Starting Chemo May 2008

Hey!!!  And YAY Eddie and Jen!!!  Why did I so picture you in a boa, Jen?!  Can't wait to see yours, Eddie!

So here's my story...

I did not have treatment today.  Last night I was the b*tch from hell on wheels - depressed, anxious, and mostly, in pain.  Went this afternoon to my infusion and told them about my pain, and especially the burning feet thing.  Everyone said "Neuropathy!"  And they fetched my onc.  He came out and asked me again about my symptoms and then asked (because he did not have my chart in front of him) how many txs with Taxotere I have had.  "One and at a third of the dosage."  Oh.  Thinking, thinking, thinking.  He asks me how many nodes were positive.  "None." More thinking, thinking, thinking.  Then he says "I can't give you any more Taxotere without the neuropathy getting worse."  Bottom line is - the reaction I was having (or so I gathered) was quite unusual for the dose I got and they were worried my neuropathy would become irreversible at some point. 

So no more Taxotere for me!  I am having 2 more rounds of tx with my "old" friends, Carboplatin and Cytoxan.  Most of me is really glad (because I was really hating this), but there is a tiny bit that is concerned about making the right decision (Roxi, I hear you on tough decisions) and forgoing the Tax as it is one of the better txs for triple neg.  Sigh.  I am going to keep telling myself that six rounds of 2 meds is okay and better than a lifetime of neuropathy.  And I still have to do rads.  That was always in my future.  Now my last chemo will be October 2!!  Yee haw!!!!

Women,

I am a complete tech dweeb...I can't load my fabulous photos....all I can say is that I've been trying for an hour . . .even with Jen's help.

So all I can do is send you to photobucket. The good news is you'll see some funny photos. As an explanation, I wanted to do amanzon warrior princess because I thought they cut off one breast. Unfortunately, I was wrong. As a last minute change, I switched to Neanderthal pole dance...look carefully as one is actuall half topless. I would have picked the first one which I title looks like I am naked, but I am not. Sorry to do this this way, but it is after my bedtime. Thanks for the swim. Neulasta shot tomorrow. Long and interesting day. Will fill you in tomorrow I promise. Congrats to all and thinking of all of you. Cris, wild day for you. Glad last chemo is 10/2,.  Things happen for a reason. Have faith and believe in fate as well as your onc. Okay, here is the website. Hope this works. If not, Jen, I give you full permission to post and btw, I LOVED your pole dance photo. It rocks.  

http://s395.photobucket.com/albums/pp33/ewesterman/?special_track=nav_album_album 

Eddie - You are so right.  They are FABULOUS photos!!!!  Oh, I hope everyone gets to see those! 

How am I going to follow the two you hotshots?!?!  It will be close to Halloweeen...hmmm...

The one sucky part is that I will be going in for #5 next Thursday, which is 2 days before my little dd's 5th birthday.  We have been planning this for several weeks and she is so excited.  I hope I can find enough energy to get through it.  My choices were not good - it was either that weekend or the one I have planned to go see the gymnastics team with big dd.  So when I got to the car, I called the mom of her best friend and said "Help - I'm having chemo and I won't be able to get up!"  She was great, so I think it will work out.  And I have dh and grandma, too.

Oh, my . . . a neanderthal in sexy heels!  I love it!!  I think my favorite is the one labeled "awkward," where you're giving the camera a smoldering look while stroking the leopard skin seductively.  Yow!

Cris, I think it's good your oncologist is taking your side effects seriously (though I know that any change of plans is hard to deal with, because all of our coping gets focused on one set of expectations, and we get thrown for a loop when we're forced to work with a different one).  And just two more treatments!!

Linda

Eddie - You look FABULOUS!!! Love, Love, Love your photos!  Congrats on being done with CHEMOOOOOO!

Eddie~ I will work on getting your pics posted in a bit... I'm out the door for my last nuelasta shot right now wooohooo!

Rock~ I have your pole dancing pics... do you want me to use a different one?

Karin~ hang in there babe, we are with you!

More in a bit... I have to run and whine over a needle.

Eddie, you're nekkid in those pics!!!  Fabulous photos.  Maybe I can sneak back into my chemo ward with a camera, and have my dh take a quick shot of me holding a pole.... Nah.  Don't want to go back to that place if I don't have to.

Cris, that's tough about having to skip Taxotere.  Well, maybe not so tough.  Carboplatin is a pretty mean drug, and your BC was pretty small (with no involved nodes).  You'll be fine with just 2 more CC's (in otter's opinion).  Your onco was doing exactly the right thing--listening to your concerns, thinking about all the possibilities, and giving you a well-reasoned alternative to more sore feet.  It doesn't matter whether those hurting feet were HFS or neuropathy--either one gets worse and worse with each tx, if it can't be subdued in time.

I did get a tiny bit of neuropathy in the big toe on my left foot, of all places...  I noticed it tingling after my last TC tx.  It wasn't totally numb--just a little "asleep"-feeling, from the distal joint out to the tip.  This persisted until about 2 months post-chemo, when all of a sudden it started to hurt.  Not bad, but like I'd stubbed it, or my nail hurt, or something.  That went on for a couple of weeks but it's finally gone and my toe is fine.  If the neuropathy is severe, I've heard it can be permanent; onco's take it seriously.

Karin, I agree with rock:  "Get through the day!  Karin"; or "One day at a time!  Karin".  No need to put on a cheerful face for us, when you're feeling glum.  I don't take happy pills.  What you see, is what you get, so deal with it.  Seriously, I'm pretty cheerful now; but as I said earlier, I had some very bad, weepy days in there.  Let us know if there is anything we can do to help, or if you need to talk about it.

Rock, that's a joke, right?:  "Cheerfully present your ID to the security guard."   I taught an 8:00 a.m. class for the first 10 years I was on the faculty.  I tried to be cheerful in the classroom, mostly to wake everyone else up; but I'm afraid I would have been tempted to put a large, red "X" over the "Cheerfully" on a sign like that.

Dang it.  My big toe is feeling sore again.  The neuropathy isn't gone, yet--but it is better.  I do want to file a complaint about the slooooooooow re-growth of my hair, though.  Please don't tell me it's growing slowly (or not growing at all) because of my super-low estrogen levels (on Arimidex).

Our local weather guys are sure worried about ol' Hurricane Ike...

otter (getting ready to board up the extra holes in the otter den)

Kristy -- Oh no she didn't.  Tell me she did not do that.  Oh dear. To survive FOUR sticks and then get a spongebob sticker put on my shirt?  Perchance are you typing this from a jail where you are being held on charges of assault?

Otter -- Alas, tis true!

Eddie & Co:  Now where else on this website would you find someone saying "Thanks for the help with the photo.  Just the naked looking one would be good."  I swear, if we had a coat of arms, I would nominate this to be translated into latin and included on it. (Jen -- any photo you use of me is fine.)

Linda, everyone: I could almost live with the baldness. But the absence of eyebrows and eyelashes is a real bore.  Especially when combined with hot flashes that tend to sweat off my carefully applied eyebrow. Rocking the bald is one thing. Rocking the no-eyebrow look is another.

Karin, I'd be honored if you felt like this was a place where you could just be however you felt like being.  I'm not prone to certain things because they are just tooooooo cheesy but

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Karin)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))  

(I used to think (((( )))) meant that a person was falling down a hole rather than getting a hug!)

~(_8^(|)    ---- here is Homer Simpson for you.

Karin- I smoked ( mostly cigs,but worse too) for 15 years. I got your back on this one.

Don't pull back too fast, that'll just make things worse. If you want to PM about it, lemme know. 

Shout out to Otter on the big toe thing. 

 Eyebrows, I told y'all I have stubble there now... but today I have eyebrow fringe too! 

Rock, you're not the only one with a surrey......

Where is my Siouxie? I have not seen her in the last day or two. 

xoN

Onc called and gave me the news...I am now considered post-menopausal thanks to the chemo tx.  So no Tamoxifen & Zoladex shots.  He will put me on either Femera or Arimidex..I'll know next week when he calls in my script.  He's also ordering a bone scan to get a baseline on my bone density.

Just let me say....good riddance Aunt Flo!  You will not be missed.  I never liked you anyway!

Ok Eddie I got ya covered doll!

Ok now for my day... whew!

Got my neulasta shot at 11am this morning and from there it has been nonstop. Went to kmart from there cause I found an actually comfy high support sports bra last week and went after another one..... of course they didn't have one. So went to grocery store with hubs to get stuff bought before I can't get around tomorrow.... back home... put away groceries back out the door to my nympho therapy (that's from sue's hubby lol) On the way home stop at another kmart... none there either then stop at another grocery store to pick up some pico for salads tonight. Drop off stuff then back out the door to get me a few movies for the weekend... back home. Get dinner ready, have dinner, clean up after dinner..... vaccum house, clean bathroom and fold 2 loads of laundry. Fix eddie's picks and whew here I am!.... Steroid buzz??? most definately.

I did see another lady I talked to yesterday at the chemo clinic this morning. I passed her mom in the hallway and went back to say hi to her. I found her under a blanket crying. I guess the 3rd day was hitting her hard and she didn't feel good. She did light up when she saw me and we chatted for a few minutes. I hope I helped her out a bit. She has cancer in her chest and around her stomach and they can't operate on it. She's about my age and has a 10 yr old boy. They don't know how long she is going to be doing chemo just yet, they are trying to find anything that will shrink the tumour. I feel for her... this is a scary place to be. But we told each other we would keep an eye out when we come in so we can visit. Stupid me forgot to ask her name LOL.

Rock~ funny you posted homer earlier.... I got a mouse in my signature done the same way LOL

~(_8^(|)    ---- here is Homer Simpson for you

?????????????????????????????????????

Never mind typing this I figured it out what you meant when I turned my head sideways.

I figured it out by turning head the other direction to see Jen's mouse.

Enjoy the day, Karin..............Yeah, I am!

About those sports bras (maybe I should post this on rock's humor thread....):

I went on yet another sports bra-buying expedition 2 days ago, at a brand-new "Academy" sporting goods store.  By my best estimate, I've tried on approximately 3,781 sports bras since this BC thing began and I had surgery in Feb. '08, mostly without success.

Let's just say I'm "between sizes"--anything I can actually get over my head and shoulders ends up flopping around like a loose innertube, way too big to wear.  I'm not expecting sports bra-type support--just something that will hold still on my chest (and hopefully stay in place over my right boob).

The most hilarious part of this is when I manage to struggle into a sports bra that ends up fitting OK, but I can't get it back off again.  I've been hunting for sports bras that hook in back (or even in front), but for the most part (with rare exceptions) they're only available in "full woman" sizes (C, D, and larger) ...and I'm an A-cup.  So, no luck with the fasteners.

All I can find are the ones you slip over your head.  Since I'm broad-shouldered (even when skinny), it's a serious struggle to get them on ... and getting them off can be nearly impossible.  At several points during Wednesday's adventure, I nearly dislocated my shoulder; almost tore skin off my mast side; pulled out an earring; and/or was close to pressing the "call" button to ask for help from a clerk or paramedics, whichever arrived first.

I finally found one style in an unfamilar brand that was stretchy enough (i.e., loose enough) to pull on and off without serious orthopedic injury, yet "supportive" enough to stay in place.  So I bought 3.  Don't know if I'll ever wear them, but I did get some satisfaction out of the hunt this time.

My hunt is further complicated by the fact that I almost certainly have early LE in my left arm and possibly my chest wall, which means I can't wear thin-strapped bras, bras with underwires, or bras with tight bands.

Whew!

otter 

Eddie,

I love your pictures! Bras, sensitive (ha!) subject. I've got 600cc in my foob and would love to go bra less. 

Karin, so glad you're feeling better. I smoked for 15 years too and have been a social smoker (weekends, parties, bars etc.) ever since, especially when I drink which is typically Friday nights. It's very hard to quit and I still indulge once in awhile. I try real hard not to think about it but sometimes find myself giving in to old habits. 

Ellenoire, what's that stuff you use on your head and where do I get it? I need to encourage the folicles a bit....