my daughter just diagnosed!

I have been where you are right now.  It just sucks, big time.  Unfortunately, my daughter was diagnosed at 14 with rhabdomyosarcoma  and died at 16.  That was 11 years ago.  She is my inspiration as I travel down this bc path.

Because of this, I understand more than some what my own mother is going through watching me go through surgeries and tx.  No matter how old your children are it is almost unbearable.  I know you would love to trade places with her, but you can't. 

You will get through this.  The mother/daughter bond will probably strengthen.  If you live near her I am sure she will be so thankful for help with the children.  Don't worry about what to say.  Just be honest.  Your relationship will let you say things that others cannot or would not.  My mom has been one of my greatest supporters and the first one to tell me when to knock it off and slow down.  Mom's are just like that!

Take Care

Stargazer, you sound like a wonderful mom!

It is so hard to see your kids suffer, I think more than when we suffer ourselves.

When I went through treatment and diagnosis my mom was just getting sick as well with balance issues and stroke. I think one of the most awful times for me was when my Dad called and said they would not be able to fly out and be with me for part of my treatment. My Dad was worried about my Mom making the trip. I remember sobbing after I hung up, just feeling so small and alone. There is nothing like having your mom there when you are sick, even when you are 40. I know it was one of the hardest things my Dad had to ever do as well. They wanted to be there for me too.

I did however have a wonderful support in my mother in law who is close by. She would be here to babysit for any appointment at the drop of a hat. When I was so weak, she would iron my kids and hubby's clothes, prepare meals do general cleaning and much more. I couldn't have done it without her. I certainly cannot complain about my mother in law! It has brought the two of us closer together.

I guess my point is just be there for her. Hug her and listen to her, help her with the kids, whatever she needs. Be her Momma and love her when she feels so small herself.

I'll be praying for you and your family!!

Judy

I agree with LUV,

Just be supportive.  With 3 young children the best thing you can do is be an extra set of arms and legs to watch the children or go with her to physician when her husband can't go.  Every mother is differnt and I applaud you.  Both my mother and my wife's mother have had breast cancer and are approaching their support differently.  We have 2 children  8 & 6, and it we are most concerned about them and making sure their lives aren't disturbed.

My mother in law doesn't want to get in the way and asked if my father-in-law could could come and help.  My mother is the one doing the babysitting during the appointments when I can't make it.

If I may make one suggestion.  If you can attend with your daughter, be strong and take notesfor her.  She might not hear everything the doctor says.  My wife went with my mother when my mother had breast cancer four years ago as my father was not able to go.  It was very educational for my wife and now that she has cancer she is more prepared than ever to face it.

Route 53

http://route53.wordpress.com

I wish my mother had been there for me but she was not at all but sweet daughter was a joy and my aunt helped alot.  I still resent my mother not being there for me.  She said it just made her too nervous, she was in her 60's then and she still is going dancing and stuff like that.  I am trying to let it go but it is hard.  The best thing you can do is just be there for her and if possible take her to at one of her chemo treatments. 

Yep, all great advice.  Above all, stay positive if that's what she asks.  My mother had a tendency at 80 to be negative and one of the first things I said to her an my family, is that I did NOT want bad stories of others, or others stories of tx, that I wanted only to hear positive things.  I think it helped mom to stay positive while here, and I knew she had my siblings to talk about the negatives IF they needed to, but I didn't want it.

The other thing...and some might think it's not a good idea, but read the threads on here about 'what NOT to say, or Stupid things people say or some such thing..... it might help to really just NOT say the old cliches about 'Stay strong, be positive, or You'll be fine'.  She needs support but not the the old sayings of everything is going to be okay, b/c we never know that, and saying it only causes a tension.