Starting Chemo May 2008

I do not have cable. Water freaking polo and women's bicycle damned boring racing does not cut it.

I was the luckiest girl in the world because my little brother was born when I was ten years old which we all know is the Perfect Age to Be to Have a New Brother.  I used to be pretty darned good with baby-wrangling, specializing in three-hands-needed maneuvers (I have enormous hands and a hip that is good for baby perching and closing doors and drawers).  I wonder if I still have those skills.

I remember $1/hour and sometimes $2/hour for 3 kids...and sometimes even less.  I remember using very basic algebra in 6th grade (probably for the first and last time) to explain to my Dad why my little sister and I should not split evenly the $20 we got paid for a babysitting job during which the number of kids changed during the course of the day. 

$20 day.  

Me: 4 hours with 2 kids.  2 hours with 3 kids.

Sis: 4 hours w/ 3 kids. 

Question: What was hourly rate/kid? 

8x+6x+12x= $20. 

26x = 20.

x = .77 (rounded)

14*.77 = $10.78 == MINE

12*.77 = $9.24 = SIS. 

Thank you for humoring me just now. Oddly, it helped to lift the funk. I was annoying now. I'm annoying then. Comme c'est l'change... or whatever it is.

Rock - "Water freaking polo" - LMAO because I felt the same way!!  Did we need the entire match uninterrupted?!  C'mon, change it up a little for those of us who are house/recliner bound!!  (Sorry if anyone is a die-hard water polo fan.)  And you could never be annoying! 

So, while I have yet to follow the instructions to post pictures here, I have finally managed to put some on my blog.  They are from Disneyland.  You don't even have to open anything, just scroll down to the picture section and there is a slideshow goin' on!  It's pretty cool.  You can click on my screen name to get the blog site or wait a minute so I can check it and post it (it's a long-ass name that my chemo brain just can't keep straight, okay?). 

O.K., here it is:  www.drcrisc.spaces.live.com

Edited to add:  It works!

Hi ladies,

It's still Sunday. I had a rough night on Friday after herceptin as you know, but last night was better. Tylenol seems to be keeping most se under control. Emotionally, though, I am soooooo ready for this stage...this chemoooooo stage, to be over. Anyone else feeling that way? Can we all just agree to be done with this right now? Older people came and visited me today and that depressed me. it depresses me that people twice my age (okay, nearly twice my age) are coming by to see me. Ay carramba. I am going to my book group tonight wearing my brand new Joan Armatrading t-shirt. For those who are aching...I send you hugs and drugs and mugs of good things to soothe your jaws and your bones. I am suffering some bone aches as well, but I keep thinking of that chemo tower which now looks pretty do-able. Two more chemoooos. Noelle, hope the swimming went well. Took a walk today and that was about all I felt like doing. We have 709 loads of laundry to fold down stairs. Olympics, here I come. I am thinking about all of you. By the way, me edema stockings....the ones I had to purchase recently are very good for cutting out any kind of leg cramps at night. I just wear them at night, but the support feels really good. I am really more tired this time than any other chemo. Maybe it is because it is cumulative, eh? What happened to our Aussies? Kristy, hope you are feeling better. Being at our friends yesterday was fine, but a bit depressing as someone told me she has been in pain for seven years and somehow that scared me. Speaking of scare, I read, in our paper a couple of days ago, about the number 8 in the Chinese culture and how it is very lucky. Four is death in that culture and I was diagnosed on 4/4 and I woke up that day at 4:44 just knowing I had cancer, but the scary part now is that the article said 47 was "certain death." Okay, I am 47. We live on 47th Street. Our phone number ends in 47. Is that enough? My dh is reminding me we are not Chinese, but still...that scared the living pot stickers out of me. Have I rambled enough yet? If you got through this, you are a hero as I didn't even put in paragraph breaks. Did I mention the older people brought me chocolate and nice lotion? See you later. 

Thanks!!! <grin>

*whimper*

Got thru my tx perfectly fine this time even with no crying! I was so proud of myself. Bone pain set in for me by the next day which really sucked. I thought for sure I'd have an extra day there somewhere. Been taking aleve and that seems to help for the most part but boy howdy when it wears off look out! Onc said that most women experience less bone pain each time instead of it getting worse... is it that or do we just know what to expect? I've got alot in my shoulders this time around and my chest and teeth of all places....

2 more to go.... 2 more to go.

Hi everyone, not even sure how/where to start writing about this, so here goes...(it's not about me, by the way!)

My brother just lost his wife.  I'm not sure what I feel right now except sympathy for him and her 14 y.o. son.  It was both sudden and not.  She was apparently a very heavy drinker and most of her major organs just stopped working. They live in Las Vegas, and I have met her maybe 3-4 times, so I'm putting some stuff together.  She was hospitalized about a week ago after she began vomiting uncontrollably.  They knew very early on that her liver was failing and her kidneys had failed (she would have needed dialysis).  The funeral will be Friday or Saturday and obviously my mom must go.  I feel very bad that I can't go, and mostly just because I can't travel with my mom as I know that it's stressful for her to travel by herself.  And even though when the two of us are together, it is not always stress-free for me, I would have gone nonetheless. 

I'm not really feeling the need to grieve (although I know this could hit me in a very different way and when I least expect it) as I truly didn't know her that well.  My brother left his first wife for her (I still think of his first as my sister-in-law - she has been incredibly supportive of me) and did it badly, so it was hard to welcome her into the family.  The one and only time they visited us at Christmas several years ago, she, and my brother, drank almost continuously and it was rather off-putting.  As I write this, I find mysefl feeling rather angry at the waste of a life (she was in her early 50's) when there are so many here who are fighting for a second or even third chance (Alaska Deb comes to mind).  And I feel very bad for her son, who is in the not-so-capable hands of my brother.  I love my brother, but a good father he is not.  Especially of a teenage boy who is at a crossroads in his life.  Sigh. 

My family seems to do major things in three's (maybe there's an Italian thing about the number 3, Eddie).  Ten years ago we lost 3 family members suddenly and within a year of each other.  Crap.  Now I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop - I think of how many times my sister has, and will, fly across the country over the past and next year.  I think of my mom and the stress my illness/treatment is on her.  Crap, crap, crap. 

Okay, I didn't know all this was in there, but thanks for letting me get some of it out. 

Cris,

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this right now.  It is really hard when someone dies, and because of their own actions and choices, we don't feel "normal" feelings.  We feel like there are certain feelings we "should" feel...and sometimes feel guilty for not feeling them.  My father was "missing" for the last nine years of his life--just a matter of his life choices (he was a raging alcoholic) and not being in touch with us--no one knew where he was.  We found out he had died by seeing his name on the Social Security death index--three years after he had died.  I didn't know what to feel as I had mourned for him for most of my life. I know some of the tangled, strange, wishful, sad things you are feeling, and all I can do is say I wish it was different. And I am here when you want to vent, ramble, find your feelings, cry, whatever.

Love you, Cris.

Sue 

well Chris, that all sucks. I will be thinking about you and your family.

 Try to take it easy on yourself.

Psssst. Sable's birthday is the day after tomorrow (the 13th). I don't wanna forget it.  Any other birthdays in the offing? 

Yoo-hoo, Karin? Are you around? (thinking of you, and RanD, too) 

Guess that chemopause has finally hit.  No period this past month-that I can handle.  Was feeling a little more energetic, so DH & I went to get a few groceries and low & behold, I have my first hot flash in the middle of WalMart.  Here I am, going down an aisle, sweating like a pig, so I take my cap off and start fanning myself, didn't care that I was bald bald--got a couple of sympathetic stares from some older ladies.  Was very glad to get home and turn the air conditioning turned way up!

Angels-glad to see you back!

Hi women,

Cris, so, so sorry to hear about your sister-in-law's death. We never know what goes on inside other people's minds and souls. I feel very sad for her fourteen-year-old son. I am thinking of you.

Gracie, I, too have begun chemopause methinks. Hot flashes are from the deep inside and they pass pretty quick...have been doing it at night, but lately in the daytime as well. Kind of funky.

Noelle, Congrats on completing the swim workshop. You go girl.

Angels, welcome back. Missed you. Where are you going to get radation?

Jenn, I am with you, honey. Two more to go. Two more to go. Bone pain far worse for me this time than last though quite manageable still. It's a deep pain, though, and it really messed with me last night. Two more to go. Two more to go. Herceptin fluish stuff seems gone. Happy early birthday.

Karin, Love that poem. Back to you. 

Roxi,

Already had my simulation or what ever they call it and tats. Go back next Monday for dry run and if all is lined up correctly will also receive my first treatment then.

Enjoy the day, Karin

Roxi - I am also in that grey area...totally sucks.  I'd much prefer a definitive yes or no.

As of today, I am pretty sure that I have decided to forego radiation.  I've had a left breast mastectomy followed by the JOY of chemo.  My one positive node had a micro spot on it, hence making it the one positive node.  I think the main sticking point for me was the fact that once rads are done on a location, it can't receive radiation again.  So I figure I want to leave that option available just in case there is a local reccurance.  A local recurrance can happen with or without radiation (yes, I know the chances are improved with radiation) but I didn't want to have already played that card and not have it as an option.  I will talk to my reg Onc again on Wedneseday when I go in for my last tx just to make sure I've got all of my questions answered.

Adienne- your dx is similar to mine, and I was allowed the no rads card. My tumours added up to almost 5cm (5cm is the cut off for rads here) but the radiation onco said I did not need rads.My 1 lymph node was a micro cell too.

Angels- I don't think it sunk in that you were in BC.  Where do you live?

Welcome to chemopause ladies, ain't it fun???  I desribe a hot flash as similar to what milk let down felt like ( for those of you who breast fed) but it is a full body tingley thing happening.

 My scar and armpit/ lymph area are suuuper sore after the swimming, and I made the mistake of wearing my rubber boob today, which made it all the worse.

Rock - your story about your friend in rehab made me angry. I cannot believe there is a place where decent humans exist that would kick someone out of rehab because of insurance. I am a US citizen, and will be sure to vote in this election. I am personally familiar with the evils of addiction and anyone who wants to quit should be given the best chance possible to make that happen. I may bitch about the Canadian med system a lot, but that just could not happen here. Once you through the line up for treatments and are in the system you stay until you leave voluntarily/you are better....they only kick you out when you die. I am sorry for your friend and I hope he finds his way back sometime. 

Eddie, how could you tell the diff between Tax an Herceptin?  how long did your jewish fluish symptoms last? I am going in for Herceptin on Wed morning, and have a big festival to work all weekend, I wanna know what I am up against.

 chemoooo

 N 

Hey you! granualomas!!!! You just stay put and look the same as you did before. Ya hear!

We got your back Sue! Our collective super powers will protect you as best we can!

Night y'all, I am draggin' my sorry tired carcass to bed.