Starting Chemo May 2008

Randie,

Don't y ou love it when your babies start to give back to you?  Remember, she only has that wonderful love and thoughtfulness to give because it was given to her.  You should be very proud (I can tell you are).....

Karin, you sound so enthusiastic to go back to school, it makes my heart smile to know you are out there loving and teaching the kiddies. ENJOY the germy hugs and kisses!!! You made it!!!

Noelle, congrats on finishing the race! You are my role model.

Jean, I haven't decided about reconstruction yet.  I initially wanted a prophylactic mast on the other side, and think I still do. I have decided to wait until I am not taking any drugs at all before I decide, I want to know I made the decision with my true mind.  What I am eventually considering is a DIEP flap--the one that uses abdominal fat with no muscle...there is a PS in San Antonio that is covered under my insurance plan.  Does anybody know if insurance will cover a prophylactic mast?  I know they are required to cover reconstruction with surgery on the other breast to achieve symmetry, thanks to the Women's Cancer Treatment Act of 1998 (Federal Law).  I think I will call my insurance co. next week to ask. 

Cris--hope you get what you want schedule-wise...sorry a delay is proposed, that's got to be frustrating,  We yearn toward the day we willl finish, and to have it yanked out from under is just depressing. You are in my thoughts as you and your docs figure this out, and I hope you get what you want.

Kristy, send some of those baked goods my way!! I need to keep my abdominal fat!!!

Otter, I am betting you look beautiful, facial hair and all..... 

Hope everybody has a great Labor Day!

Love you all

Sue 

God I love carrot cake! I've been quite busy entertaining this weekend so I'm playing catch up. First and foremost.... WELCOME BACK our dear friend, we missed you!

Noelle, I can't imagine running a race yet alone finishing. You're amazing. Eddie, Jen and Chris, we'll be waiting for you. 

Karin, I know what you mean, I'm excited that the kids are back to school, but it sure was a truly different summer with them this year. We spent a lot of time together and I don't want that to end. My college daughter spent the entire weekend home with me and we had a blast at our party and going shopping shortly.

Jean, yes I too am planning the trans flap but right know I am so puffy and sore under my arm that I'm freaking out if its from the expander or lymphedema.  I was gonna call the doc but figured I'ld point it out at my second opinion on Thursday. The more I read about lymphedema, the more it makes me think that's what it is, but who knows anymore. I'm just scared because I don't know what it is. I'm calling tomorrow.

I took my pole dance down but will email it if you wish. I don't feel comfortable having it posted with all these unwanted readers. Creeps me out... 

Wishing you all a lovely day... 

Wishing you all a lovely day.

Made me laugh outloud!

I am off to the garden on this lovely sunny day. I am child free most of the day, just had a lovely visit from the BF... he is off to play with other friends for the rest of the day. After months of babysitting me ( I am admittedly a little jealous when he goes off to play) I know he needs some time and space to himself. 

Laundry, gardening and such are todays projects. I have chosen not to mourn summer, I have the month of September to play a little hooky b4 the store gets busy. I look forward to medium temps with lots of workouts and gardening.Now that I feel almost "normal" I am excited at the quiet time.

  N

Cris -- I am trying not to overstate my level of bummed-ness that you are delayed.  It just sucks so hard, esp since I still recall the delays you had at teh beginning of this thing.  You are handling it with a lot more grace and applomb than I did.  In fact, I'm thinking some spleen-venting might be in order.  Speaking of which, I think I have held my s**t together pretty well through this whole cancer thing. Until.... my sis and I were on the last 200 miles or so of our road trip and I just went OFF. I didn't realize how angry I am at my PCP and my OB/GYN for never ONCE mentioning BRCA testing, never ONCE asking about other maternal relatives who might have had ovarian cancer (i.e., my aunt), never ONCE saying that BC would be harder to detect in my breasts, never ONCE (as near as I can tell) pushing to get my mamm moved up when I found the lump.   The first time they ever mentioned BRCA (I thought it was something only Jewish women were at risk of having) was AFTER I got cancer.  Anyway, perhaps barrelling down an interstate at 80 mph in holiday traffic was not the best time to realize how angry I was but there you have it.

All by way of saying, we don't have to be mature and composed ALL of the time. 

PS Noelle, I want a boyfriend again. I won't lie. I do. 

Hi lovely women,

Just got back from a four-mile walk with my cousin, Alice. Cleaned Max's and Adam's mudroom (we have a mudroom) lockers with them...found wallets, a digital camera, tic tacs, gum -- all sorts of convenient things a guy might need for school. Both lockers look good now -- kind of makes dh and mine look a little shabby so maybe I'll clean mine too. Off to purchase last-minute school supplies and maybe welcome back to school gifts....other than that, life is good. Hair continues to come in. I am thrilled our friend Rock is back. I am proud of Noelle and like hearing that people are moving on to next stages as we consider foobs, recon, radiation, etc. It has been very chilly here in Seattle so autumn feels here, but methinks it'll get warmer before it gets colder. Am considering how to handle my mom's upcoming two week visit. More on that later. Have a wonderful day with few se and new discoveries to each of us. 

How about a square scarf or piece of fabric (solid color or in a pattern) that you wear like a bandanna (but that isn't a bandanna)? You should be able to pick one up at any number of stores.  Solids, or textures, or small prints seem to work better than larger prints.

Also, you can tie it in such a way that it fits close to your head which sometimes works better.  Or just wear your bandanna! And maybe wear a little lip gloss.

Honest to god, though, I swear the key is to put whatever it is you're going to wear on and try not to think about it. Cuz you're gonna look fiiiiiiine.

(It's good to be back, Julie!)

OMG! I have baby bird fuzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dances around like an idiot all excited*

I'm really o.k., just hits me at different times...

So here's our updated schedule:

Wednesday - is now occupied by Noelle (Her)

Thursday - Eddie (LAST ONE!!); Jen (ALL DONE!!); Me (1/3 Tax #2)

Friday - Kristy (Her, last weekly)

Gracie - where/how are you and when are you up again?

Julie,

Go with a scarf...that's my advice. It'll look nicer. I don't do the wig thing and am a big baseball cap girl and, you're right, it'll look weird for a visitation. I have worn scarves a few times....they work.

Cris, you are allowed all meltdowns. I've had a few doozies...sometimes they are necessary plus you are irked about the change in schedule and you maybe have yet to grieve and/or work through that though I am hoping, like you, that the schedule will be changed back....

Jenn.......woo hoo on the hair. Yahoo and can't wait to see it fully IN again (four months? don't know how long it takes). We'll be growing together.  

Thanks for everyone's help.  I was able to find a long black and white scarf on sale at Wal-Mart (even better).  I have a few days to figure out how to wear it and it will only be for a few hours.  Even bought a Halloween bandana.  The visitation is for a friend's step father who lives locally.  The friend lives out of town and hasn't seen me since my hair has been gone.

Cris, I totally understand about help or lack of from the kids.  My 9 year old will do what I ask her to, but then she never comes back so I keep calling her back for stuff and we both get frustrated.  Meltdowns are allowed and encouraged.

Good luck to this week's chemo crew.  I start off with rad tx #8 tomorrow - same as MsKarin.

Talk to you later,

Julie 

Cris~ meltdowns happen... trust me if I didn't have one every so often there would be killings here.

Linda~ thanks for the comment about the av. I did that one nite at about midnite/1am... I was in a "mood" so to speak. I sent it to my mom just goofing off. I guess she laughed so hard she had to call in my dad and show him. For him to laugh at this situation is a big deal, I guess he went into giggle fits over it and keeps bringing it up when I call them. You have to find your humor anywhere you can find it. And that pic really tells exactly what kind of person I am in real life....... slightly off center LOL.

I keep going in and staring at my baby bird hair. I can't believe it's finally starting to come in. I'm so excited I can't stand it. Now to start staring up my nose looking for hair there next!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh!

I just had a friend tell me my last chemo was not all about me. She invited her dh and I told her I wasn't intersted in him coming as my own dh and my cancer bully friend, Dottie, was coming and I thought that would be plenty, thank you very much. I fear she already invited her hubby and when I told her I didn't want others coming, she said, "You know, this isn't just about you." At which point I just fell into a puddle of tears and replied that, in fact, the 8th chemo was about me and to please respect my wishes....but I was blubbering so hard I had to hand the phone away. Give me a flipping break. 

Jesus Eddie!!! Where the hell is my shovel? Girls! we have some heads to whack!

I really pray that someday your friend will either get it, or that you have the strength to make her get it or tell her where to shove it. Today is not that day!!!!!!! 

Sorry you had to deal with that!!!!! 

Eddie~ send that "friend" of yours my way.. I want to smack the shit out of her. How dare she say that it wasn't about you! Gee does she want to get stabbed with a needle and have toxins poured into her body for several hours? That just ticks me off to no end.

Adrienne~ that looks just like me.... nose and all ROFL!

And thanks, everyone, for the meltdown support.  Interestingly, while I was writing to you all earlier (in fact, right after I finished my last post) a very close friend called to check on me.  Man, did she get an earful!  But this is a good friend and when I said (sarcastically) "Aren't you glad you called?"  She, very seriously, said "Yes, I am."  That brought me to tears.

Rock - Obliviousness.  That's beautiful.  And, no, I don't remember the chicken story and I would have.  I think part of it is that she is just tired of hearing about how tired/sick/in need of help I am.  I think she just wants Mom, without all that other crap.  Me, too.  And I'm going to have to remember the "Listen here, Suzie Q..."  I called my little one "Fussypants" the other day and she giggled hysterically.

Julie - Hi and glad you found a scarf that works.  Yes, she will (mostly) do what is asked, but not necessarily anything extra, unless she's in the mood.  I told my friend today that I expected this, but not at 9.  More like 12 or 13.  Who knows?  Maybe those will be the good years!

And here's a shout out to everyone growing hair - fuzzy, baby bird, down-like, piglet hair!  Let's hear it for HAIR!!