Starting Chemo May 2008

As for hair.. I'll tell ya part of me thinks that being bald was more fun than having this marine haircut.

I still get stared at, but it is a different stare than before. I really want a shirt that says, "I look this way from chemo, what's your excuse?"

I don't have much to say tonight. Woke up with a allergy headache after a pretty fun night out. Spent the day moving pretty slowly-we got home and fell asleep immediately...

A night out with no booze and no sex and we both woke up with terrible headaches?....How is that fair? 

  Kerry put some pics up on Facebook! I finally know what she looks like bald! 

Tonight I have to do my passport apps for our trip next week, and I realised I have absolutely no clue where my custody aggreement is. Crap! 

 I am off to tear the house apart. 

Thinking of all you! Even the silent ones!  

 xoN

Jen - NOSEHAIRS!  I still paint on the eyebrows, have given up on the lashes.  I try to apply mascara to the 7 remaining eyelashes - not a good look. 

Kristy - Thanks for the notes on metabolizing Tamoxifen.  I am VERY + on both and will be asking my onc about that. 

Sherri - I will be doing hormone therapy after radiation.  Sequence for me was mast, chemo, rads, hormone therapy for 5 years.

Randie - Congrats on the good news following chemo.  Surgery will go well on Friday, I found it much, much, much easier than chemo.  I was initially nervous about the drains, but it was really not a big deal.  I was thankful that I had bought a couple of zip up sweatshirts, making getting in and out of clothing easier.  The BC boutique sold camis for the drains, I just pinned mine to a shirt under my sweatshirt - "fanny" pack is a great idea.   My doctor told me to wait 7 days to exercise my arm, wish I had the advice of Kristy's doctor and worked it immediately. 

I ran the 5k this morning with a group of friends.  It is a small race (2nd year) called Women Run the Cities - love the name.  We ran as a pack and I gave everything I could to keep up.  It felt good (and scary) to push my body beyond boundaries I have not tested in six months.  I ran the 5k in 24:00 minutes even, thanks to the help of my friends.  I was tired as could be and my heart rate monitor was "talkative", but that was the closest that I have felt to "normal" in a long time.   By the way - hot flash early in the race - made for a "hats off" affair.  Yep, I ran bald for the entire time and the race was an out and back.  Linda - wish we did live closer so we could run together, (well run, then stop to catch our breath, then run again, etc.).   

Chemoooooo and goodnight to all!

Jean

Wow, I've missed out on so much stuff.  Sad stuff (Rock, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend); scary stuff (Kerry--WTF?  Not stage IV.  No way.); funny stuff.

NOSEHAIRS!  Actually, I'm getting used to sketching eyebrows.  Mine are mostly back but are fuzzy-looking, and each hair is half white and half dark.  They stick out every which way.  Sad but true--I've had to pluck some of 'em just to discourage them from growing backwards or straight up.  I did give up on the eyelashes--I just couldn't fake 'em so I pretended I didn't have any.  Which was true.  Now they're coming back like crazy, but they are very short.  They, too, are growing every which way and are in 2 or 3 rows.  Time will tell.

Randie, it sounds really weird to say this:  For me, losing a boob was easier to handle than chemo.  I was in less discomfort and I recovered more quickly--plus, I didn't have to repeat the event every 3 weeks!  Do read the tips in the surgery forum, though.  I slept in my wonderful recliner for about a week,  mostly because I didn't have to worry about rolling over onto my drains; and I think maybe I had less post-op swelling because I was partly upright.  Losing two boobs might be one-boob-squared, though, instead of one-boob-doubled.

Rock, I feel honored to know someone as artsy as you are.  Nobody else can match the creativity you've shown with your series of avatars.  (I'm not sure I saw the one before this current "dark" stage.)  I hope you're keeping them all.  It might make a nice photo essay, to put them together in sequence.

Noelle, I want the T-shirt:  "I had chemo.  What's your excuse?"  I have a crew cut and it's mouse-colored.  My dh said today that he was going to get a flat-top.  I said, "NOOOOOO!"  But, later when I told him I was thinking about not wearing a cap anymore, he again threatened the flat-top.  He said I can go around with a crew cut if he can get a flat-top.   NOOOOOO!  (It might have hurt my position when I told him people would take one look at me with my crew cut and assume he was gay.)

OK.  I call this one, "Boating While Bald":

And this one is, "Sunset on Paint Rock Creek":

Hugs to all...

otter 

Well Lordy Lordy! There is Miss Otter! As long as I have known you on here your avatar has been the otter and I never knew what you looked like! *stands on shore waving madly!*

In 1986 my now best friend (we did not like each other when we first met in a class a few weeks earlier)ended up on a plane ride from college to Newark (shout out if you remember the old "People's Express" airline) I had a very 80's "new wave" style do with shaved sides and hairsprayed crown. She had long curls dyed every colour possible, combat boots, and a leather jacket but was waaay cooler than I was (I thought). She told me that day that I would look really good in a flat top. I have rarely thought of that comment since then (I thought she was nuts). This week I was thinking that since I have many options with my hair at the moment ( and am crazy enough to do them, y'all saw  my mohawk right?) I may get a flat top to honour that special day, when I decided that this person was not so bad after all and as a result she has stayed my friend ever since.  

 Cheers y'all!

 N

Otter, your boat is so beautiful!  My Drew would covert that so much! And what a pretty spot... Girls, I'm not even thinking about the Stage iV (nor the left mastectomy ..which is actually a right one!) It's not possible. The only cancer-stuff I have been thinking is about getting over to Melbourne for a PET scan asap and put the fecker out of its misery.

Today I got further on with my life: I washed my chemo-bedding FOR THE LAST TIME, I bought hideously expensive and hideously wanky (not manky) capri Skins (I swore I NEVER would, but nothing else offered the compression on these sad legs)..and I'm getting on the bike tomorrow to have a little ride. I had a little practice the other day and could not find the brakes. Noelle..when did they put the brakes on the handle-bars...?   I also visited a lady who breeds Manchester Terriers. (I've decided to get one..first dog in 14 years after a lifetime of dogs) only to find out they cost  800 quid!! WTF!!!   BUT! she has some 6 yo bitches she wants to rehome so-o-o-o $800 or free?......$800 or free?  Let me think now... I also bought 3 pairs of 2nd hand french doors for our soon-to-be-built shack  (for a bargain, unlike the bf Man Ters) and now I'm simply exhausted from hoping my house sale settles next week. E-e-e-ek if it doesn't!

AND THEN I came home and washed my youngest step's head-licey bedding. Yep, James has nits. Tres embarrasseeng! 

Ok, while I'm still wired, and before I get really neulastery, I'm going to try to upload some Skins of a different variety. And Noelle! Flat-tops are HOT at my school right now. 

Okay, I changed my avatar in honor of "Competition Month" (haha).  Besides, she has been complaining about the lack of her picture in my avatars.  Now, she can have her own for awhile. 

Did I tell you all that I had my "stimulation" for rads last Friday?  I don't think so.  It went okay except for the neck rest thingy which was not very restful and gave me quite a neck/headache after.  They (onc and assistant) drew all over me with their various Sharpie's and I got 3 tatts.  Rock, even being uncomfortable, I dozed off a couple of times, also.  I have no restrictions on waiting to start, so I am scheduling the first one for about a week after the LAST CHEMO on Thursday (in case anyone missed it before).  Let's get 'er done!

I'm off to bed!

Cristine--Yeah for last chemo!  I have my first Taxotere treatment this Wed.  (It's almost like starting all over again), but since most of you have already finished, I know what to expect, so I guess being the one to bring up the rear has it's advantages! 

Kerry, congrats on your "Freebies"  I love those kinds of bargains!

Noelle--no booze or sex and still got a headache--that is was unfair!

Randie-thinking of you as you get ready for surgery-I love watching Burns & Allen--Gracie is cool!  One of the reasons I have "Gracie" as my screen name!

Rock--love the new avatar!

Have follow-up MUGA scan tomorrow, it they'll do it.  Still having issues with my "good" arm, with the knots popping up.  Today is my last day on antibiotics and I'll be darned if another one didn't pop up yesterday!  The original ones are almost gone, but can still feel them.  DH has banned me from lifting anything, including the baby, because he weighs over 10#.  I am not happy about that.

Hoping that everyone has a great Monday!

NOSEHAIRS!

Speaking of having a cold..... I can't breeb righ now. Went to the garlic festival and went on a hayride. The minute I said "hey hunny look at all the ragweed" My head closed off, and has been closed since. I don't know if it is allergies or a headcold but I'm miserable. And this thursday is my first herceptin....maybe. Not sure if they will postpone it or not if I am sickie, we shall see.

Holy doodle! Otter? then KristyAnn all in 1 day???

 Hey Jen? PM me you email addy again and I will send you my last chemo shot. 

 I have to get these work clothes off and get comfy and clean up a little. I am firing the cleaning ladies this week. They cleaned today( I took them down to every 2 weeks for a change to save some money...) and my kitchen cupboards still have cobwebs all over the baseboards and my white chairs (that I asked them to vacuum behind) are still covered in cat hair....  HOW can you (I mean if you don't have chemobrain/ side effects/ 4 men living in your house etc, and are getting PAID TO CLEAN) vacuum under a chair and not look at the seat of the chair??? White chair (I know, wtf am I thinking owning white chairs!) black cat hair... HALOOOO! 

  I spent the day filling out passport forms and US absentee ballot forms( I am very clear on why it is hard to register to vote in that country) and workers comp forms and my wee brain hurts!! 

Cris, I am taking my DS to Vermont for the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. We are going for 6 days and my BF is meeting us there for 4. I went to college there as I have told a bunch of you b4 and have lots of friends that never left, or have moved back. We have friends who have a newly renovated farmhouse that we can stay at and we have it to ourselves for 3 days of the trip.  Coincidentally, an old friends band is coming from New York to play at the college when we are there too. It will be a homecoming weekend of sorts with lots of old friends to see, good food, and as much sleeping in as I can manage. I only plan to be upright when I am socializing/ eating or driving around looking at the fall colours. 

 Later... 

 p.s anyone hear from the Rock? Her first Rad was today

I will be deleting this for obvious reasons. But -- 

This Little Piggy Went Waah Waah Waah . . .

Last night I had inferno-level hot flashes pretty much all night long--the worst it's ever been. Went to sleep crying about something or other.  Got up and realized I was not in the mood for rads.  Cried the whole morning.  Perked up long enough to go to rads (Pointer Sisters "We Can Can"). Went to rads, walked 3 miles home, cried part of the way home (the Dead's "Uncle John's Band").  Got home, cried for a couple more hours (Coldplay's "Fix You"). Went to work at a cafe and ran into two friends. Came home, again, and cried for what hopefully will be the last time for awhile (Elton John's "Rocket Man" and Coldplay again).

I actually don't have a problem with crying the whole day.  Everything is okay with me. Just some stuff with my friend who is having the double masectomy that makes me so sad. I wish I could have it instead of her, you know?  Just the way things are. 

I do believe that if I wanted to cry for the rest of my life, I would just sit in a chair and listen to "Fix You" over and over (don't bother watching the video; it's the music I like).

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.

Rock~ if I could be there with you, to just hold your hand while you released or just to be a shoulder for you to lean on, I would in a heartbeat.

Kristy~ I am loving the picture!

Otter~FINALLY a face with the inspiring name! :O)

Ladies I am in waiting of your pics to add to the graduating class! And I must apologize to each of you. I feel like I haven't listened enough or been there enough for each of you recently. I think I got too wrapped up in 4 weeks without treatment and was in my own world. You each were never far from my mind.

Went to the grocery store yesterday and was actually having a good day... until.... Hubs pointed out that my propel was on sale. So I turned to get me a few bottles. Right on the front is a HUGE pink ribbon. Can they not let me forget for just one day what has interrupted my life?? I had a little rage and went on with my shopping. Then we get up front and there is a HUGE sign Oct 4th is BC day at my grocery store.... come in for free samples, drinks and pamphlets. Yay let's all celebrate bc with free food and pamphlets!!! wooohooo! Help me curb my enthusiasm.

Chris, I am mentally doing the WHOO HOOOOO dance for you !!!! 

Okay, went in for my pre-op today and it took all freakin day.  Plus, I had a terrrible crying jag afterwards....what is it?  do we all chemo-jag on the same day?????Creepy.....

Very disappointed in  pre-op, if I hadn't read s much on line, I would have learned shit for my 5 FUCKIN HOURS!! Ahhh, that felt good!!  Absolutely no info on post-op, no litle goodie bags with info, nada zipola...WTF???

I found out that he is going to take out the 1st and 2nd group of lymph nodes, I thought he was only taking the very bottom, so there will be a phone call to him in the morning. Then, I show the intern this boil that  have on mystomach and tell her that I had 2 other ones pop out last week and she very casually mentions, oh that is a staph infection...we will need to take precautions b4 and after surgery and then leaves, again WTF?????? She mentions that I should get some soap to shampoo up b4 surgery, but never comes back with it.  I end up walking up to the counter and asking my chemo nurse who t lls me to buy Phisoderm and double lather that morning.

HELP?????????? DO I really want to do this on Friday......randi