School decisions - would love an opinion

At 12, I can see explaining to the kids, b/c kids talk at that age and can read into things that aren't there.

At 5-7?  No way! Don't they have enough to fear, with 'good touch/bad touch', nuclear age stuff, not talking to strangers, and all those things WE never had to hear about at that age!  Geepers!  When do kids just get to be kids!

I would agree, that at junior high level, with a teacher involved it's one thing.  At grade school level, completely different.  Especially since some parents (like yourselves) believe the children need to be children and not worrying about whether their parent will die for goodness sakes!

Just my humble opinion, but I think we already expect and try to get kids to grow up way too fast.  They need to be kids first, adults later....

CANCER SUCKS!

I work at a middle school and for that age-group I think a discussion about cancer in a health class setting is very appropriate. But for children in Grades 1 - 3 or lower, I think it can be scary - but it depends on how it's presented. I would have asked to be shown the presentation that was being shown to the kids - THEN I would have decided whether or not it would be negative for my child. You have the right to ask the counselor for this information before they presented it to your children......it's a matter of reaching the "top" administrator in your school - sometimes you have to even go over the head of the principal - sometimes you have to reach the Superintendent to make your case heard. I'm happy your children weren't affected in a negative way........I believe parents know best how and when to prepare their children for health problems in the family and you did NOT over-react at all!

I realize this is a tough call. My son was in 3rd grade when I was diagnosed. I had been quite active/present in his school since kindergarten (i.e., a lot of the kids knew me.) He felt he wanted to tell the kids in his class what was happening, and the teacher (whom I was friendly with) let him stand up and tell the class. They then made cards for me - one was a huge card that they all signed. The teacher took a picture of them all holding the card, and put it on the front of the card. I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you how much I cherish those cards. And how I looked at them again and again as I went through chemo. But I digress... I did wonder how the other parents felt about the teacher doing that. Cancer is a scary thing, and I'm quite sure some of them went home and said, "xx's mom has breast cancer and she is going to die" or something to that effecct.

About a year after my dx, my son and I were asked to speak at a middle school/high school about living with a cancer diagnosis. This school had a huge team that walks in the Making Strides Walk. We did 8 back-to-back assemblies in the school gym. In the first 2, I talked about being dx, being scared when I found out I was Stage II and needed chemo, etc. In the 3rd assembly, a middle school boy raised his hand, and very tremulously asked, "is Stage 3 really bad?" Well, I just about died right on the spot. What an idiot I was, how could I not think of that fact that children sitting in front of me had to have people in their life with breast cancer. I think I did OK when I recovered. I likened it to having just the sniffles (stage 1) but still being able to go to school, vs. having to stay home and have chicken soup, vs. having to go to the doctor and get medicine. All the same thing, all a cold, but just different treatment based on how bad the cold was. To this day I hope that was enough, and that that little boy felt OK after sitting through the assembly. Again, I digress (it's a pattern with me! ) I did much better for the remaining 5, made no mention of stages, but again I thought, if my child was at that school, I would probably not be very happy with them trotting out a cancer survivor and her son to scare the crap out my kid.

I'm also the mom that found out my child was being used to "help" another child deal with his uncle dying of cancer since my son had "experience" with cancer. I was livid about it at the time, and thinking about it has made my blood boil again.

I guess my conclusion is that the school system needs to tread very carefully. Having someone talk about their cancer may unintentionally impact a child who is dealing with cancer in his or her family. That's a tough call. But what isn't a tough call is this - intervening with the child of a cancer patient or survivor, and talking specifically about the parent's cancer with the child without the parent's knowledge/permission is completely and totally unacceptable.

OfP: Whatever.  Teachers are not allowed to discuss a child's illness without permission...the school nurses cannot discuss a child's medication with other students or necessary staff. At least not in my part of the world. (we have full-time nurses on staff at all the schools in the district).

 I do not think any teacher/school staff member has the right to discuss medical conditions with any child, teacher, whatever without explicit permission from the parents concerned. 

Again - when it comes to something serious - like cancer - it is best for school staff to tread very, very lightly. First, if it is a staff member, the school should send home/contact parents prior to ANY discussions or presentations to make certain that there isn't something that could be brought to the surface.  If it is a child OR the child's parent/sibling/family member, they should seek permission from the parents before engaging in conversation about the illness AND set guidelines for any future discussions and how it should be handled. 

Let me tell you, I have known some incredibly insensitive counselors in my day, and I wouldnt' trust them to properly address a cold, let alone cancer.

A schoolmate of my younger daughter has some severe emotional issues which tend to manifest themselves in loud, angry outbursts, throwing things, lashing out.  When they were in 4th grade the child's mother gave permission to discuss with the children what they were to do if the boy became physically violent. Nothing was said about his particular disability/illness, and to this day I don'tknow the specifics. What I do know is that it was handled with delicacy, sensitivity, and the least amount of privacy invasion.

I think Anna's idea is much better.

Some kids will have Grandparent who've been ill, others might have a parent or sib with a problem. You just don't know where the child you're giving the information to has been.  Sensitive children, even with a perfectly healthy family could freak, while other children would be rolling their eyes and telling you about their Grandpa's port and how he looked without hair. 

The schools get very wound up about these kinds of things.  I mean, do they announce when someone is getting a divorce? Where do you draw the line?