Starting Chemo May 2008

Karin - That is the cutest song!  We've been singing it all day, so I'm sure there will be more.  And when you said "Kiss Your Brain", now I know where her teacher got that from!  One of the kids responded to something she said and she told him to give his brain a kiss...so he kissed his palm and put it on top of his head!! 

I love this teacher.  Katie (the older dd) "picked" her when we were looking at Kindergartens/schools (we have an open school district) and she is the perfect Kindergarten teacher.  Kelly (the one she has currently) has known she was going to be in this class with this teacher since she was 2. 

Since I may not be on until late tomorrow, here's an early Chemoooo!  for Gracie on Wednesday.

'night.

Jean and Eddie -- I don't know what to say. I am sorry that the tough experience of bc is being made harder by the other stuff of life, e.g., death and working through relationships. As you know, sometimes I have not been thrilled to be going through this while living on my own. Then again, it does provide me with the space and time to deal with my concerns on my own timetable, without witnesses (no matter how much I love 'em), which has been huge. 

I'm preparing to chair my first board meeting on Thursday and am struggling to pull stuff together. Spent a chunk of yesterday learning to understand and discuss the financial statements.  

I am in generally good spirits but feel like I am sliding further behind in a) housework b) preparing to leave the country c) ordinarily stuff like billpaying -- I have the money, just keep forgetting to make the call to settle the account d) this big report we are trying to finish before the elections e) maintaining contact with friends, sending thank yous.  I'm not sleeping too well and am thinking about getting a "clicker" so that I can keep track of how many hot flashes I'm having a day; I want to return to acupuncture but am curious whether it will make a difference.

I need to get my s**t together. There simply is no other way to say it.  And the bender I found myself on this weekend with various girlfriends did NOT help matters.  It was fun, mind you, but it did not help!

Jean, may you take time to grieve, remember, cherish, laugh, cry and just be. People say it takes a long time to grieve the loss of a parent and I am here to say that you have a long time to do that. Take your time as your mom left the world knowing her daughter was healthy and strong. I have been saying prayers for her at temple as well as on my own and I send them, too, to you and the rest of your family. For those on chemooooooooo this week, we are waiting and ready toward week's end. I walked four and a half miles yesterday plus spent about half an hour wailing in my car (but it got too hot in there). It really makes me realize that there are no safe places to cry by yourself. If you are by yourself and you are outside (in a town or city) walkers ask if you are okay. If you are at home, it scares your family. Showers are okay for quiet cries, but not loud ones. My dh and I will work it out....we really will. Things come to a head sometimes. I am just asking him to take some intiative instead of me. If he wants us to go see a counselor, choose one and I am happy to go. It will help. We worked out some stuff yesterday and will continue to do that. I just hate ultimatums when I am trying to deal with other stuff right now too. It'll be okay. Noelle, I am sorry about the facebook stuff. One thing we all have to get used to with the web is that nothing is really private. It's weird, but our children get it and know it. It's harder for those of us who had a sense of privacy before the internet. Thanks for your thoughts, Linda. It's going to be okay. BTW, Linda, we have a unit on strike right now and I am proud of their resilliance even though it is so difficult. I hope the strike ends by late this week or early next week, but I hope they hang strong for what they want. Jen, I am off to the pm in a minute but not before I let you all know that I have made an appointment next Monday to go through a cancer rehab program. It is through our cancer health care hospital and it is supposed to be good...I meet a therapist twice (physical I think) and a guy named Dr. ZOOKER twice to set up a complete rehab plan so I can start losing the 10 pounds (or maybe more, now, who knows?) I gained as well as keep an eye on me while I am on herceptin so I push hard enough but not so hard that I keel over. I am nervous and exicted PLUS Dottie and I are going on a FOOB date to Nordstrom soon so I can have a less lopsided look by the Jewish high holidays starting at month's end. My feet are killing me but ice is my friend....I feel better today even though yesterday was rough. I think this is par for the course after chemo, eh? Karin, I hope things are smoothing out for you and that one or two of your students' have captured your heart and reminded you why you are such an amazing parapro. In case you don't know it, you are the reason children are successful in school. Your impact so many. Both my boys are on top of homework so far...Noelle, loved the puke story and I have good ones too but I think it would be too much to get us going on those.

Dear May:
I am going to work my ass off for 1.5 hours. I will give you a progress report. You can ignore it. I just need to accomplish something. 

Randie and anybody else who needs an AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH to accompany the CHEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I'm cleaning. And then I'm either going to order a Cobb salad from this local diner or buy myself some flowers or both. smooches!

Rock, right b4 surgery I set all my bills to auto pay using my online banking service. Thank god I did. On Sunday I dug through a 2 foot deep pile of papers and old unopened mail. If it had been winter we would have had no heat if I had not had my bills taken care of. I am opening mail from March now. I just put the winter coats away. 

What a crazy 6-8 months it has been. 

 I want a cobb salad too. 

Eddie, glad things have taken a turn for the easier. Glad you are looking forward to rehab too. 

 I am having an unproductive day at work and hating it. 

 I am going to make time for a workout 2 night - come hell or high water.

 xoN

Jean,

Ruth (my Mom) will welcome Ruby with open arms. My prayers are with you and your family.  Once the rituals are over, you will find yourself needing a good cry.  All I can say is, give yourself the space to have that good cry, it's so healing.  And I'll add my personal experience that even with the "luxury of notice", on some level it still came as a surprise--some small part of me still didn't believe my Mom would really die.  Funny Mom story: Her name was Evelyn Ruth, but she went by Ruth.  I went along with her on one of her doctor visits, and they were all calling her Evelyn.  I waited until we were alone and asked her if she wanted me to tell them to call her Ruth.  She said, "No, because it is Evelyn that is sick.  Ruth is healthy.  I don't want them calling me Ruth."  I just thought that was so great!

I have been negligent on posting and I apologize. I agree with everyone who has said it before: I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of everyone here, and I am so grateful.  I am working full time again, leaving work daily for radiation (it's going well) and I am once again, dog-ass tired by the end of the day.  I am still having bone pain from the chemo, and now deep muscle pain from the rads (actually from the positioning and having to be still)....but I am still walking every morning!  I'm still here!! Just most days don't have the energy to post. 

Rock, try to be patient with yourself (NOT telling you how to feel). You've been through a major trauma. All your brain cells will come back.  Meanwhile, I understand the feeling of just not being able to get stuff done.  I paid some bills twice by accident and had to take money out of savings to live for the next two weeks!  Glad you got some girly-stuff time!  I am having a lunch-spa-antique shopping day with my friend Vicki Saturday, and am really looking forward to it--but I'm hoping for extra stamina that day, because I have trouble keeping up with her on the best of days! By the way, I MISS YOU!

Eddie, I don't know what to say.  What your dh said is so disappointing.  You are NOT impossible, you are going through a horrible, traumatic experience!  You and your husband will be in my prayers... 

Noelle, you sound so good to me.  I read your posts and think, "just a couple more weeks and I'll be feeling better.." (then I go for to a doctor's visit and she says sometimes the bone pain can last three months, and the swelling for six...moan, groan!) Sorry your hands are bothering you. Ice? Frozen peas? CAKE?!?!?  Hope it gets bettter soon.

I have almost perceptible stubble!  I mean, you can almost see it!  Still haven't had to shave my legs, so that's good, I guess.

I am off to bed so I can get up in the morning!  Sable, thanks for doing the pic, I'll PM you for the link. Ms. Karin, glad you are enjoying school.  Linda, hope all is well with you.  Cris, hope your chemo goes well this week.  Anybody I missed, I am sorry.

Love you all,

Sue 

I love our graduation photo. I love it so very much that it is now the "wallpaper" on my home computer.

Sue -- Does wonders for the ol' mood just seeing your name.

P.S. I made a dent in the housework. My head is covered in this . . . stuff about 3/4 inch long. I would trade all of it for some progress on the eyebrow and eyelash front.

Gracie (and Cristine?) - hope chemo goes well today!!

Jen, can you PM me with a link to the group picture?  I still haven't seen it, and I really want to.

Falling behind . . . you can always tell how my life is going my the height of the pile of unopened mail and unread magazines on my diningroom table.  Right now, it's pretty high.  I always thought that was the sign of some unique laziness/avoidance behavior on my part.  WHAT A RELIEF to hear that there are others out there with the same - I won't say "problem" - um, tendency.  I feel as though my energy is good, but it takes me forever to do the littlest things.

Eddie, good luck to your striking local!

I had a back-to-school anxiety dream last night, in which I'd been put in the wrong section of English, couldn't find my classroom or my locker, and was running through the halls long after the bell had rung.  Don't know if this was anxiety on my daughter's behalf, or if school was a dream-world stand-in for something else.

Linda

Hey, Kerry -- glad you found us.  Your post was a reminder that chemo SUCKED and that for me, life after chemo, while not a frolic through the lemon squares, beats the socks off of chemo.

Thank you, too, for introducing the word "fecking" into this thread.  I was getting tired of "frigging" and "f**king" and was contemplating a move to "focking" but I like the sound of fecking.

Congratulations on sewing a hook and eye on a skirt! I am dead serious. That, my dear, is an award-winning achievement!  In fact, I believe I am going to get a little friendly competition going on the "Road to Hell" thread.

IN CONCLUSION, I'm glad you're here.

PS For me, I'm having out the ovaries so will be thinkning about Femara, femora, fomera or whatever the hell it is called. All I know is that I want it to be Latin or Italian for "love drug" and I know it ain't.

Callin' it a TOOT -- inspired, Noelle, inspired!

Some of it is def 3/4" or longer but maybe -- now that I've whipped out the tape measure -- you're right, it's more like a half inch.  The thing is, it is not anything that I would like to call hair.

Rock,

I had my 14th treatment today.  I had to lay still for about 45 minutes during the simulation which really cramped up my shoulder.  The daily treatments only take about 10 minutes which is better.  My center said I could bring my own music if I wanted to or listen to what they have.  They have quite a selection.  They played Tom Petty, Aerosmith, ZZ Top on the first day and now we've gone to country and oldies.  I'm the youngest person (45) that I've seen coming or going which could explain the choices.  It only takes about 2 songs so I don't get to wrapped up in what is playing.  I also have 4 lovely ceiling light covers with pictures on that I can look at.  The one that I can see has a basset hound flying using its ears and wearing a red bandana.  My brother's family has a basset hound so I think of them when I look up.

I'm curious how the face down positioning works.  We'll be anxious to hear the details.  Maybe they have "fun" pictures on the floor.

Julie

Just got home a bit ago from my last chemo celebration dinner with alcoholic drink. It was good food, great company and really really good cheesecake LOL. My drink of choice was a pina colada and man it was good too. After not having alcohol for 8+ years.. it hit me fast and hard. Good case of the giggles.

Welcome Kerry queen of the sewing box!

Helllloooooooooooooooooo ladies! <waves>

I am soooo behind. Just got a new computer on Sunday and have so much yo catch up with. First, Jen, I need the pm to the group shot.

Sue, love the new avatar. I'll catch up shortly.

Had my solo herceptin today, tomorrow I get my markings for rads.

Linda, I love your poem. So creative. 

Love you all,

Mary