Large lump - not a lot of positives.

Dovljd06

I’m 33 years old, a nurse, and have always tried to pay pretty close attention to my breasts and performing self exams. About 2 months ago I felt like I might have a lump on the upper outer portion of my right breast. I scheduled an OBGYN appt but it was out 2 months, which was fine because I wasn’t even sure if I felt anything. Until this week. The lump is obvious, I can see it when I raise my arms and it looks like there MIGHT be skin changes and increased vascularization. I work closely with surgeons so I had our breast surgeon take a look at it and she said it definitely needs looked at under ultrasound. I saw my PCP today and she scheduled a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. Apparently the lump is irregularly shaped and not smooth, and no smooth edges. However it is movable. It seems to me that it is greater in width vs height (which is apparently a thing). Now I’m having some generalized aching in that armpit. The lump itself is not painful. It’s fairly large- like…. A 50 cent piece. My tests are not for 2 weeks. I am dying here. I feel like the this lump has no redeeming qualities (lol), and truly feel like this could be cancerous. I know I am probably blowing it up, but I am so nervous. My husband keeps saying not to panic until we know more, which is good advice, except HOW do you do that?? Ugh

KotchAJ

Dovljd06,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this and waiting is tough. Can you ask to be put on the cancellation list if someone has to change their appointment time? It's a long time to wait, and I actually had to be prescribed some Xanax because of my nerves when I was scheduled out like that. I felt like the not knowing was worse than finding out I had breast cancer.

Sorry I don't have any better words of advice. Sending you hugs and praying that it's NOT cancer.

Amanda

MinusTwo

Yes, Xanax would help. Also that you plan lots of things to distract your mind - binge watch TV, bake for the holidays, whatever works for you. Also it's best to stop touching & prodding. Good luck

Dovljd06

Thank you! I didn’t even think of a cancellation list - that’s not a bad idea. I just hate the idea of not knowing - and all the possibilities. I find myself going down a rabbit hole of thoughts - then taking a deep breath and trying to redirect. Chances are it’s okay….

Dovljd06

I agree with you 100% - I have stopped touching it. I feel like it was like 12 hours of me being like “is this real? Yes. I feel it. Definitely there. Wait… maybe I’m exaggerating.” Now that I have had 2 doctors confirm that I’m NOT crazy- I don’t feel the need to keep checking. Now just need to control the urge to endlessly research because I will get no more answers than I already have.

Aram

Dovljd06, waiting was one of the hardest part of the process for me. If you can, and I know it is easier said than done, distract yourself by anything that you might like, if it is binge watching or knitting or reading, or mountain climbing. Whatever that might help you pass this time without googling your symptoms.

KotchAJ

Call to see if they have a cancellation list or if not, they may tell you to call at X time on X day. Sometimes they do have a cancellation list, sometimes not.

And like Aram and Minus Two said, find some things to keep you occupied so you can keep your mind off of the wait. One other thing is give yourself some grace with how you are feeling and to also remember you are not alone in this. It's scary to not know what it is. Whether good news or bad news, you're still waiting right now to get that news.

My kindle and I have been joined at the hand since June, lol. I've got a couple months long reading streak going on. I don't read anything clinical or self help. I'm reading stuff that takes me off into a different place. I read the entire Janet Evanovich series about Stephanie Plum who is a girl from NJ who ends up being a bail bondsman for her cousin Vinnie. It was FUNNY and there are about 26 books in the series.

I've never been one much into tv, but I'm getting ready to start Yellowstone to see if that is something to watch. And, it's Hallmark Christmas movie season much to my husband's dismay. But, they're feel good movies and they always end positively:-)

I do good with a visual calendar with big black X's to mark off the days. Not on my smart phone, but an old school paper one.