, but it was new to me and I had an amazing orgasm with it (and prior to P., I had NEVER had an orgasm intercourse unless it was doggie and there was manual stimulation as well). So here it is, not particularly acrobatic or even creative:
You (female) lie on your back and bring your knees up to your chest (all the way, y'all!). Now open your knees, but keep them up there and have your man get right on in there. This position puts your va-JJ flipped up to the sky/ceiling and when you both start moving, his pubic bone starts rhythmically rubbing you right where you most need it, on the clitoris. Seriously! Ya gotta try it 'cause I'm totally not making this up!
And please report your findings back here, okay? Have fun, chicas, and HAPPY MOJO-ING!!!
~Marin
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Hi y'all!
Marin - you've got a remarkable bit of mojo with that guy! Nothing like feeling like a horny teenager again! BTW - yes, I have indeed experienced your newly-discovered position - 20 yrs of yoga makes for a very flexible spine (and other parts!).
Lori - Bass players make me hot! I think I had my first one at 16
Glad to hear you are gettin' some. Thanks for asking about me - I've been having the occasional booty-call with Mr. Handsomeness (and my junior by more than 10 yrs).and that suits me fine. I've been working again and he is out of the country now and then, so it makes for reunions that are pretty smokin'!Lauren - Cool that you got some 'grown-up' celebration for your birthday. Since the chemistry is still there and you are satisfied, it's all good!
Jul - I have so enjoyed your love story as it has played out over the last few months. So romantic!
Lisa
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Oh my goondess!! Where is everyone? Hopefully just off being very very bad.
I've missed you girls, but my puter died a sudden death over a month ago! It took awhile but I got a brand new and I'm thrilled! It was a horrrrrrible looooong month, and I missed ya'll.
Everything's really good with me, having lots of fun, and surprised how clean my house was when I couldn't get online. lol
In the mojo dept...things are back to normal since he's back to work, just like he predicted. As far as the "other problem" I always used to whine about...the bf and I had a big blow-out regarding his drinking habits a couple of months ago, and I haven't seen him drunk since.
Not abstaining, but being "responsible". I'm very proud, and hope it lasts. Marin, hope you have some amazing birthday MOJO!
How's everyone else?
Hugs
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Marin! I can't wait to try that position from your last post. I've never had an "O" during except for the way you stated (doggie-style with manual stimulation) and a few times WOT using that position I posted from Cosmo. A variety of ways would be nice.
C'mooooon Saturday! lol
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Lori!!!! I've been wondering where you've been! We're all still here, but have been posting mostly on the "Roll Call" thread. I'm glad that you posted here and mentioned that position because I actually forgot about it. Believe it or not, I've been having orgasms that I didn't know were possible through oral. I don't know where P. gets his creativity, but he comes up with a bajillion things to do down there! Unbelievable, really!
So glad to have you back, girl, and glad to hear that the man is behaving himself!
~Marin
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just checking in with us chicas
wishing everyone a wonderful thanksgiving day and of course lots of great sex and O's in the later part of the celebration
lots of love
julia
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OK, Lorena asked about that sex position we were discussing a few months ago. I was pretty sure that it was Lori/MissLolli who first described it and, of course, several of us tested its efficacy, giving it a good number of stars
. Well, I can't find the original post, but just to be sure, I tested what I thought it was once again and gotta say that it is, indeed a winner! So, my chicas, back by popular demand.....The Butterfly:WOT (woman-on-top) and lying flat atop your partner. After achieving penetration, bend your kness out wide like a frog (or butterfly) and place the top of each foot above his knees. This stabilizes you and allows you to control the angle. Then have at it! It's really quite effective for some clitoral stimulation if you get your pelvis tilted right. Sweeeeeeet!
HAPPY MOJO-ING EVERYONE!!!!
~Marin
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Hey, thanks for testing it out for me, Marin!
I got lucky twice in the past week -- but it may be a while before we get together again (back to work, travel, schedules with kids, etc.). When the time comes I will definitely try it out.I posted something over on the "moving beyond cancer" board about alternatives to condoms but no one has responded. My cancer was ER/PR+ so I can't use any form of hormonal birth control. Has anyone here on this singles board tried the non-hormonal IUD? My oncologist and gyn both say that it's fine to get the IUD but I think I may have read something different on here. Any thoughts or experiences would be appreciated. Condoms are so icky....
Lauren
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Lauren...I see that no one has responded yet. I never had to worry about pregnancy (menopause at age 17!), but only STDs and, so, used condoms when I was having multiple partners. They have some pretty good ones, but once you're used to going without, they suck, for sure. As for the IUD, it's supposed to be effective enough, but you need to make sure it stays in place. I have a friend who recently became pregnant even though she had one. Apparently, it had slipped out of place and been rendered ineffective. Have you thought about a diaphram with the jelly? I know it's yucky and not as reliable, but at least you can always locate it!
Or you can always attend one of the Catholic Church's classes on the rhythm method...I read in my church bulletin that it's 99% effective....huh?! Um, maybe they're talking abstinence 3 out of every 4 weeks? Oy.
~Marin
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diaphragm
i used that and the pill and so forth for years and years.....it was easy to use .....
ditto on the condoms...you can order all kinds on line..
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Here it is, my chicas...NOSURRENDER's article on MOJO for MAMM magazine! She's done a fabulous job on it! May we all benefit!
THANKS, NOSURRENDER!!!
~Marin
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Wow, what a wonderful article...
Thank you for posting it Marin!!!!!
Havent seen this thread in awhile...
How are things with you and your guy???
My guy and I are still going strong and planning for the future and are extremely happy.....
How about the rest of you ladies???????? Miss talking with you all....
Hugs
Jule
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Great article, very honest and positive, thanks for posting it, Marin!
Jule, thanks for the update -- I'm so happy to hear that you guys are still together and planning to stay that way.
Marin and others, updates please?!?!
As for me, well, I'm still dating the same guy, and I still refer to him as my sort-of boyfriend. We see each other most weekends, usually with some combination of our kids, and talk on the phone during the week. We don't spend tons of time together or use the "L word" anymore, but as I've said before, at this point I'd rather have him in my life than not. Chemistry is still there, although we rarely spend a whole night together (mostly due to his sleep issues). And he still hasn't seen me with my shirt off -- I don't think he is ready for my mast scar. Maybe he never will be.... I am going to have reconstruction at the end of March (unilateral DIEP) and after I recover from surgery, it may be time to reevaluate what I'm getting out of this relationship.
Even if I didn't have the emotional attachment to this guy, I don't think I'd be ready to start looking for someone else. I just don't feel very attractive these days, with my short crazy curly 'do (have I mentioned that I resemble Buddy the Elf, or maybe Harpo Marx?), too-chubby body, and the uniboob. I'm trying to get myself back in shape, the hair keeps growing, and maybe after surgery I'll feel better about my appearance. It's interesting, I've never thought of myself as vain but I guess I always felt ok about the way I looked -- I feel sort of matronly these days and I do not like it!
Thanks for "listening" -- now how about some GOOD mojo stories from you fabulous single ladies!
Lauren
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No b/f for me but I did meet a Scotsman in Spain and had a wonderful time!
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Hi Lauren
Sorry to hear you are feeling low about yourself.....my thoughts on that are: STOP THAT!!!!!! YOU ARE A WONDERFULY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND HAVING NOTHING TO FEEL MATRONLY ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (but I do understand what your saying)...
Jaybird-a Scotsman huh?????
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Aw, thanks, Jule! I know that what is inside is what is important, and I'm still the same person inside, it's just that I still don't recognize myself in the mirror sometimes. Especially at the gym: I take aerobics classes and prefer to find a spot where I can see the instructor but not my own reflection.
Who is this pear-shaped middle-aged woman with my face???? -
Okay, chicas. I posted this over on the MOJO thread on "Moving Beyond," but thought we all could use it here as well. It's the link to an article listing women's top ten fantasies. Of course, I sent it to my man, along with a ranking, comments and additions. Several of them had already become favorites, but some gave a new perspective and held exciting possibilities! I hope that you all can find some good use for them, whether with a partner...or otherwise!
http://www.healthyplace.com/sex/psychology-of-sex/womens-top-ten-sexual-fantasies/menu-id-66/
HAPPY MOJO-ING, GIRLS!!!
~Marin
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Maybe I'm weird but I don't fantasize. I did when I was young and inexperienced but now that I'm old and have done everything I've ever wanted to do I just 'recall' good times I've had with someone if alone. If I do watch porn (which seems to be my best 'alone' stimulator) I just imagine I'm with that person. Is that a fantasy? Really not into elaborate fantasies. Don't like playing 'dress up' either. Gawd - I sound so boring!!!
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FitChik thanks for starting this discussion thread. I love your attitude. It is truly inspiring. I'm approaching my one year dx anniversary and more importantly my one year in remission. I am moving on from my boyfriend who has been a real selfish jerk during this past year. I'm looking to re-ignite my MOJO. Woo hoo!
Thanks to all of you for sharing so much! You all are great and give me hope on this new journey with my new foobs and my new attitude! Life is great!
Hugs to all,
Amy -
Hi Amy
Welcome!!!!!
I havent posted here much lately because I found my guy!!!!! We have been together just over 9 months now and things are just as good now as they were in the beginning.
All though in honesty the sex has cooled off some
..but its definately me an not him....I find that mostly Im too tired or just have no desire....Unfortunately I think middle age, breast cancer, and hyesterctomy all hit me at once time..I would happily take suggestions on how to change some of this stuff??????
I do have a dr appt tomorrow so will be approaching her about it as well..I investigated the meds I take and they say they can be a depressant to sex drive.....
Hope all you ladies are busy mojo-ing!!!! Check in and let us know how things are going!!!
Jule
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Yes, Amy, welcome! I'm so glad that you feel inspired coming here because support and inspiration is exactly what this Singles forum is all about!
I hear ya on moving on from the men we were with BC (before cancer). I guess that many of us had thought that life was about settling for what came our ways and not about seeking joy. Well, facing the possibility of mortality can really cause a huge 180, huh? I too had been in a relationship where the communication was dull, the sex was dull...hell, the MAN was dull! I was comforted by just having any man at all while I was going through treatment, but when I was done, what he lacked and couldn't give me was so starkly real and I knew that I didn't want to waste any more of my time. So I too moved on and am so very glad that I did. I made a lot of new girlfriends and had time to nurture old relationships too. Then I began the online dating thing again and had the attitude that I was gonna have fun, get laid, and hope to meet someone who was worthy of me. Of course, you can guess that I did and at the end of this month, we'll have been together a year. I've never been happier with a man as I am with this amazing guy. The sex is completely phenomenal, but its so much more than that. I guess I can explain it best by quoting an Ingrid Michaelson song that reminds me of him.....he "takes me just the way I am." How freakin' refreshing is THAT????!!
So I say to every strong, amazing woman here....don't settle! Hold out to what you deserve and treat yourself like the goddess that you are in the maetime!
~Marin
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Jule...I am so happy to hear that you and D. are still going strong and so in love! Isn't it wonderful?! As for the mojo, maybe you should get more adventurous? Isn't it possible that it's not just hormones, but the "natural" regularity that inevitably begins to settle in in any close relationship. In a way, it's very nice and comforting and indicates trust and an ease that you have with one another. But you can have that ease and still make efforts to kick up some dust, ya know? I think that you'll find it very gratifying to feel a few twinges of wildness again, don't you? So maybe you need some dress-up, or a few naughty films, or some toys, or just a few new positions to try?
~Marin
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Yes Marin, I think you might be right!!!!
Im glad to hear that things have worked so well with you and P....I think we are a couple of very lucky ladies!!!
Jule
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Hey there! I just wanted to check in and say hi since there hasn't been much activity on the Single Women board for a while.
No mojo for me lately -- I had a unilateral DIEP reconstruction on March 30th and recovery takes a while. I'm happy to report that the surgery was a big success -- it was very cool to wake up and see a breast where there wasn't one before. Yesterday I went bra shopping and it was really fun. I was supposed to be a C cup (according to my ps) but I'm actually a 34D - which is great compared to my DDD pre-mastectomy (had a reduction on the "good" side). I am thrilled with my medium-sized boobs and almost-flat tummy. Now that I am feeling better I am looking forward to exercising to get my bottom half in shape to match with the top!
Kinda-sorta boyfriend is still hanging in there (sometimes by a thread, LOL). Last night there was some smooching after his kids went to bed but he is still nervous about anything more since I'm not totally healed. That's ok with me, I can wait a few weeks, it's just nice to get some affection from someone who I still care about, dammit, despite the fact that he is preoccupied and distant when his work gets busy, and really is only there for his girls.
How are you ladies doing these days??? Updates on love life or anything else? Happy Mother's Day to all moms, grandmas, aunties, stepmoms, godmothers - -anyone who is important in the life of a child.
Lauren
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I had been casually seeing a guy before cancer, continued when chemo started, but when I told him about shaving my head he kept harping on it, asking me how it made me feel and getting annoyed when i told him I didn't want to talk about it (this was on the phone). then he asked if I had "trepidation" about seeing him again since I had no hair and I said no but obviously you do and put an end to it. Never any real emotional attachment to begin with, just a really hot, materialistic and clearly shallow guy. I still have 4 chemo txs to go, then surgery this summer so I'll wait till this is all over before i go seriously manhunting again, but I wanted to share my story of insensitivity though. I love your stories, gives me hope!
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Hi ladies
Lauren, yes it has been quiet here..I think some of it is due to several of us finding our significant others...
Im living with the guy I met when I was on this thread and we plan to marry in about a year or so...he has some bills to get paid from his divorce before I feel comfortable marrying or we would have already done it.
I wish he had been in my life through my cancer journey but I think doing it alone made me grow tremendously as a person myself so all turned out well...I do know that beyond a doubt my would/will support me in anything that may happen in the future....he had already gone to one 6 month followup with me and plans to attend the next one the end of this month...as time goes by he comes up with questions that I really cant answer and my onco is always more than willing to explain things to him.
I obviously found the love of my life after having breast cancer and so will you ladies...
I know Im not single anymore, but I like to stop by here once in awhile to encourage everyone and to show that it can and DOES happen.....there are still good guys out there waiting for us.
Jule
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Hi women,
I'm on my third bout with BC and to have bilat mast with reconstruction in two weeks. I went to work today, came home real tired and went to take a nap. As soon as I closed my eyes to rest, they popped open again as my "negative thinking voice" went through my head: "This is it, Geena. You don't have anyone (a partner) now, and with this happening you'll NEVER find one. You wasted all those years not wanting to commit, pursuing this goal and that, and now that you are wanting/ready/have the time to dive in, no one is going to want you." Cue the violins.... I am, luckily, well versed in my negative voice and try to respond with a "thanks for your opinion" and go on my merry way. But there was something so PIERCING about this thought today - something startling. I came online to read this thread on singles with BC and I feel more positive. The bottom line is that yes, perhaps finding a decent guy will be a bit more of a challenge (it already is a challenge at 46 and not wanting to "settle" just to be with someone), but perhaps my BC situation and the physical manifestation of this (no nipples for instance), will actually work as a great "man screening" device. I know on a conscious level that I want to find a partner who sees beyond the physical, who can cherish me in all of my beautiful imperfections -- and perhaps this will speed that process along! Somehow I find this comforting. Thank you for the hit of spirit and MOJO. I needed it!!!!
Peace, Geena in Providence
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